 5@5 is a daily, food-related list from chefs, writers, political pundits, musicians, actors, and all manner of opinionated people from around the globe. Just because you're a dude doesn't mean your culinary ventures have to be modeled after Epic Meal Time. Sometimes, a man just wants to make a really, really good omelet - without it being bacon-wrapped or deep-fried. For such times comes chef Marcus Samuelsson's FoodRepublic.com, a food and lifestyle website specifically geared toward food-obsessed men, and its editorial director Richard Martin. Five Kitchen Tricks Every Man Should Know: Richard Martin The onion is one of the toughest things to master, but it's actually pretty easy. If you've got basic knife skills, just cut off the top part opposite the root, then slice or dice as much as you can in an orderly fashion before going back at it when the pieces are on your cutting board. Then keep dicing as much as the recipe calls for: dice is least chopped, fine dice slightly more,and minced is basically tiny little pieces. As for how to do this without being reduced to a blubbering mess, you can: (A) chop the onion under cold running water; (B) try putting the onion in the freezer for 10 minutes before chopping; or (C) try keeping cold water in your mouth while you're cutting." 2. Flip an omelet It's not exactly easy, but it's totally doable. Just heat up a small or medium nonstick pan (or a regular pan, but you want it to be really hot), drop in a chunk of butter, and pour in a couple of slightly whisked eggs so that they cover a thin layer across the bottom of the pan. Once they've set just a bit and there's still some runny bits across the top, use a spatula and tilt the pan from side to side so that you have one solid mass of egg in the pan. Then, either use the spatula to gently flip it, or if you're feeling brave, toss the pan skyward and flip it in the air. Quickly add the toppings, fold the omelet in half and serve with toast." 3. Make a damn good burger Food Republic's basic burger recipe calls for the addition of egg, Worcestershire sauce and breadcrumbs - and it makes a simple yet delicious burger that has a bit of a meatball flavoring to it. Top it with bleu cheese or some sharp cheddar, and you will win friends and influence people." 4. Quickly assemble a good mix on iTunes The genius mode in iTunes and Pandora have made this a simple enough task, and they provide a decent shortcut, but if you're a real man, you should know if the mood calls for jazz, Jay-Z or jams. Make the mix yourself while waiting for the water to boil or the spaghetti to cook or whatever. Music not only sets the mood, it can make the food taste better." 5. Whip up a quick three-course meal Do you: (A) tell them to "man up"; (B) console them with empty words like 'sorry to hear that'; or (C) hurry to the market, beat them home and put together a fantastic little quick and easy three-course meal? If you said (C), you're right, and here's what you do: Get a head of green or red leaf lettuce; an onion; a box of linguine; a decent jar or container of store-made tomato sauce, or just some tomatoes and garlic; a loaf of Italian bread or baguette; a container of ice cream or sorbet; and a candle. By now, you should know how to quickly turn this into a simple meal of a salad, pasta and dessert that will quickly restore your mate's faith in life. What happens next is up to you, but if you've gotten this far, I trust you'll know what to do after dessert is over (if you don't skip that last course entirely)." Is there someone you'd like to see in the hot seat? Let us know in the comments below and if we agree, we'll do our best to chase 'em down. |
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I truly enjoyed many of the comments. The article is total BS. I'm 70 an old guy and I taught myself to cook . As some have already posted, The Joy Of Cooking and Better Homes and Gardens are the bibles. of the kitchen. I think most have missed the fundamental point, at least in my case. I'm a really persnickety eater. I cook to please myself. If others enjoy the foods I cook fine but first it has to meet my own standards. If I'm going to have to jog for 2 hours to work off a small plate of French Fries they won't be previously frozen or from McDonalds. And as Dan said I can change diapers too.
Very sad article. I've been married for 8 years and have always been the better cook. Real men know their way around the kitchen, they can also change dirty diapers, just hopefully not at the same time :-0
Nominate this post as the worst 'cooking' tips ever...CNN, where do I apply for this idiot's job?
"The onion is one of the toughest things to master, but it's actually pretty easy." What does that even mean?
You may have fooled your fourth-grade English teacher in to believing you had a writer's talent, but the rest of us can tell a poser when we see one.
I'm not sure who should be more insulted by this article – women who are supposed to be impressed by a man flipping an omelet (which by the way is not done by 'tossing the pan skyward') or chopping onions under water (try putting bread in your mouth, it works better), or men whose culinary skills are assumed to be lower than the easy-bake-oven level...
this article is just plain sad. every single word of it..
Every male should know how to cook, period. It's a basic life skill, like bathing. If you cannot cook, you're crippled. Besides as I told my older son, "Learn how to cook, so you can lure attractive women to your apartment". Best way to stay in shape and maintain ideal body weight is to completely control what you put in your body. Besides it's a heck of alot cheaper than eating out. I only eat out to learn how to cook new things.
The freezer trick for onions really does work. I'm very allergic to whatever the chemical that makes you tear, and I haven't had an allergic reaction yet when I cut onions that way. And an added bonus, you don't look like a total idiot trying many of the other methods like cutting onions with a slice of bread in your mouth, etc.
I mean, this is an article? What is the point of this? Someone got paid to write this? Really? Completely pointless....
What an awful thing to read. What a sexist and disgusting article. Just imagine the outrage if a similar article was written about women. We need to stop these people who promote the lie that men are brain dead animals.
I wear swimming goggles when chopping onions, works every time.
As for burgers the technique is simple, the meat MUST be defrosted, the burger must 80% lean and hand formed into a thick patty. It should be seared to seal in the flavor and do not push down on the patty otherwise all the juices will just spill out and be lost. I like mine well done so I cook them a bit longer. There is no substitute for a real homemade burger.
Sheesh...american women are so pathetic that they think it is a great skill to slice an onion or flip an omelet? Most guys in my country can cook a whole meal which involves pretty complicated stuff and the women even more.
Sheesh...generalize much?
This article is sexist. Women should be in the kitchen makin me sammitches.
LOL! I'm surprised you didn't get skewered for your comment.
