 When it came time for Sivan Pardo, 31, to plan her wedding to her 28-year-old fiancé Scott Renwick, she knew she wanted a “big fat vegan wedding.” “As Scott and I are both vegans for ethical reasons, it was very clear to us that we wanted our wedding, and everything around it, to reflect our ethics and values,” said Pardo, the founder and director of “The Vegan Woman” website. Pardo has been vegan for one year and a vegetarian since she was 12. There will be no animal-derived products served at her reception on June 1. She is hardly the first bride to use her wedding menu to express her beliefs. In 2010, former first daughter Chelsea Clinton famously served a vegan menu and gluten-free cake during her nuptials to Marc Mezvinsky to reflect her own dietary choices. Clinton did, however, also offer the option of organic grass-fed beef to omnivorous attendees. She is among the brides and grooms meeting their guests halfway down the aisle on menu choices in the interest of making their big day more harmonious. It's a fine waltz between “it’s my wedding and I’ll serve seitan if I want to,” and appeasing the average guest’s palate. The compromise is one that Jennifer Fugo was willing to stomach. She was diagnosed with gluten sensitivity in 2008, and two years later, opted against a gluten-free wedding. “At first I wanted the entire wedding to be gluten-free, however I came to realize that the cost was just too much to bear,” said Philadelphia-based Fugo. She runs the “Gluten Free School,” an online educational resource for the gluten-free lifestyle. While her guests noshed on traditional wedding fare, Fugo enjoyed a personalized gluten-free meal. And when it came time to cut the cake, there was a gluten-free, vegan cupcake waiting for her. For those with gluten intolerance like Fugo, the flour in a regular wedding cake would have wreaked havoc on her digestive system. Sick and bloated is no way to spend your wedding day. “Most caterers should be able to accommodate health-related dietary restrictions individually and create a special meal for the bride or groom without serving it to all of the guests,” said Chicago-based wedding planner Camille McLamb. “But ultimately, whether the restrictions are health-related or due to religious or ethical reasons, it's the bride and groom's day, and they should choose a menu that they are most comfortable with.” For Pado and her fiancé, the menu with which they felt most at home was entirely vegan. “We could not imagine having our wedding tainted with the suffering of animals for the sake of keeping some of our guests pleased,” she said. “Especially as we know how wonderful, rich and exciting the world of vegan cuisine is, and that all people really need to do is just give it an honest try.” Among the items the couple will be serving: eggplant rolls with sun-dried tomatoes and vegan cream cheese, mushroom risotto, coconut milk-based penne pasta with peanuts and chives and honey-melon soup with mango sorbet. Pado says she and Scott are constantly invited to non-vegan events, and though the non-vegan food and drink “saddens” them, they attend as a sign of appreciation for the invitation - and hope for the same mutual respect on their big day. “We hope that by inviting our family and friends to an event that is cruelty-free, they will respect us and our chosen lifestyle on our very special day,” she said. McLamb says the menu can communicate something about the couple to the guests. “I've had couples that served curry to reflect their Indian heritage and hushpuppies to showcase their Southern roots,” she said. “Dietary restrictions based on religion, ethics, or beliefs are no different; they highlight something that's important to the couple and personalize the wedding.” When Siobhan Kent married her husband Aaron, they wanted to personalize their wedding with one of their favorite foods - Southern barbecue. The mother of the bride, however, advised the couple that since their officiating rabbi kept kosher, the reception should reflect the same, even if Siobhan's half-Catholic, half-Jewish family only kept kosher on major Jewish holidays. “I wasn't a bridezilla by any stretch, but I wasn't too mature about being denied bacon on what was supposed to be the best day of my life,” said Kent. In the end, her mother’s opinion meant more than her persuasion toward pork, especially since her parents paid for the wedding. No harm done. The Kents ended up getting more than their fill of barbecue on their big day, it just happened to be in the form of chicken. “The kicker on the whole day was that the rabbi ended up not being able to attend, so this delicious kosher buffet was served to an audience where absolutely no one kept kosher,” she said. Ultimately, the people invited to a wedding should know the bride and groom well enough to understand their choices. McLamb says a wedding should be treated like a dinner party; if you go to a vegetarian’s house for dinner, would you expect a T-bone? If guests know the hosts abide by certain dietary rules, they shouldn’t expect to be served outside those. And if your second cousin twice-removed does end up complaining because there isn’t any schnitzel, McLamb suggests the bride and groom can simply reply, "'I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is important to us.' In the end, most people understand that the bride and groom's preferences reign supreme on wedding day.” No further explanation needs to be served. |
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People with dietary restrictions and picky people should ask the bride and groom what will be served at the wedding. If they don't like eating animals because it "saddens them", or vegan/veg food because it's "weird", then they can be in charge of feeding themselves.
Also, if it's a dry wedding, everyone should be notified so they can know not to go.
I've asked if I can bring my own vegan meal to a wedding wherein there was no non-meat option, and have been told that no outside food is allowed. I guess if you aren't allowed to feed yourself, and you are being told you won't be fed, then you go hungry for five hours or stay home.
I enjoy eating meat, but I really like fresh, yummy veggies and fruit. I have friends who are vegetarian who throw two great parties every year...the strange thing...they NEVER have vegetables or fruit at the parties! They provide hamburgers for their meat eating friends, but everything else is pasta, potatoes, chips and bread. I love this couple's parties, but I learned after the first one to show up with a nice veggie and fruit tray...and they always get eaten up!
I know you can't do that for a wedding, but I learned at a young age the wedding is about the couple....not what they've put out for me to eat. If I don't like, I know I won't starve to death before the next meal.
I found out that I had celiac a few months ago, as a kosher only eater it was already hard to eat. But i figured there are so many products out there are both kosher and gluten free. Eating gluten free is not about no eating things just about replacing... this inspired me to start a one stop hun for all gluten free products. My website http://www.kosherglutenfreefood.com/ has lots of gluten free kosher products and is growing each day. I hope to one day open up a retal store as well.... take a look at my site http://www.kosherglutenfreefood.com/
I had a vegan wedding. I tried to ensure that the foods were "normal" – just animal free. I didn't force tempeh down anyone's throats. I provided a gluten free meal, a nut free meal, a strawberry free meal, and a coconut free meal, and dessert, for my guests with sensitivies. I went to the weddings of many of my guests and you know what I got? A plate of undressed lettuce, or dry, plain pasta. Everyone got a full, hearty meal at my wedding, which is more than I can say for almost every formal occasion I've been invited to. If you really need meat that bad, stop at the drive through on the way home.
Let that be a lesson to the namby-pamby, politically correct, litigious pleasers of the world: you can't please everybody, so don't kill yourself trying.
"vegan cream cheese." Uh. What?
INGREDIENTS: FILTERED WATER, COCONUT OIL, MID OLEIC SUNFLOWER OIL, SOY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE (NON-GMO), CORNSTARCH (NON-GMO), SEA SALT, TRICALCIUM PHOSPHATE, NATURAL FLAVORS, XANTHAN GUM, LOCUST BEAN GUM, GUAR GUM, VEGAN CULTURE, LACTIC ACID (NON-DAIRY).
There's a million options. ... For the couple that wants to save money – have a brief, cocktail style reception and only serve appetizers (lots of tasty options that can satisfy a range of dietary needs). Guests at a wedding where they dont like or can't eat the food can just opt not to eat it – but know that for what the caterer is charging per plate, the bride and groom loses when you waste the food. I am a notoriously picky eater. Theres' a lot of stuff I don't like but the only food to which I seem to have violent reaction is shellfish, more or less limited to shrimp. Reception dinners make for nice conversational time if you're not eating. I always at least try something on the plate unless it's something for which I have an intense dislike, then I just cover the plate with the napkin and mingle when more folks look like they're done if I know a fair number of the guests.
You'd think a bride and groom would be able to overlook the wants of others on their special day, but....
I clicked the "Congratulations!" option, but I guess think folks should have a vegetarian or vegan option for folks who cut those things out of their diet, but not necessarily the other way around. Some vegetarians and vegans legitimately get sick when they eat meat because their stomach's microbiota is balanced toward an all-vegetable diet, so it's better to treat it as a food sensitivity or allergy than ask your vegetarian friend to have meat sitting in their stomach undigested for a couple days. I went vegetarian for awhile to lose some weight and ended up super nauseous for a couple days going back to meat. (And if others get sick for psychological reasons, they still get sick).
ImagineEscape is an uninformed troll that resorts to ad hominems when the facts don't back up his/her beliefs. Let's see what a google search of "meat development of brain" yields.
Food For Thought: Meat-Based Diet Made Us Smarter
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128849908
Meat-eating was essential for human evolution, says UC Berkeley anthropologist specializing in diet
http://berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/99legacy/6-14-1999a.html
Why Stone Tool Making and Meat Eating Were So Significant in ...
http://www.iianthropology.org/TinaCoates
Eating meat drove the evolution of our big, powerful brain ...
http://www.nasw.org/eating-meat-drove-evolution-our-big-powerful-brain
Evolution of human intelligence
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution_of_human_intelligence
From Veggies to Meat: Man-Apes become Human
http://www.physicsforums.com/archive/index.php/t-174159.html
There are many more sites that support this view. Just do the google yourself. There's only one dissenting website in the first few pages of results, and its site name is veganforum. Big surprise there.
@Anon, You might find this interesting. It's an anthro-site saying it wasn't necessarily red meat that did the trick, but other "meaty objects." I'll give you the URL below; sorry for the long post:
" ... claims seem to derive most directly from UC Berkeley anthropologist Katharine Milton’s theory ... that our ancestors introduced red meat into their diets as the African forests receded about two million years ago, and that this new source of energy and nutrition kicked human evolution along significantly. ... But Dr Stephen Cunnane reckons it wasn’t red meat but littoral foodstuffs like clams, frogs, bird eggs and fish that gave us our enormous brains. Richard Wrangham writes in Current Anthropology that it was cooked tubers, though it’s not clear that proto-humans were using fire at the relevant time."
URL and one more quote below ... just that we don't necessarily have to eat that way now.
http://neuroanthropology.net/2008/04/25/red-meat-neandertals-were-meant-to-eat-it/
"And it points out the obvious; just because some feature was a part of any earlier hominid niche or life experience — it is ‘natural’ in some sense that people like to talk about (and I don’t entirely understand) — doesn’t mean it’s ‘meant’ for us. .. so much of evolutionary psychology ... seems to selectively cherry pick which ‘natural’ traits from evolutionary niches we should be faithful to."
How do you explain the fact that there are many vegetarians in India? And smart, too.
I think their menu sounds delicious, and I'd love to try it. (I'm an omnivore.)
However, there's a big difference between presenting their choices as a lecture about morals, as it sounds in the article, and simply saying, "we're so glad you could come, and we've arranged a meal that reflects our tastes and lifestyle. It's probably different than you're used to, but we hope you enjoy it!"
Offer the meal joyfully! There's no need to dwell on cruelty and sadness at a wedding.
It reminds me of a joke I recently heard. "How can you tell if someone is a vegan? Don't worry; they'll tell you!"
I applaud these people for standing up for what they believe in. You don't have to agree, although anyone who researches it would be horrified by the treatment of animals in the meat industry. (I'm talking factory farming.)
Also, are you going to a wedding just to stuff your face, or to support and applaud a special occasion for two people? The couple's job is to create the wedding and reception of their dreams. Your job, if you're a guest, is to smile, enjoy, and celebrate, not to carp about what's on a dinner plate. A wedding is a celebration of love - and remember, there's always a fast food joint close by if you really feel that deprived, LOL.
Big deal – go to the reception and if you don't like the food just stop at McDonalds on the way home.
I have so many food allergies to nuts and other items vegans routinely eat that on the invites, they should state vegan only so those attending could bring their own food if allergic to what they are serving. A lot of folks have allergies. If they were concerened about their guests healh one fourth as much as the health of animals, they would have a packed reception.
@MJ, I think most vegan weddings would state that, yes, it's a vegan menu. Or surely, if you know the couple whose wedding you're presumably attending, you would have a clue that they're vegans, right? I'm sorry you have food allergies, and I know how dangerous they can be, but sometimes you have to let hosts know and not expect them to figure out that you have allergies. Or bring your own food - please don't rank on people who're concerned about animals because you have allergies. I'm sure if you were going to a friends' wedding and they knew you, of course they'd be concerned about you not getting sick from their food. People can care about animals AND humans too! We have big hearts, us humans.
umm... do people go to weddings to celebrate the love and lives of people they know or do they go with full expectations and demands of what they will be getting out of it? how do you go to a wedding and NOT know that it's about the bride and groom? it's not about you. isn't that obvious?
