 "Yam mash." That's the first thing my husband ever said to me. It wasn't just out of thin air, mind you. It's not as if he went around randomly "yam mash"-ing strange women in Lower East Side bars or anything. Rather, we'd met via online personals two weeks before that, and as I am wont to do, I'd asked him if he'd ever had a meal that made him cry. He responded, several hours later, with this.
I wrote back, "Say yam mash to me. Say it to me slowly." I'd tried, goodness knows, to compromise and pair with indifferent eaters, men with other spheres of interest, granted - painting, chess, comedy - but little interest in the life of the stomach. We were never going to be more than friends. Food, and the sharing of it - the flavors, the conversations, the swaps of bites and sips and stories - is so fundamental to my being that to ignore this part of it would be...well, it wouldn't be me. I'm not alone in this. Moments after I posed the question, "Could you stay seriously romantically involved with someone who didn't care about food the way you do?" to Eatocracy's social network, the responses began pouring in. A few from Twitter:
And Facebook:
Food surely isn't the only thing Douglas and I have in common; we're equally music-obsessed, need pets around us, are on the same page about not having kids, hate raising our voices, are bad at sitting still and say "I love you; you're my favorite person" daily and sincerely. We're also possessed of comically different palates. I groove on harsh, earthy and funky flavors - horseradish, anchovies, sweetbreads, herring, hot sauce and headcheese. He loathes these and cannot abide heat, cilantro, parsley, halibut, dill, any form of sausage, meatball, meatloaf or lukewarm food. We find common ground - roasted vegetables, slow-smoked pork shoulder, a pot of collard greens, cheese grits and eggs on a Sunday morning - and revel in the ritual of preparing, plating and eating those meals together. It's not always fancy, either. We've got the Szechuan takeout place at the top of the street on speed dial and dine at the nearby taqueria so frequently that either one of us can just look up at the other, walking in the door from work after 9:30 p.m., say "tacos?" and start slipping on shoes at their nod of assent. These meals are where we talk and connect and slough off the stresses of the day. I've eaten with plenty of men for whom food is a chore, a box to be ticked off several times daily in order to stay alive. These were not dispassionate partners - just strung in a different key than I am, and eventually the discordance became too much to bear. And 21 months after that first, rapturous description of a meal, the showing-off chef in question gave Douglas and me one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever received: massive trays of his yam mash to serve to the guests at our wedding. Previously - Could you date someone who was rude to the waiter? |
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Anyone who ruins grits by adding cheese, is a Barbarian and not fit to sit at my table.
Yam mash actually sounds pretty horrid, but, then, I can't stand yams (and, yes, that includes sweet potatoes.)
As for foodie compatibility, it's nice, but hardly a good reason to reject someone with whom you're otherwise compatible. Most of us aren't going to wake up every morning for the next 50 years, look over at our partner and think, "I'm still in love with...your palate." You may as well reject someone because s/he isn't as passionate as you about terry-cloth. And some of us are quite fond of good terry-cloth.
I got lucky that my husband used to be a prep chef for many years. I love to cook. So he preps and I cook. He is willing to try everything. It all worked out.
The differences in eating habits between my wife and I are contributing to a worsening rift between us. Simply put, she's been eating everything in sight (with predictable consequences). I'm worried about her health but she reacts angrily to even the gentlest suggestion that she needs to change her diet. Her doctor has told her the same but she ignores medical opinion and continues on unchanged. My worry about her is affecting our relationship.
Kazz, You're absolutely right there. Sex and love aren't the same thing at all!
Soylent Green is made of.....Greens.
if you marry someone because of what they eat, you deserve to be disappointed
My partner and I have a unique bond over food: both of us can be real sensualists about it (i love the author's 'yam mash' story here) - and we each also have to live with dietary/food restrictions. So there is some shared compassion and support around that, too. One moment that really confirmed our love was when I discovered he'd made a "gluten free" pantry shelf for me at his place, and had stocked it with snack foods I could eat anytime.
Finally, someone who gets it!
It's just food. As someone mentioned, fuel for the body. I understand there are those who value "fine dining" and "fashion trends," but these things are really quite superficial. Let's get beyond this already; it almost appears to be so passe today. Kind of like the Opera or the Ballet. Oh, my! Did I really write that? I must be so unsophisticated not to enjoy such superficial things.
Oh, and to the people who post anti-Obama tripe on EVERY article, keep it up. As a supporter of our President I can only say that you people are showing your true colors. "Fried Chicken and watermelon?" Really? Goodness! Very sad, people, very sad.
Well said.
I know exactly how it feels to care more about food than one's SO. my husband is a burger/fries/pizza/quesadilla guy. he doesn't understand occasionally spending money on a rather expensive(but divine, out-of-the-ordinary) meal. he can't wrap his mind around the complexities of wine and beer(he's not a drinker at all, actually). but I'll never stop trying to open his mind up to the wonderful culinary world I inhabit :)
I'm a total foodie- especially for spicy and South Asian foods- but my girfriend of 8 years is all Primal iet ( nothing but raw meat/ raw dairy/ occasional raw veggies). It was very difficult at first but I stuck with it and we have worked it out. She occasionally eats cooked with me; I cook basic food at home (I'm not a good cook myself); I go out 2 or 3 times a week with my foodie friends; and I eat a lot of restaurant food for lunch near my office. She is extremely healthy on that diet (as is everybody else I've met on it) so I can't argue with her about its benefit (and I would, as I practice acupuncture and do a lot of nutrition with my patients)- but being a foodie makes me happy. I would prefer it if we could do cooking together- for flavor and the experience- but she is 100% health oriented in her diet- so I make the best of it. It has kept me healthier I suppose, and for that I can be thankful. Life is about compromise- and if we've made it 8 years I guess it's working and can be done- but I'd love it if she suddenly became a foodie, nonetheless!
My husband and I tell people that we're the representation of the bagel met the beignet. I was rasied in the Northeast with yankee pot roast, rutabagas, split pea soup, parsnips, rye bread and bagels. He was born and raised in a French household in New Orleans, Louisiana. He thinks rye bread isn't fit for human consumption and won't even try a parsnip. He likes everything spicey and drowning in butter. We couldn't be more different as far as taste, but we experiment, learn to cook things from eachother's family cookbook and try to be good sports. It's actually fun for me. I'm not picky. But meal time is an adventure in our house, and I think I like it that way.
I couldn't date a vegan because I wouldn't want to date an idiot.
You have revealed more of yourself than you know, in that inane statement.
Oh! I get it! You're implying that vegans are idiots! Damn, you're clever! I hope you reproduce a lot!