OMG, Richard Martin is displaying his techniques in cooking skills and to say the least, chopping up onions with the roots downward?! OMG.... I'm just having to rush for my defiberlator and hope that it has enough juice to "revive" me. Where does this Richard Martin reside, India or Pakistan ? LOL
Only in the USA can an idiot like this make a living off of being.....an idiot!
onions add flavor but they also give you the farts.
If you really want to impress the girl, CLEAN THE BATHROOM!
Amen to you Dude ! Clean up your piss-drippins
I like Pandora (anti-iTunes – too effete), but when iTunes or Pandora make the top five elements of "how to cook", you know it's not going anywhere. Better advice: 1. learn to cook. 2. enjoy it.
I'm just wondering if the poor lady being fed is up to having dessert afterwards. It is known for women to "upchuck" everything they have eaten when the hot-sweaty-events start to commence.... let alone the penetration levels...
Good gawd almighty. You people are too incredibly harsh. Forget the onion in water thing, his burger suggestions are spot on. Add onion, steak sauce, I personally don't go with egg, bleu cheese in the middle and served with sharp cheddar and mayo is the bomb!
LOL... you say put some "bleu cheese" in the middle? How would you do that? with your middle finger ? LMAO
His heart is in the right place but the head....another story. The article is obviously for the guy who wears a plaid shirt with a bowtie and corduroy trousers.
Wow, what a complete disaster of an article. I am 26, a woman, and a darn good cook as described by friends and family. I can make anything from scrambled eggs to beef bourguignon (even tried making sushi once, nigiri is hard!). I've also met plenty of men who are wonderful cooks, and they would stare at this article as their brain cells cried for mercy. iTunes? Slicing onions under running water? Eww.
A point on jarred sauce, though – if you really are in a rush and can't make your own from scratch, get a good quality jar of sauce and gussy it up with some herbs and spices. A pinch of minced garlic, oregano, and basil goes a LONG way to making a better sauce.
To Chop an onion without tears chop near an open flame like the gas stove.
Best way to flip an omelette is to slide it out of the skillet onto a plate or eden the lid of the pan, invert the skillet over the plate and then flip the whole thing. You dont risk tearing the omelette like with a spatula.
Me eat it all raw and hear tunes on vinyl with Close-N-Play.
I've never understood the big deal over chopping an onion and tearing up because of it. Like many others I love to cook and I'd like to think pretty good. I use onions often and tearing up has only happened to me on several occasions, usually if I used several onions or a particularly strong one. Yes, it happens but what's the big deal? This is a cooking "issue" that seems greatly over-exaggerated in my opinion. Frankly, I think the lingering smell of an onion on your fingers is more of a "bother." And steel doesn't seem to do the trick to remove it any faster – it just soap, water and time!
mr. martin,
shame on you sir. nowhere in the "burger section" did you inform the reader about first chasing the meat around with a huge chainsaw and terrifing it at every chance. also lacking was the step of:" cut face off of meat (while it is still alive, if possible) and make a death mask from it. poor reporting on your (yes, I used it correctly Grammer Nazis) part friend.
P.S. the "onion" section was a load of crap. "chop under a running facuet. jesus man, that's DANGEROUS!
After cutting onion under cold running water................
Count fingers.
You should have ten.
P.S. – Using a microwave is NOT cooking.
Thank You.
To be fair.....yes, the article is a total waste. Everyone knows the easiest way to flip an omelet is in zero gravity.....anyhoo, give him SOME credit: You know how hard it is for form even ONE cohesive thought when you're head is firmly planted right next to your colon (if you gotta think about it, you'll get there....)?
The next 5 tips should be "Five ways to clean up the kitchen after cooking!"
Which decade is this guy living. I already new all of that and much more. All of us 30 and 40 something men whose mothers had careers outside the home developed culinary skills our grandfathers couldn't dream of.
What an insulting article for men. As another commenter said, "real men can cook". And by cook I don't mean grill!
This is probably an old wive's tale, but I find burning a candle very close to where you are chopping onions helps to reduce the tearing up effect.
This guy is is terrible. Do nothing on this list, and you're better off.
So many wasted words about cutting ONIONS????? Sheeeesh.
A couple of observations: people who enjoy cooking generally do it well; those who don't don't. Gender is not a determining factor. Mr. Martin does not know much about cooking. Too many posters on this blog are rude and ignorant.
to make an omelet ' stronger ' and more managable , you should 'wound ' it a few times with the spatula while its SLOW cooking. these wounds recook to form strong lines in the egg. the joy of cooking cookbook is very nice but one glaring contradiction comes to mind. they tell you to follow recipes to the letter , then every recipe in the book sez season to taste, or substitute ingredients at will. ya cant have it both ways rombauers..my fav is whole wheat breadsticks loaded with sausage and cheese. he he
Believe it or not tear off a piece of regular bread and hang it out of your mouth while cutting onions and your eyes will not tear; the bread absorbs the fumes. It really works. Old School Trick told to me by my Dad's family.
Go to In and Out and ask for grilled
onions with your
cheeseburger
and fresh fries
along with a shake,
then play
ruby tuesday by the stones.
I was told once that "old" onions were more gassy than fresh ones. I chop onions next to the sink with the cold water running. I rinse the juice off my hands periodically. I don't know if the cold water works or if I just chop faster to get the water turned off! Either way, I hardly ever get the full impact of a potent onion and I use them almost every day.
Somebody with CNN please read these posts. This guy is a hack and needs to be fired. At least revoke his man card.
I cry looking through a glass onion.
Nice Beatles reference-
I like to show my date that I've "got it goin' on" by breading my veal cutlets under a running faucet while getting my groove on to a funky fresh Fergie jam from iTunes....
This guy has no clue. Ditto his editor who allowed this meaningless crap to be published.
An average country ten year old could write a better article.
Tell the b!tch to get into the kitchen and chop the onion, while you stay in your LZ boy and have another beer, that's how real men dice an onion...
This article is flabbergasting in its total lack of value.
