 A friend of ours dated a woman he started referring to as "Alligator Arms." They'd go out to fabulous meals, drinking and laughing and playing footsie under the table and generally having a lovely time. Then the check would come. According to him, she'd suddenly duck out to the ladies' room or - at this point in the story, he'd draw his elbows next to his ribcage and make sad, flailing gestures - slightly lean toward her purse, but somehow not be able to reach it, assuming he'd swoop in. He always did, and he actually wouldn't have let her pay if she'd offered, as he made approximately fifty beeellliiiiooon times more money than she did, but always hoped she'd offer. Share your dating and paying war stories in the comments below and we'll share our favorites in an upcoming post. |
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Hack again?!
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@valarie, well said!!
NATIVIDAD ANETTE in wrestling, Tyson TAMARA
A guy asked me out once. We had a lovely meal, and I was getting ready to play the "At least let me leave the tip" game. The bill sat awkwardly between us for the space of a ten minute conversation, before he finally said "Hey! Can you pay the bill? I'm sitting on my wallet! HA!" Then I said, "But you asked me out." And he said "Um, yeah, I know, but money is a little tight this week, so if you could, seriously, get this one, I'd be thrilled to pay for the next date." Honestly, if he'd said that up front and not tried to come off with a lame joke, I would have been fine with it. Everyone has money troubles now and then, though I doubt I'd be asking people out for meals if I did. So, he drove me back to my apartment, and had the NERVE to grab my knee and say "I'd really love to come upstairs and I think you'd love it, too." To which I replied, "Oh, I'd love to, but I'm sitting on my vagina." There was even another phone call after that, which I ignored for the sake of both of our dignities. Sheesh, what a choad.
I always split the check down the middle with my partner...maybe it is a Scandinavian thing.
Even after being together many years, when the bill comes we each pay half. I'm there to spend time with him and enjoy an evening out...not pilfer a free meal. He is my equal, as his equal I can be expected to contribute towards our food/entertainment.
The expectation that the man is to pay for the woman's food is a relic of times past, when women did not work or have money of their own.
As someone who was raised by a femenist mother I will always offer to pay for the check, or atleast split it. To be honest, however, the guy should pay. I wouldn't judge you if you didn't pay, but it just seems like the right thing to do on the first date. After dating for a while I have no problem paying. Dates/dinner can become expensive. But no matter what, you should always offer.
I'm happy to pay for a first date – as long as I'm reasonably sure there'll be a second. If she's a lousy date, I won't go out of my way to earn points by buying her dinner. If it's a good date, I'll gladly pay. If it's very important to her that she pays for something, I'll say "you can pay for the next one if you'd like."
Of course this is just my opinion, but I think a man should pay but a woman should offer. A woman certainly shouldn't act like she's entitled to it but that being said, I don't think I'd want to date a man who didn't pay for the first date.
It has nothing to do with the money, it's more about the gentlemanly gesture. I, like many other women, work full time and can absolutely afford to pay for dinner but I would like to date someone who is chivalrous and I think that's one to way to tell a man's mentality (that and opening doors, pushing in your chair, standing when you approach the table etc... )
After a few dates, things should be split more equally and that should be up to the woman to insist to pay sometimes.
There's a lot to be said for men who still maintain that level of respect and chivalry for a woman- and I think there are still plenty of those men out there!
Don't you that see your opinion "...but I think a man should pay.." reveals your own sense of entitlement?
Men always paid before because men make more money and were in charge, and it was a way to keep a woman in her place. Now that they can vote and are equal let them pay for their meal. Have you ever filled out the employment form that asks if you male or female, I hope you understand they get extra points for being female especially in goverment jobs. LETS BE FAIR LET THEM PAY!
I will always pay for the first date. If at a later date she wants to split or pay the full thing then that is fine with me, but at least the first one is on me.
The only reason I voted 'the one who asked the other out' is because men USUALLY have to be the one who asks the woman on the date, ergo the man should always pay.
Who pays should be discussed beforehand. It's not impolite and not really awkward unless you make it awkward. For instance if the woman asks out the man, she can say, "I'd like to take you to this restaurant I like, on me this time." That'll open the discussion and you can work it out before you get that awkward check moment.
In general, guys expect to pay the tab, even if they get asked out, but it's never nice to assume. So if you don't discuss it beforehand and if the girl is the one doing the asking, she should be prepared to pay the entire bill and tip. If he chooses to pay or makes a fuss at the time the check comes, that's fine, but it's rude to assume. Likewise, even if she is the one being asked out, she should at least offer to pay, even if it is always rejected.
All this is negated, of course, if one party is consistently unwilling to pay. If you love each other, or even like each other, you should both want to pay sometimes.
I’m not old enough to be old school, but I raised to always pay. I have dated woman more established in the business world and without a doubt making more money. Although I wouldn’t accept, it is nice when a woman offers. I always thought the whole reasoning behind the guy paying besides it’s the gentlemanly thing to do was because the girl’s family (although not as true today) pays for the wedding.
They want equal rights lets give them equal rights! I'll buy mine and she can buy hers, seems equal to me?
Seems equal to me as well but good luck getting so many women to see it that way. Just read the posts in this thread.
Man up!!!!!! Learn how to cook and offer to make a home-cooked meal!!!!!! Better be a good one though.......with the right wine too!!!! I don't consider myself to be a 5 star chef, but anything I make on the barbeque has always tasted better than what I get at a restaurant......except if its a really expensive one!!
When my parents were dating, my dad tried to pay for every date. My mother, God bless her unromantic heart, told him he couldn't afford it and paid every other date. She also nixed the flowers he would get her for the same reason.
The chick should pay because the guy eventually winds up paying for everything else.
It is true you know rite away if he is worth going out with...I went on only one date with a lot of guys due to interest. But longes boyfriend was 3 months then I would dump them. I knew we were wasting each others time. I met my husband and we married 4 months later we have now been married for 10 years. wasting time with the wrong one everyone really knows.
The man should pay most of the time, the woman should reciprocate, once in awhile, but set it up prior to the date starting, so there's no awkward moment at the end of the night. When my wife, who made much less than me, offered to pay every now and then when we were dating, I liked it, even though it was a cheap date. She did what she could afford. It's the thought that counts.
The one who says to the other person should we get the check? For two reasons: either he/she is bored with you or he/she is ready to move to the next facet of the evening...either way you'll benefit either by not seeing the person again or getting a little loving afterwards!
Reality check, women and men know if they are really interested in some in less than 5 min, a lunch or dinner invitation takes much more than that. So women who go to dates, get entertained and have dinners paid for should be either into the guys they accepted an invitation from or pay it down right to the middle. Otherwise, to me they are gold diggers in potential or true ones or think because they have vagina, guys should be taken as suckers (alas, most are).
Lets hear someone with a straight face say anything to the contrary, to be called a hypocrite.
What about a really bad first date...do you tell people? And I don't mean in a social way that the date is bad.
And what is with all the money on looks? i work out, I shave my legs and pits, and trim others, clips my nails, which my girlsfriends always say are french tips, which I don't know what that means, but they are pretty and clean, and smooth. I'm just me, no fake crap, just clean and pretty. I think people try too hard, and for what? Please yourselves first.
If the man always pays for dinner when going out then the girl should reciprocate by inviting the guy over and cooking a nice home cooked meal for him. If she doesn't reciprocate then she's only focused on herself and doesn't care about the guy. If a girl doesn't care about you then you need to kick her to the curb!
If the date is great and two people are loving getting to know each other, it wouldn't make a difference. People that bother about who pays and who don't are the ones who end up lonely and sad.
Answer to:
"...Joan
I have a friend that says because women have to spend so much to look beautiful for a guy, that the guy should pay, especially for the first few dates.
Haircut/color – $100-$150
Nails/pedisure – $50
Outfit – $100-$200
Makeup – $50
Waxing – $50
and so on....
She has a point....if it was just me, I wouldn't spend as much to look good if just going out with my girlfriends, so there is some validity to this opinion..."
