 Remember when we had kvetch week a while back and all manner of folks weighed in on the myriad ways their fellow diners/shoppers/drinkers/party-goers collectively curdle their cream? Yeah, we're back in that place. Perhaps it's the free-flowing boozeahol at seasonal soirees, the stress of the season or the overwhelming dynamic of the undifferentiated family ego mass that our shrink keeps going on about (at the tune of $100 an hour), but holy heck, have we run into some badly-behaved families out at dinner in the last short while. Most notably, this past Friday, a multi-generational group of approximately two-dozen people, clearly out for their annual holiday soiree, screamed, bloviated and otherwise harshed the mellow of the other patrons in our local bistro for the better part of an hour, completely oblivious to anyone's happiness but their own. We sat at our table as members of the family smashed up against us, chatting in the aisles, kid picking his nose and licking his finger, adults screeching back and forth over the tops of our heads about health matters, the whereabouts of Rina's coat and where that lazy, lazy waitress was with Grandpa's leftovers. As said server was impeded in the blocked-up aisles, we sat there, getting hungrier and hungrier, getting whacked on the shoulders by swinging gift bags and increasingly, unwillingly intimate with the minutiae of these strangers' lives as they took their sweet time to collect themselves and leave. By the time the food arrived, our mood was thoroughly spoiled (as we could tell was that of those at tables nearby) and we just wanted to leave. |
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My response to the unruly family would be to "get a room"...yes, that's right...if they are going to have a party and disturb everyone, they should have reserived a separate dining room or area. The restaurant management should have also given them an ultimatum (did I spell it right? If not, nick pick til you knock yourself out, I dont care!) to ship up or ship out. If the Barbarian family can't behave, they should stay at home.
Why wasn't this family of heathens simply given a private room, with a door? While we're at it, let's remember that when children behave badly in public, it's because they are not taught at home. No one should be so polite or politically correct so as to have their evening ruined due to the lack of breeding of others. Take a stand.
Large family groups are just awkward. As a teenager, I went to a small, bistro-type restaurant for my aunt's wedding rehearsal dinner. There were probably forty of us–and some of my cousins were completely obnoxious. The owner complained to the bride and groom, who were humiliated. My grandparents were both infuriated. But the parents of these cousins just ignored them. It was the most horrible example of disregarding other people's feelings that I have ever seen. Probably all of the above tactics in the poll were employed in this situation–except calling out the parents. But no one in my family really wanted to start a fight. Except my grandmother, who told the offending parents that their kids were bad after leaving the restaurant. So–sometimes the offending behavior has been noted. And I avoid public places with certain family members to this day!
When the hostess takes us to our table, I scan the area to see if there are any large party tables nearby. If there are, I ask for a different table. If someone brings something to your table and you need a drink, ask him instead of hoping that your server will check on you. In fact, order another even if you don't need it right away. It also helps if the waiter knows that you are a good tipper. They don't want you to get so annoyed that you may not come back. If it's a restaurant that you've had good experiences with in the past, just walk over to the bar and get your own drink. And unless you're a masochist, don't order dessert.
I live in a town where we get tourists every winter so during the season, I like to look for restaurants that are a little out of the way. I go back to my regular places when the tourists go home and then the staff is glad to see me.
As a former nanny and former waitress, I taught my child to behave at restaurants. Sadly, you can't retrain a lot of adults.
If you want a well-behaved child at a restaurant–teach them! First, have "Fancy Nights" at home. Candles, napkins, even menus. It'll make your tuna casserole extra special.
Later, take your child out after they've eaten a meal, after they've napped, and go somewhere nice. Follow the same routine as Fancy Night. Order appetizers to share. It shouldn't cost you much and it'll be worth every penny. Keep up the routine, and figure out what toys and activities are best for your kid at this time.
You can even do this at McD's. Take them out after they've played, eaten, and been to the toilet. Put out napkins like you would at home. Take them in line, order sundaes or something small, then go sit and eat. Even children with behavioural delays can benefit from this–autistic children really benefit from learning a routine in new situations. If you find a good local restaurant, you can make it a familiar place for your child; talk to the staff and explain what you're doing. People are usually excited to be part of improving a disabled child's life. Then, you'll always have a place to go with in-laws, parents, and friends.
Go when there's no stress on you or them. Kids love it. And you will love the compliments you get when you take them out to a big dinner.
For adults, the best ideas are to have alcohol-free meals (kids don't need to get the idea that alcohol is part of socializing) and to make sure that hard-of-hearing attendees are seated at the center of activities. Also, ask to have the ambient music turned down–it can make it very hard for older people to hear and they raise their voices as a result. To make a meal go smoothly, arrange a 'family menu' with the restaurant. Many are happy to serve family style meals and it makes things easy on everyone.
Happy eating–and good luck not ending up in the same place and time as THAT family.
If a group were mildy annoying I would say go about your business and maybe a disappointed look on their way out to shame them. But this sounds extremely rowdy for a diner. I would have likely excused the first bump but said something to the people bumping if it happened again. If that had no positive effect I would seek the manager to find a solution. If said manager could/would not I'd walk out – but would be sure to give the waiter a tip – he did do his job to his ability after all.
I have 7 children and we love to go to restaurants when the opportunity presents. My children are rather well behaved and receive frequent compliments on their behavior. We've even had waitresses bring us a paid bill more than once stating another patron paid it already with a compliment on a delightful family.
The problem is not just parents. It's also the people who encourage parents to NOT dine at restaurants with young children. These children who are rowdy may not know table manners but more often they DO have table manners at home. The problem comes up when a child's sole experience of restaurants is fast food places that indeed ENCOURAGE poor mealtime behavior. If you want children to sit at a table and learn manners DON'T eat in a playground. McDonald's has a separate eating area outside the playlands. Teach your children to sit patiently at a table to wait for their food, eat their food with table manners, and after the table is cleared THEN visit the playground. So when they sit in a proper restaurant it's not a foreign experience, just a new place with familiar rules. And of course let your children see you CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF. Yes, restaurants do employ cleaning staff and the busboy clears the table. But there is no excuse to allow your child to throw food under the table and leave slop on the table top. Keep the mess to a minimum and pick up after yourselves. It only takes a moment to put your child's food back on the plate and pick up the trash you allowed him to throw under the table. A dropped spoon can wait til the meal is over but if your child is dropping mashed potatoes all around their seat and the carpet it's time to remove the plate and hand him a more easily cleaned cracker. Busboys clean dishes, they aren't your personal maid for the meal.
If your family has a tendency to be rowdy at the holiday meal (and yes, you certainly should have some clue of the possibility from past years experience) then you should plan accordingly and book a private room or request seating that is not in the main area. And if you arrive at a restaurant and your kids start acting up or making excessive noise then you should do your job and PARENT THEM. Whether you spend your meal standing outside with a wailing toddler or have your food boxed for take-out it's your job and going to a restaurant doesn't make you any less responsible for their behavior.
Parents who don't teach these things to their kids make others cringe when my large family walks in. It's just assumed that the last little uncontrolled brat experience will be multiplied by 7. I'm proud to say that we're doing our best to change that stereotype and leaving compliments in our wake. OK, off my soap box. Enjoy your dining experiences!
If family is clearly invading MY family's space (bags hit over the head, kids running around us, etc), then something will be said to them, like it or not!!
I see this way too much when going out, and it's a shame the lack of control parents have over their kids. They let them run around like imbeciles forgetting they are in a damn restaurant and not a playground!!!
The whole etiquette thing starts at home; if parents act like heathens then so will the kids! Table manners are a MUST!!!
ridiculous- id say something to manager. then, if necessary, leave. mid meal or not-
I picked 'other' because a polite word to the restaurant manager – who should have intervened and either moved the family to a party room or more secluded area, or asked them politely to respect the other patrons. It's appalling that a manager didn't come around and at least attempt to get them to take it down a notch.