Funny thing is...when I saw the article's title I thought...I better read this because as a woman who gets stressed out trying to cook and so has never...repeat has never.... turned the oven on in her kitchen, maybe I will learn some easy cooking tips. I appreciate any man who can cook and would never think to complain about any effort, no matter whether from a jar or not...and no I can't change my tire (and don't want to learn how; that's what a AAA membership is for) and I'm not exactly sure what I'll do about my leaky kitchen faucet (hire someone for sure) I'm just an inept human being. But I am easy to talk to, have a ready smile, and love my job. If I don't figure it out before I kick the bucket then I hope that in my next life...I'll be a good cook and be able to change a tire and have a great time in the hay with the guy of my dreams...heck...I'll be perfect ;)
Why does this guy's picture look like a mugshot from a New York City Jail?
Onion soup mix in your hamburg makes fartburgers. Great for bachelors or having the guys over, but not so great for serving your girlfriend or wife.
I cook, my fiancee cooks (both of us equally well, but he specializes in real Mexican food... being as he's from said country)... no i'm not fat. lol.. neither is he.
The Epic Meal Time link is a HOOT! Thanks for that.
Who in their right mind puts an egg and bread crumbs in a burger? I mean come on! It's a burger, not a meatloaf! And what is the deal with onion mix in a burger? Add onion mix? As in, the old package of lipton instant soup mix? Bleh, Why the complete omission on the toppings by the way?
Get ingredients, make a meal out of them. This tells me what? The hamburger tip is a little better than boring, but overall, the article sounds like a guy that doesn't take food preparation seriously. I think this fellow's direction is more lifestyle than food, and it's just a fluff article that's annoying to a guy that does take food seriously and got taken in by a headline that doesn't deliver.
The criticism of this article goes a little too far. The tips may be simple, but not dead wrong like everyone seems to be saying.
Cutting an onion underwater or close to running water actually works. The water absorbes and denatures the gas.
As for cooking eggs, the pan should be hot when the eggs go in. Some people make the mistake of starting the stove at the same time that they put in the eggs – what happens is you end up leaving the eggs in there for too long and they burn and stick.
nah buddy, the tips are dead wrong. you are as well. you dont cut onions in the sink. just deal with the sulfur and move on. or just "cut off the top part opposite the root, then slice or dice as much as you can in an orderly fashion before going back at it when the pieces are on your cutting board."
you can't defend this. why would you try?
Onion tears are a sign of a freshman with a dull knife. Cut the onion with a sharp knife instead of smashing it with a dull one, onion tears tears will not be. First lesson in Jedi cooking – use a sharp knife.
Are you serious? This is advice? Who hired this guy?
Had this been written by a woman, it would have included (or likely only stated) "Clean up after yourself."
Women should be kept, barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. It's the best thing for them.
And quiet and educated. Bing barefooted and pregnant is not necessary.
FAIL.
Richard – you may be a great editor, I don't know. One thing for certain, as evidenced by every tip in this article, is that you do NOT know how to cook. Since you work for a great chef, Marcus Samuelsson, maybe you can convince him to give you some basic lesson. This will help you avoid complete embarassment the next time you try to:
- chop an onion
- make an omelet
- make a burger
- try to impress a friend with a quick, simple & romantic meal
- write an article professing culinary expertise.
Five minutes of my life I will never get back. Thanks for a completely useless article. And what is with the picture? It takes up the entire page when the link comes up and I have to scroll down to get to the first line of text. Is he trying to be sexy and cultured with the bedroom eyes and the glasses hanging from his shirt? He strikes me as the kind of guy who would would attract the kind of women impressed by a spaghetti-in-a-box dinner.
As a chef instructor and an expert on culinary science the onion thing really bothers me. It is wives tales like this masqueraded as fact that keep people from being better cooks. Oh and another thing, if you are supposed to impress a girl chopping an onion, how impressed would she be if you had something in your mouth while doing it?
Another ridiculous piece that presupposes that men don't know about any of the domestic arts. What BS. Men may manage domestic tasks and priorities differently but in the mechanics they're at least as good as the women. I cook. My son-in-law cooks. (My son.....not so good.....) Gender roles are much less proscribed in a modern household, we all get to do what we're good at and what we have time for.
#4 What does itunes have to do with kitchen tricks?
#5 The idiot forgot the WINE!
oh and if the woman is impressed because you made pasta......... she's easily amused
She isn't cooking – that's gotta be worth a few points out of the gate.
I grew up in a family that appreciated good cooking, my wife didn't, I taught HER how to cook and I'm still MUCH better than her at it and do most of the cooking because of that, how about an article explaining the basics of having a business conversation like your talking to a child for the "girls" .............. oh that's right it's not 1852
a) what a lot of words for such a tiny bit of info
b) men aren't the neanderthals the media makes them out to be and most of us cook very well thank you
c) it was like it was written for an 8 year old, don't know if it's condescension or what but it is bad writing
d) CNN there have been a lot of real craaaap articles lately, I like a good read and don't mind gen interest stuff but please get some better contributors
Wow, I'm shocked at these responses. Who knew there were so many awesome guys out there? This is the very first time I've read so many responses (on a gender-based article) with which I wholeheartedly agree. There are some lucky wives/girlfriends in the world tonight.
How does this crap make it on the frontpage of CNN.com?
First the supposed debunking of conspiracy theories, and now this.
If you guys aren't going to try anymore, the least you could do is put some porn up instead.
"The onion is one of the toughest things to master, but it's actually pretty easy."
Richard Martin can't chop an onion or write well. What an idiot.
THIS IS THE MOST USELESS ARTICLE EVER! Seriously! Who approved this $hit?
The truth, manup and learn to cook men are the greatest chef's in the world and most woman can't boil water.
I cook 60% of our meals. She still complains. I'm also a fully trained chef.
I think the article is a bit insulting to men. What eon do people think we live in anyway?
If your any kind of modern person you have some cooking skills; man or woman.
If you really are a man who can't cook, WTF in this day and age?! How do you eat? Go take a course.
LOL Rocky, My hubby can't cook – he's tried, but it's seriously not in his skill set. Whenever he attempts cooking, disaster occurs. He's set pots of water (plain water!) on fire, and blown up oven safe pyrex bakeware in the oven. I've always kept a fire extinguisher in the kitchen, but it wasn't until I met my husband that I've ever actually had to USE it.