Do you think men don't try and spend money to look better for the date? and actually, men today do a lot of stuff for the looks too (manicure, pedicure, outfit, haircut/color, massages, etc) The fact that either of them would spend in looking gorgeous (as if were) is their personal choice. So, I still find that women are always to try to make the man to pay as in one unwritten code to get a payback from men. Also, it is a big lie that the man is the one having the most pleasure when on date (or when having sex) with a woman...This is something men have always hammered in the head: since men have more pleasure from sleeping with the woman, then men should pay...yeah! that worked with me when I was younger, now I am experienced, learned and my good will and naivete has been abused by women...I woke up from that. Nowadays, if a woman wants anything with me, she better be ready to share all benefits and costs of the relationship.
I wouldn't date a dork that did all that crap that you do. But you're sharing the costs that a woman would do. Issues much?
Regarding above story. Why would money even matter if they went on several dates and he was enjoying being with her? No class and she is better off without him. It is a sad state that chivalry seems to be such an effort in the dating world these days. Advice to women, never settle and yes, you do deserve to be treated several times to lunch/dinner if a man is truly interested in getting to know you and spend quality time with you (not just to hop in the sack by the third date). As the saying goes, it only takes 1. Stick with the true gents, they do exist!
I tell men the same way you say that a woman should not settle for less. Men: do not settle for less! If you find a gold-digger, a dinner-digger, or drink-digger, etc., you already know how she will be the rest of your relationship. Men are not that stupid and naive anymore. Chivalry is dead because a good part of it means women taking advantage of men....
I used to be the-pay-always but I noticed something that made me change my mind. If a woman wants to date and share time with you why not share the check too? If it is pleasurable for her to be with you and for you to be with her, then it should be a joint effort in every aspect. I am done paying by myself, if I pay, it just show how of an idiot I am. I still can be chivalrous (open the car's door, being polite, being a gentleman) but I do not think that paying the bill is part of chivalry anymore. I have met several women that they expect you to pay because that is for them the point of the date: to have a free drink and/or dinner. I never expect to have sex at the first date because I think that a sex date can be easily found on craigslist or other website. If I want to meet a woman for dating, sex is not the main thing, it is the pleasure of sharing time with a woman that matters. Sex can come later....
the guy should pay. no question. nothing wrong with splitting it every once in a while but we all know its what women expect because they want a guy who's chivalrous despite claiming how independant they are. i'm not saying i'ma say no if she offers but not on a first date.
Ordinarily, I would say who asks should pay. BUT if there is a second date, the woman should pay. Everyone wants to feel special but if he insists on paying, she should graciously accept.
I expect the man to pay the dinner tab. Since I am a gourmet cook, I think it's nice to cook an impressive meal on occasion.
If a woman does not occasionally offer to pay for a date, that tells me a lot about her character. I am chivalrous and generous to my dates. But if they do not ever offer to pay for a lunch, or dinner, or even coffee, it turns me off. Just as women like kind and generous men, men too like kind and generous women.
I know I'm gonna get some jeers for this but I and I'm sure many would find it interesting to hear the response. Who pays when we're talking about gay people dating?
The person who asks should be prepared to pay, that's just sensible. That being said, on first dates I almost always pay the tab. Things would have to have gone pretty bad for me not to. Once you start dating, then I think splitting who pays works well, unless one party makes quite a bit more than the other. Generally, I end up paying more times than not, but that's because I still have old-fashioned instincts.
Amazing how women are all about equality until the check hits the table. Regardless, I always make the first gesture to pay.
Oh so true. It's called situational feminism. Morphs with the circumstances.
Ahh the whole "Chivalry" debate. Sorry ladies, just because a man or men actually call you on your "equality" dogma, doesn't mean he is cheap or ugly or bitter or any other little insult you can throw. He is actually calling your bluff, testing the truth and strength of your ideals. Most of you fold when it's NOT in your best interest to embrace equality. If you want equality, then fairness calls for also giving up all such "perks" as having meals paid for and such. The notion of "whom ever asks then pays" is the right solution. Sexism is ALSO wrong even if you feel, for some reason, you deserve the benefits sexism behavior brings. Understand?
Whoever asked out the other person should pay – duh! That's a no-brainer.
After the first date though I think it's only fair that you both pay – as in I buy him dinner one night, he pays for the show tickets on the next date, so on and so forth.
Anyone who says that men should pay because it's chivalry or whatever – get with the times! I personally find it very empowering when I ask out a guy and take him out to dinner.
I have a friend that says because women have to spend so much to look beautiful for a guy, that the guy should pay, especially for the first few dates.
Haircut/color – $100-$150
Nails/pedisure – $50
Outfit – $100-$200
Makeup – $50
Waxing – $50
and so on....
She has a point....if it was just me, I wouldn't spend as much to look good if just going out with my girlfriends, so there is some validity to this opinion.
So, because I choose to spend even more money on my car, the woman should be even happier to pay for the first few dates. After all, a good looking ride is important to the success of the relationship. er, right?
And if I, a man, were to suggest that the reason women spend all that money on their appearance is SOLELY for the benefit of men, don't you think that would be a little insulting to women? Don't you think that people who invest in their appearance do so for their OWN benefit and self-image?
I think that it should be the one who asks (whether that be man or woman) who should be willing to pay the entire bill, but the one who was asked should at least offer to pay half or her portion. Ultimately, I think, it comes down to respect for the other person. It, basically, is one person saying that they are willing to spend time working a job, they may or may not like, in order to earn enough money to spend their free time with the person across from them and to not, at least, offer to pay, would be disrespectful of the other.
Sorry, should be "their portion", not her portion.
I am female and the only reason I like to pay (for at least my part) is so I do not have to feel like a burden to the man. I really appreciate men and their willingness to hold doors, pay, etc, but the reason for myself paying is rooted in money issues growing up as a kid. I always and still feel like I am a burden so I eliminate the thing that makes me feel that way. It is sort of a control type of thing where I don't want money to come between our relationship. And if I can afford it, why not? I do believe in female empowerment, etc. because my family is from the east and women there do not have the same opportunities as they do here and so education and self-sufficiency as a woman has always been important to me. If a guy cannot understand that, I do not even bother going on the second date.
The person that did the asking should pay. Period.
I always offer to pay for something on the date. Rarely is a date just dinner– you have dinner, drinks, movie, dancing, whatever. I know my guy works hard for his money and he deserves a break, too.
If the woman is a true Feminist then she should have no problems paying for the meal. Just as she should have no problem buying her flowers and her own jewelery. On the other hand, if she's going to "put out" after the "date" then the guy should pay.
It IS possible to keep chivalry alive and still live in modern times, you know. We just have to sacrifice our outdated expectations and figure out solutions together. That means both parties are free to voice their desires. Neither party has the right to expect that the other person knows exactly what they "should" do, and neither party has the right to be judgmental if there's a disagreement. Isn't chivalry supposed to be about truth and respect?
As long as expectations are clearly communicated thats fine. Good luck with that, though, with most women.
I'm a woman and I think it's good for the man to pay. It's good manners and a sign that he is a gentleman. Not offering to pay could potentially indicate that he has not learnt other forms of good manners either.
Can I just say how "great" it is *eye roll* when a guy EXPECTS you to pay on the first date 'cuz "Yeah I forgot my wallet, but I'll get it next time." Dude, there will be no next time. Happens way too often.
I think the guy should pay for the first date. Girl can pick up valet, drink after or dessert if she wants. After that it should be somewhat equal. If he makes more then he can pick up more tabs. I always pay for the second date and then at any point after I can. To me it shows you appreciate what he is doing and want to give your part to the relationship.
Went out to visit lover (yes, women enjoy casual relations too) in CA.. he essentially insisted on paying for everything the whole week. When I nabbed the check and insisted on treating him to dinner once, he practically pouted like a child and felt emasculated. I don't mind if you'd like to treat me nice and pay for things from time to time, but after a while it feels like being babied or even kept. Especially if my paying for things from time to time is an affront to your sensibilities. How silly. I did not enjoy that game at all.
Don't enjoy mind games from the opposite sex? I can sympathize with that.