Rather than becoming part of this contentious debate I thought I would share the solution my husband and I employed because maybe it will help someone else. My husband and I are both vegetarian and don't buy meat and/or serve it in our house (unless it is for our doggies) so it would have been weird to have it at our wedding. We had the luxury of being in a situation where we only had 34 guests, all very close friends who wouldn't have expected us to serve meat and/or complained about it so that took the pressure off. However, we had a destination wedding where everyone had to fly internationally and other food options in the area were scarce so we wanted to make sure that our friends felt spoiled. Therefore, we decided to hire the best chef in the area to prepare something tantamount to art, used local ingredients characteristic of the destination we had selected, served fine wines that we had spent months selecting, had multiple themed-courses, and generally made a huge effort to splash-out. It did cost a fortune (but we are foodies so it wasn't unusual) but, despite it being a vegetarian affair, everyone said it was the most gourmet wedding they had ever been to and people expressed amazement that they "didn't know there were this many delicious vegetarian things to eat". So what I suggest to you veggie, vegan, gluten-free folks is to stick with your values but make the meal as special and memorable as you possibly can for your friends. Maybe have the chef talk about the ingredients, go on a search for the perfect local cheese or wine and share the story with your guests, serve a dish that is connected to a childhood memory or your first date... something that is unique and special to you (but nothing related to food politics – nobody likes a sermon). If your guests see that you have put alot of care, creativity, and effort into the meal you are serving them, even if you have a limited budget, they are unlikely to feel like they have been slighted by a meal that is different from their normal fare. Anyways, this is how we made everyone, including us, extremely happy so I hope it works for you too! And, yes, years later people still talk about the meal at our wedding :)
They should server dog so their chinese guests aren't offended.
As someone who is very health conscious, I can certainly appreciate a vegan and gluten-free wedding however being on the other side of the fence for so long has taught me that we should always be mindful of our guests. I've been to so many dinners where no vegetables were served at all, none the less whole foods like brown rice and whole grain pasta, or clean chemical-free food. This in my opinion, is inhospitable. If we are inviting a vegetarian for dinner, then we should certainly be serving something vegetarian and conversely, if we are inviting carnivores, then we should plan to serve meat. The only exception I would make in this regard is if it goes against the host's ethical/religious beliefs (like meat or alcohol) and this is where it becomes tricky. How can we expect them to serve food/drinks that they believe are wrong or harmful? Even trickier, the host may also have strong feelings about not wanting to negatively impact the health of their guests by serving only healthy food, and that too should be respected. And of course, the meal should be a celebration of who the hosts are and the tastes they love, as the article aptly articulated. Overall I would say that the best approach, in my experience, is to cook for the healthiest of eaters (since they are the tougher crowd to please–including gluten-free, vegetarian, vegan, etc–especially since you often don't know your guest's dietary restrictions) and then make sure that there are enough choices and variety of foods to satisfy everyone.
these are the same fools who will refuse to go to a wedding at a church and just go to the reception because they are "uncomfortable" with being forcing their beliefs on them, LOL. what a joke.
I agree with you! We had a few ppl at our recent wedding walk out of our church after I walked down the aisle. It kind of hurt my feelings. All we wanted was support ya know!
They are free to serve whatever they wish, and the guests are free to choose not to eat it. But please, let's not make a wedding day into a "holier than thou" day. I would go to the reception, but would not be able to eat 3 out of the 4 things that they are listing as their menu, due to food allergies. That's my problem, and not one I go around expecting people to accommodate. But from reading this article, I get the feeling that I would be "judged" if I didn't eat the food, or have to explain to people my own personal health issues.
Nearly all wedding invites now ask for dietary restrictions on their RSVP. They would know and accommodate for your allergies. As vegans, I can assure you that they would be very accommodating to dietary restrictions. I know I am!
'Nearly all'? Hyperbole much? How about, maybe, 'Many'. I've received 5 wedding invites over the last year, and not one had anything about dietary restrictions. And I live in granola-central, in Portland.
A wedding reception is for the bride and groom to share their joy with their loved ones. And it's only a short time. Eat before you go, have a soda and smile and nod a lot. But if you need to whine about everything, or if you are so delicate that you'll fall into vapors at the idea that an animal might have been mildly inconvenienced, or swell up if a molecule of gluten or lactose is somewhere int eh same zip code, maybe you shouldn't go. It's not about you.
Slugqueen - animal cruelty isn't a "mild inconvenience." Being crammed into a battery cage (chicken industry) isn't a "mild inconvenience." Having your throat slit while still alive (slaughter-house conditions; one example) isn't a "mild inconvenience." Spending time in a crate (swine industry) where you cannot turn or lie down isn't a "mild inconvenience." Having a belief and standing up for it, ala these folks, isn't "having the vapors." It's standing up for what you believe in. You may not agree with them and that's fine ... you're entitled to your beliefs too, but insulting these people and making light of some serious issues doesn't exactly contribute to the discussion.
Slugqueen, I am in the midst of wedding planning and dietary restrictions have been recommended by all vendors thus far. So yes, in my area, it is extremely prevalent.
And making light of animal cruelty and unnecessary death is not respectful. Often, ignorance and blind acceptance of social normality on the part of a person, rather than inherent cruelty and the love for torture, lies behind the continuation of meat-eating. Because of this, I assume you are not a person who would pay others to do to animals what you pay to support every time you participate in the consumption of animals. I greatly hope you look into the food on your plate. You might come to understand why we would not want dead bodies, resulting from tortured lives, at a happy ceremony.
Just an FYI for you veges and vegans. When you eat out at nice restaurants, pretty much everything is prepared with a meat (usually chicken) stock. Even if you ask them not to, they will still do it.
Which is why we do not frequent the same restaurants, Anon.
hahah! true.
Being a vegetarian is unnatural. It is precisely eating meat that allowed our brains to develop to the intelligence level we have today as a species. Not only do predators have to be smarter than their prey, which fuels the evolution towards increasing intelligence, but the high protein content of meat helps as well.
Due to refridgeration and transportation system advances in the last 200 years, meat has been made widely available to the poor and middle class. This was not the case before and only the rich ate meat regularly. Coincidentally, the average height of humans has increased over 4 inches in just the last 200 years.
Anon
Your comment just proved you wrong :-) you sound ignorant and stupid, I guess eating meat does that to you...
This is both scientifically wrong and just complete nonsense. I work in the field of anthropology, which specializes in such areas. This "theory" is nonexistent. There was, for a short time, a theory that meat eating was involved in one stage of our brain development, but that has since been thrown out.
I'm sorry to say but you obviously don't know your profession very well. Just google, "meat development of brain." There are numerous studies from prestigous universities that state the importance of meat in the evolution of humans. And the only opposition to these theories is from biased vegan/vege websites.
I also work in anthropology. I don't know anyone who claims that early Homo did NOT grow larger from butchering game. The argument is whether or not they scavenged or hunted it and at what periods. Butchery of animals is common in paleo finds.
Now, humans, chimpanzees, bonobos and are all omnivorous and all are capable of living healthy lives on an all plant diet. So, vegetarianism? Make sure you're getting a balanced diet, but feel free! But humans are the only hominin where we see members make a choice never to supplement their diet with meat. Since chimpanzees and bonobos will hunt small game, one would assume apes early in the human line (australopithecines) probably did the same before larger game was on the menu.
Has anyone looked at this womans blog? She's not just trying to shove vegan food down everyones throat – that is fine. She trying to shove her vegan agenda down everyones throat – not cool at all. As she describes her engagement party, she is chest-thumping and crowing to her guests about how everything is vegan, and isn't it just so darn tasty. She views someone liking the food to be 'progress' for the cause. Disgusting.
I would so hit McDonald's up before the wedding, lol
I'll be in line right behind you! lol
Gah, is EVERYONE "gluten sensitive" these days? How come it's almost always the self-absorbed, neurotic, middle-to-upper-class white women (who shake like chihuahuas and have "scary eyes") who are gluten sensitive, can't eat this, can't eat that, but have NO MEDICAL TESTS done to determine if they have Celiac or gluten antigen. Or if they DO have the testing done (and it's negative) they still insist that can't eat this/that – and bitchily enforce their restrictions on anyone who will stand still long enough for them to do so.
Sounds like OCD/Control issues and borderline anorexia...a few years ago it was anti-sugar, few years before that it was anti-fat or anti-dairy. I have a few friends who actually have Celiac and the differences between them and the "food crazies" are legion.
Yeah, I just had this conversation with my doctor the other day. She has people coming in her office with self-diagnosed stuff all the time, and the whole gluten thing has her tearing her hair out. This year it's gluten. A couple of years back it was lactose. And there's carbs, and sugar, and hypoglycemia and every other kid is Aspergers', and on and on. She likes it that there's so much health info available on the internet and in the media, but it's also making her job harder. People come in saying "I can't have this and I can't have that" And she'll say "Oh? And who were you seeing about these allergies? We'll need to get your records from them." Silence. Oh, but they feel better when they don't eat x, y, or z! Yeah, well any dietary change is going to make you feel 'different', for a short time at least. That doesn't mean you're allergic.
One of my roommates has Crohn's disease. I have an idea of what gluten sensitivity REALLY means. And all this stuf? That ain't it.
Actually, there are theories that many people are sensitive to gluten. That's different, of course, from life-threatening celiac disease. But I would hope a doctor would applaud people who try to make dietary adjustments for their own health. Lactose intolerance is real, and goodness knows, we all need to try to avoid sugar. It's not going to kill anyone to avoid lactose, gluten, or processed sugary foods. My doctor would be thrilled if I ate a little more healthily!
KateB, wow, hostile much? I think most people just figure it out by process of elimination. You don't need expensive tests to know if your stomach is upset by milk, for example. You sound, well, jealous and angry that people are just trying to eat in ways that make them feel good. Lighten up, girlfriend!
Fussy primadonna's get over yourself. If you are complaining about one vegan meal you are just as picky and difficult to feed as the vegan. As a vegetarian myself, I make sure to have a big delicious health7 meal before I go to an omnivore/carnivores wedding and then I attend without an attitude and booze it up and have a great time with those I love. End of story.
At the time we were planning our wedding, I was a vegetarian so we selected a caterer who could accommodate my needs and create a lovely vegetarian meal along with the other selections. I'd been to way too many weddings where the vegetarian option was an airline quality/Lean Cuisine-like vegetable lasagna or penne in tomato sauce – at one wedding at a very upscale venue, it was presented to me still in the microwave tray! I went back to eating meat ~6 months before the big day but a number of our guests were vegetarian as well and were pleased to have a decent vegetarian meal choice. Several of my husband's relatives have celiac disease – no biggie, we asked the caterer to make special meals just for those guests.
I'm pretty sure that with activist vegans who want to make a big deal out of their so-called cruelty-free wedding, someone not eating their supposedly-delicious vegan cuisine would either ruin the Bridezilla's "special day" or would be asked a lot of stupid questions. I now eat a paleo diet, so any sort of pasta, rice, white potatoes, etc. are out of my diet along with refined sugar, soy/legumes, and dairy – I'd make an exception for one meal so as not to get the vegans on my back, but would definitely feel it afterwards. It would be a choice of which of the options would make me feel the least ill.
Katie says, "I now eat a paleo diet, so any sort of pasta, rice, white potatoes, etc. are out of my diet along with refined sugar, soy/legumes, and dairy – I'd make an exception for one meal..."
This is exactly the correct attitude to take. If your unique diet is not medically-necessary, then you should be prepared to deviate a little for one meal when its necessary.
Pasta dishes often with cheese and cream sauces, rice dishes, potato dishes often with cheese or cream, these are common at wedding receptions because they hold up well in chaffing pans.
Even the meat is often smothered in some sort of paleo-noncompliant sauce to keep it from drying out. A polite guest such as Katie knows to select a piece with minimal sauce, but not to make a scene about it.
And as for that maximally-paleo-noncompliant cake, protocol does require that guests who are medically able eat at least a few bites which I'm sure Katie would do.
Of course, the vegan will protest, "At least the paleo dieter can scrape the sauce off the meat and eat it. But there is absolutely nothing on this buffet for me. The asparagus are covered in something resembling hollandaise sauce. The carrots have butter on them. The mashed potatos have cream and butter in them. Nobody can tell me if the the pasta premavera has butter in it. And I've asked three waiters and nobody seems to be able to get me a laboratory anaylsis of the salad dressing either."