I am a pastry chef and adore food. I can't get enough of it and am always looking to learn and experiment. My husband does not share this passion. He is a picky, boring eater. He has a list of the best foods won't touch....egg, tomato, berries..... He hates fruit desserts. He likes meat, potato, and cheese. For dessert he likes peanut butter or chocolate. Despite this we've been happily married for over six years. If I want to try out a new restaurant, I just go with a girlfriend instead. I have plenty of foodie friends who share my passion that I do not require this of my husband.
Pictures, please. Of the man in the cowboy hat, not the food. Food is good, cowboy hats are better.
I was in a relationship for 2 long years to someone who was never exposed to fine foods or culture for that matter. I was constantly wanting to educate and encourage him to try new things. Let alone I loved to cook gourmet meals and have a passion for food more than most. All he really wanted was chicken fingers and well-done steak with ketchup. I loved going out of town for business because I could treat myself to a real dinner. In the end, I just wasn't patient enough to deal with the food habits nor was I willing to keep trying to force food on someone that couldn't appreciate it. Now I believe I have found someone that shares in the joys of good food. I personally would rather have it that way.
I brought my then gf/now wife to a Mexican restaurant on our second date. She loves Mexican food. I don't think I would have married somebody with totally different food preferences. I dated women like that and it always caused conflict or resentment: She would say "why do you like spicy food so much" and I would get tired of eating at Shoney's, Olive Garden, McDonalds, and Chilis. The ones with no sense of adventure, culinary or otherwise, didn't make the cut. I think similar food preference goes along with similar belief systems, goals, and lifestyles. All very important qualities when picking someone to spend the rest of your life with.
The article makes it seem like that was her main criterion, but probably the guy in question had other qualities or 'assets; that appealed to her as well.
Good article. I enjoyed reading it and it reminded me of my courtship with my wife of 13 years.
BRAVO!
PS Yam mash is very tasty IMO. Good call!
To me it's more about priorities. I'm not a mechanic. I've never had the joy of building an engine and I probably never will but I can appreciate a well tuned car and I can check my own spark plugs, oil, change my tires, blades and headlights. Having said that one of the many reasons I didn't stay together with my last boyfriend was because he was in his mid 30's and couldn't boil spaghetti or flip a burger (and I mean at all not the 'right' way). He'ld eat what I made but he didn't get the love of creation and was missing a whole life skill category.
On the other hand one of the sexiest conversations I ever had with any man was on the subject of wild sourdough strains in our respective parts of the country.
My boyfriend of 2+ years and I are total opposites on food – Me being from the midwest and him being from Louisiana. he thinks that I eat boring food and i think that the food that he eats is fattening and too spicey. i don't eat fried food or any form of seafood whatsoever and this has been a major point of contention over the course of our relationship. i don't think it's a dealbreaker, though. who cares that i don't like spicey food? thankfully, he can cook as well, so if he wants seafood he can cook it.
sounds reasonable. I don't really care for most seafood, and because of a medical condition spicy food is out. I can't imagine holding this against anyone.
The dietarily inhibited need not apply.
I'm not a food snob, but I really enjoy different colors, flavors, and textures of food. I would love to be a much more adventurous eater and chef than I am currently, but I married a man whose tastes run to the, as he calls it, "brown and white." He does have his comfort foods from other ethnic cuisines, though, so we work it out. Our kids, though, give me fits. I can't get the oldest to eat anything but fish sticks, potatoes, bread, and broccoli. No such thing as a "dealbreaker" with your own flesh and blood, I guess.
I am full bloded Scottish, and was born and bred in America.
My wife is full blooded Vietnamese and moved to the US to be with me three years ago.
Rather than focus on our differences, we welcome each others' tastes and some nights she cooks, some nights I do. Every week we hit the Asian market and the American supermarket. We think we've got it pretty good.
Letting differences in food preferences divide or define your relationship is just shallow, self absorbed and narcissistic.
I agree whole heartedly. I am disgusted by some of the comments here. Making room for one another's interests and needs is what a relationship - marriage or otherwise - is about. I have to wonder what some of these hedonistic foodies would do if their partners had to be on a very restricted diet due to health concerns. Know any ex-foodie diabetics? i do.
I live down here in Florida, where southern food is the bomb. My mother in law is the best cook I know, everything comes from the garden, meat from an animal and not processed with salt and water. The food is great, but I eat to survive, not to enjoy it. Food is food. We eat it to stay alive. I see no point in spending so much time to make my meal taste better...
All food makes a terd no matter how ya eat it. No I am not a KFC junkie, I am happy with a chicken breast and some veggies. No need for elegant eating. But thats just me!
I'm dumber for having read this. What a turd!
I like to cook, and I would find it disappointing to be involved with someone who had no interest in food. I had a potential bf back in the day who wouldn't eat vegetables and it was offputting.
I fell in love with a man who loved to eat, but...he grew up with a mother who is not a cook. Everything was out of a can, over cooked, under flavored. Over the years he's discovered real food and has become a bit of a foodie and amateur chef. There is hope.
The key to this story is 'neither one of us want kids.' By making that decision, you get an insight into their narcissistic, self-absorbed personalities. Don't get me wrong – I make no judgments about choosing to be childless. That's a personal decision I respect. But let's face it. In order to be so totally focused on food, you have to be able to focus only on yourself. Once you bring someone else into this world, suddenly one's momentary sensual pleasures are no longer quite so all consuming or all important.
Bull$h1t.
-foodie parent of a 12 year old and a 4 year old. (You should see the 12 year old with caviar – scary!)
"Narcissistic, self-absorbed"? Glad to hear you're not making any judgements.
I enjoy a variety of different foods, and as a result, so does my live-in nephew (I don't have kids yet, I'm young still – but I hope to have many). Because I don't eat much per sitting I always have leftovers...and at 3 years of age the fussy eater was found to have a distinct liking for Thai and Vietnamese. His parents tried many garden-variety foods, spent ample amounts of money on them too, but to no avail (I believe it is because he has a broader flavour palette than his beer and burger parents). They spent the moolah, but were just headed towards the wrong foods.
When I have my many children I will make sure to introduce them to a world of (well-portioned) flavours.
Was married for 30 years to a THE pickiest eater in the world and it was torture. Now divorced and I've lost 20 lbs while eating the most delicious food I've ever had. Good decision in more ways than one :)
Wow – some of you people are nasty. I recently got engaged to my sweetie of four years – he has no taste for spicy food and is a tough sell to get him to try new things. We grew up in two different areas and I grew up with, for lack of a better term, "more refined palate" liking anything from pate to bisques, seafood to spicy spicy food. My children have been raised the same way – try everything twice is my motto – maybe next year you'll LIKE those clams on the grill...
