Put the "cute" in charcuterie and the sexy in saucisson sec when you bestow a meat bouquet upon your beloved this Valentine's Day. You surely could arrive on your paramour's doorstep with a song in your heart and a hunk of knockwurst in your sweaty mitts, but we suggest you leave it up to the professionals at Portland's famed (yes, that was them on Portlandia) Olympic Provisions.
KPTV reports that for the bargain price of $75 for a three-stem salami bouquet, or $100 for six, the salumeria will dispatch owner Tyler Gaston - the lead singer of local band The Tumblers - to hand-deliver the "Salamigram," along with a smoking hot rendition of his original song, "Love Is Where the Meat Is."
Should you fear that the troubadour's carnivorous charms might outstrip your own, you're still in luck. Portland locals may opt out of the song or pick up the porky package at Olympic's retail store, and those outside the delivery zone may order online and devise a meaty little ditty for their darling.
We'll get you started. "Roses are red, violets are blue, there's a sopressata in my pocket and..."
You're on your own from there. Post your best meat-related love song lyrics in the comments below and we'll share our favorites in a future post.
Previously - Rise to the occasion with homemade chocolate soufflé
I know what is 6:" long and won't be getting sucked this Valentine's day – Whitney Houston's crack pipe!
EVERY GIRL NEEDS A GOOD SALAMI EVERY NOW AND THEN...LOL
In the world involving nation-wide politics, those who identify themselves like a modest share in frequent a number of basic morals. In this post you will find out the main ...spilleautomater online
Meat is neat
But liquor is quicker
Better have both
Before you stick 'er.
There – I've said it and I'm glad.
Fatty meats like salami, peperoni etc... can actually make us feel more amorous, so when your valentine brings flowers or candy, you should say, where's the salami?
You and I must make a pact
We must bring the sandwich back,
Where there is bologna, I'll be there. (I'll be there)
I'll reach out my ham to you
I'll have prosciutto too.
Just ask for pastrami and I'll be there. (I'll be there)
I'll be there to feed you,
Build my world of deli meats around you,
I'm so glad that I found you.
I'll be there with a love that's smoked,
I'll be your salceson,
I'll keep holdin' on. (holdin' on)
Yes I will
Hot dog! I believe we have a wiener.
Hey Beavis@Butthead, the entire dity goes like this; If the angle of the dangle is in direct proportion with the heat of the meat and the mass of the ass remains constant, than it's got to be good.
(insert salami joke here)
Roses are red
just like salami
When I gave you my log
We both were jolly
I sent the roses in a box and chocolates
but forgot to give her the Salami
no wander she was not mine she got the salami from some one else
A smelly and disgusting gift.
We're trying to start WW3 with Iran and Syria (Remember, the Axis of Evil?) and you report on salami bouquets. Kudos CNN reporters for keeping us informed on topics that affect our daily lives.
This is not the only News article of the day. MSM reports on a wide array of subjects and eating/lifestyle happens to be one of them.
That's like saying "Where are we going?? And why are we in this handbasket?"
It can't be doom and gloom 24/7... still gotta eat!!
Thanks for the obligatory "omg, like, this isn't even news" comment. Look at your URL, dumb*ss, it's called EATOCRACY. It's a blog. If you want all world news, burn 1 or 2 calories and click on the WORLD link. The "WW3" news is there if you want it. I for one, clicked because salami is delicious, and BECAUSE I didn't want to read about "WW3" this very second. Goodness, people are so dense.
I have Loved Meat since 1 Million B.C. It's ALL Good.
Salami for Valentine's Day – that's funny.
Yeah, I know. I'm sure that even before this article, millions of guys were counting on giving their lady the ol' salami on Valentine's Day. Who green-lights these articles?!?
The angle of the dangle is in direct proportion to the heat of the meat.
Looks like a Busy few Days for me.
Traditional flowers are the best gift to give, meat bouquets are an abomination, says the Lord.
The last person that put words in my mouth got lit on fire and sent to hell...just sayin'.
You trademarked the Lord?! Is nothing sacred anymore? First the Super Bowel flip-off, now this. I'm going to go hide under my bed 'til the apocalypse is over.
Hope you drive a Chevy Benn.
Meat is neat.
Unless it's sloppy. ~_~
Only when properly manscaped.
I only like neat meat. Sloppy meat just seems to show disregard for the meat in general. Meat should be respected and loved and played with. Proper 'trimming' of the meat, if you will, is critical to enhance the flavor, texture and just the overall meaty experience. After all, I only have one stick of meat so it needs to be properly cared for.
Gawd dayum! Too funny!
If handled correctly, sloppy meat = happy meat. Take care of it afterwards, most delicately, and it becomes neat meat again. ~_~
There once was a man from Nantucket
Couldn't carry a tune in a bucket
He went all the way
On one Lover's Day
And smoked for her a great brisket.
Yeeeaaaaaa a Portlandia shout out.
We can pickle that!
Yes, because nothing says love, like congestive heart failure,
Vegans die from heart failure, too, and they usually end up with a bunch of other health complications.
Nothing says self-righteous like preaching veganism.
At least I won't be in the hospital, end of life, dying of nothing.
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