Well, this is where you put your concerns aside for one meal. A teaspoon or two of butter, while I now that it's not what you'd choose to eat given the option, will not kill you. Just smile, eat, and if anyone askes, say, "It's delicious, thank you."
I hate raisins. I just do. I don't like them at all.
Recently, I went to a wedding and, at the reception, found that the bride had opted for an unconventional cake... a carrot cake... chock-a-block full of raisins.
Protocol dictates that all guests who are medically able should celebrate the bride and the groom by eating at least a bit of the cake. I selected a small piece and smiled while a choked it down. I certainly wasn't going to make a scene about it.
I'm a vegetarian (not vegan), and don't even expect people to serve vegerarian options when I attend weddings, though it's awfully nice when they DO. I don't expect special treatment though, because I have no right to dictate what other people serve at their table/wedding/party. If there is something there that is vegetarian, I eat that, then get food on the way home.
When my husband I got married, he was a vegetarian, and I was not. We had a vegetarian wedding, with a choice of two salads, two soups, and two entrees. It was at a dynamite restaurant, and we got nothing but complements on the fabulous foods (we had set out to serve a meal so wonderful that people wouldn't notice the lack of meat). Not ONE of my guests breathed a word (to me at least, and not as far as I know to anyone else) about the lack of meat.
One thing many meat eaters don't seem to understand, is that offering a vegetarian option at a meaty wedding is NOT the same thing as offering a meat option at a vegetarian option. As far as I know, no omnivore has ethical issues with eating vegetables, whereas the reverse is not true.
But, as I said, it's ONE meal. We can ALL be gracious for one meal, no matter our eating choices. If you don't like it, or won't eat it, then don't. Grab a bite to eat elsewhere on the way to or from the wedding, and don't breathe a word of complaint, otherwise you'll come across as a whiny complainer who thinks they are entitled to ditctate how other people spend their money.
I can't believe people would complain about free food, or that they cannot bear to eat differently for a single meal. I don't know about the rest of the whiners out there, by my parents taught me "you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." If you must have meat, stop by a McDonalds on the way home (or beforehand). And if you don't like it, quietly don't eat it.
I agree, CEW. It's one meal and if someone has ethical or health concerns, they have a right to serve whatever they want at their wedding. It's THEIR wedding, for goodness sake. And I don't know why people are upset about their "holier than thou" attitude. They're simply expressing their beliefs. It's one meal and for me, it'd be fun to see what they served - something different!
Mr. CEW's parents taught him well. That is exactly the correct, the polite attitude.
I have no problem with them serving whatever they want to at their wedding.
Their "holier than thou" and "people will convert if they just try it" attitude bugs me though.
With the combination of ignorance and arrogance, I wouldn't be friends with these people in the first place.
PETA = People Eating Tasty Animals
I'm a long-time vegetarian part-time vegan and I'm turned off by this self-conscious ethical eating stuff.
Does the "honey-melon" soup contain honey? This is controversial among vegans. Some won't consume it.
Wow, these people sound like egotistical 'holier than thou' asses. The language used by this whole article is reminiscent of what evangelical Christians use to guilt trip people into 'coming to God'
I went to a vegan wedding three years ago. I gave the marriage a year. It lasted for two. Anyone who is rigid enough to impose veganism (not vegetarianism) on their guests is going to have a hard time making compromises that lead to a successful marriage.
Imposed on the guests? You make it sound like they are dictating the rest of their lives. It is ONE meal, for heaven's sake. It astounds me that guests would expect people to set aside their ETHICS and MORALS for what is, in effect, a frivolous occasion (a party). When was the last time you considered doing something you considered morally wrong/evil just to make someone comfortable? Or do YOU, like everyone else, draw the line somewhere?
Sounds like someone is overly bitter. Didn't catch the organic bouquet at that wedding, dd ya?
I am not a vegan/vegetarian, nor have any other food sensitivities – but I have to laugh at people who piss and moan about what they are serving at weddings.
It is one meal, freaks. Get over it. If you can't live without a steak for one meal of your life, do everyone a favor and decline the invite.
I agree wholeheartedly. Or they can stop by Steak and Shake on the way home.
I completely agree with you!
Exactly correct.
My goal in life, as an omnivore, is to outlive all the vegans I know.
Mine is to out-enjoy them.
There's an old saying, the best revenge is living well.
I decided a long time ago that I would rather enjoy a short life than suffer a long one.
Vegans are the Mormons of the dietary world, & sanctimonious about their place in it
seems like a fair comparison. they both work hard to live the lives they believe in. they both take care of their bodies and their health. they live lives "on purpose." and they both seem pretty happy to me. good for them!!
Vegans crack me up. They remove animal products from their lives because there an entire market of alternative products and alternatives food sources have emerged to offer these items for their convenience at triple the cost of regular items (hmmm, sounds like a lucrative business–there's a sucker born every minute). But I'll bet very few of them walk or ride their bike for transportation, or have stopped using all petroleum products (reusable grocery bags eliminate just a fraction of the plastic in our every day lives). The components which make up your tv and pc are not vegan, the glue and paint you use in craft projects isn't vegan. You know what fertilizes those fields of corn, wheat and soy? Animal scraps, manure and fish meal. It's needed to replenish the soil with nutrients. Where can we get those products in such mass quantities? From factory farms. Gasp!
Everything you buy, every thing you use is tied to animal suffering in some way. Transporting those organic, cruelty-free goods no doubt killed a great many small animals trying to cross busy highways. The fuel burned off by the semi-trucks contributes to pollution and cancers in both humans and animals alike.
The whole point of going vegan is to minimize animal suffering in their own way. But vegans will not stop using animal or non-eco-friendly products if it poses a true inconvenience for them. And that's really what it's all about–preaching the moral high ground only as long as they're still comfortable. They can say all they want, "I'm doing my best to MINIMIZE my impact, but I can't do such and such". MINIMIZING ain't gonna cut it and you're just being a hypocrite. Like someone saying they're on a diet by ordering a Diet Coke with their Big Mac & fries.
I agree 100% with everything you said. Veganism is fine if you prefer that diet, but you're not ending any suffering. You know how much the HUMANS who harvest your vegetables get paid?
Cruelty-free my foot.
I would think of it as a food adventure. I always like to try new things. I'd hope that the bride and groom would pick delicious food for their guests that isn't to "out there" in the food realm. I've been to weddings were the food was awful, but I enjoyed the company and hit the diner afterwards with my family.
Exactly correct. This is the best attitude to take.
And you may discover that that coconut milk-based penne pasta with peanuts and chives would pair nicely with a grilled chicken breast. So get the recipe and you can make it that way at home later.
I respect their choices, but I think they should give at least some options for those who don't follow their dietary plans/believes. It's one thing to throw a small party for all your vegan friends, then it's expected that it's all vegan. For your wedding, you can't possibly expect everyone there to be vegan. Matter of fact, I'd be willing to wager most will not be.
Either way, ultimately, it's their wedding, they get what they want. I can stop by a restaurant and eat up before/after the reception and I'll bring a flask full of something that makes me happy vs whatever it is vegans drink.
That sounds like a good plan: eat ahead of time.
I would also eat beforehand, I think that not having options for your guests is impolite. What about guests with digestive problems? My mother has an autoimmune disorder that severely restricts her diet and I have extreme indigestion bordering on Gerd, my mother could not eat that menu and I have to be very careful of introducing new foods into my diet because I can end up feeling very sick for the whole day. I eat meat often but if it were my wedding I would have a vegetarian option because I know not all people eat meat. I understand that veganism is a lifestyle choice, but there is no need to force it on your guests.
If someone is vegan for ethical reasons, it would be absurd to turn their backs on their beliefs just to accommodate people unwilling to try something new (and healthy) for once. As vegans are constantly aware of dietary needs of others and themselves, I highly doubt they would ignore those of others – such as your relative's.
I will be having a vegan wedding this August. I never even considered that people would have a problem (or even notice) the lack of animal flesh on their plates. I am confident and excited about the deliciousness of the food I eat everyday. I would not even imagine inviting, or even being acquainted with, anyone who wished for me to turn my back on my personal beliefs and have animals unnecessarily suffer and die to be present on their plate at my wedding. What kind of a person would demand such a thing? It makes me sick just thinking about it.
It makes me sick that there's someone like you who gets their jollies trying to force your ridiculous beliefs on others. It most certainly is NOT healthy to eat a vegan diet. Meat, in moderation, is necessary for a balanced and healthy diet. While I will agree that corporations practices regarding animal cruelty are abhorring, there are options that don't use these practices.
Eating meat is directly attributable to our sucess as a species. There are no highly intelligent herbivores, because it doesn't take intelligence to eat plants. It takes intelligence to track prey and develop tools, skills that would have never been honed if we did not eat meat.
Ah, I see, you're trolling.
Or rather, I'd rather believe that than believe you actually believe what you are typing.
I get really tired of vegans and their "higher than thou" attitude. I teach health classes and I always seem to have a vegan in the class. I make them think about it though. Think hard. Do they know how many cattle, chicken, pigs we have in the United States on farms? What would happen if we all went vegan; where would these animals go? There aren't enough natural predators to take care of them and their population would skyrocket. Then where would these creatures be? Starving out on the plains, that's what. And don't get me started on dairy cows. Ask any mother who breastfeeds; if you don't pump that milk it's PAINFUL. None of the vegans I've talked to ever have an answer for all this. So get off your high horse and eat a cheeseburger!
Yike, a rather angry post. What would happen to all the cows, pigs, chickens if we didn't eat them? Well, we wouldn't be breeding and mass-producing them for food, so they wouldn't be multiplying as much. That's such a tired old argument. And cows that are forced to produce milk ... well, that has nothing to do with the relief one gets from breast pumping. And it's not like the cows on industrial farms are actually nursing calves; no, their calves have been taken away from them, and due to our lovely industrial farm practices, these cows suffer the weight of enormous, painful udders ... your comparison sucks, no pun intended, LOL.
As long as they have an open bar.....I can stop at McDonalds on my way to the reception and eat in the parking lot.....with a free beer or two....and then smoke a cigar......and do all the non-politically correct dietary things that I feel like doing.
Got room in your car for me?
"“We could not imagine having our wedding tainted with the suffering of animals for the sake of keeping some of our guests pleased,” she said. “Especially as we know how wonderful, rich and exciting the world of vegan cuisine is, and that all people really need to do is just give it an honest try.”
Narcissist much?
The wedding may be about the couple, but should also consider the conventions of the guests. And as for the Northeast, yeah, we do weddings a little different than "down south" and in the heartland. Must have an open bar and a sit-down dinner or else it's not a reception. I mean I've been to Tony Soprano like Jersey affairs too which were excessive, but was shocked at what I saw elsewhere in the country. Showing up in suits with sneakers, no ties, Tshirts, Hawaiian shirts (not on a beach)...definite culture shock. and Southern weddings without alcohol? PLEASE! My family is Irish, Italian and English. You do the math.
How, exactly, is anything they said narcissist? The bride and groom at any wedding decides what will be on the menu. This will largely be based off of what they like to eat. The cake will be a result of their favorite flavors. The theme will be their favorite colors and styles. It is their wedding, reflecting them.
So it is quite natural to have someone eating a plant-based diet to serve a plant-based diet. It is what they like and what they want. Just like with any other wedding. I highly doubt anyone would notice the lack of dead animal bodies on their plate if the word vegan was never mentioned. They would just enjoy the extremely tasty food in front of them, and leave slightly healthier than when they walked in.
When I got married, we wanted a vegetarian and alcohol-free wedding. As I got married in my husband's world (East coast) I was told I "had" to have a sit-down dinner (not a buffet) that HAD to have meat and a full bar. We caved and had a buffet with pasta (and shrimp) and a full bar that my in laws paid for. I don't regret caving b/c really, it would have been very weird to almost all the guests to have no meat nor alcohol. But honestly, it wasn't what I wanted and it was A LOT more expensive to have the meat and the booze.
It's not the we normals have anything against vegetables; heck, I love veggies and this menu in the article sounds delicious. What really irks us normals is that radical vegan people are trying to make so-called ethical statements and they're trying to make us swallow it hook line and sinker, using every available opportunity to cram their message. Well I disagree with veganism and any other radical philophy and I wish CNN would quite being the vehicle by which all wierdo groups profer their silliness.
Mr. Rox is exactly correct.
I don't care what you do or don't eat. That is a personal choice you make for yourself. But please don't try to tell me that your diet makes you morally superior to me.
...but do keep in mind that the hosts can serve anything they want. And if the guests don't like it, they are free not to eat it. At events I organise, I always serve meat, I always serve nuts, I always serve liquor and everything I serve was well acquanted with bacon of some form.