I affectionately call my sweetie "Bland Man". Just because he doesn't eat the same foods as I do doesn't diminish the fact that I love him very much, he is great to me and my children and I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him. I don't think food is the "be all end all" in any solid relationship. If it is, either get out or find someone that has more shared interests with you. I have told him that every year I'm going to ask that he try a few new foods – this past adventure – ostrich – which he did like. So wether he tries it and likes it or tries it and hates it, at least he tried – and sometimes those experiences are the ones most remembered.
Well said. I have never met a food I haven't liked. From the lowly McNugget to homemade duck etouffee, I enjoy it all. My wife on the other hand is particular (to be kind). I don't mind that she doesn't enjoy the same foods I do. I offer her a taste, she declines and we move on. She does try new foods if she has never had them, sometimes to her enjoyment, most times not. I have to give her credit for the effort though.
When my then boyfriend called his mother to tell him he'd found "the one" she asked "what do you have in common" and he immediately without pause said "she likes to cook and I like to eat". Well it wasnt the only thing we had in common. But the first visit to the eventual in-laws I realized my MIL wasnt much of a cook so I took over cooking and sealed the deal. After 25 years of marriage my cooking has style has changed, we still eat in front the TV, found a few carry out places that arent too bad, I cook less often but always try to cook with intensity.
Foodies... Sounds like " Trekkies " to me, but with a different obsession..
At home, im the cook, Now im not a Chef, nor do i claim to be, and have on numerous occasions made something that even i wouldnt eat after trying it, and im not picky, if it does not bite me first, chances are ill eat it ( except chicken, i hate chicken, i would rather eat my own foot then chicken )
The wife on the other hand, burns boiling water ( hence me being the cook ) and has a hard time setting the toaster to the correct setting to not make hockey pucks with English muffins.
When we started dating, she would not eat fish of any kind, was very VERY against seafood of any kind.
In the 7 years we have been together, ive gotten her to try Salmon ( her new favorite food in the universe ) Red Snapper, Mahi Mahi ( Fish taco's are now her second favorite food in the world ) and she is a shrimp addict to say the least, Getting her to try new things at first was a trial ( Crusade would be a better word ) but now at least she is willing to try new things without freaking out.
However, had she initially NOT tried any of those things, and just stuck to her closed box ideals on food, it wouldnt have made any difference in the world to me or our relationship.
because me basing the relationship on " i can only be with you if you like what i like " is really very stupid and childish, and would cause me to miss out on a lot of new experiences based on such childish antics.
every person is different, and each has their own passions, basing your relationship on the person loving exactly the same things you love, would be horribly boring in my book, as your potential for new and exciting experiences would be much more limited.
Ohh and for the record, I HATE cooking with a passion. I am not a " Foodie " by any means, i just like a little more variety in my food then Pasta, Potatoes and Salad...
But to each their own, and to those of you " Foodies " out there, i wouldnt suggest letting your stomach decide who you spend the rest of your life with, as there are many MANY wonderful new experiences in life that can be experienced, that have nothing to do with food...
Who says we are missing out? *You* are the ones saying certain experiences are not important, not us.
I'm a vegan, and I have been seriously involved with a vegan and that worked out well, but now I'm dating a non vegan and guess what...it's working just as well. We have a mutual respect for each others diets and work with each other when it comes to meals. We've actually been brought closer by finding things that we can eat and enjoy together.
What an insufferable, self-satisfied article.
With getting ready in the morning, my commute, and then a nine to ten hour work day – I have three -MAYBE- four hours after I get home before I need to go bed and do the whole thing all over again. Why the hell would I want to waste that time eating when I could be having sex, or reading a book, or going for a bike ride, or watching a movie?
Seriously???
Yea, I'd rather eat food that tastes good than food that tastes bad, but if I focused my life going after gourmet food and spending hours preparing and savoring food – I'd feel like I'd wasted my life.
I would rather eat the most nutritious cheapest fast and healthiest portioned food possible, and then get on with doing other stuff. If I spend more than a total of half an hour preparing, eating and cleaning up my dinner, I've done something SERIOUSLY wrong.
Sounds to me like your priorities are way messed up. You work too much.
I've arranged my life so that I commute 10 minutes to work, work an eight hour day (on a bad day), work out during my lunch hour, spend 3 hours cooking, eating, and cleaning up after dinner, and still have 4 hours to do what I want. My kids get to eat something besides chicken nuggets, we all eat dinner together – better than almost any restaurant meal, every night – and we all have our own time.
When we look back on our lives, I hope you remember your commutes and ten hour days fondly. I'll be remembering the 12 hour corned beef we ate together as a family last night.
Well, I'm a software developer in Chicago – and with the way that the economy is right now and that the job market is flooded with out of work people because of massive layoffs at the big telcoms around here – I can't afford to be too picky about where I work, or how long I have to be there.
I used to live close to work (ten minute commute) but Motorola laid off a bunch of people, and so now where I work I have a 45 minute commute each way (if the weather is good), have to work at (least) an eight hour day, and usually take a half an hour to an hour lunch. I have a house, so moving isn't so simple – because selling the house right now would mean getting less for it than I paid for it.
If you aren't working a full eight hour day, then you are very lucky and probably very spoiled (and possibly taking advantage of your employer by not actually working all the time that you're being paid for)
I'm glad you aren't feeding your kids mcnuggets, and if I had young kids, I'd be willing to spend a little more time with dinner – but spending 3 hours on a meal is crazy
@Shannon
Also in IT. My work comes right at the end of the SLDC. I can't help it that my company schedules projects such that I have long periods of downtime, followed by short periods of panic. I certainly am not taking advantage of my employer. Your employer is taking advantage of you. Remember that.
Spending three hours on dinner is ridiculous *to you*. Spending 30 minutes on dinner is ridiculous to me. Considering it appears I've made better life choices than you have, I could argue that my way is the right way, but it is just different. Why don't you open your mind to the possibility that you might be missing something?
Sounds like you have a crap job to me. Most of us adults try to shoot a little higher than WalMart.
LOL mcnuggets to the kiddies ! KUDOS!! i commute 2 hours a day to work and work 9 hour day(1 hour lunch) PLUS being a bodybuilder i spend over 1 hour in the gym and married with 2 children. to spend your free time cooking and eating is LUDICROUS. Time is of essence and of extreme value, why spending it eating and cooking when you could be doing other intimate activities?!
@Observer
No, not a crap job. I get paid to do statistical analysis of computer systems using math that makes most people's eyes cross. It pays very well because it is very hard, very niche, and can't be outsourced.
But I worked at Walgreen's as a teenager, if it helps you feel superior.
@jeromedinh
What, like admiring my awesome bod in the mirror, bro?
You think cooking is foolish, and I think your narcissism is foolish. It takes different strokes man. I don't go into bodybuilding articles accusing you of having no neck and no penis – why don't you find some other article to comment on?