My boyfriend and I typically see each other only on weekends due to hectic schedules. Each weekend, we each throw $100 in together and use it as a kitty for the weekend. That way, we're not arguing about who pays for this, that, or the other thing. It's all pooled together. We use it for dinners, entertainment, etc. If we don't use it all, we just carry it over to the next weekend. No bickering, no caddishness, and we don't have to have the ongoing discussions every place we go about who pays for what.
Common courtesy. If you invite someone out to dinner, you pay. Whether a date, a friend, or a relative.
When someone says to me, "I would like to take you out to dinner," I presume they will pay. Otherwise, they should word it differently.
If someone said, "Hey, do you want to go grab a bite somewhere?," then I figure we are going dutch.
What's the big deal? Just be clear about what you want and mean what you say. If you think it's important that you pay, say so. If you're a man and you're going to resent a woman if she doesn't offer to pay her own way, don't pretend everything is fine when she expects you to pick up the tab. That's spineless. If you're a woman and you're going to write the guy off if he doesn't insist on paying, don't "test" him by offering to split the bill. That's manipulative.
And if you can't agree on a solution, don't go out together again!
Heh. When dealing with most women, good luck with the bits about "Just be clear" and "mean what you say." Yah. Good luck with that.
Hah. :-) I feel your pain, but if you can't trust what comes out of her mouth, don't date her!
I am guy and I don't mind paying or splitting it in half or my date offering to pay the tip. Frankly its the women who read too much into the things that happen when the check comes that bothers me. The analysis some of these women do thinking of questions like, Did he want me to pay? Did he want to split it? Did he want me to pay the tip? What will he think if I offer to pay only the tip? And so on and so forth...Jeez why can't women just leave it as it is. Pay if you want to and not if you don't want to, end of story
Whenever I have been on dates, I have offered to pay when the check comes. And after I did that some women wanted to split it in half and some wanted to pay the tip. But all of this would happen after I would pick up the check and offer to pay. However, on this one particular date, the lady I was with immediately said "Thank you" as soon as the waiter put the check on the table. It was funny.
Maybe she was saying thank you to waitress....?? lol
that did strike me but she said thank you to me
Lol... That is funny...
I almost always pay for myself. It makes me very uncomfortable to have others pay for me in general, and especially where romantic relationships are concerned I don't like there to be any issue of financial dependency or any kind of weird "debt" that is created by accepting money/gifts (for example, it would be harder for me to break up with that person later down the line if I felt that the relationship had come to an end, if only because they had invested in me financially...not saying I wouldn't go ahead with the break up, but it's an uncomfortable position).
Exactly! I completely agree with you – I just read your post, but I posted something like right before reading this.
Whoever wants to pay more should pay. The only time this is a problem is when neither wants to pay! But seriously, don't let something as petty as who pays ruin a good date.
I'm glad I'm happily married and I don't have to think about this. I'm in my late thirties and can't imagine, #1 Having to ask a guy out and #2 paying for the first date. Honestly, I don't think I'd like to go out with the guy that I HAD to do #1 and/or #2. OMG, I'm officially old-fashioned. Damn.
I paid for everything with a credit card. When we got married, she had to pay off the credit card.
Pure. F–king. Genius!
BAHHAHAH.. im a chick and I find that HILARIOUS!
It's really simple, if a woman ask a man out she should atleast be willing to split the tab.
Then again, in my case, "the person who asks the other out" always equals "the guy" because I don't exactly have girls lined up at my front door asking me out.
I was actually kidding with my first post saying "the guy should pay". Well half kidding maybe. But i can't believe that "the guy should pay" wasn't an option in the poll.
Right or wrong, chivalrous or old-fashioned/sexist, it should still be an option in the poll. Clearly there are still many people (myself included in many situations) that think that way. I hope no girl is ever offended if I insist on paying.
I think that is very sweet of you to pay. Sounds like you are a nice man.
I am just astounded by the comments on this site. Happily, the majority of CNN readers agreed that the person who asks, should pay, which is the most sensible answer for the first date. Now, once you're in a dating relationship, things need to be negotiated a bit more. I am a very well-paid professional and have not dated anyone who makes close to what I make for years. I have no problem with that, as I don't equate wages with societal worth. After all, wages are not distributed particularly equitably in this country (ARod versus elementary school teachers? Please.), but I like to eat at upscale places (I have a sophisticated palate) and I wouldn't dream of having my partner pay for expensive dinners like that, just because he's a man. That makes no sense at all. The whole gender thing is silly in 2010. Why on earth would you want to be defined by your secondary sexual characteristics? People are individuals first and men/women next.
You do exist! :)
I think it's easy for you to think that way because as you said, your a "well paid professional." However, I don't it's right for you to judge people who according to you are choosing to be "defined by their secondary sexual characteristics" just because you seem to be so tremendously blessed. Some people were raised a certain way, like me, that a man should take care of woman including "paying for meals." That, in no way, shape or manner means I'm choosing to be defined by my secondary sexual characteristics.
No but it does mean that you are defining him by his secondary sexual characteristics.
Question: How do you get to be well paid AND a total moron at the same time?
She has to *tell* us she has a sophisticated palate! LOL!
Lol I thought the same thing...
I like your post. Ignore the other comments who seem very ignorant.
My wife offered to pay on our first date, and of course thanked her for the offer but paid for it myself. We've been married almost 17 years now, so I guess there's something to be said for being chivalrous!
Regardless of the women's lib crap, MOST WOMEN deep down love for guys to take the lead. That is just natural for us. Should they pushy and pigheaded? No. Respectful and kind and taking the lead. My hubby is that way and I LOVE IT!
Why can't those women bring themselves to just say they'd like the man to take the lead? Why are men always expected to be mind readers in a language they don't understand?
I'm a southern girl, and I was raised that a man should always pay. When my daughter grows up and starts dating I would be highly upset to find out that she was paying for dates a guy asked her out to.
However, I believe after a few dates the woman should offer to pay. If the guy lets her I think it's ok, but in my experiences the guys have never let me pay.
I think once you become a couple then its a different story. As couple you decide whats best, bc ya'll should be comfortable enough to talk about that with one another. (take turns, you pay for dinner I pay for movies, etc.)
Hmm... interesting, what does her father (your husband) say?
Her father thinks the same way. His words, "My little girl will not be paying for stuff when she goes on dates while she is in my house. If he has a problem with it then he doesn't need to be taking her out anywhere. When she lives on her own and is paying for her own stuff, then she can do what she wants even though I think she shouldn't." My father thinks the same way, as did my grandfather. I was raised this way, it's just sort of instilled in me I guess.
Like I said, this is how I feel towards the whole "who pays for the meal" thing during the dating stage. I personally just feel that the man should pay for majority of the activities done during the "dating stage." Once you become a couple then you should be ok with taking turns paying as I mentioned earlier.
I'm type of girl who likes for a man to pay for the stuff, even when I do or have offered. However, I'm a very appreciative person. When they've been good to me, I'm a giving person and notice details. I'll go out and buy him a shirt, cologne or a CD that just came out that he's been dying to get, and I'll express my gratitude in that way.
In this day of so called "gender equality" it should be split down the middle until they are in a relationship.
I agree. But good luck making that work. Women don't have enough strength of character to get off the gravy train and put their equality where their mouth is.
No offense to anyone who is, but GT66 are you gay? Or have you had lots of bad experiences with women, because seem to have a lot of bitterness towards women... Either that or you're just a cheapo
As usual with any human interaction, the answer is never black or white. This is the 21st century so there should be no notion of one sex having any more responsibility to be chivalrous with the check than the other. Specified: A first date. Unspecified: If one asked another or even if both came to a mutual decision. I would say there are too many things left unstated so the answer to the question must be – It depends. That being said, I am old fashioned and would attempt to pay whether I was the poor or wealthy party, the invited or inviting party. But.. that only works for me. (assuming I am going to lunch with another human being and not some sub-human type)
During my entire dating life, I have always offered to pay, and almost always the women have been content with that, with a few exceptions that at least offered to split or get the tip. I am all about chivalry, opening doors, but when was the last time a woman offered to take the check, or get him some flowers, or get him a card, or a small meaningful gift (while I am sure they expect all this from men)? This is the 21st century, and we all believe in equality....can we some of it too?