To those living a plant-based diet, there is nothing further than "normal" than living a diet that is unsustainable, bad for one's health, and requiring the death of another. There is nothing less radical than merely abstaining peacefully from such an extreme lifestyle as meat-eating.
Excuse me, but those plants they killed to eat were alive as well. I don't see any difference between killing a plant or an animal; they are both living. Good luck trying to live on non-organic material.
Again, science to the rescue. Educate yourself.
Unbelievably petty and childish that anyone would threaten to buy an el-cheapo bridal gift based o the reception menu. In fact all the people posting here their vegan-hating blather are unbelievably childish and petty. Are you so shallow that you expect the identical food to be served at every frikkin meal you eat? What a boring human being you are. So if the food happens to be Italian instead of Chinese, Indian instead of Mexican – variety is great. If the food happens to be vegan, so f*ing what. It's still going to be excellent food and it sure won't hurt you to nibble one stupid meal without eating a cow. Nobody is forcing you to attend, and nobody is forcing you to eat while you're there. You've been INVITED.. Who cares what the food is, it's hardly a reason to be a churlish thug and make all kinds of nasty comments about people who eat vegan. If you weren't told the menu was vegan you probably would never know it. I do agree it's valuable for them to warn people about peanuts, though, since people can be allergic.
Here's the key: you presumably know these people who invited you to their wedding. You know what they're like, and you've likely been told what the menu is going to be. If you have an issue with it, eat ahead of time and keep it to yourself. If you have a BIG issue with it, decline the invitation. Or, perhaps, give it a try. Personally, I've tried vegan products and find it highly amusing how much these people tell themselves they don't like meat but much of their stuff is meat imitations, poorly done. If non-meat food is so good, why do you need to imitate it? :-D
Vegan food is very rarely meat subs. However, groceries often carry meat subs and new vegetarians (and those without much cooking sklil or timel) can easily grab up these often processed, unhealthy, tv dinner-style meals.
As a vegan, living in a very large and varied vegan and vegetarian community in Michigan, I can assure you, meat subs and dairy subs are greatly avoided. There is plenty of real, whole foods out there. The only time I use them is to have theme parties and ethnic foods that we knew from childhood that cannot be created without a sub. Just made vegan corndogs – still as gross as the original, but hilarious to create at a vegan food party.
I solved the 'meal problem' pretty easily at my own wedding.
Instead of having a catered affair, I had my reception at a small local restaurant. We reserved a party room and the guests ordered whatever meal they wanted. End of story.
It ended up costing considerably less then if we did have it catered and everyone had a meal that they liked.
We did this as well. Had the reception at a high end steak house and with meals and booze, it was considerably cheaper than catered rubber chicken you normally get at receptions. Service was great and they were super easy to work with.
"Among the items the couple will be serving: eggplant rolls with sun-dried tomatoes and vegan cream cheese, mushroom risotto, coconut milk-based penne pasta with peanuts and chives and honey-melon soup with mango sorbet."
As a committed omnivore, that menu sounds delicious to me.
"Pado says she and Scott are constantly invited to non-vegan events, and though the non-vegan food and drink “saddens” them, they attend as a sign of appreciation for the invitation..."
I don't generally go to weddings for the meal. I'm very happy to attend a wedding with just cake and punch afterwords. I don't attend a wedding as a "sign of appreciation for the invitation." I attend to celebrate the joy of seeing two friends join in marriage and to celebrate their future lives together. And I won't let the food, regardless of what it is, sadden me.
Sometimes you get better food for a couple with dietary restrictions than you would normally. I mean, most weddings have food that's just ok – slightly overdone chicken, shrimp or steak, with some buffet sides. The vegan menu actually sounded delicious, and was probably more expensive and better executed than a regular buffet, because of the more exacting standards.
Personally, I feel that it's only one meal. It's not like I'm agreeing to their restrictions for my whole life. So whatever they have, I'll eat, and if I'm not happy, I'll grab a burger afterward. If they feel that strongly about a vegan diet, or gluten-free diet, or even if they just want all their food dyed blue – it's not up to me. Let them have their day.
On the flip side, however, if they were to attend my event, I'd expect them not to complain about my menu, as long as there is something that they can eat. Give and take, fairly.
Too bad she is serving peanuts. Glad I am not going to that wedding, as I would go into anaphylactic shock.
I think what is getting people's ire up isn't that this couple is going to serve vegan food at the wedding, rather, it's the obnoxious politically correct judgmentalism displayed by the bride who wrote the article in the first place. I eat meat in moderation and I would relish a delicious vegan meal served to me at a wedding. But I wouldn't be friends with this C*NT in the first place for implying that all of us ominvores are cruel and inhumane devils with no morals because we like to eat meat.
So you wouldn't have been invited in the first place. win-win.
I saw absolutely nothing of the sort in the article. Though, it is common for meat eaters to take anything and everything a vegan says in a very defensive matter. There are books written on it, it is so common. Perhaps try reading the article again, with less bias, and consider why it is you may be so defensive about your own eating habits. You might be on the edge of switching to a cruelty-free, plant-based diet! ;-D
Dear, are you getting paid for your evangelism, or are you this tiresome for free?
He/she is just expressing their opinion, slugqueen. I think it's sad (and tiresome) that you can't seem to deal with it. You don't HAVE to be on this comments board if you feel so mightily offended. Dear.
Wow, Starbelly, you almost had me agreeing with you until you insulted the bride in such a hideous fashion. Was that necessary? Guess what? You don't have to go to a vegan wedding, you don't have to read this woman's web site, and you don't even have to tune into this article. But, gad, man, clean up your language. Immature and hostile.
Considering how many awful chicken, beef and fish meals have been served at weddings, what's the worst that happens? You don't like the food? Oh well, that's really not whey you're at the wedding, is it?
If you were a non-adventurous eater who prefers a typical American diet and went to a traditional Indian wedding would you feel offended if you weren’t offered steak and potatoes in lieu of curries and naan?
I didn’t think so. So why so harsh on a vegetarian or vegan meal offering?
Get over yourself and enjoy trying something new. You might find you like it.
Because cultural diversity is not a political choice like veganism. Nobody is born a vegan, but one may certainly be raised in another culture, or as an observant Jew that keeps a kosher diet.
Actually, there are plenty of people who have been vegans since birth. Yes, we're all born with the same omnivore digestive tract, but then people aren't really BORN as kosher Jews either, as if they are fundamentally different. They are simply raised that way.
Veganism is not only a political choice. It can be a health choice, a spiritual choice, an ethical choice, a rational choice in regards to eating an environmentally sustainable diet, and it can be a deeply personal, emotional choice.
It is all of the above for me. As a pagan, it is deeply ingrained in my belief system.
Veganism is not only a political choice. It can be a health choice, a religious choice (such as in my case), an ethical choice, a rational choice – in regards to living a lifestyle environmentally sustainable, and an emotional choice.
I’m an atheist and I feel very strongly about my vegetarianism. I understand not everyone feels the way I do so I don’t preach my beliefs, but if you’re coming over to dinner at my house I’m going to feel good about what I’m serving. (And I’m a damn fine chef, so if you don’t want to come over that’s your loss.)
Why would cultural or religious beliefs be given a pass but moral and ethical beliefs are not? And if I'm not preaching or expecting everyone to adopt my set of values, how is it even political?
Choosing to be vegan is not a dietary restriction – it's a CHOICE. Being deathly allergic to shellfish is a restriction and some of these people need to learn the difference.
Would you say the same thing for those with religious dietary restrictions? As I said above,
Veganism is not only a political choice. It can be a health choice, a religious choice (such as in my case), an ethical choice, a rational choice – in regards to living a lifestyle environmentally sustainable, and an emotional choice.
I can understand the couple's situation. While planning my own menu, my future husband and I ran into a similar issue, but from the other direction. He is a meat and potatoes kind of guy; and some days even the potatoes are suspect! I was a vegetarian for 13 years, but it was based on taste not morals. I now eat meat, but it is almost exclusively from animals that we hunt or fish ourselves.
But in the menu planning, we ran into problems– in order to accommodate everyone, we would have needed options for vegetarians, gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, and vegan, as well as nut and fruit allergies... Not exactly the kind of food we wanted to serve.
Our solution was simple– we wanted to do a BBQ, so we did chicken and tri-tip, then had a variety of salads and sides. We created a wedding website and put the whole menu up for all our guests to see (complete with dietary tags to indicate which recipes fit into each diet restrictions) We made sure there were at least 2 dishes that each person could eat, and called it good.
It's really not that hard to serve the food you like and still accommodate your friends and family– after all, THEIR dietary preferences should play a role too, it might be your day, but you love and care for these people– don't you want them to have a good time too?
No one makes you eat at a reception. If you don't like it or can't eat what's being served – just don't eat there.
Why would any man with any money, assets, income, common sense and a career get married EVER, especially to these narcissistic tools?
Change that to 'person' and I would agree..... A happily single female with money, assets, income, a great career and LOTS of common sense.
Hear hear Lisa, I love having all my own money to spend as I please, and to be able to plan my time how I want. Happily single!
If the dietary restrictions are because of a health issue (like a food allergy) or religion I don't think it's really a big deal, but if it's because you chose to those restrictions for some personal reasons I think it's pretty rude to say to all your guests "You're going to eat vegan whether you like it or not." I doubt anyone would care if you compromised and said "we're not serving red meat, but we will have a fish dish available for those who aren't vegan."
At my wedding we made sure we had a variety of dishes to accommodate various dietary restrictions (some b/c of food allergies and some because of lifestyle choices like vegetarian) so there was something for everyone. My cousin's son has several major food allergies we had our caterer prepare a special meal for him. A couple of our guests were vegetarian and we made sure to have a vegetarian dish for them. It wasn't a big deal. No one was offended, and everyone had a great time and had plenty to eat.
Sure, if it's your wedding you can do what you want (especially if you pay for it yourself), but why go out of your way to annoy or offend a lot of your guests if it's not necessary.
How can you tell someone if vegan ? It is easy , they always tell you.
Zing!
The one's who would be offended about someone not being offered meat, are the ones who are self-centered, narrow-minded, and being rude. It's the couple's wedding, they can serve whatever they want. If the meal is all you're going for, and they're not catering to YOUR whims, than you really shouldn't attend. It's THEIR Day!!
Yes, it is the couple's day, but the people who are coming to share it with them are family, close friends-people you love and care about. I would want my Mother to be happy, my family members, my friends-I actually do care if they have a good time. They've spent money & time to be at the event, and have offered support through out my life-why would I not make sure they're happy and having a good time?
This really should not be an issue. The bride and groom are only by etiquette standards obligated to offer something basic to eat and drink to guests. They were classy to offer options to meat eaters, but really – it's their party and an invited guest can choose not to attend and just send a gift of lesser value since they will not be at the reception. Personally, I would have wanted everyone happy also and not used my reception to "make a statement" – life offers plenty of other ways to do so. This should be a time of celebration, not confrontation.
Being a vegetarian myself, I understand that you want your big day to be about you and reflect your lifestyle choices, however, I went to my cousins wedding(both are vegan) and there were no meat choices. I personally loved the food but the rest of my family ( I come from a family of meat eaters/ farmers) were not so happy. More than half my family left the reception needing something to eat. I get it, its YOUR wedding day but these people are also YOUR family and friends, you want to take some consideration when it comes to choosing your food,and have at least ONE meat option. Also, if your paying all this money for food, wouldn't you want people actually EATING it? not putting it on their plate taking a bite and throwing it out and wasting it? That could be a moral issue itself, if you feel that strongly about not wasting food. ; )
I whole heartedly agree! It might be your day, but these people should be important to you– don't you want them to leave happy too?
Honestly, I don't think it is only the bride and groom's day-what about the parents, the ones who raised you and the Grandparents? It's a day to share your love for your spouse with the other people you love, your family. It is for the bride and groom, fully, but it's not as if the other people don't matter-why not just elope then, not have your family there at all, if it's only about you and your spouse? I find that attitude a bit selfish.
It would be against my religious, ethical, and personal beliefs to ever purchase, serve, or otherwise facilitate the unnecessary death of an animal or use of their bodies for food products. And you would demand that at my wedding, funded and planned by me, I should turn my back on all of this so that someone can eat the same thing they eat everyday for one meal?
Comments like these make me so, so very happy to have the kind, unselfish, understanding family and friends that I will be happily inviting to my wedding, and who look forward to our eclectic and delicious vegan food.