@pneuma
hon, seriously you kinda _sound_ like someone I used to know who was addicted to heroin when she was explaining how awesome shooting up was.
i don't begrudge people eating tasty food – but if that's the main focus of your life, then it sounds like you'd have to be missing out on something else
me, i like variety. I'll take the time to either make or go out for a nice dinner once in a while (every month or so) – but not every freaking day!
@ pneuma – because this is HILAROUS to me! you should really question, COULD YOU DATE SOMEONE WHO DISAGREES AND DOESNT SUPPORT THIS RIDICULOUS ARTICLE?!
yes us bodybuilder have small packages....in RELATION to our LARGE muscles ;) but they get a workout just a much too ;) wink wink
Wow 3 hours to cook? That is freaking nuts!!!! I would come home from work, cook for 3 hrs then go to bed. I think this pneuma guy has his priorities wrong. 3 hours is WAY too much to make a terd.
@Shannon
Why bother to do something if you aren't going to do it right? I'm sure there are things I'm missing out on. We only have a limited amount of time on earth; we have to chose how to spend it. I chose to spend a lot of my time in search of the perfect meal. I'm sure I can find some interest of yours to criticize if I try.
From talking with you, I'm pretty sure I know what you are missing out on. How many frozen dinners (Healthy Choice, Lean Cuisine, that kind of thing) have you eaten this week? I'd lay money that that number is greater than one.
@ pneuma: Did you write this article, bud?
@pneuma: I totally agree with you, however, that you should spend the time on things that you enjoy the most. There's no such thing as a more intimate activity than another, cooking can be just as intimate of an experience as anything else, if done right, with the right person. And to all those saying three hours is too much to spend on a meal with your family-there are worse ways to spend your evening than cooking a great tasting, healthy meal. I would say three hours trolling the internet, or watching stupid TV is along those lines.
my husband and I are all about the food. When we were in Iceland, we drove 1 hour to try "THE BEST" labster at Fjorubordid restaurtant. When we were in Greece, we end up going to "THE BEST" place on Santorini island. It's amazing that every trip we remeber by food and restaurant.
going to santorini soon. whats the best restaurant there?
There's a nice Outback there. Go early, as it get crowded.
Where is the restaurant with the pork tenderloin??!?!
Totally silly. I am vegan and my live-in boyfriend is what he likes to call a meat-a-tarian. We make it work just fine. Sometime restaurants can be iffy, but that is why we have friends we can both go out with.
Dining out is more for special occasions than being the norm for us but I'd be inclined to say that probably one of the most fun activities we did as a couple was an Italian course and we are thinking it is time for another one – the big challenge being is it gluten free, sugar free and at present dairy free too.
i married an amazing woman who has no appreciation at all for fine food or fine wine. it has been harder that i thought it would be. i've been trying to trian her, but she doesnt see the point in spending money on a good meal or bottle of wine. its not about being shallow, its about sharing an experience that you enjoy with your partner.
My wife, daughter, and soon to be born child are all vegetarians. I am not. If you are fighting over what foods you can and cannot eat, you have a really lousy partner to begin with. It is called respect and she gives a little and I give a little. It is such a non-issue.
I never cared about food because I never had the ambition to make really good dishes.
My girlfriend, however, loves to cook. I have since learned (and now love) to eat :). It works out quite well!
Relationships ARE petty and selfish. You're trying to be with a person you're compatible with. Loving food is no different from loving art, sports, or film. We just have a society that sees food as evil and refuses to appreciate it, so it's easier to pretend good is somehow a less important interest.
My husband and I are total foodies and we have no problem admitting it and, no, we're not overweight. Luckily we share an equal love for long walks after meals and that helps. I couldn't imagine being with someone that I could spend three hours in the kitchen with, making a three course meal from scratch, then finding the perfect wine and settling down to enjoy it. I've had partners before that don't appreciate food and, honestly, it's not something I can understand.
Call me a snob if you want, but I was taught to appreciate good food, good music, and good conversation. Without those three, you're just off the list.
Well, she will at least 'try' anything I cook, and has come to appreciate fine dining, but the poor dear *cannot* cook to save her life. (she insists of trying to make things "healthy" and has aboslutely no skill at imagining how tastes will combine untilshe has actually done it...the results are sometimes rather scary!)
Generally the simple solution is that I have to cook all the time.
I could care less if I dated someone who didn't like food as much as I did, or anything for that matter. To me it seems a bit shallow if you can't date someone if they don't like food or anything as much as you. IT seems to be a bad way to gauge a relationship.
To say that food preference can break a relationship is incredibly shallow. If I said the same thing about choice of television shows or music, would it be any more valid. "I could never care about anyone that listens to X or watches Y." Sounds pretty petty and selfish, doesn't it?
I'm one that views food as fuel. I care about the nutrients, protein, vitamins, etc. Taste is an afterthought, as I'm usually more concerned with rushing off to the gym or one of my jobs. I wouldn't expect to be any more of less compatible with someone who really gets excited about a simple meal. People are allowed to be different, what ever happened to 'opposites attract?' I'd be bored with someone who was too much like me.
My husband likes very spicy food. I like spicy food. There is occasionally a slight disconnect there – I do most of the cooking, and I won't make things he doesn't like. For instance, he hates almonds, so I never put almonds in the green beans (unless I'm mad at him!), even though I like them. Unfortunately, when he cooks, he's not as considerate. "Honey, could you not make the curry hot enough to burn my mouth off?" "Why not?" "I don't like it that hot." "But I do." >.<
We're both skinny – him in large part due to genetics. My genetic makeup dictates that I won't be as lucky, so I'm more careful about what I eat. I haven't eaten beef since I was fourteen, and pork since I was sixteen. Yes, I miss Burger King double cheeseburgers and bacon, but removing those temptations makes me much healthier. (We're fortunate to live in a college town, with lots of crazy vegetarians and vegans, so restaurants here are more understanding about substitutions and exclusions. Out of town, I occasionally have to resort to claiming a pork allergy!) He hardly eats any beef – if you ask him, he'll say he doesn't eat any and it'll make him sick if he does, but he never remembers that pepperoni contains beef!
He tries to expand my palate a bit. I don't like many vegetables (another genetic thing – my father is extraordinarily picky, and had his first strawberry when I was ten), so he'll tuck them into food when he cooks, using them in sauces or disguising them in small pieces. He's a good cook, very inventive, but not very imaginative. He'll follow the directions exactly on some things even though I tell him to do otherwise... and then he'll turn around and modify a recipe he found online to make it "healthier" – like when he made egg custards from scratch, and decided to add extra eggs for the vitamin A. The texture was good, but not the taste!
