"I'm going to destroy the mother*@$&#@."
That's roughly all of last night's roast of Anthony Bourdain that we can share and not get a phone call from our lawyers (or possibly our moms). The epithet was delivered by Bourdain's close friend, chef Eric Ripert on the red carpet of a New York City Wine & Food Festival event at which fellow chefs and acid-tongued comedians took turns dicing up the cantankerous chef/author/TV host/pot-stirrer/traveler - all in the name of charity.
Food celebrities Rachael Ray, Guy Fieri, Ted Allen, and Eric Ripert, and comedians Gilbert Gottfried, Jim Norton, Artie Lange and Bonnie McFarlane, along with CNN's Ali Velshi, flanked hosts Mario Batali and NBC's Willie Geist on the dais at Manhattan's Pier 60 as Bourdain sat in the hot seat.
Sarah Silverman appeared via video to explain the rules of the roast (and introduce a few crossover culinary/comedy terms that involved salad, teabags and pork) and set the tone for the evening advising the guest of honor, "There's gonna be a lot of great lines tonight. You can't snort any of them."
Roasters were not spared the chopping block, and recurring themes included: Bourdain did drugs, Batali is not a small man, Allen is gay, Ray cannot cook, Guy is a "douchebag" (who also can't cook), and Ripert is, well, French.
A few of the less ribald jabs:
"What can you say about @GuyFieri's food that hasn't already been printed on the side of a pack of cigarettes?" asks @WillieGeist— Jordana Rothman (@jordanarothman) October 12, 2012
"What can you say about @GuyFieri's food that hasn't already been printed on the side of a pack of cigarettes?" asks @WillieGeist
"Anthony, is there anything you can't do? I mean, besides cook?" - Bonnie McFarlane
"You're like if Billy Idol and a hippo mated." - Bonnie McFarlane on Guy Fieri
"You dress like a health department violation." - Bonnie McFarlane on Mario Batali
"In case you're wondering why Guy Fieri is here, he won a contest." - Mario Batali
"You're like the poor man's Anderson Cooper." - Artie Lange on Willie Geist
"Anthony Bourdain, of course, has huge talent, and he’s the first to tell you that. If his ego got any bigger, it would look like Paula Deen’s thighs." - Willie Geist
.@bourdain wearing @guyfieri wig. Will wonders ever cease twitpic.com/b39gv9— Andrew Zimmern (@andrewzimmern) October 12, 2012
.@bourdain wearing @guyfieri wig. Will wonders ever cease twitpic.com/b39gv9
"An all-star lineup of Lipitor centerfolds" - Ted Allen on his co-roasters
"Body by Ichabod Crane, hair by Jamie Lee Curtis in those 'thank God I can [have a bowel movement]' yogurt commercials...you're the edgy guy who will tell you like it is about cous cous." - Jim Norton on Anthony Bourdain
. @Bourdain has taken the stage. "Guy Fieri dropped a 500-seat deuce in Times Square. Who financed this monstrosity? AL QAEDA!"— Jordana Rothman (@jordanarothman) October 12, 2012
. @Bourdain has taken the stage. "Guy Fieri dropped a 500-seat deuce in Times Square. Who financed this monstrosity? AL QAEDA!"
"Your food is so sloppy, I saw Jim Norton trying to buy it a drink." - Bonnie McFarlane on Rachael Ray
"I hope you enjoy eating at Olive Garden, mother*@$&#@." - Mario Batali to Gilbert Gottfried after a blistering string of fat jokes.
Intro music for Guy Fieri at @bourdain roast is Beck's "Devil's Haircut."— Kat Kinsman (@kittenwithawhip) October 12, 2012
Intro music for Guy Fieri at @bourdain roast is Beck's "Devil's Haircut."
Bourdain, to his credit, took his lumps like a gentleman (though he spared absolutely no mercy for his longtime nemesis Paula Deen, who was not in attendance). He admitted afterward, over an ice cream cone in the parking lot, that things could have gone much more roughly.
Holy moly, it's a "who's who" twitpic.com/b39yha— Big Gay Ice Cream (@biggayicecream) October 12, 2012
Holy moly, it's a "who's who" twitpic.com/b39yha
It was, after all, for a good cause. 575 tickets to the dinner were sold at a hefty $400 apiece, and diners took part in silent and active auctions to benefit Share Our Strength's No Kid Hungry initiative. While totals are still being tallied, the proceeds from all New York City Wine & Food Festival events are expected to raise at least $1 million for the charity.