To anyone who says they have a right to act like that, yes they do – but that doesn't mean they should act like that. The family obviously knows themselves, they should have known they would be a loud boisterous group and booked a party room so they could move around, talk and be boisterous without disturbing other patrons.
I forgot to add, if you are apart of a large group and asked politely to calm down – you should respect the facility you are at and do it. I have seen people start to argue with the manager or waiter who politely asked that they keep it down a bit. I think that is even more rude and obnoxious then being loud to begin with.
I am part of a large family who gets together on a regular basis to celebrate birthdays. I am sure there are some people annoyed with our party of 20 – 30+ but we really don't care. We usually get a corner away from others at a couple of local dives or we reserve a party room at a nice place. We actually meet all kinds of people by inviting those sitting near us to join us for cake and conversation. We also warn the staff that we are coming so they can sit people accordingly or at least warn them. There is one couple we met via cake who always shows up for our December "birthday party" because they know when and where we will be (they are now regulars at the place also).
the dining room is the restaurant managers responsibility. no restaurant is financially in a position to turn away large groups. talk to the manager, point out how much you like the bistro/food/service but if faced with a similar situation you would choose to come back another day. managers will gladly try and move large groups to less busy times, offer a limited price-fix menu to speed up service/billing, put a welcome sign for the group (notify regulars) in the entry/lobby, make grander but softly spoken welcomes, wine and dessert presentations etc., etc., etc, maybe even have the chef come out and say a few words – all to keep control of the mood.
While my husband and I often bring along our daughter to sit-down restaurants (sometimes casual, sometimes formal), we do our best to set for her the right expectation for how to behave and are more than willing to enforce it. A good chunk of her education has been from example – we do our best to ensure that other patrons are able to enjoy their experiences while we enjoy ours – but a good chunk also comes from the art of selection. I find that so-called "family restaurants" are just too overstimulating in general and can be a nightmare when there are lots of children running around. A more formal, quiet setting, on the other hand, makes the dining experience a much calmer and more pleasant experience for all of us.
Speaking as an American, American families behave TERRIBLY in public. When I was in London I stopped at a "family" restaurant for a quick bite (there were Ben & Jerry cartoons playing, so it was clearly kid-oriented), and I was utterly FLOORED by all the families around me who had children sitting properly in their chairs, eating their food nicely, and talking with their other family members. The restaurant was so calm for having so many kids in it... it was eerie. I even praised one little boy to his aunt for being so well-behaved.
You wouldn't see that in any American restaurant. In restaurants here, the kids get up and run around, throw food, drop food, scream, cry, make a mess of the table, and generally won't stay put unless they're asleep in a carseat. Then on top of that, the parents tip lousy. I think that many American parents have taken the "let kids be kids" attitude rather than "let's teach our kids how to become grown-ups" philosophy. No wonder England sent Supernanny to try to straighten us out!
Bad behavior does infringe on the rest of us- those of us who know what is acceptable in public. I go out to a restaurant to enjoy a good meal, relax, but not to be surrounded by obnoxious people with ill-behaved children. As an adjunct to that, I don't so much blame the children as I blame the parents for not controlling them. I agree with Kat that it is the responsibility of the manager to handle the situation. The poor behavior of those guests is affecting everyone else in the restaurant.
I would have stood up and stated loudly that I was calling the police and filing charges for disturbing the peace, child endagerment and general stupidity as I dialed 911 on my cell phone.
I am a former server, and agree with a lot that is being said. If you, as a customer, dine in an establishment and let your child(ren) run around the dining room as if it's their personal playground, believe me I'm going to say something. Empty tables, booths, crane machines, high chairs, etc. are not there for the purpose of elevating your child to the window so they can smear their handprints all over it. If your child(ren) are running around the dining room, they will most likely get run over unseen by the server carrying YOUR tray of food. My parents taught me to behave ANYWHERE we went regardless of if it was a restaurant or the hardware store. This could be because my mother is a former server. Children now tend to be rude, obnoxious, and unruly. I thank customers when their child(ren) behave, and apologize to the customers that deal with unruly patrons.
something should have been said to the manager. It is their job not the servers to control the guests in the restaurant.
First off, it's not the place of the waiter or waitress to deal with these issues. One should call the manager over and explain that the table(s) in being disruptive and ruining the dinners of everyone in the vicinity. If possible, ask to be moved to a different table. Realizing, however, that not everyone can be moved and, in a small place, it may not make any difference, the manager should then speak to the person responsible for making the offending group's arrangements - or the person obviously in charge. Often that will not make a difference, however, as the group may feel they are spending more money there than the rest of the folks and are, therefore, entitled to do as they please.
Having worked in the hospitality industry on all levels for years all I can say is sometimes you have to vote with your feet - canceling your order before it is delivered and quietly telling the manager why. Hopefully the will not charge you. But in some cases they will likely still try to do so. You might suggest that they add it to the group's tab as a "tip" for the poor service the rest of your received. Someone did that to me once, when I was a manager at a well-known restaurant.
If you complain to the server, they'll probably tell the manager so the manager can deal with it, doncha think?
You should have asked for the manager.
It depends on the restaurant. If it's casual, then this is probably to be expected (especially around the holidays), but if it's more formal, then I wouldn't expect that kind of behavior to be tolerated. I'm guessing it was the former. I would have asked the waiter for a table far away from the offending patrons, or if that wasn't available, would have left and gone to another restaurant.
I don't like it when your child is screaming over my shoulder. It's not cute. It let's me know that you're a bad parent who probably had children because you wanted to feel like a grownup. You're too scared/lazy/stupid, and most importantly, too selfish and self absorbed to discipline your child because the comfort of others doesn't matter as much as your fear/laziness/stupidity.
When this happens to us, we ask for the manager and ask to be moved. We're always polite, but we don't take no for an answer.
It can be quite a production if we've already been served, and if the boisterous party is offended, at least they get the message – and so does management.
We pay good money for our meals. There's no reason to be held hostage to a bunch of self-centered, rude idiots.
Unfortunately, not much you can do that would affect idiots like these...... they seem to think it's their god-given right to act this way, and never consider if they're bothering anyone else...
december in the service industry... i'd like to second what another server said above, that those tables with screaming children don't get priority with us because we think they'll tip better... we know better. we know they're not paying for drinks, they're not buying entrees, they're bringing in chicken nuggets from wendy's because our fine dining restaurant doesn't do fried chicken, they're throwing things on the floor and demanding their food right after they order it... unless we can grat (which i am opposed to, by the way), we're not making money on them. in fact, if you're the other table, i'll happily move you somewhere better. i understand not wanting to deal with screaming kids, drunk adults. if it is within my power and you politely ask me, i will gladly find somewhere else for you, away from the fray.
and parents? please. watch your kids. and don't tell me, "oh, he's fine. whatever." when your kid drops three feet from his chair and hits his head on our slate floor. he's not fine, and you're a bad parent.
Should have gone to the owner/manager. Speaking out with these types of people most likely would not have resulted in anything more than more rudeness and more of their obnoxious behavior. I unfortunately have a co-worker whose family is like this and am SERIOUSLY wondering if it where them. They are very obnoxious people and really don't care about the people around them. Once in a restaurant someone did say something to them and it got worse. When she relayed the story to us at work everyone told her she was wrong and all she did was laugh. Really these type of people just don't care about others and are raising little darlings to mimic them.
Ten bucks says these pricks stiffed the waitress.
Pun not intended.
I would have said something to the manager, or asked the host/hostess to move me to another table.