On the flip side, he's not as flexible as I'd like sometimes. I dated a vegetarian for almost a year in college, so I can gladly eat tofu, beans, and other vegetarian oddities. (The food dichotomy was a problem with him – while I understand that many restaurants don't have vegetarian offerings outside of salads and veggie burgers, he would often act like a martyr about it.) My husband won't eat tofu and despises beans – so much for my awesome meatless bean chili. :-/ He does try things, like my sausage gravy made with Gimme Lean vegetarian sausage. And he usually has hummus for lunch, and eats salads more than I do!
Other guys I dated before I married my husband weren't always as accepting of my no-beef, no-pork diet. My ex complained somewhat often about the frequency with which we consumed chicken, and made a point to order beef or pork every time we went out, which occasionally made me feel like he resented me. My husband doesn't complain, and often orders chicken.
Darwinism at it's finest.
My longtime husband and I used to be self-indulgent foodies. Dining well and carefully every day was a big part of our lives. But then I noticed that our "gourmet" lifestyle had slipped into the swamp of "greedy overconsumption," that hubby had gotten grossly fat and I was putting on pounds myself. I became vegetarian for ethical reasons, and gave up alcohol for my health. Now I listen to people rhapsodize about food and wine and I am repulsed by the implied drooling (as I was by the Malbec-tinged e-mail quoted in the blog entry above) and their (too frequent, this) snobbery. Where is my husband in this sea change? He has adapted, he's lost weight, and he is far healthier than he would have been had we continued with our food fest. He eats meat when dining out. We've found other things to talk about. The only place that our food differences cause trouble is when we are traveling and eating out for all meals (he is too, too choosy and it drives me nuts). But we accommodate one another. That's what you do in a relationship. Food is just fuel for your body. Eat well, but find bigger things to care about.
Then you were doing it wrong.
What a childish "reply," pneuma. Here is a very adult reposte for you. What would you do if your partner (theoretical or real) developed diabetes? Would you decide that you had no more "passion" to share? Would you just walk out? What about kidney or heart disease? What about serious weight issues? If your partner can no longer partake of the gourmet (or is it gourmand, for you?) indulgences you prefer, is that partner of no more interest to you?
Marriage and equivalent long-term partnerships are complicated and fragile things. To put so much importance on shared hedonism is to show yourself to be shallow and self-centered.
now I'm gonna feel twice as bad when I see those late night commercials to feed the children...those poor bastards have no idea how bland and timid those occasional, barely palatable morsels really are...tragic, really...
Wow... I'm completely dumbfounded by how much people care about what their partner eats. As long as it's somewhat healthy, I couldn't care less if there were huge differences in what my partner and I ate... though fortunately I don't have that problem. I guess if I was to understand, I would have to be with someone who didn't like the same food as I do. Otherwise, you people seem crazy to say it's a 'deal-breaker'.
Some people are sports fans, and couldn't be with someone who thinks grown men playing children's games are silly.
Some people are music fans, and couldn't be with someone who didn't want to go to shows.
Some people are movie buffs, and couldn't be with someone who would rather read a book.
It's a mark of maturity to realize that people have different interests.
It's also a mark of maturity to realize that a difference in a singular interest doesn't have to mean a relationship will fail. People are multi-faceted and dynamic. My husband of 10 years has developed some serious food allergies. Should we now divorce because he can no longer enjoy many of the dishes we used to prepare? In fact, we prefer to continue to share our *other* interests and make the best of the food situation, which used to be more of a focus. What if this happened in your household? Imagine if your wife suddenly developed serious aversions to food and then lost her enjoyment of it. Would you divorce? My guess is that you would not, you too would find a way around it.
This is why you don't understand. This is not an interest. It's something more. Its a passion – a way of life. It's like telling an orthodox Jew that they should just get over that whole Catholic thing; that people have other interests. This is why you don't understand, and it makes you different from us.
No, my wife and I would not get divorced, not right away. But we would grow apart, and it might happen eventually. When two people share a passion that strong, it can define a relationship.
Interesting. I'm a Catholic who married a Jew. You're right. I won't ever understand. And I think I'm pretty happy about that.
No. It's a mark of maturity to realize that people are complex organisms whose needs change over time. If you are not willing to see or accept that, then you should not be in a long-term relationship, pneuma. Go out and stuff yourself to the gills by yourself or with casual friends. But if you think that the health of a marriage or other committed partnership hinges on the ability of the partners to devour and imbibe without conflict...you need to grow up.
I think I nailed this broad once...covered her in yam mash...
my husband was raised in a family of good cooks, and even tho he doesnt,cook he loves to eat good food and will eat anything i put in front of him. My goal has always been to expose our kids and any friends they bring for dinner to the better tastes of fresh veggies, real identifiable meat and good bread and cheese. It's appalling how many kids think chicken comes shaped like a nugget.
I was very frustrated in a past relationship with someone who was not interested in my cooking or trying new foods and restaurants. I felt insulted when he would sniff the food I prepared like it could be dangerous. He was strictly an American meat and potatoes type guy. The only ethic food he was interested in eating was Chinese. He disliked many foods and was suspicious of things he hadn't seen before. Perhaps some tastes are genetic but I think a lot of it has to do with what you are exposed to in your youth. Being so picky about food can come across as childish and a lack of sophistication. This issue was another factor that prevented me from being serious about him; I like cooking too much to be limited to meatloaf!
Great point about the lack of sophistication/childishness.
When my wife and I started dating, she was food ignorant. I told her early on that this was how I was, that I would expect her to try new things, and that the worst thing that would happen to her was the she wouldn't like it, and I would buy her a burger on the way home. That happened exactly once. Lucky for me, she now surpasses me in every way.
You are better off. Being with someone like that would be like being with someone who doesn't read – fine if that's your thing, but totally wrong for me.
I think I got your ex-boyfriend. Every time I want Japanese, I have to remind him that they have more than just raw fish, and the next time, we have the same argument, that he can order Tonkatsu instead of sushi. Same thing with other ethnic restaurants. Chicken fried steak is the height of elegance for him - if a restaurant has either that or meatloaf on the menu, he's in heaven. *sigh* Great guy in so many other ways, but if he doesn't recognize it, he won't eat it.
Agreed! Extremely picky eaters are so frustrating to go out with.
I not only have misted up over some superb meals, I misted up just reading this article because it triggered such happy memories. :-) It's hard for some people to understand that sometimes, tears are simply caused by pure joy. The funny thing is that *both* lists of foods – the author's and her husband's – are on my list too! I am happy with a wide variety of things both "good" and "bad" for me, and know not to overindulge after learning the hard way.
My husband is a picky eater, often forgets to eat, and generally views eating as a interruption to other things he finds more interesting. I love to eat, cook, read about food, talk about food. But we make it work. I've found several things we both like and sometimes I'll cook something for myself that he doesn't like and he'll snack on something if he gets hungry. There are no rules that say that everyone has to be eating the same things and liking the same food to be happy.
