5@5 is a daily, food-related list from chefs, writers, political pundits, musicians, actors, and all manner of opinionated people from around the globe.
If "breaking up is hard to do" and "a way to a man's heart is through his stomach," why not find equilibrium by breaking up while breaking bread?
Nadia Giosia, or Nadia G. for short, is host of the new Cooking Channel series "Bitchin’ Kitchen." In each episode of her comedy-cooking show, she provides recipes to fill the bill for whatever life throws at us, from meeting the in-laws to coping with hangovers to calling it Splitsville.
As Nadia puts it: "It's the last supper, and it ain't the King James Version."
Five Tips for a Break-up Meal: Nadia Giosia
1. To Cook or Not to Cook, that is the question
"When it comes to break-up meals, the first thing to do is gauge whether your-soon-to-be-ex is worth a parting dinner in the first place: If the dumpee is a jerk, then an e-mail with a picture of food is sufficient. But if you spent quality time with that person (or they owe you money), a break-up meal will help soften the blow (and allow you to collect.) Kidding aside, it's important to leave them with a good taste in their mouth. Remember, you once cared for them, but more importantly... they know your secrets and probably got them on tape. As the old Italian saying goes: 'Revenge is a dish best served on YouTube,' so let's get cooking."
2. Keep it light
"The golden rule when it comes to a break-up meal is to keep it light. See, heavy meals makes us lethargic: 'one more night' turns into a week, a week into a year, and before you know it you've lost control of your life, and the remote. Ask yourself: Is that creamy mac n' cheese loaded with crisp pancetta and sweet caramelized onions really worth it? Maybe ... but I digress. The idea here is to get them out, not passed-out on your couch. A nice Splittsville Fig and Pesto Salad or my Candied Pecan and Strawberry Salad will do the trick."
3. Keep it friendly
"You don't want to give them the wrong impression by inviting them over for a five-course extravaganza. Choose simple and friendly dishes like Thai-Italian Spring Rolls, or my Hawaiian Burgers loaded with caramelized pineapple, crispy bacon and chipotle mayo. Cam an, who can cause a scene when they're presented with a designer burger? ...Vegans maybe. Bah, you can't please everyone."
4. Spell it out
"So you gave them the whole 'It's not me, it's you' talk and they still don't get it? Sometimes you just gotta spell it out loud and clear, and that's where my Peanut Butter Banana Fritters come in. Nothing says 'it's over' like a fritter that says 'It's Over' in chocolate sauce. Get creative with your message! You can go for something hopeful, like: 'Maybe someday you'll meet someone ... who's actually attracted to you.' Or opt for something honest, like: 'Ciao, your band sucked anyways.' It's all about options."
5. Presentation is everything
"Breaking up is never easy, that's why most people get married! But that doesn't mean you can't lighten the mood by having some fun with presentation: For thematic pizzazz, serve the meal in fast-food containers, cute brown paper lunch bags or my personal favorite: Chinese take-out cartons. They whisper, 'I'm playful... now get the f@#$ out.'"
Have you ever been dumped or dumped someone over a meal? Was it appropriate? If you're so inclined, share your story in the comments.
Is there someone you'd like to see in the hot seat? Let us know in the comments below and if we agree, we'll do our best to chase 'em down.
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voice like nails on a chalkboarrd
Geez, you'd think that most people would know that a 'Break-Up Meal' is best enjoyed with a grain of fleur de sel, hehe. (For all the 1-handed typers out there, this means: Don't... take... it... too... seriously...) Bah, we'll grow on ya. Whiners - this one's for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RAQXg0IdfI XONG
Yeah, because everyone who breaks up has a nice little last meal together before shoving off..."hey how about one last snog and then I'll be off..."
Silly journalism
Does anyone REALLY think Nadia here can even boil a pot of water? I was going to say boil a hot dog, I’m pretty sure she can do that… when I look at this woman food is the last thing I’m thinking about is cooking or food. I could be wrong but… the REAL Nadia (Go Easy) Goisia is probably some 88 year old babushka that looks like the Queen of England.
Weak... You want to break up with someone and you honestly think they will eat? "cute brown paper lunch bags or my personal favorite: Chinese take-out cartons. They whisper, 'I'm playful... now get the f@#$ out." Thats keeping it friendly? How conceded coul the auther be?
How about this Nadia... You get fired over dinner? But your boss keeps it playful with some brown paper bags. What an Idiot.
Crappiest show on TV.Canada should be ashamed of itself because I know you have funny people up there.
BK lacks just about everything a show can lack. Her supporting characters are simply morons. Who was so hard up to let this show on the air ?