It's not cool for them to behave that way, but if you don't have the balls to say something to the family, I don't think it's appropriate to complain to the wait staff and have them do the dirty work for you. It's cowardly. All it takes is a simple, "Excuse me, can you ask your child to stop running into my seat?" or "Would you mind keeping it down a bit? I can't hear the waiter." It's not hard. But to complain to the waiter or owner and make them take care of it without even attempting to deal with it yourself is not right. They get paid to serve your food, not parent the whole restaurant. Speak to the owner if and only if you've already attempted to solve the problem yourself.
It is as much the staff's job as anyone's because it effects their livelihood and work environment. One bad group is not worth an entire room full of well behaved customers, their money, and return business. You're right though in part, because it is a joint effort, but as I've said elsewhere the problem is larger than who's responsibility it is.
Have the host/hostess move you to another room or table. The problem is a very self-absorbed public whose manners got left behind somehow. I don't see correcting this case-by-case.
This is the restaurant's fault. When booking a party that large, they need to accommodate them in a separate room with at least 2 designated servers that have no other tables throughout the duration of that family's meal. If the restaurant does not have a separate room, then they should have told the family, upon making the reservation, that they cannot accommodate a party that large in the main dining area and tried to make other arrangements. It's not the family's fault. That's just who they are and they were having fun. Unfortunately, some people have no manners.
Yes, you definetly should say something. My theory is that this is what is wrong with "the public" these days. Everybody bites they're tongue and never calls anyone on bad public behavior anymore. Can you imagine in our grandparents time...that family would be ridiculed right out of the restaurant! Everytime we look the other way, it's nothing but a permission slip for crude, inappropriate behavior. Speak up or suck it up...your choice.
As a former server (two years at P.F. Changs), I absolutely understand the frustration of the article's author. Yes, enjoy yourself when you and your friends/family treat yourselves to a night out. However, disregarding the enjoyment of those around you is beyond inconsiderate. It puts out those around you and those trying to work around you. Speaking from experience of working way too many prom/homecoming/holiday parties, fun that gets too loud easily ruins nights for everyone around you. Aside from the fact that restaurants already pack so many tables into a relatively small space, noise carries in these places. The biggest pet peeve of mine listed above – out-of-control kids. The servers and the people eating near you are in no way your babysitters. Control your children or leave them at home.
Talk to the manager next time you're seated near a table or group that is loud and rowdy. Chances are, they won't/can't go tell the other people to be quiet, but at least you've brought the issue to their attention. You always have the option of speaking to an individual in the offending party – can't hurt, right? And on a personal note – please, please don't take your understandable frustration out on your server!
I would have said something to the manager.
You should have made a polite request for them to adopt you. Then, you could have told them exactly what you think of them and the only response you would have received would have been, "Well, there she/he goes again...what did you expect?"
Truth is the type of person I like to grab hold of for their family behavior and give them a choice of who gets spanked. I will hold the oldest male responsible.
Society at large has become scared of infringing or hurting the 'feelings' of those around them. The village no longer takes care of its own or puts those who trouble the rest in their place.
I'm wondering how this is any different from rude behavior anywhere else. Airplanes for example... out of control kids or adults talking about their personal issues at loud volumes.
The bottom line is that nothing will change in any situation unless you say something directly to the rude person or to an authority figure, preferably politely at first. Ultimately I would prefer that people would take responsibility for their own actions! But in our modern world, it no longer seems to happen.
Everyone is responsible for their own satisfaction, and if you can't be happy where you are, then you should leave. I would have said something to the server or manager and if the situation wasn't resolved – as in I wasn't relocated to a different table or the party wasn't asked to tone it down a smidge and keep their hands/coats/purses/gifts/children to themselves and within the confines of their seats (and then successfully followed through) – I would have left without paying if my food had not yet arrived, or with my food in a to go box and without leaving a tip if it had.
If you choose to sit and suffer in silence, your lack of satisfaction is your own fault.
If this type of behavior was going on when I or a group of people I was with entered a place of business, etc, I would have left immediatly.
Most cities have dining options.
One thing the Management will understand is money, if nothing else
But, if you know in advance that a business allows this type of behavior and you & your group still want to eat there, then you'll have only yourselves to blame if your service and senses are offended.
As a waitress I have had to deal with a few tables like this. It is hard to find a good way to ask the table to calm down and/ or deal with their kids, although sometimes necessary. Waiters and waitresses often worry about their tips and if a table doesn't like the way the waiter goes about asking them to quiet down, they may not leave a good, if not any, tip. Big tables usually mean big money for waiters, so it's important to be careful what is said to them.
Exactly, patrons often forget that when a server asks such a request to a large party it usually reflects negatively on their livelihood. Patrons need to remember this and be more proactive on their own. Large parties = money for servers...last thing they want to do is endanger it.
I recently had a similar experience with a table of four adults and a lot of kids. The adults were talking, oblivious to the fact that their children were yelling – in a fine dining restaurant – at the top of their lungs, jumping in and out of their seats and running around the table, and generally ruining the experience for those sitting around them. When I noticed other tables complaining to the manager, I mentioned it to him myself. I watched him approach the table and speak to the parents, and after he left, they could not stop talking about the manager's nerve, how well-behaved their children were, and how he wouldn't have said anything if it were a group of adults. They were clearly upset and eventually let their children go outside, where they proceeded to play games blocking the front door and on one occasion almost knocked an elderly patron down who was trying to enter the restaurant. I'm a parent. I fully understand wanting to take your children out to dinner, but be prepared to take them outside (away from the door) and take turns eating if they're going to be rambunctious and loud and intrude on the experience for others. It's simple – you want to teach them to behave in a restaurant, then pay attention to them and make sure they're learning to behave, not left on their own.
Get up, go somewhere else. Simple. Complaining does nothing more that prolong the issue and telling them could only be taken as antagonism. This sounds like a snobbish person...
I know there should be some restraint in public dining, but come on...the restaurant sat them, knowing they were a large party. So, based solely on that action and knowledge of what usually transpires it is a patron's right to leave.
Could you be a more obvious example of modern society? This has nothing to do with party size or any of other too obvious details. This is about societal deterioration to the point that those that act inappropriately are allowed to victimize everyone around them with their lack of respect and consideration. There is no joint, proactive response anymore. We avoid, we fear being politically incorrect, and so it continues and gets worse like a child who has their way. You don't have a right to act any old way and no one should have to take the 'simple' route and leave. And tips be damned, it doesn't make any sense to leave bad party in a restaurant anyways. It sours everyone's mood and you can bet the general tip level, not to mention return patronage, will fall as a result.
Just ask for a different table and explain that they're disrupting the dining experience.
I've been seated near loud groups before from time to time...if they bother me, I quietly ask a server if I can be moved to another table. They always seem to sympathize and do the best they can to re-seat me in a better area.
Glad I wasn't there.
Lack of courteousness has reached a new high over the last several years, it seems.
Your article reminds me of the Mad TV "Olive Garden" skit.
had i been a patron i would have been livid, however, it isn't necessarily all on the obnoxious family. what about the bistro owner? if the bistro cannot comfortably accomodate that large of a party then it shouldn't, period. there is no excuse for being obnoxious in public, but it could be prevented if the establisment properly takes reservations and, unless there is a private room or separate area, then that large of a party should not be permitted.
I had a similar incident happen last year. One little boy wanted the attention of his cousin Owen so badly, he called his name for a good 5 minutes. Apparently Owen couldn't hear him on the opposite side of the table, and his parents tuned him out. The adults were drinking quite a bit (which makes tuning kids out that much easier) and grew more boisterous and less inhibited about their discussion. Eventually my girlfriend and I asked to be seated elsewhere. The staff was happy to oblige and moved us to the other side of the restaurant. We made a point of tipping well for the excellent service and accommodation.