Pneuma / Shallow – I think this goes to deeper issues in the relationship and food is just a symptom. If one party is trying to change the other is the main issue, imho. I used to go out with a gal who fancied herself the benchmark for all things domestic, and in her world, nobody could cook, clean or manage a home as well as she could. The relationship ended after four years because she was inflexible on these things.
What I learned from this: I can do the gourmet thing, or I can do takeout, but I want to do either with someone who is fun, willing to give an dtake, but is above all respectful. Snobbery in any form (in this case of food) is just a downright turnoff.
Good for you. I'm glad you've found what makes you happy in a relationship. You would not cut it for me.
I know it seems like snobbery to you. That's because you're ignorant. There is nothing wrong with not knowing anything about a particular topic – you just have to realize that people who are really into that topic are going to come across as snobs to you.
wow, pneuma...even though i wholeheartedly agree with you, the way you responded made you sound ridiculous. snobby is not even the proper term to use. :)
'you wouldn't cut it for me' ??? who would say that??? i'm just saying :)
@istern
Yeah, I probably could have phrased that better. But let's face it – anyone who refers to women as "gals" is probably not going to be converted by anything I had to say in a forum post. :)
@ Phillip, I wholeheartedly agree. In this context it's no different than dating someone who enjoys nice designer clothes. A refined sense of taste in any context becomes a form of snobbery the moment you push it on others, or go out of your way to express your superiority to them (like saying someone is ignorant because they don't like Italian leather shoes).
Food and pets; anything else can be negotiated, but if I'm not cooking, with my little furry supervisors under foot, I'm not happy. Those are the deal-breakers. Don't care about your religion, your fashion sense or your taste in movies, as long as you have a passion for critters and cuisine.
@Shallow –
It is clear that you Don't Get It. For people like us, good food is art, and art is life. Unfortunately, English doesn't have the words to properly convey some of these food ideas. I can tell you that the gazpacho I had at that one restaurant eight years ago was perfectly balanced; a masterpiece of flavor that I still dream about, but unless your palate is well trained, you have no idea what I mean. It's like trying to describe color to a blind person.
For people like us, finding the next food experience is everything. We spend horrendous amounts of money and time on it. All of our vacations revolve around the restaurants. Our dates as well. Now ask yourself – you obviously don't care about food like I do. Could you be with someone like me?
Pneuma: Love your posts. Wanted to share how we incorporate our love for food into our vacations. My husband takes a cooking class where ever we are. A full day starting with the spice market in Bali to a 900 year old monestary turned restaurant in Tuscany to Le Cordon Bleu in Paris. Ask the conceirge on your next trip or do a little research. You really get a feel for the culture in these classes. And to all of you that don't get it. I feel sorry for you. Go see Julie and Julia and you might understand.
Oh I am so jealous. :)
CNN: dumbing down America's news for years. This is really sad, guys. Let's get it together, huh?
*Heads over to Reuters.com*
This is a funny subject. If you cant base your relationships off of other interested besides "food", sounds to me as if you not very well-rounded. To be blunt, sounds to me as if you base your relationships upon "food interest" that your probably out-of-shape and arent physicially active, i mean you "FOOD MAKES YOUR KNEES FEEL LIKE JELLO " LMAO! I'd bet a majority of ppl are in this case "out of shape" and its very sad that you and relate in another form or fashion.
Not well-rounded? Yet it is you giving in to the stereotype that anyone who truly relishes food must be shaped somewhat like a medicine ball. The better the food, the more entrancing the flavors, the better it is for you and the less of it you need to be satisfied. It's eating dreck like processed pastries (aka Twinkies) and fat-loaded fast food (aka Double Quarter Pounder) in large quantities that makes one obese, not a pork medallion or two, pan seared in olive oil and served with sauted green and wax beans drizzled with just a dash of warm, homemade Italian dressing.
My sister-in-law is a CHEF and not one of her of her dishes that were so flavorful were "healthy" for you. I have yet to eat at a restaurant that served "superb" tasty dishes that were "healthy" for you. If that was the case then over 1/2 of US population wouldnt be overweight/obese. This sounds like a FETISH to me. Food is great but certainly doesnt and shouldnt play a role in a partnership. I well aware of what foods are health and what arent, im a national level bodybuilder who has studied nutrition for 14 years. BUT dont take my word for it, actions are louder and America's food obsession has resulted in severe obesity problems which reflect has effect on our health care, growing number of food allergies, etc. HEY but who am i, to each their own. BTW – my wife is a NOT in the fitness industry like myself, loves food, beer, wine, etc and we're going strong for 10 years. Food is never an issues we have ever had.
Please keep telling me how sad my life is. You're really making my day.
This weekend my hot wife and I will be joining my parents and my brother and sister in law for a six course meal. Each of us will be making a single course. I've been practicing for two weeks on mine. My wife has made three dishes and rejected each because they are not what she wants. Tonight I'm heading to the farmer's market with our 4 year old to introduce him to the local producers, to buy ingredients for this Saturday. We've had this planned for two months.
Two weeks ago we made a special trip to Charleston to have one of the top 5 pies in the country. In two weeks the whole family will be going to visit the empanada man at the International Festival, same as we have for the last three years. We look forward to them all year.
We're having people over for dinner twice this week, same as every week. We love our family, we love each other, and we love food. Eating well is the most fundamental act of communion that humans can engage in besides sex. What did Jesus do the last night he was alive?
So tell me again how shallow I am. :)
If it works for you, good for you. Food is fun in moderation but it shouldnt be obsessed over IMO. For me, activities, sports, biking, jogging, rollerblading, hiking is more of an intimate bonding experience. Everything should have a balance, there is more than life than food. I have friends who "love" food and makes them "happy" for the life of me i cant understand it.
Jeromedinh- It doesn't require one to be a loathsome Fat855 to be able to experience the intricacies involved in creating a full-spectrum experience for your mouth. I am in GREAT shape, and I LOVE food. I don't cook for a living, but I am a "home chef." I have several friends who are acclaimed chefs, and I love getting together for brunch, lunch, snacks, or a 3:00 am "breakfast." I think shallowness is best portrayed by somebody who cannot understand somebody's infatuation with taking a ubiquitous strand of the human existence and artfully fine-tuning its experience to maximize the impact on your "pleasure center." Every consumable substance enters the kitchen as art supplies and a blank canvas; they have the potential to exit the kitchen with unbounded grace and complexity.