NO! NO EQUALITY FOR YOU! All kidding aside, yeah women only care about what equality gets for them.
...as a guy I don't mind paying for the first date; however, if we're "meeting" for the first time, then it'd be nice if you pay for half...it's not a date...
I'm old fashioned, I wouldn't dream of letting the Woman pay, but then again, I open doors for the girls as well, and yes even car doors. I will pull their chair out for them, and I will not sit until after she does.
Now that's a true gentleman : )
Thank You!
I don't pay for a women's meal because I feel it is expected of me but because it makes me happy. I like doing nice things for the lady friend I am with. Yes I will let a girl pay every once in a while, but if we eat out 10 times I would pay about 8 out of those 10 times. The girl does like paying those 2 times because it is almost as if she is contributing and it makes her feel good as well.
Just my input, don't have to agree or disagree
This is the same reason I like to pay for people. I like to be generous, and I have the money, so why get upset about the bill?
I went on a date with this one guy who I met through an online dating service (and soon quit). We go to the olive garden where he proceeds to talk about poo during dinner and then the check comes.... He made no effort to reach for the check so I pulled out a 20, no way I was paying for his dinner and mine. He pulled out a 20 and all together there was about 5 bucks left (so dinner was 35) I left the change on the table for the waiter. As we were leaving the guy PICKED UP THE MONEY! The poor waiter didn't end up with a tip at all and I decided that guy was not the guy for me :)
Usually when I go out with friends we ask them to split the bill and they usually do, if I go out on a date we usually take turns paying the bill
Hahaha that's a winner there!!!
He talked about poo during dinner?! Was his handle "Grip?" If it was, you could have been on tv.
Actually Brandon it was a winner, I told the story to a friend of mine who called into a radio station and told them the story when they asked for the listeners to call in with their worst dates. She won and they played her sound bite all day long that day.
I pay for people's meals all the time and I'm a woman. there is nothing more tacky than haggling over the cost of food. I used to have a rich friend who was quite miserly and every bill had to be divided jsut so. I have no problem paying for my own share and more- I just hate to divide the bill and dicker about dollars and cents. I'm there to have fun, not to worry who owes what. When I don't have money, I simply refrain from going out.
I just think it's an awkward situation for new relationships. If it's a first date I firmly believe the guy should pay. Once a couple have been together for a long time it shouldnt matter.
I say whoever has something to eat and drink should pay.
- A
On a first date, I like the guy to pay–however if it is going really badly and we won't see each other again I usually try to pay my half. After the first date, it is better to take turns or at least try.
So much negativity and men/woman bashing! Yes it's 2010 (not 2011 blondie) and yes women have essentially all the same rights as men, but chivalry is not dead. It's nice to be taken care of for a meal, but sometimes it's nice to feel like you can take care of someone too. Chivalry is more than paying for meals, it's opening doors and saying thank you and not swearing all the time. Aka basic human courtesy and it belongs to men and women.
You don't understand the origins of chivalry is dead. You also, being female, have never had an ignorant feminist man hater actually berate you for holding the door open for her. And, I have had people actually look at me approaching the door they were going through and then let it slam shut on me. Every one of those events have been women. If women have any concept of manners or chivalry, it is how it pertains to how *they* are treated and not how they treat others. I have now learned to only hold the door for other men who can appreciate courtesy. Women can open their own doors.
The origins of Chilvalry are dead to you possibly, but I have never had any 'feminist' get mad at me for opening the door. It is simply common courtesy . I hold the door for anyone, man, women, child, elderly because it is a nice thing to do not because it is expected of me being a man, but because I want to, helping my fellow human out makes me feel good. I say thankyou, and please and offer drinks when I guests over. Not because it is expected because again it is the nice thing to do...I guess my parents just knew how to raise me...what were yours doing?
hehe... work at a University.
Gotcha, so they didn't have anytime to raise a polite kid. I feel bad for you and any women that gets stuck with you to only get divorced 5 years down the line.
And your right, it is a nice thing to do. However, if others can't be bothered then I feel no obligation either. At some point you have to draw a line between the belief that you're being mannerly and polite and just some door mat. If it is all working out for you and you're happy then fine. It hasn't for me. And don't bring my parents into it. Is that your display of politeness just to be nice? Maybe they didn't raise you as well as you like to boast.
Brian bragged: "Gotcha, so they didn't have anytime to raise a polite kid. I feel bad for you and any women that gets stuck with you to only get divorced 5 years down the line."
Ah, now I understand, you think you're better. Actually, you're a hypocrite.
I don't do anything that I stated because I expect it in return, it is simply how I was raised. You are making it seem that if everyone held the doors for you, that you would hold them back. Do unto other as you would have them do unto you..karma is a bitch.
Sorry for bringing parents into it. I am as polite and kind as I boast to be, but everyone has their flaws.
Replace the word think, with know. Because in fact I am better, judging from my posts and your posts I'd say most in here agree as well. Have a great life though I am done responding.
Of course you do Brian. Of course you do. If only the world could have more pompous douchebags like you in it I'm sure it would be a utopia.
One way around the tense moment of when the waiter brings the check...
before you are almost finished, excuse yourself as if going to the restroom, walk up to the waiter or hostess or what have you.. and ask to pay your bill right then and give them a nice tip for allowing you to do this..
Problem solved if you are insistent that YOU be the one to pay!
The first few dates, the guy should pay. But if it becomes frequent or a serious relationship, alternate. My boyfriend and I switch up who pays each time we go out so it stays balanced.
Men should always pay.
Why?
If i have to always pay no matter what then It should be expected that she will quit her job and stay home and cook and clean and rub my feet when i come home. If that's not in the cards that must mean it's 2010 and she will keep her job and we hire a babysitter and pay in the same our entire life togather.
It depends how expensive it is. If the man gets a dinner roughly $30 (not counting tip) and the woman gets a dinner roughly $60, then the woman should pay at least half (of the $60 and/or the tip).
Also, the woman should offer at the beginning of the date prior to ordering) that way it'll avoid miscommunication and you will better your chances of leaving happy.
HOWEVER, the man–due to courtesy–should always pay. How much is determined by the couple.
I'm a very modern and successful woman and I like it when the guy pays. It just feels weird when I'm picking up a restaurant tab for a guy. On the other hand I love buying event tickets for sports, concerts etc...and always insist on paying for both of us. I guess it's a give and take, but men should pay restaurant/bar tabs in my view.
I ALWAYS put my card down for a first date regardless of who asked whom. I won't object if he offers to pay, but I will never assume or expect. However, if he continues to expect that I will always pay for myself without objection, then I start waning in my interest. I think it's nice to treat each other. I'll pay some dates, and it's nice if he pays occasionally as well. I'm not a freeloader, nor am I stuck in the 50's. If I want to go to a concert, I'll buy the tickets for both of us. My plans, I pay. It always surprises me that men are amazed by this. Like, what women have you been hanging around?
"Like, what women have you been hanging around?" Just about any woman.
This is why you should go out with fat chicks. They are so grateful for the attention, that they will not think twice about paying.
The person who asked should pay, the guest should offer and be declined. The guest should order in the mid price range of the menu, not too high to make it too expensive and not too low to make it appear her host cannot afford it. Guests should be thanked for dinner promptly. Ongoing dating should be shared or alternated.
But the first date if a man asks, he should pay, open my car door, open the doors, and extend my chair. My DH did that on our first date and has ever since. Nice guys are out there, with manners, in order to date one a woman must have manners too.
It's 2010 – women cry about their independence all the time...ok, you want to be independent? Then pony up for the bill sometimes. Maybe not the 1st date, maybe not all the time, but expecting men to foot the bill for everything, let's face it JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A VAGINA – is the same as being a hooker. Only you're not getting cash for your transaction, you're getting a meal.
Even better is for the 1st date to be split down the middle – that way if either person doesn't like the other, they don't get their wallet drained for the sake of some outdated version of chivalry.
right on. female hypocrisy. even if they make more money they think the man should pay for everything.