Coming from a server herself, I would say this is completely unacceptable behavior. There is nothing more frustrating than screaming kids blocking aisles and parents/adults who seem to think their behavior is excusable because they are young. This not only ruins another families' dining experience, but is extremely stressful on the server. The server must shout in order to be heard, and must be careful not to bonk a child with a hot plate or serving tray. What I have come to learn about crowds such as this one, is that they are also the worst tippers. I think that you should have spoken up. If you were too embarrassed to speak up to your adult friends or family, then it would have been kind to pull the server aside and apologize. It is also appreciated if the tip is increased due to the added stress, lower tips from other tables that are frustrated with your tables' behavior, and the extra mess that is likely to be left behind. Speak up!
Wait - so the aggrieved diner is supposed to apologize to the server and increase his tip in order to make up for the lousy tip the family from hell is going to leave?
Are you kidding me?
My sympathy for servers just went way down.
I believe what was said was that the annoying person's party should leave a hefty tip as an apology of sorts to compensate for the lack of tips at the OTHER tables who were disturbed.
My wife and I generally try to get babysitters each time we eat out. Sometimes, however, we take our 2 and 4 year olds. The 4 year old is autistic, and can be quite a handful, often resorting to screaming fits over minor things. We don't completely avoid taking our family our because our child is autistic and difficult on those occasions that we decide to go together. But we ask to be seated in a remote area, or by other families so we don't make things difficult for single people or those who have a babysitter.
I was at a snazzy restaurant not long ago where a small family had Grandma dining with them, and Grandma was deep into dementia. Whenever she would start to talk loudly (and childishly), the family would, in unison, softly said, "Shhhhh." It was all very loving and sweet and no one in the restaurant seemed to be bothered. I think most people recognize and make allowances for those with disabilities. What people are grousing about here are parents who let their kids run riot when those kids are fully capable of self control and following instructions. I see it so often.
Exactly, even without disabilities a large majority of people are willing to overlook the antics of children (even older children who look like adults but act like kids) IF they can see an attempt made to curb disturbances. A mother struggling to quiet a small child is much more tolerated than a 4 yr old having a tantrum that goes on without any action. People will forgive intrusions if they have reason to believe a REAL attempt is being made to prevent them from happening again. (saying 'that's not nice' and going back to the meal while a child continues to toss peas at the next table does not equal a REAL attempt) And as always, there is a point when the guardian needs to step and say we tried, we failed, better luck next time... and request a box.
Billy Joel said it best, "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints." I believe people should be able to laugh and have a good time in public. We, as a society, seem to want to prevent people from having fun, cutting loose and relaxing anymore. If you can not go out and have a good time with your family and/or friends, then what is the point of having a society? America has become to "politically correct" to point where we are all long-tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs. I believe you should have taken a hint from the rejoicing family, and had a good time of your own. As long as no one is breaking any laws, getting down right obnoxious or belligerent, then let people enjoy themselves, and you enjoy yourself as well. Who knows, maybe this is the first, or last, time some of those people will ever see each other.
So you don't think that it's rude to yell loudly (not speak loudly, but yell)? Or to clog up the aisles to the point that the servers can barely get to other tables? Or to constantly hit other patrons in the head with gift bags? (Don't get me wrong, doing that once or twice on accident followed with an apology is one thing. But doing it consistently with no apologies is another).
I can understand to a point what you're trying to say. But based on what the OP wrote, I'd say his/her experience was definitely horrible and uncalled for.
Chain of command dictates that you speak first to a person in charge within the offending group then you say something to the searver and then the manager of the facility. But remember efective complaining is more than just getting mad. It's also getting your point accross effectivly. And sometimes it's more of an art than a skil.
Sudden loud outbursts of raucous laughter is very annoying. The worst thing, however, is when parents think everything their little runt does is soooo hilarious. Oh look at little Tommy running around the servers legs while they're precariously balancing scalding hot drinks and fajitas. Yes, so funny.
Both the restaurant and the family are guilty. The restaurant should have placed this family in either a separate room or an out of the way space. The family should have been mindful enough to make reservations stating that this was a large gathering. Either way, management let it get out of hand.
I would have either left or requested another table as far away from them as possible...if that distance would enable me to avoid the noise and displeasure of said ingrates. You alone are not going to change their mob mentality (we're a bigger group so we think we can act any way we want in this establishment) by telling them off. You're better than that. Take the high road....which may or may not lead to a more peaceful establishment.
It makes me a little sad to see that parents don't keep their kids in line. I remember being young and going out, and it was a special treat, bistro or not. If we were too loud or misbehaved, my parents nipped it in the bud. I just hope that in public, other families are silmilar. Thanks mom and dad! <3
This all comes down to the adults in the party not being responsible. Last year around Christmas my extended family went out for a birthday celebration at a very nice, above-average priced seafood restaurant. There were about 25 of us, including 8 children ranging in age from 20 months to 13 years. Those of us who were parents brought something to keep them occupied quietly at the table while we waited for our food. The children were allowed to go to a central area of the restaurant where there was a large aquarium, but no tables immediately adjacent; but only with my 13 year old or an adult. The kids were required to return to the table when the food arrived. Most of the adults had a glass or 2 (a couple had 3 or 4) of wine with dinner. We laughed, talked and had a good time, but did not take over the restaurant. Several patrons stopped by our group and complimented the children on their behavior and the parents on having such well-behaved children. Because of their good behavior, the children all got to have a dessert after their meals. The only reason this was a pleasant experience for all diners, is the adults in our group took responsibility for the children and planned ahead for any moments of boredom. It can be done. People just need to realize they are not the center of the universe and take responsibilty for themselves and their children.
Had an in-law that would bring containers and load up with all the leftovers without asking and surprising the host family members. This rude behavior was tolerated by but not forgotten. Today things have changed and this person is no longer present making it a much more enjoyable holiday gathering.
I have a family member like that. It's become so common we actually make extra food for them to take home knowing it's going to happen. I don't known if it irritates anyone but it's definitely a running joke.
Loud celebrations are to be tolerated, but if little kids are running around unattended, you - and the servers - have a right to complain to the irresponsible parents. Those little no-neck monsters are a hazard for everyone. I've had dining experiences killed by other people's parties, but what has bothered me the most is when the diners a a neighboring table are using foul language over and over again (people like that tend to have tiny vocabularies, and repeatt a lot). To me that is the ultimate intrusion.
I was about to post something similar! I can tolerate the loudness that can accompany such a large group, but I draw the line at the pathways being blocked and people whacking me on the head with giftbags. Enjoy yourselves, but exercise some spatial awareness.
That's a definite speak-up moment for me. I don't teach my kids to swear and I don't expect them to learn it from people at the next table in a restaurant. If the table next to you can hear your conversation and understand it then you are speaking too loudly. You expect a dull rumble of vague conversation in a public place. But you don't have to get a complete rundown of their crude language and life details in high def during your dinner.
This is why I stay away from people at this time of year. Or, any time of year!
One of the worst pieces of writing I've ever seen. Shame on you for thinking you're clever.
It is extremely juvenile, I agree.
absolutely! but one way i get around dealing with the head whacking thing...is i ALWAYS request a booth. it helps with the volume level as well as the overactive eaters. i am not shy about asking the manager to request that they settle down. i'm all for having a good time and enjoying a dinner out, but there's a difference between a public place and your family's kitchen table.
Yep, it happens to me few times even to the most expensive restaurant. Either a screaming child nearby or somebody talking so loud like wanting some extra attention that probably not getting enough from their spouse. Most of the time I ask the waiter to moved me to a more secluded area if it's available otherwise I just have to tough it out. And yes I paid my meal too just like them, but the whining and screaming is not supposed to be part of the menu. Sometimes I wonder, what happens to respect, etiquette, considerate and just plain "good manners and right conduct". Are they not being taught by their parents?