It works out for us though, I love cooking, but I absolutely hate cleaning up afterward. He doesn't mind doing the dishes.
As for how he ate before we met... well lets just say there were lots of hot pockets, and cup o noodles in his diet.
It's amazing that he's able to burn water. I've been trying to master that for years.
I've been married for 15 years, and my husband can't cook. He's been known to literally set pots of water ON FIRE. But even I take offense to this blog. Men are not 7 year olds who can barely wield a knife or figure out the hot end of a pan, so why talk down to them like they are?
Worst article I have ever read. Seriously CNN, you are turning into FOX......
That's 3 minutes of my life I'll never get back – Not only was it insulting, it was stupid. Is the author 12 years old? There was nothing useful there. CNN is becoming USA Today – Just complete crap.
There is a right way to chop and onion, and it works perfectly no matter how fine or coarse a dice you want. This guy might as well hit it with a club.
Five Kitchen Tricks Every Man Should Know:
1) That counter space where you prepare the food can also be used for other things. Throw your significant other up there, break some dishes, rekindle that spark. Just avoid throwing her on a burner.
2) Chocolate syrup and whip cream are fun toppings. Try some on your significant other.
3) Never stick any part of your body into a garbage disposal. Even if someone double-dog-dares you.
4) Frozen vegetables in a bag work just as well as an icepack. No need to buy those silly blue gel filled sacks for $10 when you can get the same effect from some frozen peas for $1 – not to mention a meal afterwards.
5) If you think your significant other has poisoned you, dump copious amounts of salt into a glass of water. Around 1/2 a cup of salt for every cup of water. Iron-man it down to induce vomiting.
6) Make dinner romantic – turn the lights out, light (just) a few candles. Then she can't see the take-out cartons
7) Nothing in the fridge should be moving on it's own power
8) Ignore the ads, frozen pizza does NOT taste like the real stuff. Ever
9) The 5 second rule is not a good thing to call into play until at least the 3rd date
10) Twinkes really aren't a food group
These tips are really ridicules and useless. The person giving these tips is – well stupid. Get a clue buddy. Want some good tips ... look else where.
Richard Martin's article needs to be removed to save CNN's reputation. I may never read a 5@5 article again, as I'll know it's a complete waste of my time. My anger for this waste of time is illustrated by spending time to write these complaints.
First of all, I'd like a demonstration of how to cut an onion under running water. Secondly, I'd like to see a demonstration of cooking eggs with a hot pan (eggs need to be cooked at just north of 220-225 degrees, or they will turn brown and burn too quickly for them to cook evenly), then adding the ingedients to the already cooked side (you want the ingredients to be incorporated into the egg mixture). I'm a guy, and hate omlettes (bad experiences as a youngster on cheap airline flights), so please correct me if I'm wrong.
Obviously, Richard Martin has never done these things, and wherever he was getting these tips from, he grossly misinterpreted what they were saying. Why would anyone allow him to write an authoratative article on something he knows absolutely nothing about?
your right about the article sucking your wrong about cooking eggs
@Lance,
Where did I go wrong with the omelette? He's adding eggs to a hot pan (and doesn't say anything about lowering the heat). He's also adding ingredients to an already cooked side (after he flips the eggs, meaning both sides are now cooked). Logically, this can't be right, and reading how to make omelettes, no one says to do it this way.
You are so right about 5@5. It's my belief that these articles are written just to TROLL for reader responses.
Judging by what CNN publishes outside of mainline news, the more reader responses = good journalism and better job security.
"The onion is one of the toughest things to master, but it's actually pretty easy."
Wow. This is one of the worst pieces of writing I've come across in a very long time. CNN should not be paying this dolt for writing this kind of drivel.
Yeah, I am pretty insulted that we as men need to learn how to do everything for our woman while they are being taught at every turn not to do anything for their man. Relationships are a balance, but don't forget that men are better at some things and women at others, those items should always be kept seperate. i.e. If I have to fix a broken door hinge then she can fix a button on my shirt. Give and take as long as its balanced.
The problem is, sweetie, that you apparently have a strictly defined set of skills you believe men are better at, and women are better at. The truth is, people are more attractive who aren't afraid to learn things they think the other gender should do. I can change my own tire and do plenty of things considered traditionally "male." I can also sew and cook. My boyfriend is secure enough in his masculinity to cook and sew, and I don't expect him to change my tire or fix my door hinge, etc. His ability to do all kinds of stuff and not be afraid to learn/look feminine makes him hot as hell to me.
Why no patronizing CNN articles titled "5 Roadmap Reading Skills Every Woman Should Know" or "5 Landscaping and Yardwork Skills Every Woman Should Know?"
correct me if im wrong, but I believe the majority of the best chefs in the world happen to be men. Dont get me wrong, I dont count myself among them, but the article seems to be assuming that a women automaticallly knows her way around the kitchen.
and that may very well be true, but don't discount the women who have not taken this professional path and are great cooks in their homes. Chef work is hard, very hard. I don't buy much meat at all, mostly produce & some dairy. I make my own sauces & condiments (for a fraction of the cost) and have a nice supply of spices. This has to aimed at very young people with no cooking experience, cuz it d a m n sure doesn't apply to those with any cooking ability.
Look in frozen foods. The sell chopped onion with a bit of extra stuff thrown in for about $1.00. I only mention it cause they are handy and cut out the pealing and chopping steps and unlike fresh onions, they don't go bad.
no they don't GO bad they start that way, chopping an onion is easy and they store very well when stored correctly (google it)
I scrolled down, worried what 'men' would need this advice. Thanks all for voicing my same thoughts. Oh and as to a perfect burger, make a well in the middle so that when its grilled and swells it becomes uniform and NEVER squish that delicious beef/pork/veal mixture...or wild game if you are informed enough to know how to procure that (hunt). As for grilling, get rid of that fork, learn to wet your hands or use a spatula.
Five tricks a CNN author should know:
(1) don't patronize
(2) don't insult
(3) don't assume you know more than your readers
(4) research before you open your proverbial mouth
(5) consider the cultural context of your statements
wow... even I know those "onion tricks" dont work. The onion is releasing gas when cut that mixes in your eyes to create sulfuric acid. There is NOTHING that can be done to stop it.