And yet you have no problem killing plants, which are just as alive as you or me. Just curious, are you really for the protection of all animals? Do you kill cockroaches, mosquitos, or spiders? I would assume so. So really you're just selectively choosing the species that you kill and protect. Sounds like hypocrisy to me.
I agree the animal cruelty practices of meat plants is abhorring, however, this does not justify the unreasonable stance of veganism. Eat free-range instead. And only a plant based diet is unhealthy.
Anon, while I am certain you are a troll due to your above responses, I will answer the question for others.
Plants and animals are separated by scientists for a variety of reasons. I will not list them all here. I could recommend some books, if needed. Lack of a central nervous system, however, is quite central to the question you asked.
As for the question regarding spiders, insects, and your jump-to-assumptions – no, I do not harm them. I identify as a vegan, an environmentalist, and a variety of other things. I do all that I can to avoid exploitation, cruelty, and unnecessary death to non-human animals and life an environmentally sustainable life. I also avoid animal products in clothes, animal tested products, and entertainment that relies on animal exploitation. I am also in a career path based on educating others of animal welfare and rights issues. This is my life. Am I perfect? Heck no. Not even close. It is a constant learning process – a fun, creative, adventurous one, at that!
I accept that others might think my hopes and dreams for a cleaner, more peaceful, healthier, and promising future is radical or extreme, but I do intend on adopting children one day and I will do what I can to make sure they have a future to live in.
Why is this so antagonistic for some people?
My extended family includes midwesterner meat farmers, vegans, krohns disease, allergies, hindu and asian dietary preferences, and pretty much everything in between. At no time has there been High Drama around wedding food, since everyone seems to be loving and accepting and willing to talk and make accommodations just as in the rest of their lives. And share & modify recipes back and forth. There have been meat-full, meat-free, meat-adjacent meals and nobody had a hissy fit.
I do agree it would be impossible to have one plated meal selection that everyone could happily eat, but a buffet accommodates nicely. As for the obnoxiously demanding guests, I haven't seen them – whether because considerate treatment just doesn't get their panties all in a bunch, or whether because there just aren't super obnoxious friends, I don't know.
I DO know that nobody has been lectured or devalued about their food choices no matter what combination of guest and host, so maybe it's kindness that's the key.
...... although, "cruelty free"....... hmm, the judgementalism seems kind of cruel to the human guests. IMnsHO
The buffet option at weddings is a wonderful idea. We did that over 30 years ago, then everything switched over to plates. I have three kids who are now young adults, and since buffets are usually cheaper, I vote for bringing back the buffet!
Actually, buffets typically cost more because they have to prepare more food. I know it did at our wedding
Oh, for God's sake.
People. It's a wedding. If you're going to the wedding for the food, rather than for the privilege of witnessing a special moment in the lives of your family or friends, I rather think you've missed the point.
I have noticed that a lot of women with eating disorders claim to be vegetarian, vegan, or now say they need to eat gluten-free (even though most of them don't even know what that really means), so that they can say no to food. And I just don't think I need to eat a bunch of politically correct garbage at a wedding to indulge the delusions of women who wanted everyone else to share their warped views of eating and dieting.
I'm guessing you don't get invited to a lot of weddings, if you make your warped views about women well-known. Improve your attitude, and you may be able to get a date.
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you don't get invited anywhere much, weddings or otherwise.
Funniest encounter I ever had with a Vegan was this Swedish girl at Santa Monica College who I used to study with in the Math Lab who told me that humans weren't supposed to eat meat, that we were supposed to be hervivorous. I told her that I thought that was complete nonsense, but that she was entitled to eat anything she wanted to. She was very skinny, & pale the entire time I knew her. But the denouement came one day as I was walking along the south side of the student union building in the Quad Area, and who do I see walking towards me but that girl with a big ol' Carl's Jr. Super Star burger in her hand. There used to be a Carl's Jr. on campus at SMC a long time ago, don't know what happened, but they left. When I saw her I just grinned at her, she gave me an extremely guilty look. I think I said something along the lines of, "I thought you were a Vegan?" & kept walking.
At most fast food joints, you can put together a vegan sandwich or other item by reading the ingredients list. It is not very fun, usually frightening seeing what they put in the food, and time consuming. (Unless you're at tabo bell, where they are very transparent, <3) However, it can be a lifesaver when on impromptu traveling trips.
Well I guess there will be no wine or beer at the wedding since its not vegan. Both use pork parts as part of the production process
It really depends on the wine or the beer if pork products are involved.
However, for vegans, it would more likely depend on whether they count yeast as animals or not.
Sadly, no. Pork parts are used in the filtering process for the beer and wine and I can count on one hand the number of beers and wines that do NOT use the pork parts as filters. End result basically no beer or wine for vegans. I searched for my vegan family members high and low and only ever found a few vegan beers and wines
You must have a lot of hands.
http://www.veganconnection.com/veganbeer.htm
http://www.barnivore.com/wine?vfilter=Vegan#
My sister, mother and I have MANY dietary restrictions including SUGAR, DAIRY, WHEAT & NUTS - and my sister is getting married in September. Looks like her husband to be will be feeding HIMSELF the cake this fall, ah ha ha ha ah! It's funny though cause my sister is still interested in getting a pretty and delicious cake... how thoughtful she is for those who can actually eat it!
Could they make an allergen-free marzipan or something?
So, a woman loses 50 lbs before she gets married and after she says, "I do", she proceeds to gain 150 lbs.
Have any of you who are getting up in arms about not being served meat ever actually eaten at a wedding? The food at weddings is almost always terrible!! Wedding food isn't usually a grand culinary experience, it's more like dressed-up cafeteria food. It is perplexing that people are getting so up in arms about this topic, because I always expect to grab a burrito or something either before or afterward. Granted, I have dietary restrictions and sometimes there isn't much I can eat, so I'm used to taking this in stride. But I think the carnivores' ire is misplaced here. If you expect something delicious that fits your exacting requirements, you'd better have a backup plan if you're expecting wedding food to satisfy you.
Agree! Eat after..... I just go for the booze :) (that's a joke people)
If the couple is doing it cheaply or does not take the time to find a good restaurant/ catering place, yes. Any place wanting your business can serve you a sample meal to test their menu so you should not have surprises like that.
The overall lack of understanding displayed in these comments is overwhelming! Wow!
Have any of you guys even tried vegan or vegetarian food? If anything, a vegan meal might supply your digestive tract with a healthy choice once in your life, and possibly the discovery that it was pretty tasty.
I am mostly vegetarian (with the occasional piece of fish or fowl thrown in for good measure), and have eaten in vegan households and restaurants from time to time. The food was surprisingly excellent! If I were invited to a vegan wedding, I'd be looking forward to a new experience, perhaps even picking up some ideas to try at home (I cook). It's not like this bride and groom want you to eat something bad that's going to make you sick. You all sound like the kind of folks who would be in Paris or Rome and seek out the McDonalds for fear of trying something different!
As a carnivore/herbivore mixture myself, I agree. I love the challenge of cooking good vegetarian or vegan foods for friends (without textured soy protein/soy protein isolate, such as found in faux cheese and faux meatoid substances). Good satisfying meals can be made that don't rely on pasta, and have real food as their base. I would love to attend such a wedding reception, even if I am by no means vegetarian, and would never eat that way every day.
It would beat the usual wedding reception choice of dried out chicken breast or feedlot beef slab or starchy tasteless pasta. Mushroom risotto? I'm game!
Well said – I eat meat of all kinds, fish, fowl, beef and pork but eat many vegetarian meals, whether just a good mixed salad, bowl of vegetable soup or some pasta with simple marina sauce. Certainly don't need meat with every meal. I probably would not go strict vegan though because I love cheese....
I think the menu sounds downright yummy :) I don't like the idea of beating your guests over the head with your 'beliefs'. Take quiet satisfaction that your menu is as you would like it to be, then eat, drink and be merry :)
Frankly, I think this bride and groom should stuff a 'cruelty-free organic cotton' sock in it.
If they want to have a vegan wedding and reflect their own values fine. But the whining about how 'sadddened' they are about other people expressing different values and characterizing their own wedding as 'cruelty-free' is disgustingly judgemental. Does that holier than thou attitude carry over into all the other ways they view people who don't agree with everything they think? If so, I doubt the family and guests consider this couple to be as 'cruelty-free' as they think they are.
I thought they sounded holier than thou about it too. I would have no problem attending a vegan reception. I would look at it as a chance to try new foods. But their attitude makes me think I wouldn't really want them as friends.
That is not being "holier than though." That is being honest.
I have been a vegetarian since I was 13, and vegan for a few years now. It would be lying to say that attending weddings in which dead animal bodies are placed all around me is sad. I am there to witness, life, love, happiness of people that are dear to me. All around me, however, are the result of a cruel life, a tragic and necessary death, and a continuing social norm that is devastating the environment – and thus their future.
Reality sucks, but I find it better to face.
Well, that's great for them, but there's something that they need to think about: it saddens them when they go to an event and not all of the food is vegan. Have they considered that there may be guests who are unable to eat vegan? People who chose a dietary restriction seem unable to grasp that some of us don't have that option. I'm allergic to most vegan and gluten free foods. Does that mean that they should have to cater a special meal for me? No. But if it "saddens" them that they go to events that aren't vegan and thus have only SOME food that they can eat, imagine how it feels to go to events and have NO food that you can eat.
Standard wedding food and snacks includes some food that I can eat. I'll happily settle for cheese and crackers. I don't need to eat the cake. If there's not SOMETHING that I can eat, I will have to leave early. Call me an elitist snob for having allergies if you wish, but does the bride really want her friends having to leave early because they can't eat ANY of the food, since the bride forced her dietary restrictions on everyone?
And since I'm sure that some people won't believe me because they don't want to, I'm allergic to: coconut, cumin, potatoes, apples, and about 50 other foods, mostly fruits and vegetables. Vegan food uses cumin heavily, substitutes coconut for milk, and substitutes apple juice for sugar. Many gluten free food substitute potato flour for wheat flour. Not only are these allergies difficult to accommodate in a typical vegan menu, they aren't things that get listed in ingredients, so I can't eat ANY foods that MIGHT have them.
So you're diet consists of just milk, cheese, and meat?
News flash, most of what you eat is already vegan.
Do you drink any juices, eat any breads, or veggies, or rice, eat cereal, pineapple, watermelon, berries, etc?
When you type in Healthiest Foods into google, any food list on any of the resulting websites will be 90 to 100% vegan! Why is that?
I'm unable to eat a long list of things due to allergies and sensitivities (I won't die but just wish I would). I'm new to this, so maybe I'll find a different way eventually, but I literally would starve to death (not get enough nutrition, specifically protein) if I was vegan. I can't eat soy (tofu) or quinoa (related to amaranth–I'm very allergic) and have to be careful about food rotation on top of that, so please stop judging others by what you know of your own experience. Some of us are not lucky enough to have *your* experience. And in answer to the original question, I would bring my own food or eat before, because it is unlikely I would be able to eat at a wedding, vegan or otherwise, anyway. The food is just one aspect of the wedding and not why we go, just a benefit for those who can eat without concerns.
Newsflash: Milk and cheese are NOT vegan so no their diet is NOT mostly vegan...
Food allergies are real and they can be deadly, people with allergies do not choose to have them, vegans choose to limit their diet. These people do not have "dietary restrictions." That implies an inability to eat something, they are merely making a dietary choice, there is a massive difference.
This is the precise reason people are getting so aggravated with the vegans, they are coming across as so self righteous. Look, have your beliefs, your opinions, but don't be so god*&!n obnoxious about it. Stop calling the rest of us cruel and inhumane and murderers. Let us have our beliefs and opinons.
the question was sarcastic. s/he knows what vegan means.
Wait, you're allergic to vegetables?, seriously!!! and how can you be allergic to NOT having gluten?
It's not unusual to be allergic or sensitive to the nightshade family of plants: tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, and eggplant. My daughter gets terrible eczema from these foods. Other people, for example, those with rheumatoid arthritis, are often advised to eliminate these foods to reduce inflammation.
I have mild allergies to some fresh fruits–they make my mouth, ears, and throat itch. Fortunately, that's all that happens, so I continue to indulge. It's interesting that if you *cook* fresh fruits or vegetables that cause oral allergy syndrome, they can often be tolerated since the cooking changes the offending proteins in the fruit or vegetables.
I have the oral allergy issues with raw citrus, which stinks because lemonade looks amazing. I'm just lucky that when it's cooked I'm okay most of the time tho occasionally I'll wind up with some minor itching.