The person who asked for the date should pay. If you can't afford to pay for dinner then as I see it you have three options (1) Sit home and wait for the phone to ring, (2) Call your intended and say, "hey you wanna take me to dinner?" or (3) EAT AT HOME! It's probably better for you anyway.
Women should pay. They control the majority of wealth in the country and are still whining for more through the wage gap swindle. Let them cough up the cash once in a while.
I feel bad for you! You probably don't go on many dates and you sound like you hate women.
Typical female shaming language. Are you just upset that my factually correct statements can't be refuted?
I would love to know where you got these facts. Refute that!
My point exactly...
touchy touchy!!
GT – you are dating lousy women or perhaps got badly burned by someone. Look outside the box of who you normally ask – you might find someone worthy of your attention.
Refute your own attitude lady. My statements stand.
If I'm going out with a girl for the first time, we each pick up our own tab...kind of the unspoken same-gender date rule in these parts. If we go on subsequent dates, we usually take turns paying. That being said, if I suggest a really expensive date, I'll offer to pay, even if it's not "my turn" ;)
And that's exactly why I left the answers non-gendered! I figured we'd get some really interesting answers, and I didn't want to close it off to anyone.
Always grateful for your comments and perspective, Leah (TXanimal)
Can i watch? Please?
As a man I cannot even think of letting my date pay the bill. She's the one I'm trying to "impress" so asking her to pay doesn't fit in the picture.
That is besides the point Tim.
If she asked you out then she is trying to Impress you then right? So she should beable to pay for dates that she encouraged. That is equality.
You are a "gentleman".
Tim, you first mistake is tying to impress a woman. Men have built society from dirt and and idea. Are they impressed? Men built rockets to take satellites into space so that Oprah could broadcast her fat ass to every house on the planet. Are they impressed? You are a victim of the old donkey/carrot ploy. You will never gain a woman's approval but you will make her secure and likely wealthy. Just like the poor donkey making the farmer rich just to get a carrot.
I think if it is a date, the person who asks the other out should pay, but if you are going out as friends, then each should pay their own. I had a female friend and I would occasionally ask if she wanted to go to a movie. i would always buy my ticket and she would angrily open her purse to pay for her own ticket.
A friend once told me that a neighbor lady had asked him out to dinner because he had done so much for her through the year. She even invited a female friend along. When the server presented the bill, it was given to him and she made no effort to pay....until after the server had returned with the paid credit card receipt.
That's a story every man gets to live. And women actually think they're fooling us with that malarkey. He should p!ss on her vegetable garden every night.
On a first date- the guy should pay. Any after that can be up for grabs.
the guy should pay for the first few dates. then the gal can start offering.
I just don't understand where everyone is getting this from.
Your all putting women on a peddlestool. like there so much delicate and need our help.
The person that is asking for the date is attempting to woo the person of intrest. it's that simple. If a women asks me out on a date then she is trying to win me over. If she didn't have money or decided not to pay not only would that be our last date but she'd be on my throw infront of a bus list.
Brandon, don't you get it? Britt's statement is the perfect female rationalization. Get some free meals from a mangina and then ditch him. Don't worry about feeling guilty for free loading because girl would have gladly paid had the relationship lasted more than a couple dates. You forget, women are nature's perfect scamming machine.
A peddlestool??? Hahahaha!!! Is that like a unicycle???
It might be. It might also not be. Maybe it's like the motorized couches guys build for laughs. One thing is for certain though, it won't be invented or built by a woman.
I agree with fiery4, when you are in a relationship ladies take your man out on a date and take care of the expense. When on a first date, the person who asked should pay, but the guest should offer to pick up the tip. I think it shows common courtesy and sends the message, "I'm willing to help out".
If your date is a "gentleman", he would exhibit proper etiquette and pay for dinner. He certainly makes a statement by doing this and a "lady" would properly thank him as it should be done regardless of whether or not you enjoyed your date or how much either party earns.
Personally, I think the guy should pay on the first date (regardless of who initiated the date). That being said... it goes a long way if his date will offer to pick up the tip. The money doesn't matter – just shows that she's willing to put something into it as well.
I consider myself proud to be a strong feminist, but that doesn’t mean I balk at chivalry. On a first date the guy should always offer to pay, no matter who did the asking.
That's very unfeminist of you. They should take away your right to vote and keep you chained to the oven.
Brandon. Carrie is the perfect feminist. She has her cake and eats it too as most feminists are all about.
exactly right Gt66
Sounds like a situational feminist.
I said other because I wouldn't say "split down the middle". Honestly, I think it depends on the vibe of the date, but both should pay unless it's made explicitly clear that one party or the other insists on paying...but the other person needs to offer.
It's okay to order on separate checks or have one person pay it all but the other give them some cash. Another way to do it is to have one person pay for dinner but the other for drinks and desserts or for incidentals like parking and cover charges.
As a man I Want to provide for my wife. When I take a woman on a date I do so with the ultimate goal of seeing if she is the One for me to marry. This means I am paying. If the lady does not allow me to pay there will be no second date. This is not because I think I am better then her or that she is not capable of paying, it is because I believe in a relationship the man should provide. Maybe that is one of the reasons divorce was practically unheard of a hundred years ago but now is more common then 25th wedding anniversaries. Every young lady I have dated in the past has been better then me in many areas. Some were much more intelligent, some were harder workers, all had much better looks then I do, some made more money then I do, and I have no problem with a woman being better then me but while I have two legs and two hands my wife is not going to provide for my financial wellbeing and that includes dates.
Now if the outing is just between friends who are "hanging out" it does not matter who pays both are adults and can work it out between themselves.
So, you're o.k. with a woman being better than you, as long as she doesn't make more money than you? So much for equal rights...
Don't lie, you're totally doing it for the sex.
I don't mind paying for dinner, but she is going to have to pay when she is inhaling my poop molecules from the massive liquid dump I take after the meal!
You're a quality human being. The womenz must love you.
Thank you for the comment on quality, I really appreciate it. Not too many people these days can be labeled a 'quality' human being, but the fact that you took time out of your day to say that just made me feel extremely special! *Hugs* to you!!! I like to take my dates out to a good, quality dinner...and of course I always pay. I just ask them at the end of the night to participate with me in enjoying the natural aromas created by the quality meal that we shared earlier that evening...is that so much to ask? You are a true, genuine soul! Much love! <3
LOL.. Dude, you should have a tv show. Grip's dutch oven. Every week a new girl, a new meal and a new reaction.
Oh my God! Excellent idea! Romance a girl for a few weeks until she starts falling for you, then pull out a dutch oven one night on her! See if she stays or if she is so repulsed that she makes a scene! Not a bad idea my friend, not bad at all!
LOL. Poop molecules.
Whomever asks should pay, or if something spontaneous happens, split it.
I've paid for men on dates, and they have paid for me.
If they are dating, and he asked, he should pay. Everyone that is trying to make a valid point here (except for Tom, but I'll get to him in a minute) is right. If you feel it's appropriate to offer, then offer. A lot of women want to pay so they don't feel in any way obligated for anything. With the economy the way it is, it's nice to get a sincere offer to go halfs. As far as "Tom – How is what Brent said in any way sexist? Is it because no man wants to take you to dinner?" That's just ugly and uncalled for. I can only hope and imagine your mother taught you better. It is typical for those more challenged to immediately turn ugly in an argument when they have no where else to go...
I think the person who asked should pay on the first date, after that its who makes more money pays more or its negotiable. I don't make a lot but I still like to contribute – tip, drinks, etc... Here's a question: what if your budget is tight and you don't feel like you can afford to date? What do you say if someone asks you out? It seems so tacky to bring up the subject of money right off the bat...
Fully argee with you and to answer you
IMO I stoped dating for a year before because my income droped and i was living on top roman. During that time i was asked out twice and i accepted and but let the girls know that i was in hard times. They both argeed to pay and we had wonderful dates.
So in all I say if you have no money to pay for a date you should be asking anyone on a date or attempt to take them to the park for a picknick or just a walk thru the country. not all dates take money.