That's not true. You can minimize the effect immensely by cutting (dicing) the onion while it's still cold from the fridge.
You know the kind of women that a man's ability to cook impresses?
FAT women.
you are very wrong
Is the next CNN article "Five Driving Tricks Every Woman Should Know"?
ROFLMAO
Richard, keep the after dinner job to me, I know how to close.
Frankly, I am less than impressed by the article. Nonetheless, I wonder if all the spiteful comments are really necessary. There are respectful ways to express criticism. I guess, on the faceless Internet, it is okay to behave (and express yourself) like an a**hole.
You're an a**hole!
and calling people A##holes is how it's done?? look up irony
Well, if you behave like one, then yes, you are an a**hole. If you make fun of someones article, not by expressing constructive criticism, but calling the author names and even making fun of his looks, then yes, you are an a**hole. That doesn't have anything to do with irony, but the fact that the "discussion" in this comment section is nothing but a disgrace.
Complete nonsense.....
BUT I do appreciate the use of "Your wife/girlfriend/*boyfriend*" in the article. Thanks for including those of us with partners.
What an insulting headline, gearing this article towards men. Just as many women have no clue how to cook, either. Why the man slam?
This little corner of CNN has pretty much been a girly harbor. Finally here is a chance to show that this critique is not gender biased.
The article implies that women can cook, but I'm sure having a problem finding any that can cook beyond green bean casserole, that can make a sauce from scratch, that can debone a chicken or more. I enjoy cooking as much as I enjoy working on my jeep, but it would be nice to not be the sole person who can do something fancy for meals . . .
I don't debone chicken, but I can make sauce & condiments from scratch and, although no chef, I'm a pretty decent cook. That being said, this wasn't the case when I was 18, or even 25. I find it interesting that people still eat green bean casserole.
LOL, maybe this does have merit, albeit very little. My long ago & far away ex's idea of heating up hot dogs was putting them in a glass under running hot water.
I married a non cooker and taught her
But I like crying over my onion. Since I'm a real man, that's the only time I do.
And Richard Martin should use his fancy glasses to read a book.
A real man knows how and can cook better than a woman, but "lets" her do the cooking anyways.
Pasta, bread and ice cream! Perfect! America isn't fat enough already.
very, very sad article. No real thought, no substance, no good food here. I'd offer up more but I have Mexican crepes to put together for dinner.
have to add that processed tomato sauce & paste really gets me worked up, let's skip that dessert. All the good contributers taking the weekend off, and you're left with this?
I hope this guy can cook much better than he can write.
sending Apple money every single i'm in the kitchen is why I have eleven children. thanks for making me able to cook Mr. Jobs.
You missed the most important bit of advice! Make sure you fart in everything you cook!
I feel dumber for having read this. Apparently, according to Mr. Martin I was dumb before I read it since he thinks I need help to cook a pasta, salad, and italian bread dinner.
How can you call spaghetti and sauce in a can fantastic?
There is 0% substance to this article.
Thanks for assuming men can't cook at all. Please quit from CNN and write books on how to cook in Easy-Bake ovens for small children.
I don't know what you're thinking... cooking with the power of a filament light bulb is far beyond this cat's talents.... and a horrid idea on Earth Day.
I liked the part in which he suggests omelette pan gymnastics : "toss the pan skyward and flip it in the air". Personally I hold onto the pan and just flip the omelette
Next week's "how to" thrillers... "How to pour water out of a boot" and "Peeing a hole in the snow".
hahahaahahahahahahaha
you sir, just failed. we all fail, but your failure was posted on cnn. apparently you thought by saying "dude" and talking about your ipod and about getting laid that your article would speak volumes to males 18-35. i trust that once your superior reads these comments and reexamines your attempt to connect with people you wish you were hanging out with, you will hear about it . just think of me, and how red my face was for you as i read this tragedy. you are a nitwit.
hahaha
What do you wear SANDALS when you're cooking papaya too? Ferrys!
Three kitchen tips every woman should know:
Pick a partner - man or woman - who knows how to cook, enjoys doing so, and cleans up after him or herself.
Don't criticize your partner's cooking.
If dicing onions bothers you, use shallots, teach your kids to do it, or trade off the chore with your partner. Or wear eyeglasses while chopping.
A three-course meal is not a starch with a starch with ice cream for dessert, and a candle does not a romantic dinner make.
if your partner likes to make omelets but the omelets are terrible, learn to say, "Oh, let me do that for you. I enjoy making them." That's what I did.
I couldn't believe CNN paid this fool to write this:
" just cut off the top part opposite the root, then slice or dice as much as you can in an orderly fashion before going back at it when the pieces are on your cutting board."
Wow, that was a profound breakthrough in onion-cutting. Go back to your cave.
What complete drivel. Did anyone read this before it was posted? Lettuce, a box of pasta and a jar of sauce? If that doesn't get your woman crazy with lust, what will? CNN – get some standards and fire Dick Martin – he's inept!
TC, nice to see you here buddy
Cooking tips I've learned as a man...
1. Cook pasta by putting pasta in boiling water for 10 minutes, add a little salt to water.
2. Make oemlettes by cracking two eggs into a plastic bag, squeeze out the air in the bag and seal closed. Place plastic bag in boiling water for 13 minutes. You may add veggies, cheese, hot sauce to eggs.
3. Popcorn! I'm great at cooking popcorn! Duh!
4. Place chunks of cooked ham or chicken, along with a can of peas, and a diced onion into a crock pot. Add 1 can of gravy.Top with a layer of bisquick dumpling mixture (directions on the box). Cook on High for 3 hours.
5. Thawed fish ( pollack, perch, bluegill, walleye) patted dry, placed on a dinner plate. Add lemon pepper and a teaspoon of margarine. Cover plate with a smaller plate. Cook in mocrowave for 4 minutes. Remove from mirowave and flip fish over. Cook 4 more minutes.
Plastic bags made of polyethylene plastic have a softening point of about 195 degrees. Some bags also contain carcinogens. Boil omlets in a plastic bag if you will, just don't complain about your bad lot in life when you end up on chemo and radiation for your cancer.
