It's been our experience that many people get mighty shirty if there's not an open bar at a wedding, and others don't mind ponying up for a brewski. Where do you stand? (Or sit. Gently now...gently...)
I meant to say the guest list was 126, not the wedding party! Anyways, our side is about 30 on that guest list.
November 13, 2010 at 11:05 am |
YaKnow
My husband and I want our daughter to have a nice wedding. The venue is beautiful. We are paying for a happy hour with hors d'oeuvres, a beautiful dinner with soft mariachi type dinner music, a great local DJ, champagne during dinner and beyond, and a small block of rooms for guests, a couple of which are in the groom's guest list. Of a wedding party of 126, only about 26 are our small family and group of friends. All this and the groom's parents don't want to pay for open bar, even though they want one! I am paying for 100 of their guests to eat and drink and have a good time THROUGH DINNER and they won't pick up open bar. We are not drinkers to any extent. They are. I think that a cash bar will have to fly and if they want to treat their guests further, then they can pay for an open bar. Am I being unreasonable? I am willing to pay for soft drinks after the dinner, and there will be plenty of champagne floating around all night.
November 13, 2010 at 10:59 am |
donna
My mom told me when I was planning my wedding that the ceremony was for us, but the reception was for the guests – they are the ones giving you a gift, so thank them, and make sure they have a good time…while incorporating what your own tastes are. Her advise was sound. I had a big Polish wedding with a full bar, a 3 meat sit down dinner, dancing until they kicked us out, and all the cultural trappings the Polish have at weddings (grand march, dollar dance, 12 Angels, polka music ) AND EVERYONE HAD A BLAST.
It was well worth it. That was 32 years ago and people to this day still talk about it. Now that’s a party!
October 4, 2010 at 3:53 pm |
Leesa
Most of the members of my family do not drink, either because of religious views (one side of the family) or alcoholism (other side of the family). Guests need to remember that their preferences are not the only issues that could be at hand. This is the reason my husband and I had a dry wedding...then a big party for friends later where we served beer, wine and select mixed drinks. Our dry wedding was purposely scheduled at a time and informal enough location where children would be most welcome, too, so it was very family friendly. The party to celebrate our wedding was not meant for children.
August 3, 2010 at 11:04 am |
andy
I say either have an open bar, or have a dry wedding. I find cash bars to be extremely tacky – might as well have a bouncer and a cover charge to get in while you're at it. It's a party, so treat your guests or just don't have alcohol if you can't afford it or if you don't want people getting too rowdy. I've yet to see a cash bar prevent anyone from getting trashed if they're the kind of person who enjoys doing that at a wedding.
August 2, 2010 at 5:39 pm |
CLassy Weddings
Having a bar or open bar for your guests is nice, but most weddings I've been to have been dry or mostly dry (just a round of champagne) and I've really enjoyed them. Dry weddings are nice if you want to make sure your guests aren't going to get stone drunk and spill wine all over your $3,000 wedding dress, or cause the cops to be called. Not that most guests do that, but people are a bit unpredictable when they get liquered-up. Not to mention if one or more of your guests is a recovering alcoholic.
A wedding can be completely classy and a lot of fun without alcohol. I fully support that. I also support wedding receptions that afford each person a set number of drinks throughout the night. Not that I object when there's an open bar either. Whatever the choice of the bride and groom and whoever is paying for the wedding is fine. It's their day, not the guests'.
August 2, 2010 at 1:11 pm |
Tyler
If you can't afford at least beer and wine for your guests you're probably too young to be getting married in the first place. People wonder why the divorce rate is so high...maybe it's because you're fighting over money all the time.
People are flying in, getting a hotel, renting a car, giving you gifts. You at least owe them a dinner and a few beers or glasses of wine.
I went to a Polish wedding once...they know how to treat people right. Great dinner and plenty of alcohol to enjoy and toast to one another. There were two bottles of vodka on every table!