Dinner & a movie? How boring!
I agree. Let's you and I meet for a rave, followed by some s&m, and then hit an after hours club.
Most people no longer follow the silly traditions anymore, thankfully.
If you invite someone out to dinner or lunch, you should expect to pay for it. The gender of eithe person should be irrelevant.
I feel like in this day in age on the first date, the person who asked the other out should pay, but when you are in an on going relationship it's completely plausible and fair to take turns paying. I would feel bad letting my guy pay every single time we went out. Lets be real dinner and a movie is NOT cheap. So ladies we can pay too, dont let your guy always have to "buy" your time.
Does not matter. In the pursuit of "wealth redistribution", Obama is going to appoint a "dating czar" who will require that whichever party earns the most will pay for not only the dinner, but also a prorated amount of the other party's healthcare.
Hey I know your trying to be a moron but that's not to a bad deal. The person that makes the most should generally pay for most meals. But this does not change the fact that on first date the asker should pay in full for the entire night. Be it the Man or the Women it's there night to shine and win over the person of interest So they should pay.
BEST.. ANSWER... EVER.....
EXACTLY layneswingly!
I am a woman, and I hate that we fought for the same rights as men and yet we still assume they should still make more money than us and always pay for things? My boyfriend and I alternate on everything we do. He'll get dinner and I'll get the movies, he'll get drinks and I'll get dessert.
So he gets you the drinks and you hook him up with dessert!? Sounds amazing to me!
I always assume I'm paying regardless of who asked who out. I can be talked out of it though, and I always appreciate it when the lady offers to split the check.
Oh please, people! In today's economy, I wind up making more money then some of the men I've dated. But I have asked men out on dates before and if I initiate the connection (internet dating), I will offer to pay OR I will suggest a casual date that won't cost anyone much of anything. Like coffee, a walk in a nice park or perhaps go grab ice cream – that type of thing. I do NOT think men should have to pay every time. My last boyfriend of 5 years made 3 times my salary and yes, he did buy a lot of dinners – but I paid for many, too and when we went of of town, I paid half of everything. If I couldn't afford it, I let him know that it was out of my budget. I have found some men don't like for a woman to pay – some are gracious about it and others – like one comment above from Boka – won't ask me out again. Trust me, as independent as I am – I am glad those types of men aren't interested!
lol, internet dating.
It's worked for me quite well! Better than bars! Definitely better than suggestions from co-workers or friends!!!!! (who then want details). Though, there ARE just as many losers and liars online as anywhere else....
Independent. That's funny.
Since you don't know me, not sure how you can find that funny. Does that mean you think women can't be? Or that you don't believe that I am? Trust me, my female friends list it as my #1 fault. They think I should be married and I say, no thanks. But the fact that I like to live alone and support myself, does not mean that I do not enjoy the companionship of another – but yes, I want a man who isn't intimidated by my lack of "needing a man".
Women like to boast about independence. What does that even mean? Squirrels are independent. Do we celebrate them? Does it mean you don't need a man? Laughable since everything you have, everything that supports you was done by the hand of man. So you don't need a man to fix your plumbing for you, you'll just higher a plumber (who will be a man) to do it for you. That's why I LOL at women saying independent. You act like it means something special. It doesn't. It's expected of anyone whose an adult.
Actually, I wasn't boasting at all. It's just how I was raised – my parents were adamant that we know how to deal with life for ourselves. I guess if women had been allowed to be educated, own land, make their own choices, vote, etc – perhaps we could have contributed more over the past 4,000 years or so. But I guess all those years of repression and nothing much but spitting kids out kept us out of the game. Since I can't afford to pay some "man" to come over and fix my plumbing & electrical work, I had to learn to do it myself. Oddly enough, I also see men hiring other men to do the same work. Weird, huh? Sorry that your life has been so lacking in decent women that you feel all women are good for nothing more than a receptacle for your sperm....or perhaps your loathing extends even to the level that men are preferred sexually. I extend my sympathy to your partner, regardless of gender.
I am amused thatGT66 ceased replying after Mara pointed out she does her own home maintenance and repair. Good for you, Mara!
GT66 = Owned!
Mara, what's your number haha
I bet you do. So, what's your favorite valve for copper lines? How much rosin core solder should you use on a sweat fitting? Anyone can lie to make a point. Show me some answers.
I think this round definitely goes to Mara!
I dont understand why people think the guy should pay. Dont we live in a world that is equal. I just read an article that now women are making more money than men. ...... So what is the basis for men paying??
Maybe unfair but will sure get you further. lol! How is that for a basis?
Ya well might get you further but....., I think guys todays need to stand up for themselves and stop being such tools.....
Valeriy...see you assume we want to get further on a particular date. Second, I want to date someone that is progressive and independent and not someone that is simply expecting or wanting someone to take care of them. Give me a real woman please!!
What if the date didn't go so well? Split the check
No, a man should still pay. You are not buying a date, you are paying for a dinner.
If a women asks a man out for a first date why in hell should he pay??? that's so BS . I call sexism!!! i want this way in court!!!!!
Chivalry seems more an more like an overly-romanticized ideal – one that's built on the reality of a more subtle form of sexism.
Personally I like the idea of (for a first date) whoever does the asking. It's all very situational, however.
Nothing situational about it. It's a basic etiquette. A man should pay, a woman should offer and be politely declined. And as a man, I also ad that if you do it differently your chances for the second date will sharply decline.
The person asking the other out should pay. I've been with my guy for almost a year, and our incomes are comparable. When he asks me to dinner, he pays; when I ask him to dinner, I pay. He never gets offended and is always appreciative, as am I. BTW, if someone asks you to go Dutch, especially on a first date, that probably means they're not interested.
If the date itself and the people who are dating have stereotypical attirubtes...then i would go with the second choice...
BUT
when it boils down to it, it shouldnt matter who pays...youre at the date bcz u wanan get to nkow eachother and dats all dat shud matter...iono why ppl get so hissy fitty and make a big deal bcz "the girl paid" or the guy didnt offer...its just stupid and ignorant...ppl need to grow out of their fairytales sometimes and really see whats important and what truly is meaningful
I would argue that how payment is handled will tell you more about a person than the typical small talk based interview that most people would call a first date. You get a better feel for the type of person someone is by paying attention to how they treat the wait staff (if you make the mistake of going to dinner) and strangers they aren't trying to impress and how they react when confronted with a situation where then need to make a decision that isn't directly related to the person in front of them than you will from the getting to know you small talk that goes on in between.
I completely agree!
Generally, I think the guy should pay, but if the girl asks him to go out and she really wants to pay for it then I think that would be fine.
There should be two checks to start with – especially on the first date. Both individuals should pay for what they consumed – that way if my date wants a steak and I ate a side salad, I don't have to pay for half of his. This way, also, there is no resentment. Now the third date... that's when you politely offer to pay, hoping that the other party will say yes.
I love how all these independent women still try to cling onto this one form of chauvanism because it actually benefits them. Now personally 9 times out of 10 I'd pay for the date regardless. However, whoever asks for the date should be working under the assumption that they are paying for it. If you ask, you reach for the check. If you're stopped and the other party insists on paying then it's a bonus for you. But there should be no hard feelings if they don't.
You don't invite someone over for dinner and then make them cook the meal. Same deal.
I recently met a guy for drinks and an appetizer and when the bills came seperate and I got charged for my drinks and the appetizer he never even offered to at least pay for his half of the appetizer. He was also supposed to be a true southern gentleman :)
The guy should pay of course.
If the man views this as a first date then normally he will offer to pay. It's rude and disrespectful to assume this will be the case. Offer to pick up your part of the tab.
It should definitely be whoever does the asking! But the other person should at least offer even if it's a first date, in my experience still the man ususally pays but it's simply rude not to offer. Same as if you were dining with friends!
Automatically expecting the gentleman to pay is rather disrespectful personally.
Odds are, the guy WILL pick up the tab, but have the decency and consideration to ask or offer to split/pay/tip really speaks wonders for the type of person. What easier way to say "You were worth my time." ?
tha man should pay then the woman should be nice to him
Where I come from, the man always pays, there are no other options.