I have similar situation also on my ten hour oversea flight, a nine year old girl just can't stop moving around, banging my arm chair while so busy talking to her friends, so finally I told the flight steward "to stop her or I will scream at her to stop it.
The flight steward was kind enough to moved me in to a better accommodation of which I was able to sleep and rest.
I hope your experience will not stop you from going out for a nice dinner. Believe me I'm with you all the way.
Good luck.....
What about when people bring their children to a bar? BAD decision on their part... that's just my opinion. Not a place for children...
I agree! It reminds me of a line from "Sweet Home Alabama"- "You have a baby.... in a bar."
What state do you live in where this is NOT illegal?
MN
Restaurants are a public place to enjoy a night out for dinner when you don't feel like cooking at home. Other people at these establishments should have a common consideration/not be annoying for the other familys there also. I think people that want to be loud, annoying, rude and what ever else they can think of should have their parties at someones home away from the general public so they won't be invading somebody els's privacy.
who really cares i mean honestly people...ur dumb...ur dumb...ur dumb...i think evryones caught up in themselves...ur dumb...ur dumb...ur dumb...ima pack a lunch and shoot in the air grab a dog by his ear and pet him because i love my dog...i saw a blue pt cruzer recently and i hate it...why would u buy a pt cruzer...ide rather drive a clown car with a v12 and no co2 converter...save the trees they say then we need a new table..i love the dolphins to, my teacher had us watch the cove so ther for i am not to fond of the chinese people killing the dolphins, i thnk they need a good case of minimata to stop then but hey its all good that the innocent kids are fed minamata fish and when i bought some whale ot was dolphin
I read a short story once that was written by a computer running an experimental program. It made more sense than your comment, ergo, you must be a tool.
You should have voiced your concerns to the manager. Taking it up with the server would accomplish nothing and only add to their stress level. This part of the manager's job description and what they get paid to do...
You skipped a step. In order to speak with the manager, one generally complains to the server and asks for...the manager.
When people are so blatantly disrespectful and the staff fail to do anything about it, your best course of action is to leave.
For what it's worth, the staff are probably weighing the benefits of asking the large family to leave versus the loss of revenue their bill and gratuity represent. If you and enough of the other patrons leave (or even threaten to leave), the choice becomes much easier for the staff / managers to make.
I hate when couples or families fight in a public place, especially a restaurant. It always makes me so uncomfortable, and ruins my experience.
They should do that behind closed doors!
It was the responsibility of the wait staff to make sure you weren't so close to such a big group. A lot of people equals a lot of noise. Everybody talking at once, all the excitement. I always scan the restaurant before being seated. If I don't like where I have been placed then I ask to be moved.
Speak with the manager, rather than the beleaguered server.
This is what one would expect at Applebees... you SHOULD have gone some place with a little more class.
I think you can tolerate a certain amount, but as pointed out by others, there are certain things that go too far – like this instance. I've been around many a loud party that I would never complain about because they are conscious that there are other people around them, they say 'excuse me' or 'I'm sorry' if they bump you.
People who have no consideration for anyone aside from themselves, whether it is a group or an individual, are extremely irritating. I try to be respectful and I expect the same from others.
I'm sure you're disappointed quite often too. Expecting respect today, even when given, is completely missing in today's society. How unfortunate.
I would've spoken to the manager and asked him/her to deal with the family – either put them in a private dining room or somewhere in the back of the restaurant, or even asking them to leave if need be. Yes, everyone has the right to eat out at restaurants, but not disrupt other people's meals. Keep the foolishness at home in YOUR house.
Just don't go back to The Cheesecake Factory again.
lol! ohmygosh! the whole 3 times i've been there something like that has occurred!
If a family with small children is sitting near me at a restaurant, at the end of my meal, I will go to the parents and remark on how well their kids are behaved. I have yet to find a parent that didn't beam at hearing that.
Absolutely I do this as well! It happens so rarely too. It has gotten so bad we always ask for a corner table, or to sit in the lounge/bar where there shouldn't be children, or to ask to move when a family with 6 kids comes in (if we haven't been served yet, otherwise that's a pain for the waitstaff). Almost every time we go out now there is some type of badly behaving child nearby. Don't the parents realize little Suzy jumping on the seat is annoying to the person sharing said seat? Don't they realize little Johnny hanging over the back of my booth waving a knife or fork or drooling on my back is a PROBLEM for me? If parents would just attempt to parent, there'd be a lot less of this. Happy baby sounds are fine. Screaming/running around/throwing things is NOT. When I was a child I was not allowed to leave my seat, much less go stare at people at other tables or chase my brother around a restaurant. I knew what would happen if I did that, pretty simple. I just keep telling myself "it's not the child's fault, it's the parents" and if necessary I explain to a manager why I'm unhappy, but usually try to get seated on the outskirts of any restaurant.
Absolutely it's the parents' fault! I've seen whole tables move to the other side of the room when I walk in with my 7 kids. It's .... disappointing... and I have to remind myself that people aren't judging US but rather guarding themselves due to a previous encounter with unruly children. I've also had those same people stop at our table on their way out to thank us for being responsible parents of well mannered and behaved children. Children are NOT poor restaurant patrons. Some parents are poor teachers of public behavior. It is quite acceptable to state clearly (and respectfully) to a child hanging over your booth that it is YOUR space and he/she has not been invited. If my children invaded someone's peace I would hope I portray myself in a friendly and approachable enough manner that they would be comfortable saying so and confident that I would deal with the matter appropriately.
You speak to the manager; that's part of their job.
I know kids can be difficult (I two under 10) but that's why you 1) eat early at family friendly restaurants, 2) order quickly (one parent pre-ordering while another gets the kids is a great way to go) 3) take any misbehaving kid outside for a walk if they are ilttle, for a time out if they are big 4) be prepared to leave and have your meal elsewhere if your child is a disruption, 5) tip well.
What a horribly written article.
If kids are running around like that I just start droppin F-bombs that usually does the trick. I know its mean but if you dont correct your children its your own fault. My kids never act up in public so I dont expect others too.
And I'd have to ask the manager to speak to you about your language. One set of bad behavior does not excuse another.
Do you drop these f-bombs in front of ure kids, if so you aren't much better than the other family being rude.
I remember a few months ago when I was at a restaurant with my friends. There was a loud and obnoxious family sitting near us. They were giving the waitress hell throughout their stay. When the waitress came to my table to get our orders, one of the women (I dare not call her a lady) at that table started yelling at her and demanding she see speak with them WHILE the waitress was taking our orders. I was furious.
Some people have NO concept of others. It's all about them. I guess her desire to have her coke refilled for her lad butt was so far more important than anything else going on.
Loud talking really does not bother me. If someone invaded my personal space, then I would invade theirs. Only with a little more force.
Great. Wave your fists (or other body parts).
This is how violent altercations begin. If you don't have the intellect to find a peaceful solution to life's little problems, do the rest of us a favor and don't go out in public.
Out of control crowds is always the management's responsibility especially when alcohol is involved. Our company had been staying at a posh hotel for an annual business event that included apx. 80 rooms over a week's time for years until another large party set off the fire alarms, by using fire extinguishers sprayed into the sensors, in the middle of the night while we were sleeping. We got no apologies or explanations, so we moved out in the morning and never stayed at that hotel again. The proper thing to do under these cuircumstances is to allow the management to "make it right" or take your money elsewhere and let them know why.