@ ben – you have to be kidding me right?!?! of ANYONE.. iI KNOW the complexities and appreciate food more than ANYONE here BECAUSE of my RESTRICTIONS & SELF-CONTROL. unlike most ppl on here, i cannot and do not subject myself to most foods 24-7 because of bodybuilding lifestyle(notice how i didnt say "diet"). my foods are non-processed, organic, multi/complex carbs with a bit of seasoning most of the time. 5 or 6 course meal is RIDICULOUS and down right GLUTTONY. the human body can only efficiently utilize so many calories in one sitting. you dont have to eat FAST FOOD to get fat, its not just the quality but the portion.
i never said i DONT appreciate food but is said was its SAD to base your chemistry upon common food interests.
Jeromedinh– I ask this with seriousness: were you a fat child? You seem like you may be overly obsessed with gym and sweat. While those things are good in moderation, too much can be just as unhealthy as an obsession with fast food. By the way, a 5 or 6 course meal doesn't imply an enormous caloric intake; the portions are much smaller and may equate to the same as a 1 course meal with regular portioning.
@ ben – why dont you google my name and find out for yourself. you obviously have no idea about nutrition, didnt i just go over quality and quantities of food? you are thinking black and white, try and think outside the box re: why ppl go to the gym. obsessed you say, i call it "focused-driven" but you probably dont aspire to be or do more than to eat five, five course meals per day ;) no matter how you put it, 5 course meal in the smallest form is more calories than nessessary bennie-boy, im assuming your a male because of your name and a boy because of your ignorance.
jeromedinh – If there anything that needs to define "ignorance" Your attitude and respond to others has truly defined the person you are " ignorant", self -righteous pig.
@ jeromedin – I couldn't agree with you more. Why do people have to put JESUS in everything...GIVE ME A BREAK. FOR SOME PEOPLE FOOD IS THEIR LIFE! FOR ME IT IS NOT!!!!! OKAY!!! I WOULD RATHER BE PHYSICALLY ACTIVE THAN SIT AND EAT LIKE A PIG. IT IS MORE FUN BEING ACTIVE TOGETHER THAN EATING TOGETHER. SO STOP BRING YOUR DANG RELIGION AND JESUS INTO EVERYTHING.
ill out run you any day of the week and eat 4 plates at the china buffet while orgasming when i dip sugar covered chinese donuts in vanilla nd chocolate ice cream
I'm sorry I dont understand what you're saying. I've never heard all of those activities in the same sentence before. Why dont you you-tube it first so i know what you're talking about, i'd LOVE to see it..SERIOUSLY!
My gf doesn't eat anything that has the slightest hint of chocolate or spice.. unfortunately I'm infatuated with dark chocolate, and eating spicy food to the point where I'm crying.
It definitely puts a strain on my relationship.. and sharing becomes a no-no when we go out to eat.
I guess you gotta then look to see if you can deal with it for the rest of your life.
Well...I guess I would just order what I liked and let her order what she liked when you went out to eat. Do you really have to share? Maybe I'm oversimplifying this, but I wouldn't WANT to sample someone's food if I didn't like it in the first place. My boyfriend and I aren't exactly the type who like to lovingly feed each other in restaurants, though ;)
Tina,
I totally agree with you. Compromise can be made that wont put a heavy strain on a relationship. When there is something you both like those are times you can share. It would get boring sharing every food you like and he or she likes every day. Some people just lack some sense of flexibility and compromise.
Eating spicy foods to the point that you cry??? A wise man once said eating spicy foods is like having sex with someone who has herpes......it's great while your doing it but you'll regret it later!
Love – fantastic! But according to the food you list, you are both going to die a much earlier death. If you love each other so much, start eating a healthier diet and enjoy each other for much longer.
Oh – we're well aware! They can stay the foods we love, because they're occasional treats. The bulk of our meals is grilled or broiled vegetables, minimally-dressed salads, grilled fish, etc. I want us both to be around for a long time.
It's all about balance.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
Will you marry me???
I've always believed in living a shorter but enjoyable life ove a long, miserable one.
Awesome! I love it!
Im in the wine industry, studying to be a winemaker, so its especially hard. Most people know how to like good food, but there is a lot of ignorant wine snobs out there that make it really hard for us producers to deal with.
Thats a real wine snobby thing to say
Basing any relationship deal-breaker on something like this is shallow. So he or she doesn't like food with the same passion as you. If that's all you can see in him or her, you shouldn't be with that person. In fact if that's always all you can see in any date, you just shouldn't be in a relationship.
Relationships should be built on love, mutual respect and common interests. If food isn't one of your common interests, but you have many others and you also have that love and mutual respect, you'd be a moron to drop the relationship.
Well put. Enjoyment of food is certainly something well worth a common interest...but you're correct, there are so many other traits that should rank higher in a relationship! If you're so snooty as to turn someone away simply because they don't enjoy food the same way you do, what does that say about you as a person?
What about being a vegetarian/vegan? So it makes me shallow that I'd prefer to date someone who has the same beliefs as me? Food crosses into much more than just an "interest" for some, like myself, as I find food a passion.
Forget bars...I meet my women at soup lines!
Come back, one year!
My boyfriend of three years was the same way that chocokat0718's husband was – completely unexposed to "good food." His mother is stuck on frozen veggies thrown in the microwave, plain pork tenderloin and cake/cookie mixes from the box. I love her dearly, but c'mon that microwaved frozen broccoli was mush and ,as a lover of broccoli, a disgrace. This man had no idea of the endless possiblities. He wouldn't believe me when I told him the oatmeal chocolate chip cookies I made were from scratch! So, when he came over for dinner the first time he relished in the fact that the meatballs were homemade and the bread was fresh from the oven! In fact he told me when we first met that he did not like cheese!! CHEESE – everyone likes at least one kind of cheese!
But that was certainly not a deal breaker. I simply informed him how exciting and wonderful eating/cooking food can be! Now he has a fine palate for good cheese and chocolate and even enjoys coming up with new dinner ideas with me! If they're open to really experiencing food then it can make the relationship even more interesting.
I love this response the most:
"I live that life every day. My husband would eat cardboard if placed in front of him. But that doesn't stop me from trying to educate him on flavors, textures, visuals, etc. Why should I sacrifice my enjoyment?" – M. Crenshaw
My husband didn't really care much about food when we met, but that is because he wasn't really exposed to "good food" for most of his life. I think this is when you can teach and learn if the other person is willing. Luckily, my husband was/is willing.
My issue is that my boyfriend likes food way too much. I'm glad he has a sense for the finer things, but maybe smaller portions and not eating out for every meal? Baguettes and exotic cheese are divine, but we do not have the lifestyle in North America to constantly indulge in these foods...and certainly not in the portion sizes that have been thrust upon us by food chains.