Just love how Nadia's Facebook buddies astroturf just about anywhere their doyenne gets a mention.What a bunch of sheep.
best way is to not quit anything cold turkey. in case of quitting relationships, just say you want to break up, but for next month or so, are still open to sleep with your soon to be ex.
I didn't find this article humourous or useful in the least. And Nadia looks too.... "constructed". I'll pass on that, thanks.
she s got the weirdest sexiest eyes beautiful is as beautiful does
you've been on the internets too long!
I'm pretty sure that if a girl is breaking up with me, I don't want to eat a meal she made. B*tch would probably poison me. I might even deserve it.
mY GIRLFREIND INVITED ME OVER SHE MADE ME LUNCH served it to me on a tray i thought to myself "nice" we started to make out i thought this was so cool my girlfreind is making me food then bammmm she broke up with me i left started crying got on the 5 train and went home...I never saw or talked to her again?
wow...
What was his name?
who's gonna do all that work for cryin out loud; just do like my last whatever did; email me
You people never heard of this show? Don't you have TV's? I like her cooking show, not the same old things.
I've never even watched an episode of glee. So, while there's access, there's also a lack of desire. Same here. The Cooking Channel just isn't very good overall, and I only watch a couple of hours of TV a week (outside of sports), so programs like this one gets lost in the mix.
That said, articles like this one does raise some intrigue, since she brings a lot of wit. So, I'll probably catch it whenever. But, I'm keeping expectations low. I like some of her recipes, but she makes a lot of basic mistakes with some of them, like the burger I mentioned before. Adding pineapple to something doesn't make it "Hawaiian." Make the pattie a combination of beef and pork, use SPAM instead of bacon, a poi-based sauce instead of mayo, and then we'll talk about being Hawaiian. That's not even mentioning the basic mistakes, such as salting the meat early, shaping/pressing it too much, wasting bacon fat (If bacon and burger are together, always cook the bacon first and then cook the burger in the remaining fat!) and using acids that will overwhelm a lot of the ingredients.
I would HATE to get served a break-up dinner. It's disingenuous, and it drags out the inevitable. If my partner realizes they no longer want to be with me, they had better tell me outright. I hate being led-on, or wasting my time with someone who is about to dump me.
I just feel like I lost 20 IQ points after reading this garbage. Shame on me...
I could tell from her hotness and lame knucklers I should not read the article, but skip immediately to the dirty thoughts. IQ saved.
Instakok in her mouth for sure. Drop the knucklerings..
Best tip for a Break-up Meal:
Remember the Michael Douglas fish dish scene in War of the Roses??
–women, use caution if employing this method...
Come on! Who plans a break-up over dinner. The last thing you need is a hurt woman with a knife in her hand, or ever a fork for that matter. The best way to break up is with a nice text message, phone message, carrier pigeon. The last thing you need is to be face to face.
as ugly as she is, she shouldnt be breaking up with anyone.... nasty
You need to fix your eyes.
She's a stupid bitch.
Hey Jhizz! Thought I would make you aware that You are in DEEP S with our fearless leader.Check out Nitty Gritty thread about half way down. I'll wait!
Ha. Wonder why she may have thought that?
It's a good thing I have RaceHorse on speed dial! She did sound like DeNiro though.
She invited me to dinner and I asked if she minded if I dated her co-worker and added "We obviously aren't going anywhere". I'd always thought that we were just friends with benefits, but to my surprise she started crying. At that moment I realized that she was IN LOVE with me. Even though we're both married now I still regret the hurt I caused her. I'm sorry Marry Ann, you deserved better.
She invited me to dinner and I asked if she minded if I dated her co-worker and added "We obviously aren't going anywhere". I'd always thought that we were just friends with benefits, but to my surprise she started crying. At that moment I realized that she was IN LOVE
The cat walked across the keyboard sending this before I'd finished typing.
Another sign of the decline of Western Civilization . . . .
Perfect Breakup Meal: Take her to the most expensive place in town. Get the most expensive thing on the menu. After you finish eating, tell her you are going to "powder your nose" and leave the restaurant, leaving her with the check.
My first break-up went well. I threw out the money for two greasy subs. Perhaps it was heavier than the ideal break-up meal, but my girlfriend at the time couldn't resist a greasy sub, and she was worth the effort.
My GF made this meal for me last night. She didnt say anything about breaking up thou....crap.
Break up sex is way better than just a meal.
Why would anyone think that being dumped while eating would somehow make it easier on the dumpee? The dumper is just trying to assuage a feeling of guilt. I'd much rather have someone call me and say "we're through" than to go through the nonsense she's proposing.