Thanks for the information about the plastic bags! I'll eliminate that recipe from my list!
I'm really glad someone said that.
Who cries when they cut an onion any more? When I was a kid, onions made me cry. Over the last 30 years the ag industry has changed your beloved onion and you no longer need any of these "tricks". Just cut the dang thing. Onions ain't what they used to be.
how about growing your own tomatoes, basil and garlic; making your own sauce and picking the salad from your garden... hell why not make your own pasta while we are at it... and don't forget to bake your own artisan loaf of bread. Don't put onions in your recipe if you expect to get any...sugar.
Absurd. I can't believe a kitchen tip actually consisted of something entirely unrelated to cooking; a fricken iTunes playlist. What a hack. Fire this guy.
Come on, why not rock out while cooking, something upbeat like the song Y M C A! Or a fine opera and time your cooking so your dinner is being served just as the fat lady sings?
Richard Martin must be gay. Otherwise he'd know that, if you're cooking your girl breakfast, you're probably well past wondering whether or not you've won her heart.
That aside, here is my 5@5. I guarantee it's way better than Martin's:
1. Learn how to grill. Tri-tip, porterhouse, chicken breasts (bone and skin included and if you don't know why, stay the F away from my grill), spare ribs, and burgers. No marinades, sauces or rubs within thirty feet of the grill, and only two spices are allowed: salt and pepper.
2. Learn how to bake a potato. It's easy and often overlooked: break the skin of a medium-sized potato with a knife, put it in the oven at 400degF for one hour. That's it.
3. Learn how to make good chili. I have my recipe. It's none of your business.
4. Serve good beer. An IPA from an established local microbrewery is best. Life's too short to drink the crap coming out of Milwaukee or St. Louis (yes, I know this is not really food advice, but then neither was Martin's #4).
5. Pick one comfort food and learn to cook it well. Mine is mac & cheese. My wife's is shepherd's pie.
Well, you have spoken. Unfortunately your menu looks like something only a frat guy could appreciate. Broaden your scope a little and realize there is more than one way to do every single thing you mentioned.
Ben,
Frat guy? Really? That's really the best you can do?
Got news for you, Sparky: that top five did not come from Friday nights at Delta House. It came from 25 years of repeat requests from friends and family. Plenty of academics on that list, but no Greek that I'm aware of.
Besides, all I said was that my list was better than Martin's, not that he set the bar that high. Yet I see you haven't the nuts so far to do better. So please, PTFU or STFU.
*Now*, I have spoken.
While I like your list a whole lot more than the author, I can't help but point out that being there during breakfast does not necessarily mean you won a girl's heart. Do we need another article on how not all women equate s*x with love?
Nice try, Melissa, but I submit to you that the phrase "well past wondering" was chosen carefully enough so as to leave some ambiguity in the matter. I thought to write "well past caring", but I found it a bit, well, "frat boy" :-)
Regardless, thanks for affirming the list.
So this advice may not be earth-shattering for those over 25, but this is good stuff that a teenager should have under his (or her) belt before heading out into the world.
Don't be so critical. This is a few minutes to give some pointers on how not to look like a tool, not a gourmet cooking class for the experienced chef. Besides, can you argue that these aren't things we should know how to do??
"As for how to do this without being reduced to a blubbering mess, you can: (A) chop the onion under cold running water; (B) try putting the onion in the freezer for 10 minutes before chopping; or (C) try keeping cold water in your mouth while your cutting." – the article
Meh. I recommend buying a gas mask at an army surplus store. Not only will it spare you the indignity of crying, it also makes an excellent conversation piece.
"The onion is one of the toughest things to master, but it's actually pretty easy."
ummm what?
5 Things to know about cooking:
1) Cooking real food is manly.
2) That which comes in a can or a box is shit.
3) Fresh vegetables taste good.
4) Do ~not~ surprise your wife with a 3 minute meal she could have made at a hotel in her sleep.
5) Do ~not~ listen to this stupid person.
Have a lit candle near your cutting board when chopping onions. 60% of the time, it works everytime.
Actually I'd say this is an article that has a whole lot of application. Though the spaghetti might not be a 5 star meal its the thought behind it that actually means something. A girl that is actually not shallow will usually appreciate the gesture.
My husband will go ahead and cook dinner if I'm late, and I appreciate it. But sometimes I'd much rather he'd used the time to clean the bathrooms or vacuum the house.
LOL
Ground wut? Uh, I grind my own select blend right before cooking...gimme a break this article is complete drivel.
Actually, you don't have to flip an omelet at all...it'll cook without flipping. Just slide it onto the plate and just before it is completely out of the pan, use the edge of the pan to fold it.
The flipping is so the other side cooks completely. I guess on really low heat it could cook through all the way, but serving it "gourmet" style with the inside slightly raw is gross and dangerous.
Ok, I stop reading at the first grammatical error. It's in the chopping the onion section, part C. It's YOU'RE not your. I am so sick and tired of the lazy writing and editing. No really.
"No really" is not a complete sentence.
I meant: no really, dick?
Erik violates his own worthless criticism and then thinks it makes him look good to come back with an insult when he's called on it. Now there's the sign of a real man.
I *stopped* reading Erik's reply after the third word.
I stop reading should be I STOPPED reading, you know what I hate?? grammar nazi's, this is not an 8 th grade english paper it's the internet and if you understood it's meaning then fine, I hate grammar nazi's. no really!
Use "it's" as a contraction for "it is" and nothing else. You used the word correctly in the first instance but not in the second. Capitalize Nazi, and don't pluralize it with an apostrophe.