August 2, 2010 at 11:39 am |
Clara
We will have a cocktail hour with an open bar and then provide champagne for a toast. After that, there will be no cash bar or alcohol served. Honestly, while my fiance's friends are wonderful people, I know that if the alcohol is flowing liberally then many will be getting trashed, which I do not want for our wedding day. It is one thing if I knew people would act responsibly, but I know of a handful from my side and his that would not, and we are not paying for people to come and get sloshed at our expense. It is entirely possible to have fun and dance without being wasted.
August 2, 2010 at 11:02 am |
Jenn
We were going to provide beer & wine, unfortunately an unexpected expense of a car occured 3 months before our wedding. So, there went our alcohol budget. We let our guests know the circumstances (we'd have champagne for the toast at least) and every one was fine. We were suprised at our wedding when the groomsmen all tossed together their liquor cabinets and made a beer run. The "bar" was the groomsman's minivan in the parking lot. Very non-traditional but a hoot nontheless. Plus, later in the evening, my Father-in-law wheeled a cooler full of more beer up into the reception hall. A great time was had by all and it didn't break anyone's bank.
August 2, 2010 at 7:58 am |
Nancy
The point of this poll is a bit confusing to me as well as the comments. I am not quite sure if this about having alcohol or not, or if it's about paying for alcohol or not.
In any case, i guess it depends on the type of wedding. I have been to fancy, decked-out traditional weddings. I don't recall there being an open-bar except for the cocktail hour. Afterwards, for the main reception, you had do drink whatever what given to you at the tables which was usually wine. If you wanted anything else, you had to pay for it out of your pocket.
I think weddings are a huge expensive. It's no wonder that some of my close friends completely opted out of having a traditional wedding and decided instead to hold the party at a bar or restaurant where everyone paid for their own stuff because they simple couldn't afford paying for some fancy reception. I really have no problem with this. The best part is... it's always going to be held amongst close family and friends and it turns out being cheaper than forking over money for a spot at an elaborate reception.
August 2, 2010 at 2:46 am |
nanoot
I attended the wedding of a very good friend. Everything about the wedding was spare-no-expense, and there was an open bar. The entire wedding party, including the bride and groom, got so drunk within an hour that they could not stand up. No reception pictures, no "first dance", or any dance for them, for that matter. We left as soon as the fighting started. The happy couple was so embarrassed and shellshocked that they never sent out thank-you notes. So much for the "classiness" of a wedding being measured by unfettered access to alcohol. I'm no teetotaler, but that was my definition of the reception from hell.
July 31, 2010 at 4:09 pm |
geekgirl
A cash bar is tacky, but equally tacky is serving the cheapest booze at your open bar. It doesn't have to be top-shelf, but really, if the rum you're serving at your open bar simply says "Rum" on the bottle, then you might as well just go with the cash bar. At least then I can get a drink that doesn't taste like kerosene.
July 31, 2010 at 12:02 pm |
Paul
also I was at one cousin's wedding that had alcohol at the reception and had another cousin's boyfriend almost ready to fight me because of my profession (military) because he was good and drunk.
July 31, 2010 at 5:56 am |
Paul
When I go to a wedding it's for the ceremony. I'm there for the happy couple and to enjoy watching them start out their lives. If I get food and drink bonus but I'm not there only for the party. Or worried how much I can drink on someone else's dime. And I've gone to plenty of weddings that were dry and still had a great time.
July 31, 2010 at 5:54 am |
Elaine
Wow. I think this discussion board says a lot about guest culture in general. I'm comparatively young (31), but was raised to bring something for my host whenever I am a guest in someone's home. If I attend even a backyard bbq, I make sure to bring a decent amount of some alcohol that the host favors (and not for my own use). I figure that the host has gone out of his/her way to invite me into his/her house and has spent money on food and drink for me. Why shouldn't I contribute to the celebration? Plus, if whatever I bring doesn't get opened that day, the host can enjoy it later or save money on his/her next party. As for being a wedding guest, I acutally make sure to drink less than I usually would, so a cash bar isn't exactly going to break my bank. Having planned my own wedding, I know that the bride and her family go through a great deal of stress and trouble trying to make sure that their guests have a great time. I have no desire to risk making some sort of scene that would put a damper on things (like someone at a wedding I attended awhile back that started a fight so bad that most of the guests left). Making a stink at the wedding (or being catty later) over the bar arrangement does a huge disservice to everyone who went though so much trouble to provide the guests with a great party.