Thank you! This is one of the dumbest articles I have ever read!
When it comes to break-up meals I learned my lesson early. Do not make hot food. A chilled pasta salad doesn't burn like a hot bowl of spaghetti will when dumped over your head or poured in your lap. Also, spoons are the rule. No sense in arming someone whose reactions are tainted by the pain of a breakup.
Breaking up with the guy is one thing but making him sit through yet another of your crappy meals? Well that's just plain cruel.
The writer is either a comedy writer or a bitter woman who couldn't score on the big catch – the guy with all the money, or both. Luckily, during my llong bacherlorhood, I saw most of the users from a mile away and did not engage. I did have a couple meals at restaurants where the woman became really insulting. I wish I had done what I wanted to and just walked out of the restaurant, paying the bill on the way out, leaving her with her attitude. But I was too much of a gentleman. I ltook the abuse, took the woman home, and she never heard from me again. I am happily married to a wonderful woman for 11 years now. It took me more than 20 years to find her, but I was the choosy one. I read articles like this and watch the social disintegration, all around. Do women really think they are all that? Most of you are really awful, no matter how good you think you look. Inside, most Western women are rotten.
This is disgusting. I hate our culture sometimes.
This article is a shameless plug. Seriously, who spells out a breakup message in a dessert? Do you really go and make a gourmet burger for someone when you know that the meal is going to be dominated by and unpleasant conversation?
Since this article is utterly useless, I'm going to throw out some basics (assuming that you aren't out to alienate or mock the person).
1. Don't cook for them. Eat out. The whole point of breaking up over dinner is to use the public place to keep it from turning into a tear-filled fiasco. Additionally, restaurant conversation can't be open ended.
2. Go somewhere familiar but not sentimental. Don't dump someone at the restaurant where you had your first date or some other momentous occasion. But it's also not a great time to try out new places. How about a place where you dine somewhat occasionally? This may help keep the person you're dumping from making a scene or crying. They may be more likely to keep their composure if they plan on going back.
3. Keep it casual. It's very rare in life that you should aim for mediocrity. This is one of those times. Too cheap will come off as classless. To expensive will send mixed signals and make the subject of parting ways seem like it came out of the blue. You don't want them getting excited about thinking about Asian fusion cuisine all day, and drop the bomb on them at a fancy restaurant.
4. Break up after you've been served, but while you still have some food left (i.e. most of the way through the meal, but not at the very end). They might leave you in the middle of the meal, but breaking up over a meal gives a built-in distraction. Yes, it's going to be awkward because its in the middle of a meal. Breakups are awkward – at least with some food left, you have two potential conversation killers. Either the meal awkwardly continues or the wait-staff will come by to see if you need your food wrapped up (as they always do when when patrons are not eating).
5. Pay the bill. This should be obvious. They may awkwardly offer to go dutch when the check comes, but the least you could do is cover the meal...
Have you or anyone posting here, or the author ever been in love with anyone but themselves? Breaking up will hurt anyone with feelings, no matter how nice you try to present it. If it is that easy, maybe you ought to question why you are dating at all. A period of dateless celebacy might be good for you. This articule and the shallow comments tell me that you are spoiled people, I mean people with nothing to offer anyone anyway. Except maybe some sex for a while. What a world we have made!
Just do it properly with a text message !!! He or she will remember you for ever and ever .... :)
Serve a mixed vegetable, baked potato with all the fixin's, and roast beef.
And always, always be holding the carving knife.
This is article is very useful if you are a middle school girl who is trying to break up with her first crush. But for readers who are older than 12 (and you now who you are), here is some advice: never break up over a meal. Meals can run much longer than you expect and if your ex decides to get all crazy, you will be stuck there until dinner is over.
Also, be sure to break up in a PUBLIC place and not serve him "fritters" and "strawberry salads" at home. If he throws a fit or she turns into a rabbit boiler, then getting them out of the apartment can be work.
Break up in a Starbucks. You will save a ton of money. It will be in public and everything is pre-paid, meaning you can ditch whenver you feel like it.
The author of this article is a dolt.
Big Al – Thank you for saying this! Not only did I agree, I also had a much needed laugh!
But if you still want to break up with someone over a meal, why not serve my dingleberry scones and Cincinnati bowtie pasta salad! (If you don't know what a Cincinnati bowtie is, look it up at Urban Dictionary!)
never cook a break-up meal unless they (and you know who you are : ) are ending up buried under the backyard......
better to have a great 1st meal with the next one !
