Editor's note: Each week in "Apparently This Matters," CNN's Jarrett Bellini applies his warped sensibilities to trending topics in social media and random items of interest on the Web.
When I was growing up, to open my parents' refrigerator was to take a magical journey deep into a strange land of Tupperware that ultimately ended in sadness, confusion and some sort of round, congealed blob of food that may or may not have dated to the Carter administration.
"Mom, what is this?"
"Does it look like it might cause infection?"
Yes, we were a leftovers house. Be it chicken or rice, you were gettin' it twice!
Though, in all fairness, mom has always been a great cook. So, it was definitely tolerable.
Nevertheless, Day 7 of lasagna never quite had the same pizazz as Day 4. And opening that container on Day 60 risked introducing a newly formed, unknown invasive species into the ecosystem.
I have absolutely no business reviewing restaurants. Consider the facts: I like Ramen noodles. I burn my meat. And I'm pretty sure the Klondike Bar is the pinnacle of modern cuisine.
I've also heard good things about Applebee's.
But when it comes to restaurant feedback, someone like me can just go online and write literally anything. And people might actually read it.
Editor's note: Each week in "Apparently This Matters," CNN's Jarrett Bellini applies his warped sensibilities to trending topics in social media and random items of interest on the interwebs.
There's a great dive bar in my neighborhood called Jack's where they oven-bake the chicken wings. And they're absolutely amazing. I'm not saying I've had semi-inappropriate fantasies about them. But I'm also not denying it.
Yes. Things continue to be weird at home.
Fame Bites goes inside the belly of the entertainment beast. We're dishing out where the celebrities are eating, what they're eating and who they're eating with.
Though he lives in Colorado now, Jeff Austin will always call Chicago home, and that, perhaps, is a rather unlikely place to spawn a professional mandolin player. On the other hand, the Windy City is ripe for churning out foodies, and if you follow Jeff on Twitter, you’ll know that food is one of his favorite topics.
Most people, however, simply know him as one-fourth of the Nederland, Colorado-based Yonder Mountain String Band with which he tirelessly tours to audiences around the world.
When the progressive bluegrass band rolled through Atlanta on their current Cabin Fever Tour, CNN joined Jeff for dinner at Rathbun Steak where we managed to order probably enough food to heartily feed everyone in attendance at their sold out show at The Tabernacle. Alas, nothing was left but bones...
Video producer Jarrett Bellini covers comedy for CNN. He has a really lustrous red beard.
I'm still not exactly sure how it's pronounced.
It's either POO-teen or PUT-sin. Or it could also be something completely different. I generally don't get things.
But however you say it, poutine is going to slowly (and deliciously) kill Canadians one at a time in a long nationwide drum circle of exploding aortas.
Trust me. It will happen eventually...and it'll totally be worth it!
Visit Eatocracy’s new home
Don't miss a single new story. Visit us at our (temporary) new home on CNN.com