Chiviraly is dead, women killed him a while ago
The guy should pay for the first 2-3 dates, then they should go dutch. Taking turns paying is not the same as each paying for your own and some people can take advantage of that (i.e. order more expensive food when you are paying).
Who ever does the asking! If you ask someone to dine with you, you should pay, man or woman. I think this extends beyond the first date, until the couple is "established". Then everything should be split close to equally. Unless, one partener makes substantially more money. My boyfriend is working on his Phd, so I pay for a lot of dates right now, before he was in school, he mostly paid.
Chivalry died when ladies decided to become women . Who are we going to be chivalrous for? It's called equality and you have to take the bad with the good.
couldn't have said it better! seems like there's plenty of hypocrisy when it comes to "equal rights". i'll pay (as a guy) if i feel like doing something nice for you (even on a first date), but i don't think there should be a set rule that i always pay. that's unfair.
Amen, brother.
Jeff, you are EXACTLY right.
@blondie...........its a first date.
anyway......guy pays, even if the girl asked the guy out. as for drinks, i know i drink more than any girl i know, so it wouldnt be right to let her pay for those either.
Guys should always pay. If the girl wants to pay, then she can ask for the check. This is how it works for me.
The person asking out should pay-no question. The other person can then offer to pay for the 2nd date.
The guy should always pay. It makes me feel good to pay for the dinner on a date. If a woman insisted to pay I would feel offended and wouldn't go out with her again.
This only works if you expect her to stay barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. either way you cut it. it's the idea of the 50's that you continue to bring in to your dating life.
I usually pay. If she offers, I may take her up on it, but I wind up paying most of the time. IMHO, the prospect of appearing cheap FAR outweighs laying out a few bucks and keeping the reputation of being a gentleman.
I don't know about most people, but me and my husband takes turn getting the bill. I hate that people say guys should pay it thats crap take turns. that way you aren't fighting over it.
If the person you are dining with is your spouse there is no his or her money
Really? Divorce courts seem to think otherwise.
Where has the chivalry gone??? The man should always pay, even if you are an offical couple that has been dating for two years!
Really???? But I'm guessing you want equal opportunity and privelages where it benefits you? As a guy I'm more than happy to pay for dinner and entertainment and particularly for the first date. But in these days of (typically) both being gainfully employed, within a few dates I'd expect her to be picking up the tab now and then.
Chivalry is not dead. It is always a nice gesture if the woman offers to pay.
typical female. if a female works for her money, and maybe make even more, why can't she pay sometimes.
Chivaly has gone out the window since the feminst movement was formed. If a woman can do anything a man can do, then a woman can pay just like men have done since the beginning of time.
Id gladly pay for dinner but then i expect dessert :P
The person who asked for the date should pay, if its a first date. If there are future dates, then I (woman) will offer to pay, but not on the first date. I find men get offended and it just seems rude to me to offer them money-its like im saying they can't afford to pay for a meal.
Well that's stupid. The guy is the one who askes the woman out on dates. Not the other way around. So your basically saying the guy always pays. Have you ever heard of a woman asking a guy out on a date? I sure haven't.
woman ask men out all the time. There's nothing wrong with it. It is 2010, just to let you know.
Been asked out by women multiple times so..... bullshit.
Yea i call BS. I've been asked out many times and I think it's nice to know that i have a Girlfriend brave enough not to be held back by the 1950's. It's the same women that asked men out on dates that first wanted to vote and to work a career job. BROVO women of power.
Now where's my sugar momma? i'll cook, Clean, Rub your feet, Stay home with that kids and you can bring home the bacon and pay for our meals.
I wan a man like Neeko
Times have certainly changed...the last time a gal pal of mine went out, the waiter handed the check over to HER (and she did not ask for it, nor did she ask out the guy...he asked her). Worse yet, they split the bill.
Chivalry is dead.
Chivalry is not dead. Just like every other decades the rules have changed.
Depends on the relationship and who makes more money.
That is my basic take. It really depends on the people involved and potentially even how past dates went. For instance one girl I dated we took turns, another we split, another I always grabbed the check, another she always grabbed it. Any rule that treats the other person like an interchangeable cog with no opinion of her own seems like a bad idea to me.
Neeneko...I like the way you think. Thoughtful response.
I paid for everything with a credit card. When we got married, she paid off the credit card.
Duh! The guy. . here is why. . . because at the end of the day we have to be pregnant for 9 months while our bodies go to hell, and then we get to go through something awesome called LABOR!!! So men- you can pick up the check Thanks!
wow – all that is happening on the first date?
If you dont want all the pains of having kids, then dont have kids
So obviously this means you're putting out on the first date right?
whoops... the above in replay to the original poster.
You sounds like freakin joy. No wonder no man wants you.
Such a wholesome Christian comment. Bet you go to church on Sunday AND tithe. So, if you turned around and ran smack into Christ after making that comment, do you think he'd pat you on the head and say "Nice one, my child?" And Jesus wept!
Thor nods approvingly!
Blondie – You are why
http://www.AmericanWomenSuck.com
Even though I AM and American woman, I have to agree that American women SUCK!
We want our cake and to eat it too.. Well ladies, we can't have it both ways.. either you want to be treated like man or you choose to allow the men to take care of you..
I am not saying follow blindly if you have a bad man though.. I am talking about a REAL man who knows how to treat a REAL lady. I enjoy my full time job (I am the primary money earner in my home) but my husband pays when he takes me out, he protects our home and children, I enjoy doing the little womanly wife things from the past... like on my days off, he works and I get up early with him fix him breakfast and make a lunch for him to take..
I KNOW I can do it all on my own.. my father taught me and my sisters well as to not HAVE to rely on a man.. but why do I want to? I like having help.. I like being treated..
Tiff, I'm sure you have a great guy. You have an attitude men like to be around.
Speak for yourself, two amazing sons later and I look better at 35 than I did at 25. Its called exercise and loving the iron!
Blondie, you owe us a rib.
who said all men where having your baby
Heh, blondie. I see cats in your future. Many cats. With you in your single wide trailer. That's the only male companionship you're going to enjoy....
The one who asked the other out pays for the food and leaves the tip; The other pays for the drinks.
The man should pay unless the woman has offered to take him out. This should be a no-brainer!
I agree that tradition tells us that the man will pay. This is because historically, the man was the one working to make the money. In today's world, where any self-respecting woman will work full time and claim to want to be equal to a man, this should be considered a gesture. Do not feel that you are entitled to ANYTHING simply because you were born a woman. We are all equal adults and therefore, we all should support ourselves.
I never claimed that I wanted to be considered equal to a man. In this world we live in currently, as much as we want equal pay, we will never get it as long as I'm living. If a man wants to take a woman out to dinner, ect., he should pay. I have paid my fair share on dates, believe me, however, I have met my fair share of cheap men and feel that if a man should ever once think that just because women want to be equal to men and they should pay, then that man is not worth our time. It is just common courtesy, something this society lacks in so many ways. Not just in the dating scene.
Why is it that if a man says, "Men should pay" and a woman disagrees, she's considered a feminist and is the reason chivalry is dead. However, if a woman were to say, "Men should pay" (same statement, folks), she is greedy, golddigging, and entitled. Please explain this to me, because the mixed signals make it just impossible to know how to act.
For the record, I put that the person who asked should pay, although the other should offer and be politely refused. It seems to be the most mature way to handle it, and it takes gender completely out of the equation.
Whenever my girl and I go out to a sit down restaurant, I always pay; and she makes 3 times more money than I do. But, it's usually not that expensive, we're not eating out EVERYDAY, and it's a macho thing to do. On the flip side, she's always buying me stuff – clothes, body wash (smell like a man, man!), booze, etc. So I actually come out ahead. =)
No one is saying you have to support a girl or guy ont he first date.. THAT is the topic..
To that end, who ever does the asking should pay.. and in today's society, the person doing the asking is still more often than not the man..
Marla..... If you never claimed to be equal ( will take that as you don't want to be...if it benefits you to not be), then cook, clean and sew and take care of the home, and then your name should be changed to June Cleaver.