My mother in law always tells me a story about this type of situation. My father in law was out of town so she had her three grade school age boys at a restaurant. This was a family style place so some noise is expected, but all three of them were acting up. She told them if they did not behave that they would have to leave which is exactly what happened. She gave the server her credit card, even though they had not gotten their food, and a large tip then walked out of the restaurant apologizing to everyone she passed. My husband still remembers this because for months afterward they did not go out to eat. Parents need to be responsible for their kids' behavior, but in this situation the parents are just as ill behaved as the kids.
I did the same when my son was little. I only had to do it once, then after that, all I had to do was threaten to leave.
I think it's called parenting.
When I was a young child, my parents did this as well. I started to act up really badly, so they paid for the beverages (I don't think they had even gotten the chance to order food yet, I was that bad), left a tip and we left. My dad said the other restaurant patrons damn near clapped when we left. I wasn't brought along to a restaurant for a while after that. When I was, you better believe I behaved myself.
Leave the server out of it. He's just as irritated by that table as you are and complaints from other tables are just going to stress him out even more. Just think about it; you get to leave and forget about that table within the hour but he's gonna have to stay and clean up after the both of you. You should let the host know not to seat you near a large group or let the manager know that the group is out of control. That way you can get your complimentary dessert and your server doesn't have to deal with your complaint before packing and delivering grandpa's leftovers.
I would normally say something directly to the family, if I was REALLY annoyed, depending on how annoyed I was would determine what and how I said it... My daughter however, gets furious if an attempt has been made to a table and the table ignores them. Once she was really PO, so she acted like she got on her cell phone, she started talking really loud about the family, explaining everything they were doing... every move they were making.... I could have sunk under the table, but ya know (at least for that time) it actually worked... the offending table rounded up their kids, then sat pretty quietly finishing their meal and left. Of course considering EVERYONE else is the restaurant was glaring at them, I think they knew any attempt to justify their behavior would not have gone good. A table that was having a business meeting, picked up our tab as they were Thanking my daughter.
That's kind of funny – could easily backfire but glad it worked
I love this! It sounds like something I would have done
Yeah. I don't have the personality to do that but that sounds hilarious. Glad it worked.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
An article by a crying loser. I'll do what I want, wherever I go, period. If I am asked to leave, I'll leave, but not before I am asked.
Please leave now. Thank you.
I go to the same place every Friday night for dinner – awesome food, nice jazz, and I get to just sit quietly, work Sudoku puzzles, and be taken care of. They are frequently booked w/ large holiday parties – on the rare occasion when my mellow gets harshed, I just ask the server for a to-go box and eat at home. My mother always said that life isn't fair, and darn it she was right.
As far as people knowing what is appropriate in public – A) west coast to midwest to south to north east might as well be different countries so don't assume "appropriate" is known/understood and B) They are out having a good time and probably think that you are a stuck-up-sticky-beet for not doing the same. I am not a partier – never have been or will be – but I'm on their side and would say that the complainers just need to relax a little.
There may be some manner differences from region to region, but I think we can all agree that being excessively loud in a public place, allowing your children to exhibit unruly behavior unchecked, and physically impeding service to other customers constitutes rude behavior. It's rude everywhere.
Yeah, it may be the holidays, and they may be having a good time, but that's still not an excuse to be rude to those around them.
Um, you brought up a good point - impeding service. Management should have immediately stepped in, as this is also impeding egress from the restraunt during an emergency.
Not very polite. I work hard at teaching my kids good manners, but not worth getting stressed out about it either. Next time, talk to the manager and ask for another table AWAY from the noisy family. Understand everyone wants to have a good time; however, we all have different ways of doing that!
It's everyone's holiday. If you know your family is obnoxious, as I do, get a private dining room.
I would ask to be seated in another section if there was room available. When requesting relocation tell the server why.
I think it depends on the resturaunt. I have been to places where loud boisterous behavior of large groups is the norm, this is at times in very nice upscale places. People want to have fun, not start blankly at one another marveling over nuances of blackberry in the Pinot Nior.
Of course if it was in a place where that is the norm, of course that would be in appropriate.
My suspicion is that it was not one of those places, in a place where that behavior is truly inappropriate someone would have said something. My guess is that the author of the article is a whiney little tool who thinks that vacationing in Nappa makes him smart.
Hopefully smart enough to know how to spell Napa. You have a good point, though.
Well, as the author of the article, I'll note that I've never had the chance to go to either Napa or Nappa, but I can't imagine any restaurant in the world where getting whacked in the head by a stream of bags is part of the intended ethos. Cheerful & boisterous shouldn't equal unmindful of fellow patrons' physical comfort.
This represents an erosion of common courtesy and decency.
People want kids but they do not want to parent. Children should be seen and not heard.
The 1950's called, they said we're over!
You're right, the 50's are over. However the truth still remains that many parents I see have kids but dont want the inconvenient responsibility of actually parenting them. Kids will be loud but there is a huge difference between "normal" kid loudness and kids running around climbing on stuff in the restaurant. Make the kid stay at their own table at least.
chill out. it's the holidays.
So it being the holdiays makes it ok for bad behavior? No, it does not. This group was out of line and should have been strightened out by management.
I have left restaurants before because of bad service, unresponsive management, and large parties. If the management doesn't care enough to make the patrons happy, then they do not need my business. There are too many fabulous restaurants to spend my money in one with bad customer service.
That being said, I never expect free stuff when I have a bad meal. Especially if it is a non-chain restaurant. It's hard enough to make it in restaurant business, and if offered of course I will accept something, but not if it is coming out of the servers paycheck.
Politely ask for another table, hopefully, at a distance for the Noisy Nelsons. Otherwise, leave and return at another time.
why not move a foot into the aisle at a strategic moment?
Plan your get-togethers very-early in the Season or After New Years.
If you don't speak up you will regret it. Talk to the manager to intervene and ask to be moved.
Get over yourself!
You should have just gotten' over it. When there are that many people, it's difficult for everyone to sit quietly. Even if they were all talking in normal voices, it would have been loud. And if you didn't like what was going on, why didn't you just leave? I come from a large family and a huge extended family. Sometimes when we go out together to celebrate a major event, we do have the tendency to take over the place. But big families deserve a night out, too.
And it is irrational to think that a manager or a server are going to say anything to offend such a large group, just because they were being annoying. No one said they were breaking things or shouting. They were just being human.
Very true, however, if your experience is spoiled by the large noisy group, complaining to the manager could get you a free drink or a half price dinner on a later visit. That way, the manager does something nice for you and retains your business without offending the large noisy group.
I just got back from vacation in Mexico. We stayed in spanish running resort where were alot of people from Europe.
My observation is that people from USA have the worst table and public behaivior manners.
Having lived in the UK, Greece, Korea and visited other locations, I can say you are correct.
I think the attitude many of us Americans have is that I'm free to do whatever I want and have no social responsibility to those around me whether that is paying taxes to provide for those poorer than myself or controlling my children in a restaurant so the people around me can enjoy their meal as well: "Its all about me and you can shove off if you have any problem with my behavior."
I love America but I get tired of our very selfish attitude which makes us think we are each personally the center of the universe. Having lived outside the Sates as well as having traveled quite a bit I think this is something we could learn from many other cultures who actually think about those around them and take into consideration the feelings of the people who intersect with their life.
I respectfully disagree... I live in a large multicultural urban area in the US. And while I love that aspect of it, all one has to do is make a visit to the local ethnic supermarket and you will see that Americans know how to stand and wait in line, not run over others with their shopping cart, wait for people to cross in the parking lot, etc. People from other countries.. umm, not so much. sorry
Go move to germany. You will fit in just fine.
I find that to be quite the opposite. In Germany my experience was that there was NO tolerance for this type of behavior in public. Maybe in the beer tent but then again I would not object to this in a bar either.