My father is allergic to green beans, cabbage, nuts, tomato, MSG, and various other vegetables and healthy food. JUST because it is healthy doesn't mean people can't be allergic to it. This lack of knowledge is the exact problem now a days. People assume you have to be allergic to peanuts or something commonly known or you're making it up. It is just silly. My Dad would starve on a vegan diet. Just because it is vegan or vegetarian doesn't mean it is healthy. Just because it is NOT vegan or vegetarian doesn't mean it is unhealthy.
In my family we've typically served meat, fish and vegetarian options for big events. We've always accommodated the needs of our guests. I would expect a polite vegan would do the same thing for his or her guests.
Nadine, really? And would you go to a traditional East Indian wedding and expect they serve steak and hamburgers?
And when did you lose your empathy towards the plight of animals?
Check out Meat dot org to find out more... Does the means justify the end? In the case, nope. Animals deserve better.
Newsflash. Animals = food to a great majority of folks. If you have personal convictions otherwise, then fine. Don't try to browbeat folks because they don't share it. I can raise an animal without naming it and enjoy it for dinner in a couple of years without any problem. It's called livestock. I don't respect or value anything you say because you apparently don't respect the choices of others or value what they say, you simply want them to respect yours and adopt your opinions..
The animals you call livestock, I call sentient beings worthy of a full and free life. Your perception of these poor beings might be the norm, but that does not make it right. Not anymore than the enslavement of people was once a norm.
I'm a polite vegan and I don't serve my guests meat. If I believe something is unethical, why would I spend money on it? I wouldn't expect a Jew to serve bacon, or a Catholic to serve steak on Friday during lent.
My mother, a practicing catholic will cook my father and I meat on a Friday in Lent because we aren't Catholic so I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. Just like my father who is violently allergic to fish will cook my mother fish for dinner. It's polite to acknowledge those who you care about.
Its fine, but dont get mad when the envelope reflects it. Is the booze vegan too?
Check out Barnivore (find it through google) and it'll tell you what alcoholic drinks are vegan and what's not.
What a topic! If you want to have a vegan wedding; have a vegan wedding. On the other side of the coin: What do you do if you go to a wedding that serves meat and you are vegan (or vegetarian)? That serves milk products or wheat products or peanut products and you are intolerant/allergic? It would be impossible (not to mention prohibitively expensive) to try to cater to everyone's dietary issues/likes/dislikes. As long as the guests are made aware of the menu in advance, they should be perfectly able (and willing!) to make other arrangements for themselves if necessary.
This whole idea is nothing more than "Bridezillas" on attack. They have moral outrage for one small aspect of life that they want to exclude people from their "big day". Most of these couples have excessive expectations for the amount, type and quantity of gifts they receive. If it's cash, they expect some minimum amount or don't even bother saying Thank You.
If yoou are going to invite people to spend their time & money on you, leave your moral indignation at home. Also, if you are going to make sure that nothing you do that day including use of the church, limo, reception hall, hotel, etc has any animal products in it such as leather. Also that absolutely "amazing" silk wedding dress is off limits as well.
The problem is they want to bang a drum on one small thing and pretend the rest of the argument doesn't exist.
Seriously? It's your wedding. Serve whatever the hell you want! If someone doesn't like the food, they don't have to eat it. It's one meal. They'll survive and they'll get over it.
Yes, thank you!
I agree...though they're probably going to have enough leftover tofu to last until 12/12/2012!
I've seen EEGs from a corn plant when being harvested. Plants suffer too. Vegans need to get off their high moral horse and accept that ALL living things suffer cruelly when killed for food, and stop using their diets as an excuse to make themselves feel better than others. If you don't want to eat animal-derived products, fine. but don't act like you're some moral crusader in the process.
I also wonder if they are so staunch in their values when it comes to the clothes they wear? Do they avoid all leathers and woolls, silk, etc? All of those come from animals and in the case of a hide, the animal has to be killed. What about that "awesome" pair of leather boots or purse?
Extremes on either side are just out of touch with reality. There is a Darwinian order to nature. Bigger animals eat smaller ones. Those unable to defend or escape, get eaten and it's a painful death. If you want to eat vegan because you feel healthier, go for it but don't stand their in your leather boots and purse talking about the evils of killing animals.
By the way, the human body is designed to eat all types of meat/fish for specifci nutrients. When you limit those nutrients over time, your body will feel the effects.
Ironman59, ummm:
1) I've been vegan since 1999, including all my clothing. Ever hear of cotton? Hemp clothing? Synthetics?
Obviously buying organic cotton and hemp is better than buying clothing made of synthetics. My sweater I'm wearing right now says 100% cotton, my shirt underneath says 90% cotton and 10% polyester.
2) Type in Vegan Bodybuilders into google, see what comes up.
3) Cholesterol is only found in animal products. We ourselves, being animals, produce our own cholesterol. Do you really think a meat-eater lives longer than a vegetarian? Seriously? What do you think eventually hardens your arteries, the fat from the meat you eat, or broccoli? lol What's so special about meat?
4) Hemp and quinoa are both complete proteins, look them up.
5) Type in Healthiest Foods into google. Click on any websites that show up. 90 to 100% of any food lists will be vegan.... hmmmm, wonder why...
Do you smoke your shirt?
Educate yourself man. Bigger animals eat smaller? When's the last time you were attacked by an elephant?
Veganism is one of the healthiest diets available in America. Vegans live longer, with less disease, build muscle better, recover from workouts better, having clearer skins, more energy, and a healthy conscious. :-D
nicthalon, are you saying someone took one of these out of a hospital or clinic and brought it out to a field?
Or did you bring some corn to the hospital or clinic?
This sounds far-fetched. But you'd rather keep eating animals that YOU KNOW suffer in pain. Wow, unbelievable, listen to yourself and grow some empathy.
Having given vegan food an "honest try" I can tell you there is no way I would eat any of the stuff they would be serving. If you have religious or health reasons for a strict diet, that's one thing. But if you're ethically opposed to eating animal products, I'm ethically opposed to NOT eating them. I'm from the Midwest, and lots of my family members make their living growing vegtables and raising cattle, chickens, and pigs. If I was invited to a vegan wedding, I'd come to the reception, but I'd make a stop at Chipotle for a steak burrito first.
I would also like to state that I'm currently planning my wedding, and instead of being selfish and forcing my guests to eat only foods I like, I'm taking other peoples opinions into account. I want all my friends and family to enjoy themselves, and wouldn't dream of forcing them to eat food they don't like or can't eat.
Tia, it's great that you are not being selfish and forcing your guests to only eat foods that you like. You do realize that vegans don't "not like" meat, they are ethically opposed to eating it! I wouldn't make you eat a carrot if, for some reason, you were ethically against eating it. I would hope you wouldn't make a guest eat something they were ethically against eating. And your response about how you would go to the reception, but stop at the nearest Chipotle on the way is EXACTLY what you should do if you don't like the food being served! I know I wouldn't be offended. What would offend me is you expecting that I do something I feel is unethical just to please you.
Rachel:
Since you seem to have such a moral stand about not eating animals or other living beings. Let's ask this: How much Leather, Silk, Wool you have in your closet? How about the golf grips on your boyfriends clubs? Maybe it is the leather seats in your car that feel so comfortable. Extremism in one small section such as food without standing ground on the other uses of the animal isn't morality – it's simply annoying and childish.
@ironman59, I have no silk, leather or wool in my closet and I get along fine, thank you very much.
Ironman, I don't think you understand what veganism entails. It is not just a dietary choice. It is a lifestyle for many. Not only do I avoid animal products in my food, but also in my clothing, my cosmetics (no animal testing, thank you), and in my entertainment choices (circuses, zoos, etc). I am vegan because I do not believe in the exploitation and enslavement of animals, nor the cruelty and deaths inherent in our consumption of them. And I am not alone.
I am trying that too – Good Luck – and Congrats!
An inherent flaw here, and in many of the posts on this article, is the assumption that the food they serve will be so absolutely unpleasing that you will look at it and push it away and be so upset you'll forget that two people you love are sharing the biggest day of their life with you. What is wrong with leaving a piece of meat out of 1 meal of your life? These posts show that this country is brainwashed into thinking that a meal is complete only with a slab of meat. When anyone plans a wedding, they go to a cake tasting and choose the cake that tastes best to them – this time it just happens to be a vegan slice. The fact that this is even an issue is mind blowing.
there is "no way" you would eat vegetables, fruit, salad, soup, grains? how about midwestern corn? in reality there is not such thing as "vegan food." but there are plants. they grow everywhere and many of them are so good! kiwis? yum! strawberries? yum! avocados? yum! oatmeal (with brown sugar)? yum!
To everyone on here who thinks the people were wrong to serve a strictly vegan meal at their wedding, here's what you're not getting. Most likely, these people couldn't care less what you eat at home. They are not trying to push their beliefs onto you. HOWEVER, they are against practices used in the meat and dairy industries, and THEY are paying for your meal! This isn't some big get together at a restaurant where everybody orders and pays for their own meal. This is being paid for by the bride and groom. And they don't want to buy a product from a business that uses practices they feel are unethical. Would you buy a product from a company that supported something you felt was unethical? If the answer is no, then you shouldn't expect this couple to buy meat products because you can't eat something different one night of your life! This isn't a situation where the couple just doesn't "like" meat, and because of that, they aren't allowing any of their guests to have it. A non vegan wedding offering a vegan or vegetarian meal makes more sense, because, most likely, the non vegan couple doesn't have any ethical or religous objections to vegetables! But, if a couple has an ethical or religous objection to meat, they shouldn't be expected to contribute to that industry. Do you see the difference? Probably not, but I had to try!
All fine and good. BUT.... You are inviting people you want there to share your day. You do have to take into consideration that they may have different dietary habits and convictions than you have. If you want them there, you do have to accommodate them. No one ever seems to have an issue when one of their guests keeps strict Kosher, and has a special Kosher meal prepared for that guest. Happens all the time. I had to do it at my first wedding for my grandparents and a few other friends. It is no big deal. If you are not willing to accommodate other's needs/desires, then just don't invite them. If someone I know told me that only Vegan friendly foods would be served at their event, I would not attend. You expect me to give you a gift, but to heck with my feelings? Very selfish.
If someone wouldn't come to my wedding because their love of meat wasn't being honored then it's best that they stay home. The day is about the bride and groom making an eternal commitment to each other and about bringing the families together. If you get that kind of attitude over a piece of beef its best that you don't attend anyway.
Its not rude for a vegan not to buy meat (which they are ethically opposed to) just as its not rude for a Jew to not serve bacon, just because their guests may happen to like it.
Wow, you seriously would not attend the wedding of a family member simply because the meal is not what you normally eat? Besides the obvious that you probably eat plenty of vegan food already and probably wouldn't even notice if it was vegan or not if someone didn't say the word, that is just sad. You don't go to weddings for the food. You go there for the wedding. No one needs a dead animal in front of them to celebrate love and commitment.
I am so happy there is no one on my guest list with such a selfish and food-centered outlook.
I think it's ridiculous to behave as though someone else's wedding is all about you getting the meal of your choice. You are not going to a restaurant with a full menu for you to choose what you want to eat. You are celebrating the union of friends or family and does it really freaking matter that much if you don't like the food? I for one eat meat and at my wedding I made sure there were non meat options because I knew some of the guests are vegetarian. But I wouldn't bat an eye over going to an all vegan wedding. If I don't care for the food, I don't eat it and go dance instead. Who cares?????
As long as there's alcohol I pretty much don't care what food there is or isn't.
Amen to that. Incidentally, there is a meeting point here where all (well, more) parties could be happy. I've switched to grass fed free range beef, and something similar (local source?) might be available for pork and poultry as well. Sure it is more expensive, but it would have a higher likelihood of pleasing more people.
my husband has his own dietary problems, and we usually end up eating before we go someplace like that. what guests need to remember is that they're coming to celebrate the marriage of the couple. so, eat elsewhere and enjoy the rest of the evening...the meal's only one part of a reception celebration.
And then don't give a wedding gift, and use what you would have spent to get something before the event. Like I've already said, it is very selfish to expect something from a guest, and then tell them you don't care about their feelings. Yes, it is their wedding, and it's all about them. But I'll be damned if I will spend money for a gift for someone who obviously doesn't care about how I feel.
The overall lack of understanding displayed in these comments is overwhelming! Wow!
Have any of you guys even tried vegan or vegetarian food? If anything, a vegan meal might supply your digestive tract with a healthy choice once in your life, and possibly the discovery that it was pretty tasty.
