Or possibly tenderly cradle you to his sculpted chest.
Editor's note: Ruben Navarrette is a CNN contributor and a nationally syndicated columnist with the Washington Post Writers Group. Follow him on Twitter: @rubennavarrette.
Does your company have in place what amounts to an "English-only" policy for employees? Yes? No?
How do we get Whole Foods to tell the whole truth?
At the very least, what we have at the trendy organic supermarket chain is a failure to communicate - in any language.
More on food deserts:
"Making groceries" in a New Orleans food desert
Have you ever considered the architecture of a coffee cup lid? Or the aerodynamics involved in a Pringles can? Did you know that microwaves were invented using technology developed during World War II?
We don’t often stop and think about the stories behind these items we see every day. A new exhibit at Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History, FOOD: Transforming the American Table, aims to illuminate America’s relationship with food by taking a look back at food history from 1950-2000.
In cooking, the process of clarification entails straining out extraneous muck from liquids so that they might be pure, clear and ideal for consumption. With this series on food terminology and issues we're attempting to do the same.
This little piggie is bred for market. This little piggie can't turn her body around. That's about to change.
The term "gestation crates" has been trotted out across news media and social networks over the course of the last few months as major corporations declared plans to phase out their use, but what exactly are they and why is their use so controversial?
Safeway is the latest corporate giant to publicly shun the use of tiny cages that immobilize pregnant sows which have been condemned by animal rights activists.
The grocery giant joins some of the largest companies in the country with its vow to phase out the use of these cages, called sow gestation stalls, to keep pigs confined.
"Gestation stalls have been criticized in recent years due to animal welfare concerns," Safeway said in a statement announcing its plans "to have a gestation stall-free supply chain."
Read - Safeway shuns tiny pig cages
Previously - Burger King goes cage-free
Today's debate comes courtesy of a 30 weeks pregnant mom arrested last week in Honolulu after she ate a sandwich in a Safeway store and forgot to pay. Nicole Leszczynski, a former Air Force staff sergeant, was charged with fourth-degree theft, a petty misdemeanor, as was her husband Marcin. The charges were later dropped by the store, but per standard procedure when both parents are arrested with a child present, Honolulu police called Child Welfare Services, and their 2 year old daughter was taken into custody overnight.
Whole Foods and a company that produces traditional Muslim foods disputed online reports Tuesday that the grocery chain has bowed to right-wing pressure and canceled its Ramadan promotion.
"Whole Foods Market is not cancelling our current halal promotion, which is centered around the time frame of Ramadan," company spokeswoman Libba Letton told CNN Tuesday.
The controversy centered around "halal-certified products" produced by Saffron Roads.
"It's more of a tempest in a teapot," Saffron Roads CEO Adnan Durrani said Tuesday.
Previously - Share your iftar traditions
A new documentary about food waste could dampen grocery chain Trader Joe’s crunchy image.
"Dive" illustrates the waste of wholesome food by following a group of “Dumpster divers,” people who mine trash bins for usable products. In the film, the divers are not homeless or even particularly poor; they just don't like to see good food go to waste, and they like to get stuff for free.
“In the United States, even our trash cans are filled with food; you just have to go get it,” director Jeremy Seifert says during the film’s opening sequence.
The “freegan” divers – Seifert, his wife, Jennifer, and a bunch of their friends – discover large quantities of fresh meat, vegetables and fruit in bins behind a couple of Trader Joe’s stores in the Los Angeles area. Seifert is appalled that so much food that is not spoiled and not past its freshness date is being discarded.