I think that was the point of the comment-The stereotype of Germans is that they are straight-laced people, who follow orders and cannot tolerate anyone who steps out of line. Thus, the comment "Go Move to Germany" meant that one who has no tolerance should move there.
Should have talked to the manager of the restaurant and asked him/her to intervene. I certainly wouldn't have tolerated getting hit more than once by someone's coat/purse/bag/whatever and would have spoken sharply to whomever had hit me.
No one should have to put up with that kind of crap in a public place. Isn't anyone teaching proper manners anymore? I would've spoken up....first time politely, and, if there was need for a second time, not so politely.
A word to your server asking them to have the manager speak with the offenders might work.
Difficult situation since the family was so tied up with themselves they may not have realized how annoying they were. I was on the opposite side of this once – a large group of us were a bit loud (no kids, no chair hitting however, we still had some manners), someone complained – the wait staff was not particular sympathetic to a couple who complained – since (and the staff told us) – (1) we were gonna tip a lot more and (2) the couple were quite nasty when they complained to the staff – so the staff suggested they leave
Anyway, management is at fault – they should have tried to alleviate the anguish caused to other dinners by reseating them, putting this group in a private area, or at least coming up and apologizing to you – something. I would have walked out long before my delayed food showed up
The management is at fault, however, they should have made efforts to seat other diners further away, put the family into a private room, if possible, or at least taken the initiative to come up to you and apologize.
I wud have tazed the kid lickin boogers off his diggin digits right slam in the snooter slots
Ron Baby! Izzat yoo?
Always ask to speak to a manager in those situations. It is the management's responsibility to ensure the quality experience of every one of their patrons. Courteous and professional complaints about obnoxious tables usually receive swift action to everyone's satisfaction. If the concerns are not addressed or if management prefers to keep their one large party over the 20 or 30 other 2-4 top parties, then they've lost my business. The server has no authority and speaking directly to the other patrons will probably start an altercation.
That's what managers are for...to make sure ALL his patrons have an enjoyable evening. I wouldn't have waiting for my food. I would have left...and have done so. Obviously not the type of place I want to go to and enjoy my meal.
Bingo.
One choice I didn't see is speak directly to the manager. Instead of speaking to the server, who is already overworked trying to deal with the boors and keep everyone else happy, ask to speak directly to the manager. It is his/her job to get things under control.
Exactly!
A word to the minimum-wage-earning server won't do, as this person has no real power. Instead, get up off your chair and ask for the restaurant manager, and have a word with him or her. It's their restaurant; if they want your repeat business, it is up to them to either placate you with a discount for another visit, or actually speak to the family causing the disturbance. Or both. We did this once, and after the loud party left, the manager came over with a nice bottle of champagne as a reward for our patience.
Yes!
Since when do waitstaff earn minimum wage? And I think I can go out on a limb here and say they did not get a good tip from that big party.
I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but I hate it when people bring their children in restaurant if they're very young or if they behave poorly. They come into a restaurant and act like it's their living room. And I don't mean a place like Applebee's which is more family friendly and a place you can expect a certain level of noise and children. Nice restaurants are a place for grown ups to enjoy a drink, good food and conversation. If you want to have a family gathering there, rent a room or section where you won't be in the way or annoy everyone around you. I do like kids, but after a hard day of work, I'm 100% not going to love your kid trying to play peek-a-boo with me at happy hour.
Amen Andrea!
I was at an upscale restaurant (entrees $50+) where a family brought their children. The restaurant did not have high chairs or a children's menu. These people pitched a fit. They were saying that they wanted to teach their children (looked like 2 and 3 year olds) how to act in a restaurant. The owner said that this was not the place.
Just how do you teach a kid to behave well in a restaurant? Start by teaching them how to behave at the dinner table.
haha that's like practicing how to drive in a Ferrari... start small people..
Well said Andrea. It has gotten to where it is an ordeal to go out to dinner because other people do not control their children. I was actually in a restaurant one night where a couple was letting their 2 year old run all over the place and be disruptive. When they got up to leave, everyone in the restaurant clapped and an older gentleman told them that he did not come to a restaurant to be subjected to their unruly child.
A quick "Hey, stfu over there!" would suffice.
There's not much you can do in these situations. You can ask the offenders to pipe down but, honestly, people who are totally out of control are not going to respond well to a polite request to respect others' needs. If they were the considerate types they wouldn't be so wild– maybe a little loud or excited or slightly tipsy, but not totally out of control. You can ask the staff to intervene, but my experience is that restaurant staff, including managers, HATE to get in between customers' arguments. If nothing else, big offending groups represent a lot of business, and staff expect that if they say something the tip is going to be nil and they might have trouble collecting the bill, too.
maybe you shouldn't go out if you dislike other people so much.
If patrons are being disruptively loud and are impeding the servers, then it is the manager and/or owner's responsibility to address the problem. And okay, maybe it was just a simple 'bistro', but I certainly wouldn't want some kid eating his boogers standing next to me while I'm trying to enjoy my meal.
Let me guess, New York? Home of the most obnoxious people in the world....
That's one hell of a blind generalization! I suppose all loud families are born and bred in New York... right...
You are way out of line. I was raised in the mid-West and always thought New Yorkers were loud, etc. Once I moved to the North East and actually started working with New Yorkers, I found the true New Yorkers are some of the friendliest people you would like to meet. It is the tourists and workers from other states that are the problem.
Forrestal you're an ignorant a$$hole !
The "most obnoxious people in the world" are jerks like you who make slanderous generalizations about specific groups of people. What are you, 12?
if it was NY, you bet your a$$ that the annoyed table would have told the annoying table how it was and we wouldn't be discussing this now.
*also, if it was NY, the annoying table would definitely be tourists.
Good point, shibbygirl, really good point!
As a frequent visitor, I find the tourist families in the city to be far more obnoxious and rude than any New Yorkers I've encountered.
as a resident, I 100% agree!
Dear Forrestal - Come visit NY, the safest and most user friendly city in America. Then you 1) have a right to an opinion about us and 2) would change your opinion. Education is a great thing.
Yes, people laugh and drink and have fun while at restaurants. However, there is a difference between having a good time and:
1. Constantly whacking people (however inadvertantly) with your bags, coats, whatever
2. Blocking normal walking routes so food can't get to other customers
3. Talking/laughing/whatever so loudly other people can't hear their own conversations
4. Loudly discussing intimate details that others don't want to know about
5. Having kids that are completely out of control
Obviously where you are matters, behavior that is appropriate at a McDonald's playground (running around, screaming, yelling) would not be appropriate at a 5-star restaurant. But just because you're having a good time doesn't mean you should prevent others around you from also having a good time.
Amanda, my thoughts exactly. That behavior is NOT acceptable under any circumstances at any non-fast food restaurant.
Exactly! You may be paying for your food, but you're not paying for your right to be a jerk.
i was at panera on sunday taking advantage of their blueberry bagels and free wi-fi...and a couple came in with a small baby. said baby proceeded to scream...LOUDLY...for the entire 48 minutes that couple was there. granted, it's a panera...but seriously?!?! thank goodness for the one who invented ear buds...
The manager should have had enough common sense to arrange for the large group to be seated at the back of the establishment or, if available, a separate room. Large groups usually require reservations so he/she would have known who to speak with to ask the group to tone it down. The rest of the patrons should not have to be expected to sit and deal with a roudy group.
I would have spoken to the manager and/or owner. It is their responsibility to maintain the atmosphere of the restaurant and general satisfaction of their customers. A large group should be seated in a secluded section or unhappy guests should be relocated away from the difficult party. A thank you for your patience and perhaps even complimentary after dinner cordial or coffee would not be out of line. The management's failure to improve your dining experience is a clear statement about how much they value your business. Do not go back to someplace you are not valued. In this economy it is easier than ever to vote with your feet and your dollar!
