Four Loko - no way you'd have any of that nasty stuff around. First of all, how would you? The sale of the caffeinated malt beverage has been banned in communities around the country. It's been said to cause hallucinations and blackouts, has driven a New York assemblyman to come thisclose to ralphing on camera, and plus? It's just kinda vile-tasting - like "mildly offensive...puréed gummi bears," per our associate editor.
You should not make your Christmas cookies with it.
And heaven knows - and oh yea and verily all the seraphim within it must as well - that you would never bear these to an elegant holiday soiree where the newly-minted editor-in-chief of Bon Appetit would likely be (and indeed was) in attendance and stand in mute, eventually fruitless hope that he would unwittingly loft one to his learned palate and declare it the finest, most delicious, most festive malt liquor based holiday confection in all the land. Because it totally, totally is.
Not that you'll ever find out for yourself. Unless you're a bad person. (The line forms this way...)
They are also known as Holiday Huangs, named them after our fallen comrade chef Eddie Huang who lost one too many Four Loko-based battle against the New York State Liquor Authority. Our hearts are with you, hon.
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