Maybe you shouldn't date people who you think might have that sort of tendancy. But if every man has to be viewed that way, I'd day that our society has become so paranoid and judgemental that it is in effect, dead.
dude... i can't stop looking at that peculiar right eye! its like marty feldman (look it up).
yeah, it's following me around the room like the portrait on the wall in "Scooby-Doo".......
wow... another "hot" chick on tv. that couldn't possibly be how she got her show. i mean really... everyone has an opinion. honestly, i didn't even read the article. i can't get past her annoying face. what's up with that right eye? and that stupid tribal band on her forearm... really? (that must have been a mid 90's mistake). while i'm on it, does she think she's the long lost 4th charlies angel? i mean, come on... that hair... not "bitchin"!
i'm not say'n... i'm just say'n
This is the most retarded article. Seriously... If you are going to break up with someone, there is nothing in this to help. Promote your recipes on a positive note and right an article worth reading. If you are going to break up with someone it's most likely not going to be over a meal or something that ties you in to a long engagement with the person.
useless info there.
She's much nicer than I would be. If I'm breaking up with someone, they'll be getting a bottle of Boone's Farm and a corndog.
Keep your dignity men, and calmly tip your hat, collect your stuff and walk out the door the second she says it. You're done.
Not sure why you are making this so melodramatic. You got dumped. Not really that big of a deal. It's probably happened before (or you dumped someone) and it will more than likely happen again. Lots and lots of women out there and now you just learned that just having sex with them and moving on is a much better idea anyway. It's infinitely a better financial investment and if the sex was bad, you don't have to go back, you just find another one and see if she was any better. Remember, variety is the spice of life, and the #1 cause of divorce in the world is marriage.
Nadia looks more suited to do a show from the bedroom not the kitchen.
Now someone is going to reply, "what did you mean by that crack"?
Hilah cooking > Bitchin' kitchen
What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison rules....
chinese take-out containers? if a girl ever invited me over for a dinner like that, she wouldn't have to break up with me. I'd be out of there for good in five minutes. Ten if the meal is worth eating.
Breaking up over meals Sucks! I remember being very hungry and the second we started talking about our relationship coming to a halt I felt like barfing. Terrible idea to break up during a meal.
I was dumped before I went out to a party on my birthday. It wasn't too bad, I was able to get over him after a couple drinks and some B-day sex with a guy who could pleasure me better than my ex!
You're welcome. LOL
I love how women in the comments are all serious and ticked off that guys are leaving less than 'happy happy, joy joy' comments. I also love this woman who thinks the guy cares that after he dumped you, that you got drunk out of your mind and banged the first guy that didn't throw up in their mouths when they saw your face. Oh, and he dumped you because the sex just wasn't very good in the first place. That's what guys do, because we'll put up with a lot of your crap if your good in the sack.
Oh, and in case I've offended anyone I'm joking. I thought this was supposed to be a funny, happy show/thread. =D
best comment yet, I love the:
"Oh, and in case I've offended anyone I'm joking. I thought this was supposed to be a funny, happy show/thread. =D"
Oh, and if your birthday is coming up soon, I have a bottle of Tequila and a box of rubbers with your name on them. Email me! =D
What are rubbers?
X)
I love how any time a guy make s a post like this, every!guy will rush over to brofist him for getting over that ho* and scoring some ta*l. But if a chick makes a guy-like post, other dudes get all up in her face to insult her over it, like she gives a flying dip what they think to boot. Pro tip: troll harder, your d*ck does not make you superior.
Oh, and this is also supposed to be a happy, happy cute post, haha :D
heartless biaaatch.. yea breaking someones heart is real funny
i guess your life is all glory. Golly gee, you've got smooth sailing forever
I've got a great idea for a breakup meal... Make dinner arrangements and plan to meet your mistress at the restaurant where you're taking your soon-to-be ex. Introduce them, then sit back and enjoy the show.
...and if you're really lucky, you just might end up with a ménage à trois. ;)
and if you're not so lucky, you might end up with soup on your head and salad in your lap.
Well dear. We're through. Please shut up and pass the salt.
Terri, sounds like the break up couldn't have come soon enough huh!
Anna.A so very true! Finally someone with sense makes a comment on this brilliant article. (besides yours truly) =]
Someone should have told me "If the dumpee is a jerk, then an e-mail with a picture of food is sufficient" before one break up...
We'd dated a few months, and he seemed to think we were serious although all I was only seriously frustrated with his careless to insanely jealous behavior. I finally chose to meet him near his place, and let him choose the restaurant. On my way there, he called to say he misjudged the time and would be 1 hr late, then insisted he needed to stop to change and shower. My request that he arrive before I started eating the furniture in the bookstore where I was waiting went unheeded.