My ex-husband was also more in love with food than with me. But I don't mean good food, or unusual food. Just food. Ballooned up to 300 pounds by eating junk food and when I begged him to lose some weight, he accused me of not loving him and dug into another bucket of fried chicken.
Gosh I hope that doesn't happen here!
I adore him, and he is bigger, even for his former-rugby-player 6'5" physique, but he needs to lose around 55-70 lbs. Ok, I need to lose about 25 more lbs, but I eat right and work out at least 3 days a week. I've lost 15 already.
Even if it all doesn't come off, as long as his doc gives him an excellent grade in overall health, I'm cool with that.
Truthfully, I blame his family. They eat horribly and they are all very overweight (desert with every large and carbohydrate heavy meal)...and for a family of scholars, I find it appalling that they would exercise such low standards when it comes to food and their health.
I'm in the same boat as you. I'm a chef and constantly cooks. My husband was raised in the Georgia suburbs where the definition of good food is to go to Chili's. But he's learning and praises my cooking! His taste buds are slowly getting more complex and he's open to tasting new foods. How can you go wrong?
Doesn't matter, because at the rate Obama is going, all we will be eating very soon is soylent green.
Say soylent green to me.Say it to me slowly.
ha!
You've got to tell them! Soylent Green is made of neocons!
You make me sad. We are talking about food, not politics. Can't you keep your extremism out of any conversation?
Ow, I stubbed my toe, damn that Obama!
More like fried chicken, collard greens, watermelon, and kool-aid
It's a racist!
@ Akbar – "More like fried chicken, collard greens, watermelon, and kool-aid" Can't you do any better than that? I mean really. Give me a break. The president wasn't even raised on Southern American food. If you take a trip down South or the Midwest you will see white and black folk eating the same kinds of foods...and drinking a cup of red kool-aid. And who on earth doesn' like watermelon!? Especially in the summertime!? Ever hear of Lycopene?
Obama is not black.
Akbar, you are a racist, as are most of your Tea Party clan. "The Tea Party, a new gentler and kinder KKK." You are sick.
I myself, am an african! I came to america to find my queen!
Not kool-aid, Purple drank....
Yeah, I've noticed how radically different my day to day life has been since Obama's socialist dictatorship was put in place. I've been forced to live on a collective farm, my children were taken from me to be raised by government workers, and I can't write in a public blog some ignorant hysteria about Obama without the government taking me to a Gulag.
Oh, wait, my life is really the same as it was under Bush, Clnton, even Regan! How is this possible? Oh, right, he hasn't put his evil plan into effect yet.
Morons.
LOL. that's the best thing I've heard all day.
hope you get invited to his bday bash for that one, and that the food is impeccable!
that's just great.
Thanks, Blessing, that would be nice. I get really irked at what I see as a Goebbels-styled propaganda campaign. They just keep hammering away with how "our American way of life is being taken away from us," figuring that after a few years, people will start believing it. Evidence be damned; if you're going to lie, repetition is the key.
you are my new hero ;o)
Not sure if you're trying to be funny, so I am going to go with "Not". And on that note, find a big pile of sand and a hammer, and pound all that sand right up your @$$.
You're too dumb to be alive.
He's also too dumb to understand that virtually all Presidents are moderates once in office. The most recent example of actual conduct that was radical and liberal was Richard Nixon – Wage and Price Controls! Opening Relations with Commie China!
Other than that, in the past 100 years you have FDR and Lyndon Johnson for real liberalism in action. Heck, Clinton eliminated welfare as we knew it – what did he do that was SO liberal? Rush, anyone, anyone?
If Reagan and the Bushes were such conservatives, why didn't they get rid of Social Security, Medicare, Welfare, etc...? Why didn't they cut spending (as if tax and spend is worse than don't tax and spend anyway)?
Some people need to understand that Conservative radio is all about playing to your fears. Truth is not in the equation.
Really? No, really?!
thank goodness we're food compatible or else it would be a deal breaker!
My comment is- you are what you eat.
Then I am a hairless (cat).....
Being African-American with both parents from Texas and Mississippi respectively, we had meat everyday of my life while living at home. Meatloaf Mondays, Taco Tuesdays, etc. Fortunately for myself, I was able to get away from the eating habits of home and avoid the situations that typically plague people of my race who grow eating this way. Don't get me wrong, I loved every moment of it, but as I've gotten older, I realized a while ago that one does not need to have meat every day. My girlfriend is a vegan (I'm not), but I do love vegan cuisine. There are some great meat substitutes (Seitan) out there if you feel like you must have meat. As for vegan cheese substitutes, those still need work. I eat vegan probably 80% of the year incorporating chicken, meat, or the other 20% of the time. I'm not trying to be a vegan, nor do I want to be, as I don't have the same moral reasons that most vegans do, but I do like it for the health aspect. And the food is great. I'm fortunate that my gf isn't a vegan Nazi. I can enjoy what we eat at home, but I can also eat what I want when we go out to to eat. It's the best of both worlds. I always tell my friends who find it incredulous that I eat vegan for the most part, "Don't get it twisted, I'll eat barbecue ribs and tofu on the same plate, it doesn't matter to me."
You're the bomb! It's really cool that you're supportive of your girlfriend but keep a little balance for yourself.
You know, I'm getting kind of the same way. Grew up with meat all the time. But I'm getting to the point that it's just not that important to me any longer. Still like it occasionally but I actually feel better eating it less often. Not from any moral or ethical stand point. It just doesn't work as well.
I understand completely. I'm African-American with southern parents and my husband is not. Coincidentally, we've switched tastes– I'm a vegan and he counts down the days until dinner at his in-laws. We never pressure each other to get on the bandwagon- as long as you're willing to accept the other person as an individual, there's always a way to make it work.
why do your friends, who find it "incredulous" (i think your friends are incredulous; the information is incredible) think it's twisted that you eat vegan? what is twisted is that so many still don't understand what it takes to get those ribs. funny that you say your gf is not a vegan "nazi," and yet what one needs to do to animals to get those ribs is in fact tantamount to a holocaust. so who's the nazi? you don't share her "moral reasons?" if you don't see the depravity of the industrial meat industry, then i'm not sure you have much in the way of morals.
soyouknow, point taken. I suppose I could get into a long diatribe with you about morals, ethics and which are more valid than the other, but I don't want to do that. I don't want to argue with you about eating habits. This article was just about "compatibility" between partners and I thought I'd throw my two cents about my own situation.
Oh, and FYI, I was using the "vegan Nazi" term in jest. It was meant to be more facetious than anything. Eaaasy. Put your molars back in...lol.
I like food. I like to cook (or in my case experiment with such strange combination's as roasted Garlic and Whipped cream).
Sometimes my experiments are simply out of this world, sometimes they are average and sometimes the go in the trash and its off to a local eatery we go.