Call me old fashioned, but the guy should pay. However, after the first date, I've always try to pay my share. If he got dinner, I'm paying for drinks after, or a movie, etc.
Always more than happy to treat my guy to a meal. Especially if I ASKED him to go! If I say, "lets go to dinner, my treat" then obviously I'm treating! If he suggests it, he should be treating. OR if its a general discussion before hand, and he says something like...well Im sorta broke or what have you, then we go dutch. On a first date though, whoever suggested the date, place, etc.. should pay.
The man should pay – why isn't this an option?!
Probably because it's 2011, and a lot of women don't want your charity – they work and make money and enjoy feeling like they can pay for stuff. Your sexist beliefs belong in the 20th century.
Being nice knows no gender boundaries.
How is what Brent said in any way sexist? Is it because no man wants to take you to dinner?
Jude
I have to disagree with you on a couple of counts. First of all we are still in 2010, not 2011. Second there is nothing sexist about a man wanting to pay, its old fashioned courtesy. Men are going to pay regardless even if the woman does ask, it is not charity it is being nice.
the man should pay. always. no question. even if you live in california and your woman is a man.
...you sound like a prude. most women complain about that chivalry is dead, but thats only because women like you killed it. you are most likely the man in your (if youre in one) relationship
The man pays – no exceptions.
Says a man.
If you are dating someone who wasn't born in the 20th century, you've got bigger problems than "who pays."
Wow. Such hostility! I work a full time job and "make my own money" but when my now husbnad asked me out to lunch (first date) he made me feel special and feminine taking the check and paying. And I got a second date to boot! Now as a married couple, all the money we earn "belongs' to both of us, but he still grabs the check. What is so wrong with liking to feel cared for? Isn't that what all us women really want? To most men, this is a tangible way they do that!
Jude, what world are you living it? Don't speak for women. You're a man, obviously!!!!
Jude, did I date you;).
I went on a first date, and when the bill came I went to pay. I had invited the girl out and after her 2 hour therapy session about her life I figured I needed to pay. So when I went to pay she told me that she was a feminist. That she wanted to pay, ok..I was like no, thats cool but I asked you out and I will like pay. Thanks...........Needless to say this date was memorable........
Why is a man wanting to be chivalrous to you sexist?
While yes, it is 2011 and I believe that if I ask a man out I will pay, most men who fall into the rhealm of being chivilrous may not accept my invitation in the first place since they truely believe that women should not have to be subjected to the same stresses as a man. It has NOTHING to do with what you as a woman are capable of. It has to do with a great man wanting to protect the purity of womanhood...
Frankly, I find women who scream "SEXIST" all the time to be very lonely people since they dont know how to back off and allow someone else to do things for you because they love you and want to.. like I said before.. not because you cant, but that you shouldn't have too..
Jude,
I was raised old school, so I believe in being courteous, standing up so a woman (especially old) can sit, saying "Please" and "Thank you" and opening the door for a woman. Sometimes a woman will scowl when I open a door for her, to which I'll reply: "I did it because I'm a gentleman, NOT because you are a lady".
I'm pretty sure I've said that statement to you at least once.
its not charity, but courtesy. i will pay if its a young man for work and such; but if it's a date, I want him to pay, even if i can.
Boo...
Obviously the 20th century was the last time you had a 2nd date.
I love that whole part about being in the 20th. Let's see what century your in when it comes time for divorce and child support. Effing women...always the effing dollar.
I really thought it was still 2010. Did I miss the new year?
If I let her pay the first date...I doubt I would get a second one. As the guy, I assume I am paying for the first date, no matter who asked who out. If the first date was just coffee, or an inexpensive lunch, I expect to pay for a second date as well; but if the first date was an actual dinner or an expensive lunch, the second date can be up for debate.
Somebody's calendar is fast.
I agree. Had a date once ask me to pay my share. Clearly he didn't like me and the feeling was mutual.
"The guy pays" isn't an option to that the survey applies to same sex couples, too.
@Tiff. I think I may be in love. What are you doing Saturday night?
I bet Jude has a huge line of men just waiting to date her. She sounds like such a fun person.
I can see cats, "People" magazine and lots of "Murder She Wrote" reruns in Jude's future.
As it happens, I left off that option on purpose 'cause it's Prop 8 vote day in CA today. A lot of my pals on dates are with someone of the same gender, so those answers wouldn't really apply.
Maybe not but they would apply to the other 99% of the population.
Your friends are always free to select one of the other answers....you left out a popular choice it seems.
lol @ Pete – "where woman are man." I like it when the guy pays, but I don't take advantage of it – I usually like to go dutch if we've been only been on a couple of dates, but if we get serious then I let him if and ONLY IF he want to and also if he can afford, otherwise I pay
The guy should pay
It depends. If they met online and she posted a picture which was 2 years and 26lbs ago, she should pay. Otherwise, he'll pay one way or the other.
That's funny!
^ This has happened to me. I've never enjoyed the end of a $40.00 glass of coke like I did that night.
The guy should pay but every broad should at least offer unless she's going to "pay" him back in some other way. That's right, I said it.
DAN G your comment made my morning HAHAHAHA!
that's soooo funny!
Really? And why is that...because you are a guy? It's not 1950, women make their own money and have their own fun.
Feel free to pay for the next date with "your own money" because you'll be eating alone.
Oh please Clover ! That whole women being individual and liberated is a bunch of crap cover up for women's insecurities. Let a man take the lead and pay for dinner. Its a wonderful thing. My hubby did that when we dated. I offered but he wanted to. It made him feel good. They LIKE to do that. Then again, you sound like some pig-headed, narcissistic TWIT who pushes men away with your ugly attitude. Good luck finding a man.
Feel free to purchase some cats. Maybe many of them. Because that's what you'll be using for male companionship in your old age.
yeah the guy should pay but the principle of the matter is the woman should still offer every once in a while. It's a nice gesture.
also it really depends on who asked who out to dinner, would you really want to pay for a dinner if a woman asked you out on a date?
I feel the person asking the other out should pay and at since both received service the other should pay the gratuity. If this is ongoing then both should take turns paying on occasion. The individual frequency should be determined by how attractive the woman or man is as well as income ratio.
I understand all the feminist objection to the guy paying. You are your own woman now, you earn your own paycheck, etc.
But I would suspect the majority of women wouldn't be offended if a man offered to pay. A lot of "old fashioned" women expect it, and a lot of "old fashioned" men feel obligated. It doesn't matter if the woman works or not.
Bottom line: If your a woman wanting to go dutch, find a cheap-skate to date. If you want the man to pay, find someone who will open the door for you.
That's correct a gentleman should pay, is going to say a lot about him , no matter if the lady work or not. I will not date a guy that is expecting that i pay to date him..... no no
@Maria You're a sexist.
Agreed
My bf usually pays, but I love to take him out too. I'll specify before we go that it's my treat. Has nothing to do with who makes the money, men need to be appreciated and pampered too.
That is correct Katie. Men need to feel appreciated too.
Women today want to lbe that "modern day woman of the world" and land that job, compete with men, get that high ranking position in the working world and make that money. But when it comes to dating, women all of a sudden become old fashioned and expect to pay for everything. Women want their cake and eat it too. They want to make the money (job), and save/ keep their money (guy always pays).
Dating these days in the 21st century should be 50-50. Alternate paying..... one date he pays, next date she pays. This isn't the June Cleaver days anymore. Those days are long gone. Has nothing to do with being a "gentleman", has everything to do with fairness so the guy doesn't feel like he bank account is being depleted.
I paid for everything with a credit card. When we got married, she had to pay off the credit card since I was in school and she had a job.
Keep a hold on that one!
the dude pays
agreed....
I think people are raised with certain values in life which determine how they feel about this question. I come from a older view, where men made the money, women were not considered strong or independent, so men paid for that reason and because they wanted to impress the lady. God, I glad things have changed. Women are as strong as us guys. So, what ever floats your boat and no one should fault someone for having a different view on this. It is a good thing we don't all think the same.
The man should always pay no matter what. http://www.savvyknowhow2.com