He finally arrives more than 2 hours late and chooses a restaurant after much deliberation. (Still ready to eat furniture.) Pores over menu. Sends waiter back THREE times not ready to order. I finally order without him. He picks at his food.
Why, you ask, is he not hungry? Oh, yeah, he "ate some pizza while I was at the house."
Not sure why he seemed completely clueless when I paid the bill and dumped him...
You paid the bill..Your my type of girl HeHe
he ate nothing, dufus
She said he picked at his food, so he must of ordered. But still funny
Here are some nuts. Pick one because you can't have mine no more!
Whats with all the unnecessary rude comments? Besides that, no ones going to really cook for someone they want to break up with.. if anything, it's not to be taken literally.. its a comedic cooking show, please lighten up!
I think she's great..and the show is highly entertaining too!
Anna.A, I like your style. You are knowledgeable about the issue/web-site, and light hearted. Grow – yes. Stifle, nope. Add something, or keep surfing until you find something fun.
November 12. Christmas music on the radio. Let's just start celebrating Valentine's Day 2045 right now. Sheesh.
I bet Truth is drinking a Colorado Kool-Aid and listening to John Denver right Now on a mountain top!
Brokeback Mountain?
BOO-ya!
Was it because of the size of my schlong?
This is pretty lame. No one goes to this much trouble. Most people lose their appetite pretty fast when they relaize they're being dumped, So after the bad news you got nothing but a grumpy Ex and leftovers....
czemu nie:)
The hottest one yet! Besides Paula Deen of course.
I don't know. I could rub one out to the duo the other day for years.
A good read with a lot of wit. Some recipes, like the fritters, sound great, but others, like the burger, cannot turn out well.
On the subject of breaking up, I think it's really cold to break up right after what seems like another date... But, I guess that's sort of the point, no? Whatever happened to just saying, "We need to talk," so the sense of gloom can kick in and linger until the encounter?
whatever happened to just saying "i'm breaking up with you"? I don't see the point in setting up a "talk" to do something so quick and simple.
All the recipes she mentioned sounded like garbage to me.
I'm pretty sure I would not like someone to break up with me by writing "It's over" on my dessert.
If it was someone I really cared about, I probably wouldn't eat the dinner we broke up over ever again. So if you're going to break up with your significant other, you might want to make food they don't like anyway. Just sayin'.
That way you can brag. Not only did you shit on their day, you can brag about how much shittier you made it.
Seriously, nothing worse than getting bad, possibly life changing news from someone who wants to deliver it in a cutesy, upbeat way. This list is decidedly evil, when you think about it. And I grin at that.
or just get them in the bedroom, and as you climax say "i'm breaking up with you, it's over b***h!"
then get dressed, light up a cigar, and go home to your mistress.
I'd hit it. And she'd love all 18 seconds of it.
With a name like Nadia she is either Russian or Czech! Thank Goodness she's not Polish or I would slap her with my gnocci!
S. Korea was chalk full of Russian goldie locks like this one. Unfortunately, most were products of Russian Mafia sex trades. They were still fine, though.
She's too young for the Cold War,Unless she has a ICBM hidden that we can't see. Genetic modification?
Diggin' the 'genes'.
She's Italian. Grew up in St. Leonard area of Montreal. No Russian or East European.
I can call her of Penguin descent if I want. Pass the Jergens.
she's italian. shes also canadian, from montreal i believe. whatever the case may be, shes hilarious and awesome.
After what Mel Gibson had to go through with this Russian wife, I'm sure guys are going to be more careful about dating them.
@carter: Good riddance! You need to find a woman with a sense of humor! I just ordered a set of "get in the kitchen...", perfect for a Christmas gift for my wife.
Chicks who are so into breaking up like this aren't worth bothering with in the first place. Good for you chick, you are a first class Loser with a capital "L".
holy crap americans have no sense of humor! why so serious?
bardzo zaluje ze nie jest polka
wspaniala dziewczyna !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
x10
Whatever Nadia G rocks, she is fresh, funny and gorgeous. It sounds like she's the one with the sense of humor and you guys are the bitter ones.
u r a stupid bitch
u r too lazy to use real words n minimal punctuation when insulting ppl 4 no reason
And yet, out of your league...
Amen to that.
The last woman to break up with me is now dead. And nobody has found the body. Just saying.
That's the way to do it. Good man.
small dick, smaller brain...
Guano, I suspect women are breaking up with you because you lack a sense of humor.
I can sense that you have never had a meaningful relationship or you are just a bitch.
Yowza! I picked the wrong day to take off!