Bill's absolutely right. But he missed some errors. First, "I stop reading" is fine if the original author is talking about his habits in general, which I suspect he was. The first comma should be a period. The first instance of the word, "grammar," should be capitalized. The comma after "nazi's" should be a period, and "this" should be capitalized. (Bill already noted the inappropriate apostrophe.) "8th" should be one word, and "english" should be capitalized. Another period is needed after "paper," to avoid a run-on sentence there. Whether to capitalize "internet" is a style choice; I prefer capitalized, but your way is okay. What else is there? The rest of that sentence we just split needs two more commas, the comma before "I hate" needs to be a period, and the "no" should be capitalized. I recommend a comma between "no" and "really," as well. The sentence "No, really" is likely to be stylistically fine with most editors, despite technically appearing to be a fragment sentence, since it's elliptical: part of the sentence is implied, kind of the same way that "you" is implied in the imperative sentence "Jump!" So I'm okay with that one. Other than those errors, I think everything else you said was spot on. II totally agree with you that grammar nazis are the worst. They should all be hung. No, wait: hanged. Darn it.
Funny how enraged ppl got over this article. "Go hang yourself"?? Pop some Lithium and chill.
Men,
All you need to know is how to make a mess and feign stupidity. Once you master those skills, you will be relieved of kitchen duty.
You're welcome.
yeah but then your THAT guy
As previously stated you are "that guy"... Basically you are just another toolbag.
It still kills me that this country still sees men as inept and unable to maneuver in a kitchen. I have been doing the cooking as the main provider for 25 years as have other men I know. We have great careers and marriages and we understood a long time ago that the kitchen and laundry room were to be shared by both in the relationship. Seems to me the author is still living in the past and needs to realize men are involved just as much as the women. Think about who has the top cooking shows in the nation.....men.
And that, sir, is why you are still married. : ) Kudos.
Onions cry when Chuck Norris chops them
When Chuck Norris chops the onion, it is *that onion* that cries.
It makes more sense to but a decent onion. Yellow onions or old onions are the ones most likely to bring tears. Buy a sweet onion such as a Vidalia or Maui. They can be cooked or eaten raw while the yellow, or Bermuda onion is only decent when it is cooked. Sweet onions have far less caustic vapors. If you get a regular pan really hot, then put butter and a whisked egg in you will first:A; burn the crap out of the butter and then B; burn the egg and get it all crispy on the bottom. Not appetizing. And pre-made pasta sauce? I guess anyone can be published in a blog nowdays. He may have been right about the itunes, I didn't bother reading it.
It's iTunes.
Chop the onion under running water? Seriously? Has he ever done or even attempted this so-called tip? This is moronic advice.
What kinda crap is this?
1. A spatula is what you scrape batter from a bowl with. A turner turns things. Tard.
2. It's hard to pick ground chuck up and make a patty? really? Hard for someone like you perhaps.
3. Making a pox of pasta, and a can of sauce isn't cooking. You are a tool.
4. how about when you cut your onion, you do so under the exhaust fan. That works moron.
5. Itunes playlist? now you are just asking to be abused.
How about this. Buy a cookbook. Something like Joy of cooking. Browse it, look for something interesting, and make it. Real food, from scratch.
Go hang yourself.
The Joy of Cooking advice is such a great idea. Maybe the all around best manual for any classic dish, thoroughly tested recipes. More valuable than any of the popular pictorial books.
Only a pretentious a$$ thinks a turner isn't also properly called a spatula. Not saying you're wrong about the rest of the "article" though; I wouldn't give this as cooking instructions to a ten-year-old.
For a newbie, the best book out there (in binder form so you can take out/add recipe pages) is the Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook. It has instructions for everything from how to properly cut, store, cook freeze food, to setting a table. For a relatively good cook, the annual America's Test Kitchen cookbook has the best version of every major recipe out there. It also gives recommendations on the best products/appliances (that are tested in its program).
I even used BH & G today. They have a great chart for roasting turkey that I always use.
Men! And Women!
There is an easier way to cope with the tear-inducing effects of the onion: Put your cutting board near the stove and TURN ON THE EXHAUST FAN!
When I chop onions I do one of two things:
1) Wear ski goggles;
2) Don't wear ski goggles, let the tears flow, and when the kids walk in the room tell them I'm still not over the death of Bambi's mother. It freaks them out and I get my jollies.
Plain vinegar on the cutting board, chop the top off the onion, cut down through the root and peel. Take one half at a time, take five horizontal slices, then cut from the root out, not cutting THROUGH THE ROOT along the circumference of the onion. Then finally cut downward in slices as if you were slicing it down to the root. Viola: a diced, tearless onion. The vinegar essence will evaporate.
How about changing the title... Because these days hardly any women know how to do any of those things either.
Why is article directed at men specifically? Why can't it be everyone who needs to know this? Oh, but of course, the writer of this article assumes that all women already know this. *sigh*. Not really a useful article anyways.
Seriously.
Dice an onion.. excellent advice and I'll try that tonight (sarcastic). Richard Marin is a true man's man.
I'm sure you are a master in the kitchen... because having an itunes playlist is a huge must. Do you have an itunes playlist for the bed room or how about when you take a shower? How about you keep writing about what you actually know and have experience with. BTW put your glasses back on so it can hide your lazy eye.
How about you post a picture of yourself so we can make fun of you? Tool...
Ron Swanson would disapprove of the hamburger recipe.
Your S.O. is having a bad day, so you suggest cooking a crappy spaghetti dinner, consisting of noodles and a jar of sauce? You're not going to get any more credit than if you opened a can of Beef-a-roni. To make it special, you could serve a Zima with that gourmet meal.
"Zima" Lol!
Take a lesson from Mrs. Doubtfire here if you really want to impress...
Mrs. DoubtFire ?! OMG... now it's the drag-dress rehearsal and the fake boobs to add to the cooking skills ! LMAO. I think a small hand-chopper would benefit in all this drama. Give me a break!
Condescending.
Condescending, trite advice. Real men already know how to do all these things and more. Dice an onion? If you have never diced an onion you don't deserve a mate.
thats the truth, some guys have no clue... they should have learned these things by watching some cooking shows instead of cage fighting.
try keeping a bread slice in your mouth while your dice the onion. The onion vapors will be absorbed by the porous surface of the bread slice. Give it a try and tell me a story
With my mouth full of bread? Perish the thought!