I am mostly vegetarian (with the occasional piece of fish or fowl thrown in for good measure), and have eaten in vegan households and restaurants from time to time. The food was surprisingly excellent! If I were invited to a vegan wedding, I'd be looking forward to a new experience, perhaps even picking up some ideas to try at home (I cook). It's not like this bride and groom want you to eat something bad that's going to make you sick. You all sound like the kind of folks who would be in Paris or Rome and seek out the McDonalds for fear of trying something different!
Yes, I have tried vegan and vegetarian foods. Some are tasty and some are decidedly not. I have many vegetarian/vegan friends (I live a couple of miles from a large Seventh Day Adventists community and university) and have been served many things I like such as Southern Candied Sweet Potatoes, Seven Layer Tex Mex Dip and chips, Candied Walnut Gorgonzola Salad & Pumpkin Casserole just to name a few. On the other hand I've literally gagged on tofurkey, spit out vegetable skallops, gotten sick on a vegetarian ground beef alternative and had many other vegetarian dish encounters that were less than pleasant. Most of them involved trying to replace meat with some other substance. My advice is if you aren't going to eat meat, then stop trying to mimic it with other products – it isn't a successful attempt in most of the cases.
Local McDonad's? I don't think so. If I am in Italy I am having the best Veal I've ever eaten in my life, if I am in Greece I am immediately craving that roast lamb dish with potatoes and feta cheese, landing in India I immediately want Mulligatawny Soup (chicken, curry, rice, chopped apple and cream). I've had some of the best sushi of my life at a bar in Vegas, enjoyed conch and octopus in the Bahamas, dove into crawfish and alligator in Louisiana and even tried meal worms from Mexico. Just because people don't share your dietary habits does not make them unadventurous from a culinary standpoint.
Dasher, your comment says that you have had great veggie food, and some bad veggie food (though if you're eating those processed crappy meat alternatives, what did you expect? yuck.)
Would this not also go for meat-based food? Or do you like ALL of it you've ever had ever? That seems to be what you are implying. That if it's veggie, there is a chance you might not like some stuff (especially the cheap, tv dinner versions), but if it's meat, you'll love it regardless of the quality and type?
I'm vastly entertained that the majority of people seem to think that the only way a wedding reception can reflect the couple's life style choices is when it's a vegetarian/vegan reception. My digestive tract can't process the protein most meats (it makes me violently ill)... but out of all the receptions I've gone to, a very small minority is considerate enough to offer non-meat options. I find myself ecstatic whenever there is an option! And for me, that works both ways. So when someone comes to my house, I always make sure to ask if there are any allergies or intolerances I should take into consideration.
Yes, your wedding reception is your big day and it should reflect how you feel. But can you honestly have fun at your reception if you know that some of your guests won't be able to enjoy the meal with you... whatever their reasons?
There enough options that can be served and be tasty without having to feed a meat, fish,poultry addiction. I love all those things but would have no problem adapting. Same with alcohol. Some people can't seem to function socially without the presence of alcohol. What's the big deal? Do you go to a wedding to celebrate the couple or to get a free meal of your choosing. Grow up. I would agree that vegetarian items offered can be things that non vegetarian/ vegans are familiar with and probably eat all the time, such as a nice variety of salads, breads etc. I would allow cheese or milk items since that does not seem to involve suffering by the animals.
I am getting married next year and we are planning a reception.
A reception is basically a party and the couple is the host of the party. As with any party, the couple should "personalist" it to reflect them (and their budget) but yet remember to be hosts for your guests. You will never be able to please everyody so try for general accomodations. Some individuals can only afford a dessert reception. If they chose to do so, it is nice to give guests a warning on the reception inviitation i.e. – calling it dessert reception or something similar. Most guests will gladly eat elsewhere so they can enjoy the party without being hungry. I have been to such a wedding and loved it.
My fiancee and I have no dietary restrictions (health wise or self-imposed). However, I grew up on a beef farm so my Dad is giving us a steer as a wedding gift. We plan on serving chicken and having vegetable and salad options for those that do not like beef and/or are vegan.
I think that I am like most guests, and don't really care what a menu is but I notice when couples are thoughtful to see to the comfort of the guests. Just remember its not all about the guests and its not all about you.
*personalize
I object to pretentious vegans who take a "holier-than-thou" position by refusing to eat meat for "ethical" reasons. We all kill to eat, so let's not pretend otherwise. The couple is judging their entire group of non-vegan guests by imposing a vegan meal on them to avoid being "saddened." Hogwash. They wouldn't be my friends in the first place, so I'd never be invited, but if for some reason I was I would not attend.
You really should educate yourself before you comment on something. There are many reasons to have ethical objections to meat other than the fact that it requires the killing of an animal. Most of these animals are raised in horrific conditions, and then sent off to a slaughter house where they are anything but humanely killed. The pictures of the happy cows grazing in acres and acres of plush green pasture isn't how most of your grocery store beef is raised. And being humanely euthanized before having your skin ripped off isn't always what happens when they are slaughtered and processed. Those are pretty good ethical reasons to not want to eat meat, and it has nothing to do with the fact that animals are killed.
If I were to go to a Jewish wedding, i wouldn't expect pork products to be apart of the reception meal. If you go to a vegan's weeding, you shouldn't expect animal products to be apart of the meal. Either try being mature about the situation, and try something different. Or, if you just can't stand the fact of eating a non meat based meal, have dinner before attending the reception. Or, you could just not go at all!
Not all vegans are holer than thou. I couldn't care less what you and your family eat. But, don't expect me to contribute to the meat industry, if I don't believe in their product, by purchasing meat products because you can't try something different for one night of your life. I don't expect or request vegan dishes when I go to someone's house, or to someones receptions, birthday parties, etc. If I am told that there will be something there available for me, great! If not, I just eat before I go. No big deal!
Rachel, I grew up on a farm, lived in farming communities all of my life and I have never seen the conditions that you describe for raising animals. I am sure that somewhere sometime it has occured or there would not be the stories to which vegans refer. I have three adult children and we made sure at their weddings that a vegatarian meal was offered. I have no objection to their menu, I am sure most people would enjoy the meal, but a guest is a guest and should be treated as such. A person's wedding should not be a political venue.
And where are you getting that providing vegan meals to non vegan guests is judging them? They aren't judging their non vegan guests. They just don't want to purchase products from an industry that practices things they believe are unethical. I'm sure you think pedophilia is wrong. Would you buy a product from a company that was known to give money to pedophiles? I'm sure you wouldn't! Well, these people feel the meat industry practices unethical treatment of animals, and they feel that is wrong! They don't want to buy a product from people who profit from the inhumane treatment of animals. It has nothing to do with judging non vegans, or trying to convert meat eaters into vegans. This couple is PAYING for the meal. It is THEIR money going towards the products that are used and served at their reception. If they don't want THEIR money going towards a business they feel is wrong, it's completely their decision.
Would people be upset if they went to a Jewish or Muslim wedding where they weren't served pork, or a Hindu wedding where they didn't get served beef? If you know the belief system of the couple getting married (dietary, spiritual, political, or ethical reasons), the meal option shouldn't come as a surprise.
I wouldn't mind eating Vegan at a wedding reception if that's what the bride and groom wanted. I would resent being told repeatedly it was because the bride and groom wanted a "cruelty"-free wedding. That verges on being pretty judgmental.
I've not married. But I have friend who is vegan, and when she comes to visit I make sure to get some soy milk and plan out some meals she can enjoy and find the best local restaurants for her food choices. It's called being a good host. When I get married I'll do the same thing, provide meals to accomodate as many food preferences as possible.
How is it judgmental to point out the obvious? I will be having a vegan wedding. This means no animal exploitation in my food, clothing, cosmetics, etc. In other words, cruelty-free! I do not want my wedding tainted with the cruelty inherent in animal consumption.
Saying cruelty-free is just pointing out the obvious – my wedding will be one that harms none, aside from a few hangovers. ;)
When planning or wedding, my husband and I tried to make sure there was food that anyone could eat. That's where a buffett or family style meal comes in handy. A wedding reception is a party just like any other one, and it's important to make sure your guests are happy. However, I would not be surprised or annoyed if I were at a meatless wedding reception. An entirely vegan meal that is appetizing and satisfying to a large crowd sounds like a challenge, but if you can pull it off, go for it.
If buying a gift, expensive dress, expensive shoes, plane ticket, etc etc is effectively the price of admission to attending the wedding and a nice reception, I'm sorry, Bridezilla, but the meal is NOT ABOUT YOU.... Sorry to be cynical but it's just the truth.
It's not about the bride, but it's not JUST about the guests either. It has to be a give a take to insure that the majority of the people invited/attending are going to have a great time. Obviously if there are allergies involved some things won't work, but if a guest arrives at a wedding and it's missing some signature has-to-be-at-all weddings dish they need to get over it. Just like some couples need to get over the idea of having a Salute to Babe or a Pretend we are Bunnies dinner.
Agreed. This is why God invented the homo sapiens eating style called.... wait for it... the buffet.
If that's how you feel, why even bother attending?
Depends on the couple. If I really care about them, I'm happy to make the expense. But many times it's a relative or former college friend who hasn't bothered to write (not even an email) to me in decades who suddenly shows up on the scene with a mailed invite to a wedding 3 states away and I'm like... PLEASE!
@pgh, again, why attend? If it's someone that you don't really talk to anymore and don't feel like you're that close enough to go see, then don't go. Especially if you have the mindset of "HHOOOOCKKKK ptew! I aint hurd frum des guys in 'bout fo years." You don't need to "grace" anybody with your presence on THEIR wedding day. They invited you, if you don't feel like going because you'd rather save $500 and would rather go eat at a local steak restaurant, then fine, just don't go to the wedding and stop complaining.
If you're that special that when you go to someone else's wedding, you feel like you need champagne and foie de gras to sustain your appetite, then wouldn't the bride and groom offer you a red carpet entrance to your silver platter setting? Oh mighty king, may be please be showered with your presence on our wedding day? We offer you a seat at the finest table and ask nothing in return except for your presence and perhaps a small donation towards our registry.
If you are true friends of the couple you will have no trouble respecting their wishes of how they want to celebrate their special day. Especially about something as minor as menu choice for the reception. Go for a burger after the reception if you must.
My husband and I are vegetarians, so we had a vegetarian meal. Not one person complained, and the food was much cheaper (and healthier) than meat!! We ordered catering from Aladdin's – a Middle Eastern restaurant. :) I once had a friend stay at my home, and he insisted on eating out every meal because he claimed he couldn't bear to not eat meat for even one meal. I don't know anyone else that eats meat at every meal, and I was very insulted that he wouldn't eat even breakfast at my home. (He knew we were vegetarians, and had been one himself at one point for over a year, which makes this story even more absurd...) As I was so insulted by that, I can't imagine complaining about the food at someone's wedding. If you don't like it, don't eat, or just eat what you can/want to!
Gee, imagine how insulted he was that you wouldn't even offer to meet him halfway and cook anythign meat related in your home. That road goes both ways.
I agree with KT here. Just because someone is visiting in your home doesn't mean they have to be forced to eat what you like. Your guest was doing exactly what they should do. Don't complain about the food being provided to you, and if you don't like it, got get your own food! I wouldn't expect someone to cater to my vegan needs, and I surely hope anyone staying with me doesn't think I'm going to grill out a steak every night of the week! What would you do if the situation was reversed? What if you were visiting with your guest and all they provided were meat filled meals? Would you just suck it up and eat what they served? Or would you thank them for the offer, excuse yourself, and go get your own meal somewhere else? I doubt you would scarf down that steak!
Yes, thinking of a culture that really KNOWS how to make good filling, satisfying, no faux meat/cheese vegetarian or vegan foods: Indian and Middle Eastern come to mind - That's a good basis for planning the menu at a vegetarian or vegan wedding. I'd attend one of those wedding receptions in a hearbeat! And certainly tastier sounding than the standard reception menu, frankly.
I think too many people think of vegan food as tofurkey, lots of iceberg lettuce, and plenty of starches, where you are hungry two hours later. Doesn't have to be that way!
(Mind you, I'm still an omnivore - but I like the idea of a personalized wedding reception dinner. Salivating...)
i'm not sure why there is even a debate about this. it's the bride and groom's day, not yours. i am a vegan and recently went to a wedding where no vegan food was offered. i just sat at the table and didn't eat. was i annoyed? no, because i didn't go there to eat, i went to watch my best friend get married.
why not forget about your steak for one night to make your loved one happy? if you can't do that, then you don't deserve to be their friend anyway. stay home, asshole.