You should have joined in the party. Making yourself angry by sitting there in silence does nothing! Life is short. Have fun.
You should have asked the server to get the manager and then asked the manager to speak to the family. It is not the server's job, it is the manager's job.
Ok its a bistro. PEOPLE DRINK AND LAUGH AND HAVE FUN THERE!!! Suck it up or don't go. They are entitled to have their own fun, and believe it or not, this is what normal people do when they go out. I guess it bother you to sit there in silence staring at each other. Words of adive: STAY HOME AND STOP COMPLAINING
They intruded into their neighbor's space and interrupted service. It's no different than throwing a party at your home. As long as you're respectful to your neighbors, it's not a problem. But, if you start spilling out on the street getting in the way of traffic and turn up the music so loud the windows vibrate, you've crossed a line.
Cole – You are correct. People on this thread complain about those of us who appear to "complain" about disrespectful restaurant behavior. What happened to dining out in this country? There was a time when people behaved with courtesy and respect whether they were enjoying themselves or not. I think someone should complain about this. Things have gotten out of hand.
I guess you are one of those inconsiderate people that go around and ignore people around them. Look at the results... most people consider this behavior as inappropriate! If your family is loud and lets kids run around w/o supervision perhaps you should consider making reservation in a separate room and bring along babysitter. Many restaurants can accommodate that… otherwise stay home and be as loud as your heart desires and let rest of the worlds enjoy.
Perosnally I would have talked to the server. If nothing was done talked to the manager. If nothing was done, let the manager know I was leaving unhappy and I would not be back. If more people would start doing that, you'll see how quick management will step in and lower the volume to a dull roar.
so you're an advocate of getting bopped on the head in the middle of your beer? how's that cold beer feel now that it is residing on your new shirt due to the person standing on your left high fiving the one on your right?
When you're here, you're family, right?
It's not cool, but not worth getting into a twist over. There are way too many folks out there who are unglued and I do not want myself or a loved one to die or be hurt because somebody got their widdle fweelings hurt.
Why don't people understand what is appropriate in public? There are other people in this world and we all just need a return to good manners. As a society we have all gotten to casual and laidback. Have some class and some manners.
Please use the word "too" when you're referring to excessive behaviour instead of "to" which denotes a direction.
Actually Chef Sun, Annoyed got it right. "Too" would be the inappropriate form of the word in this case, but it is good to see another concerned with proper grammar, as too many people these days are unconcerned and just plain ignorant. P.S. See what I did there with the 'Too/To" example.
"To" was used incorrectly as in over the top casual should be "too." However, I'd give some credit for typing too fast or just an oversight here. It's not like this is a formal writing assignment. Chill out, it's the holidays!
Sorry to burt your Bubble GunnieGrave but it is "too casual" I normally don't post but it annoyed me that you corrected a person who was correcting a mistake... in all reality... typos happen. However, there is a serious problem with spelling in America
I thought that too. Yes, too and to are two different things, but the person posting below this claiming that the "too/to"poster got it right is too wrong about that. Look it up, folks. It's all too easy. Not that being incorrect is any kind of sin,but I appreciate grammarians and their efforts to pick up where our teachers may have failed us. Peace and happy almost-holidays from the anal-retentive retired magazine editor.
Actually, ChefSun, your grammar is correct if you are regarding the "to" before the word casual. I think GunnieGraves was writing about the "to" in the sentence before that one. Either way Annoyed has a valid point. People should really respect themselves and others more than we see these days!
Anon was correct in using "to." I believe it was meant as we all need to move in the direction of good manners.
It could in fact be either depending upon the author's intention. We have arrived at causal and laidback or we are excessively casual and laidback. You choose!
Chef Sun had it right the first time. the "to" in Annoyed's phrase "all gotten to casual and laidback" denotes an excess. Thus the word "too" was appropriate and not "to".
Gunnie Graves you just pissed me off with your incorrect 'correction' so I was compelled to say so.
The spelling comments are just two ridiculous. Move on.
Is it really necessary to knit-pick grammar on there boards?
i wenyt two da store the oder da too pick up sum beers two get drank. seriously correcting grammer on posts? git ova yerself nd get a life..TROLL
you are all morons. you come on here to go back and forth on what is proper and what isn't. trolls
Who's to say what's appropriate in public? We've spent the past 20 years deconstructing our culture. It shouldn't surprise people when the chickens come home to roost.
Welcome to multiculturalism.
Are you suggesting that multiculturalism equals bad manners?
Yeah, this happened to me a couple of months ago. Fortunately it was not peak hour, and the restaurant was no over full, but we had a party of about 6, so we were seated at the next table from this family. The entire time we were there, the family was loud, the kids were running around jumping at the waiters, playing on empty tables, and coming up to those seated. The parents, about four of them, each had at least two drinks and could not have cared less what their kids were doing. They were just as loud (only drunker).
I believe we complained to the waiter, who just shrugged as if he didn't understand what we were saying. We were in a Mexican restaurant which has delicious food, but frequently the staff pretends they don't understand English if they don't want to be bothered with something. Usually this is solved by asking for the owner, who wasn't there this particular evening.
In this instance, I don't believe informing the head of the family that we were unhappy would have done much good. But usually that would be what I'd lean towards. Sometimes parents are so used to their kids, or the party just didn't realize how unruly they were becoming. An ultra-polite word with one member of the party sometimes helps. Sometimes complaining to the server helps, but not as often.
Honestly, though, the majority of kids in restaurants I go to seem to be reasonably well behaved. This was truly an exception, as I hope your experience was.
Yes, those people are spending a lot of money there, but so are the tables around them collectively, and everyone deserves to enjoy the meal they pay for. I would have said something to the server and/or asked to speak with the manager. It should have been obvious to the staff that that table was making everyone else miserable, and it's their responsibility to say something, not yours. If they want to allow large, boisterous groups, they should have a separate party room.
This is why I tend to eat at home more.. so we don't have to deal with the outbursts..but that means I have to cook because my husband doesn't know how to. so this xmas I am going to change that.. I got him this hilarious politically incorrect cookbook for his stocking stuffer.. it's called.. well I won't tell you the name of it here cause some of you will freak out on me.. but if you google "whipped and beaten culinary works" you can find it.. but seriously.. don't go if you can't take a good joke or if you get offended easily.. this is going to be PERFECT for him.. can't wait to see his face.
That is the funniest cookbook I've ever seen...ordering it RIGHT now!! Thanks for sharing!
Do you make him watch you screw other men, too?
OMG thank you for the search clue, I know a few guys in my life who need a book like that, thanks for the share- just in time for Christmas! :D
Funny how the exact same description of this cookbook shows up almost every day in a post on Eatocracy. Maybe you should just buy an ad for your cookbook already.
I agree 100%. I would bet that the same people don't behave like that in their own homes. I used to work in a restaurant years ago and saw the same kind of thing happen all the time, especially on Friday nights and weekends. Groups coming in, being loud and disregarding the comfort other patrons, children running around (or yelling) misbehaving while parents either watched and laughed or simply did nothing to settle the children down, and the wait staff doing little to nothing about it. I like going to restaurants occasionally but whenever I see a group like that in a restaurant I'm interested in, I'll skip it and go to a different restaurant so i'll be able to actually enjoy my meal. to those who say to suck it up or just don't go: why should i? i'm well behaved and don't allow my children to misbehave nor yell when we go out so why should i have to put up with such poor behavior of others?
Why does some tard always have to PLUG this D@mn cook book????? WE KNOW ALREADY!!!!!
Are you posting this exact same comment on every CNN article? Get over yourself, the book isn't that cool.