Another good way to avoid crying when dicing an onion. Place the onion on cutting board with root side down. Using 6 mil plastic sheeting and duct or packing tape, seal off all seven (yes, there are really seven) cephalic orifices. Chop the onion, taking care to keep fingers away from the end of the knife. Quickly walk across the room and remove tape/plastic from nose/mouth. Breathe deeply. If you are able to remain conscious to this point, you are doing well. Now, rub your belly while patting your head, click your heels three times and repeat the phrase "I'm a giant PoonTang" until you realize that you are, in fact, a bitch for not being able to cut a damn onion without having a crisis. Just cut the damn thing and hold your breath if you feel your eyes watering up the way they do every time you watch the final scene in "Benji: The Hunted". Extra tip: Use one of your spare maxi pads to dab up the tears if they do flow. Now, place the chopped onion onto a frozen DiGiorno Pizza, place the "Cheesy Brea Steeks" in the microwave and impress the pants off of the 16 year old hottie that you have locked up in your basement. Geesh.
This is the funniest thing I have read all day!! Great laugh in the morning.
BUAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! makes working on a beautiful saturday bearable!
LMAO! And with a good laugh, I stop farting around on the internets this morning and get some work done. Thanks Sebastian van Gorder!
Wow.. "..then slice or dice as much as you can in an orderly fashion before going back at it when the pieces are on your cutting board." I like when he recommends getting a pan "really hot" for an omelette too. Clearly he is not of the greatest culinary skilled himself.
@Jake: I know nothing of Teflon non-stick pan cooking because I don't use it, but if you are cooking scrambled eggs or an omelet in a regular pan, then you must use either a pat of butter or spray it with PAM cooking oil and then get the pan really hot prior to adding the well whisked eggs. Richard may not know how to make a really good burger but what he described for an omelet in a regular pan was dead on. If the pan isn't hot, the eggs will stick regardless of the use of the butter or of the PAM.
Proven: The women of this era expect men to do everything, that includes making money and cooking everything. My life.
What? You can't cook for yourself?
I can most definitely cook for myself, that was the point. I was saying that women expect this of you while they cannot cook themselves. Disclaimer: I dare not suggest all women are like this.
My wife does a lot, but she is no cook. I do not know any woman 50 and younger who really knows how to cook.
There is a cookbook on Amazon called Help-I Gotta Cook! that will make anyone a good cook.
word.
/brings home the bacon and expected to cook it, then clean it up...
Its payback for the generations of clubbing them over the head and taking them to our mancaves
Have you been spying into my house?
Don't forget to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen after you cook :(
Proven: Richard Martin doesn't know how to dice an onion.
yeah, no shit!
Agreed. I laughed when I read his onion "trick."
that is NOT how to dice an onion...
also, as a dude, i find this article incredibly insulting.
should write 5 tips that every woman should know for doing dishes?
Agreed. My wife has relied on my cooking skills from the day we started dating. That was 30 years ago. Two tips for the women cooks I know – real food doesn't come in a box, and take the bag out of the turkey before putting it in the oven.
Amen Brother, and just so everyone knows any real man cooks and well, & BTW any guy who doesn't know these "tricks" wouldn't be reading this article,get it? this thing is just another stereotyping of men as knuckle dragging idiots who can't provide for themselves in a domestic setting.
HAHAHAHAH!!!! This guy is a jabroni!!!
From the dawn of time till today, men have always been around in the kitchen. Soooooo, when exactly was it that cooking became a "feminin" thing or not manly. Are the world's greatest male chefs not a man's man. Haven't men worldwide been getting some first date love throughout history by showing off their culinary expertise (since the mongloids hold such importance on getting laid).
Agree...I am tired of women who complain all the time, yet have no motivation to clean up after themselves, much less cook! My answer – pay them to leave, not to stay. Best deal going and I only cook for myself and have myself to clean up after. Swear off women and television and you will finally be as free as you can get in this lousy country.
Or make an omelet.
Seriously, what kind of suggestion is that with the Onion? Get a clue.
Chop the onion under cold running water? You're kidding. Okay... but after the onion has gone down the drain, then what?
hahaha... more like, when your fingers go down the drain. sharp metal objects and slippery conditions do not mix.
ok,here is the real secret on how to slice or dice an onion w/o crying or ever shedding a tear if you are so afraid to cry in front of your lady,whatever! its easy,a tablespoon of lemon juice on the cutting board and the onion right on top as you slice and or dice.if you start to tear up after excessive slicing or dicing add more lemon juice.If you are making onion soup pour it on the cutting board. I promise you will never taste the lemon juice.Anyone who says you can is lieing or just jealous because you have the balls or ovaries to do this.With 20 yrs as an Exec Chef. I have no need to misguide you , just sharing a kitchen secret.
really? exec? you'd know that a) you chop enough onions no matter what, you're gonna cry. as a French chef would say, "maybe it is not the onion that is strong, but you that is weak." Get over it. b) no matter what wives tales there are, you cry because onions contain phosphoric acid gas. Chopping them releases this gas into the air, which your tear ducts react to in attempts to cleanse your eyes of the gas. The only two ways to combat this are use a sharp knife (which will have more of a separating effect to the microscopic compartments of this gas, compared to the crushing effect of a dull knife), and properly ventilate your kitchen - window open, ceiling fan on works great. We're not talking about a monumental mystery here people. Cooking is craft. Food is science. Don't confuse the two.
Breathe through your mouth rather than your nose while cutting the onion. No more tears.
o just have a good cry, if nobody's looking. express your tearducts and sinuses.
I've always found that putting it in the fridge for a while and then only breathing through your mouth works just fine as mentioned above.
@Glenn. Chopping an onion doesn't release a phosphoric gas. It releases a volatile sulfur compound called propanethiol S-oxide. The gas then reacts with the water in your tears to produce sulfuric acid which stimulates more tears to wash the acid away.
Blowing on the onion as you cut it helps - the acrid chemicals only hurt the eyes if they get near the eyes. I suppose a fan would work, too, though I've never tried that.
Thanks for the cooking tip regarding my itunes playlist... Aren't they paying you to be a COOKING columnist?!
He is (I think) assuming that you don't have a decent knife. Patronizing and insulting - but if you need the advice in this column, probably true. The true "secret" is to use a really sharp (shave your arm hair sharp) knife, so the the onion isn't ripped apart.
Was someone compensated for writing this?