Here's my issue: apparently "okay" to tell an omnivore to forget meat for a meal and eat vegetarian/vegan. However it's apparently not okay to expect a vegan/vegetarian to do the same. If the couple (or their family) is spending money on your plate, unless you are allergic you should eat it.
After all, why not forget your hangups to make a loved one happy? if you can't do that, then you don't deserve to be their friend anyway. stay home, "insert profanity of choice".
people who eat meat typically aren't morally or ethically opposed to eating non meat items. So it in fact is VERY different. I like meat but am fully capable of eating a meal without meat. Someone who for health reasons cannot eat meat or someone who is morally/ethically against eating meat should not be forced to eat meat. Big difference there.
You should do as Joannabanana21 did and just not eat if what they are serving doesn't appeal to you. If you are a meat eater, and don't want to eat a non meat meal, nobody is forcing you to do so. It's the fact that some meat eaters on this comments section not only expect a meal, but a meal catered to them! Most vegans/vegetarians I know do exactly as Joannabanan21 did. If you go to a function and there isn't a vegan/vegetarian option, you don't eat. You don't complain that there isn't anything for you to eat, you just don't eat. You can always find out ahead of time what type of food will be available so you can plan on eating at the function or beforehand. Most wedding invitations will tell what will be served at the reception. If you don't like what's on the menu, eat beforehand, or stay at home.
JustSaying, while I suspect you're trolling, I'm going to respond anyways. First of all, vegans and vegetarians often get sick if they consume animal products, similar to food poisoning. To expect someone to willfully eat something that will make them ill, just because somebody paid for it, is idiotic. Second, as an omnivore, it won't kill you to eat veggies for a night instead of meat. Your body might thank you for it. Third, if someone has chosen to eschew certain foods, whether for religious or ethical reasons, they almost certainly didn't make that decision lightly. Joannabanana isn't even asking for a special meal to be prepared for her, she's just abstaining from eating something that will make her sick and goes against her personal beliefs. If she doesn't want to serve a carved-up cow on her wedding day because of those same beliefs, she shouldn't have to. You can eat anything you want before or after the reception.
That said, I do have to agree with another commenter who said that the vegan couple in the article is making it into a bigger deal than it has to be. Calling it a "cruelty-free" wedding even had me rolling my eyes a little bit because it sounds preachy. I would be sure to mention on the invitation that the reception will be vegan so that no one is caught unawares, but I don't think anyone appreciates being lectured at from a soapbox.
Exactly. Well Stated
Its one meal.
It really amuses me the battles fought over this one meal. I think that serving a meal that is delicious that you enjoy and hope your guests will as well, is a perfectly nice things for hosts to do. And accepting that generosity in the spirit in which it is offered is a nice thing for a guest to do. Its lovely to remind people how to be a good host. I think the art of being a good guest is also being lost. And to label a person spending the huge amounts of money that a wedding costs these days a bridezilla because they don't have your favorite item on the menu is not a great example of being a good guest! Does that kind of complaining make them a guestzilla?
But its one meal. And if for whatever reason you don't like the food – its one meal. That's it. If they go to the drive through afterwards, who cares?
Very nicely stated.
Everyone needs to understand that we are discussing food choices for a wedding RECEPTION, not a wedding CEREMONY. These two events are separate, even if it's at one location and without costume changes.
A RECEPTION is a party thrown by (or for) the marrying couple in honor of their recent marriage. That's it. It's not in honor of the parents, nor the guests, nor the officiant, nor the deity of choice. People who think otherwise are deluding themselves.
Accordingly, a marrying couple can do whatever they damn well please at their wedding reception. They can serve barbecued tennis balls, they can feature only jugs of ice water, or they can have custom-fit menus for every guest's dietary request. And if guests don't like it, guests can choose not to attend or to leave.
If you're a marrying couple, you need to choose what's more important to you: the food you want to serve, or the risk of offending guests. And if it's the latter, you should ask yourself whether you really want those guests at your party.
This notion of "hosting" as bending to guests' whims and articulated restrictions is ridiculous and probably concocted by someone who liked choosing her own free food. We are not waitstaff or line cooks when we invite friends to our houses, parties, or wedding receptions.
The marrying couple's job is to enjoy their celebration however they so please.
Yes, it is their day. However, they failed at being good hosts, you have chosen to "host" your friends and family to celebrate "your day" be a good host provide choices that appeal to the masses and lay down your sabor for a day for all to enjoy...I guarantee the guests will be racing to the nearest drive thru after.
So what if they're headed for the nearest drive-thru? I've been to a few low budget weddings where the only food offered was wedding cake & punch. There were couple of others where there was no booz because the wedding & reception were held at the church. By your standards, I supposed there should have been a mass exodus to the nearest bar? Please.
It's not a BBQ where food is the main attraction – it's a wedding. Any wedding where food is offered is a treat regardless of what is offered. It is an ill-mannered guest who feels ent!tled to a full meal of their choice and an open bar just because they decided to attend.
It's their day – let them choose the menu – and their choices sound quite tasty! One doesn't attend a wedding for the food! However, it is odd that they would choose a vegan menu (personal choice) yet include an ingredient in the pasta dish – peanuts – that many people are allergic to (medical). While I love peanuts, that would be an automatic elimination from my menu in order to accommodate the potential medical dietry restriction rather than personal choice dietary restriction.
As someone who has the peanut allergy, please let me be the first to say THANK YOU. You are a fine and generous-spirited person.
My own wedding was "back in the day" when the bowls of little mints & mixed nuts were de rigour. I refused to have the nuts (anaphylaxis is no way to spend your wedding day) and you would have thought I had walked down the aisle naked after pooping in the punchbowl. I held firm but some elderly relatives still speak of my "do your own thing" reception.
It is common the ask for dietary restrictions on the RSVPs. Most likely, no one was allergic to peanuts. Were doing the same. Once the RSVPs are back, we will decide on our vegan menu and accommodate everyone. Though, I am pretty certain already that no one I know has a peanut allergy, so peanuts will probably be included.
I sort of can't believe this article (and the timing of it), but I think it is abrupt to assume that most people self-impose dietary restrictions due to their beliefs. I wish it was my "belief" that gluten is bad. Instead, I'm a celiac...AND I just had my wedding this past weekend. Everything was gluten-free, and I don't even think half of the guests knew it (or cared). We got rave reviews about the food, and we were happy too (my husband eats a gluten-free diet as well to make it easier for me). I think it's only an issue if you make it one. Personally, when talking to some caterers, I would be very weary of them preparing a separate meal for just me due to cross-contamination. One actually even asked me to explain to her what gluten was. The wedding industry caterers on the average are not really prepared to have their ingredients and prep methods questioned when it comes to that, but there are some amazing ones out there–you just have to look.
I agree with you. It's fine to serve an entire meal that is gluten-free, but to go around and announce it to your guests, make it a focal point of your reception is just silly. Just serve whatever you want and let people focus on the couple, dancing, and celebrating. You can have delicious food made no matter what your requirements are.
That is perfect and it encompasses the whole issue here. You served your guests a gluten free meal and you all enjoyed it. You didn't lord it over them or preach to them about the dietary dangers of processed wheat flours or make a big deal of it. You served what you served, you all ate and enjoyed it and went your merry way.
The problem that I and many on here have with this couple is NOT because they had a vegan reception. So What?!? It is the fact that they wanted to make a point of telling everyone that is was "Cruelty Free", thus labeling anyone that didn't share their thoughts a cruel or savage person. Screw em! It it weren't close family, they'd not see me at the reception. Not because I can't enjoy a vegan meal (I can and have) but because of their pretentiousness about it all and insistence on trying to make themselves seem morally or ethically superior because of their culinary choices.
I will be having a vegan wedding and of course I'm going to mention it! A small note on the bottom of my reception page notes that all food will be vegan and any further dietary restrictions should be mentioned via e-mail or on the RSVP. By stating that it is vegan, those with lactose intolerance, vegetarianism, or veganism will know they are fine and fully accommodated. It seems a big duh to state it! Otherwise, I'd be flooded with e-mails, as a good percentage of my attendees are veg in one way or another.
And stating it is cruelty free is simply stating the obvious. They are interchangeable to me.
BYOM..... I'll be out back smoking a fatty (pig) with the boys.... whooooo hoooooo
I can't believe the people that couldn't go without eggs or dairy or meat for ONE MEAL. Seriously? Professionally prepared vegan food? You might as well try it. There are plenty of delicious vegan foods out there and the menu this couple was serving sounds pretty good to me, and I'm an omnivore! Some people need to grow up.
The problem that I and many on here have with this couple is NOT because they had a vegan reception. So What?!? It is the fact that they wanted to make a point of telling everyone that is was "Cruelty Free", thus labeling anyone that didn't share their thoughts a cruel or savage person. Screw em!
Cruelty will not be present at my wedding. It is about love, peace, commitment, and a future together in this world. The fact that I am serving food that is healthy, environmentally sustainable, and cruelty free is significant to me. It has nothing to do with judging, but it is me expressing my love for the world, for its longevity, and our commitment to live in peace with the world.
If guests are defensive about stating the obvious, it would be a good thinking point as to why they are defensive – perhaps not all is steady in their ethics.
Hey, it's free food. Why complain? What's the difference when going to a friends house for dinner? Would you complain about the food to your friend. Dummies.
And meat is good for you! MMmmm!!! Tasty animals.
Based on my oh so recent experience...people will complain...and threaten (promise?) to not attend...and whine and mope and *itch. It got so bad that my caterer turned to my soon to be MiL to ask if he has missed be being vegan because in the notes it listed vegetarian who wants cheesecake. On the other side I had my family to worry about, a number of which have severe allergies to soy and gluten...which eliminates a large number of vegan options. Fun times!
AND. HERE. WE. GO!
“I wasn't a bridezilla by any stretch, but I wasn't too mature about being denied bacon on what was supposed to be the best day of my life,” said Kent.
Sounds like she is a real delight to be around. I give these two narcissists about six months. Nice to be able to turn your wedding into a platform to push your views on others.
Actually, we're celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary this summer... and we still eat bacon all the time.
YOU sound like a joy to be around too!
To clarify matters, my daughter Siobhan may have been disappointed to not have pulled pork at her wedding, or shrimp for that matter, but she thoughtfully chose a menu that was kosher-style, with several vegan selections for those who do not eat meat, and lactose-free and gluten-free foods for those who needed such restrictions. She was, by no means, a bridezilla. To be a considerate host/hostess does not mean that you provide meat for non-vegetarians or pork products for non-Jews and Muslims, it means that you provide foods that can be tolerated by everyone and that are appealing. And as a matter of fact, the Rabbi did attend the cocktail hour.
If you are a friend of the bride and groom, you should be happy to share their special day, no matter what menu is chosen. If you are opposed to eating the foods provided just because they did not cater to YOUR tastes, try to remember that the wedding is not about YOU. To call the wedding couple "narcissists " shows that you can't make your case without resorting to name calling. Now that's classy!
Oh, Mom... :)
The rabbi was at the cocktail hour? I didn't see him at all! NOW you tell me.
These people sound like pretentious snobs but probably know mostly pretentious snobs so who cares. The Kosher wedding was a much more accepting compromise. I would guess that the vegan bride is a bit of a bridezilla
I had the best of all worlds because I had guests with all types of dietary restrictions attending. The stationary apps were all vegetarian with most being vegan. For the passed apps I had one vegan, one meat, 3 vegetarian and continued that theme with the main meal.
I wanted all my guests to feel welcomed and loved and appreciated and felt that forcing my dietary preferences on them would not show what a wedding is all about.
Way to go! Part of being a host to your wedding guest is to ensure your guests' needs are met, not yours. Some where along the way we forgot what it means to be a host. I have no problem with the host trying their best to provide for their guests including serving vegan food. But making it a big deal is narcissistic. No one really cares what your belief is and there is no need to advertise it. If your guests cared, they already know how you feel. Those who couldn't care less still wouldn't no matter what you serve. Your job as a host to make the event enjoyable to ALL you invited.
Grow up. Your wedding day is also the day you chose to play host to all those pesky guests of yours.
How do you feel about couples' wedding menus reflecting their dietary restrictions?
It's their day - why not eat like them? Congratulations!
I wouldn't expect anything else. Anyone who does is a self-centered elitist snob.
What if they smoke? Am I required to smoke as well? What if they drink whiskey? Will there be no beer at the wedding?
You don't go to many parties, do you?
I love this. Ever since I have realized I'm gluten-sensitive this is one thing I have always wondered about. Hopefully, when I get married, I will be able to enjoy my day just the same! Great editorial.