And it only cost Bourdain and crew a little bit of dignity.
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"Anthony Bourdain gets roasted for a good cause"
I think a Mexican guy in one of our tuna ovens already beat him to it.
That's totally fracked up. The dude was cooked alive.
"Jose Melena, a 62-year-old husband and father of six adult children, died Thursday when he became trapped inside an industrial-size pressure cooker he routinely loaded with tuna at Bumble Bee Seafoods in Santa Fe Springs. Workers discovered him about 7 a.m. They called for help, but it was too late. "
I had to look up most of the "names" here, so it wasn't such a "who's who". As much as I detest the nasty, acid tone of comedy roasts, I am happy to know that Bourdain got dumped on. He is so free with the disdain himself...he deserves all he got, and more. From a vegetarian, Tony boy.
BTW, the bad boy pose becomes ridiculous after about age 30.
It is kind of a who's who, because after I read the names I went, "OK, now who's who?".
bourdain is cool, who cares if he doesnt cook anymore, he has the best job in the world, who wouldnt want to go all over the world and eat and drink the local food and drink, hes a pretty honest guy who use to be herion addict and likes to drink now, its his life and he gets paid nice $$$ to do it, plus all his books..more power to ya tony, i wish i had your desire and writing abilities, ill miss no new no reservations but im sure the travel channel will continue to play in re-runs
I rarely watch food channel or cooking thing, but Bourdain makes them become more interesting.
Cannot wait to see him on CNN
Missed his show already
Bourdain is amazing.
A very cool guy. Love him.
Are you kidding? What's a roast of this self-involved prig without having Paula Deen roast him?? That wasn't a roast, it was the mutual admiration society!
You're right. Paula Dean should have been there. With her undeducated use of the English langauage and her "you all" every other sentence it would have been a hoot. She could have talked about her own cookiing mentioning lard, butter, heavy cream, and multiple cups of sugar. It would have been so much fun. Here's to Tony for drinking homemade hooch with snake eyes in it. Yeah, baby!
I have always enjoyed Mr.Bourdain's show.He is the first to be the brunt of a story.In my opinion,a quality many men ought to consider.
I have seen his show many times, and have come to the conclusion he's a funtioning acoholic, although he is entertaining at times, he's mostly on his own frame of mind, and drunk.
He can come across often as being moody and always, always very tired, as if he never gets any rest.
He seems to be too self induldge to be a host of a food show.
Would hate to be one of the film crew....
Hey Tony! What you don't know, is Kitchen Chronicles is a ghost written account of "my" life in the kitchen, not yours! Thx!
Did you know Rocco was going to be judging with you on TOP CHEF? I was expecting fisticuffs. Is that in the outtakes?
"Layover" was another excuse for you to be drunk. What a concept! The only Chef Not to be fired for being drunk on the job! btw Tony, LA has a decent public transportation system (including our buses) – for quiet drunks. Now, Chef's shouldn't be afraid of food, but every time you went into a kitchen to cook, you were like a deer in the headlights! Now that deer got roasted. Glad it wasn't me (from above). Keep on going – and don't do anything twice – meaning, don't come back. :-)
Take your pouting elsewhere. Rather, go reevaluate your life. Among all the trash on television, Bourdain can make a case for having some of the best programming out there. His writing is also brilliant. It takes balls to be such an honest man. If you don't like him, don't watch his shows or read his books.
I'm really going to miss No Reservations, one of the best shows on TV.
Well done Sarah Silverman. I always love a good skewer!
I love you Anthony..thanks for taking me on so many trips..youre a good companion on the road
Were you referring to the shows or the drugs?
At least he's got some brains in finance and some class as a nice guy.
Yup! Wouldn't wanta eat anything prepared by someone who had no brains for finance!
When Bourdain dies and goes to hell, he will have to sit at an endless class on cooking taught by Paula Dean.
The recipe will be chicken fried steak served on a bed of grits with cornbread and white gravy and she will be talking non-stop in all her vulgarity.
Yea, Antony, that's your hell, bro.
I know you are joking, but if Bourdain and Paula Deen have a hand in it, and if I go to hell, can I eat it when they are done?
What was Ali Velshi doing there? What a no talent wanna be.
He was trying to be bald guy at the roast.
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