July 30, 2010 at 8:56 pm |
bmaryland
I agree Elaine. If I go to someone's house or event, I always bring wine and sometimes flowers, too. Sometimes a dish, or whatever.
For a wedding, I never go anywhere with the idea that I will look for a reason to disapprove of how someone has chosen to do things. I won't pick apart their decisions later. Different strokes. I've also never attended a wedding because they would feed me or give me alcohol. I go to the ones that I care about the people in them, not for them to give me a party. A person has a choice to cut out early if they don't like the reception, or it doesn't live up to their "standards". People shouldn't be so judgmental and understand everyone doesn't have the same budget. Class is not dependent on $$, and young couples are not usually rolling in the dough.
July 30, 2010 at 9:45 pm |
an event planner
Wow, this is a crazy discussion.
Asking guests to pay for anything at your reception is a huge No-No. Cash bars are always tacky and noticed - after the marriage ceremony is over, what you're doing is hosting a party, and you should pay for all of it. And a dry wedding is fine, whether it's because of a nondrinking bride or religion or cost. But never make guests pay for any portion of your celebration.
Also, why is it so black-or-white (city hall vs. $75K reception)? You can have a lovely wedding with an open wine/beer/sparkling bar under $30K in most parts of the country. Sure, downtown in any major metropolitan area is gonna cost you more ... choose your locations wisely and you should be fine.
Finally, if you're seriously trying to do your wedding for under $15K, which is fine and can be lovely, personal and charming, you're probably already aware that you're going to have to sacrifice somewhere, be it guest count, location, or details. Accept it and move on.
July 30, 2010 at 8:07 pm |
JohnnyOh2323
I don't think I could ever throw a party and then make my guests pay for their own entertainment. What a low class move. Provide it for free or don't provide it at all. But definitely don't sell it! "How bout 10 bucks for a double slice of cake fatty, and you, pimply kid in the corner, can I interest you in a dance with the bride for a 5 spot?"
July 30, 2010 at 5:19 pm |
David
The biggest scam at the wedding is paying for an extra hour of open bar when the drunks are drunk and the sober people are having seltzer...
July 30, 2010 at 3:58 pm |
David
Jesus turned the water into wine when the family asked Mary for help. I'm just saying. Jesus didn't say, " No wine for you!"
July 30, 2010 at 3:56 pm |
H
We had a cash bar because we paid for our own wedding and didn't have the $6000 for an open bar. we also thought it was more important to have everyone we love at our wedding instead of paying for a select few to drink for free. We obviously gave a wine toast but we also paid for transportation between the hotel we had a block in and the reception location. Five years later, people still talk about how our wedding was one of the best parties the ever went to.
July 30, 2010 at 3:46 pm |
smith
there also talking about how they had to pay out of their pockets for a budlight
July 30, 2010 at 3:47 pm |
H
Maybe I have better friends and family than you. Mine don't require us to lose our house to celebrate with us. If they do mention having to buy their own beer, than they probably would have been one of the ones cut if we had to reduce our headcount to pay for open bar.
July 30, 2010 at 4:41 pm |
walll
wow....i yelled at my wife for odering a 8k cake....but never in a million years would the thought of not serving my guests liqour come up. Its a wedding guys not a funeral, learn to throw a party
July 30, 2010 at 3:45 pm |
Tina
Dying laughing! I would strangle someone for ordering an 8K cake! That said, very good point about the party.
July 30, 2010 at 3:48 pm |
mainer
open bar vs cash bar is a big difference in price per person, regardless of if they have 1 beer, or 10, most places is a set price per person. my wife and i paid for our own wedding, and the option of an open bar for an hour, then cash the rest of the night, seemed like a fair deal for our guests. people shouldn't be pissed if there's a cash bar. realize that its more or less 75 bucks a pop for an expense at a wedding, add another 15 per person for an open bar. So your $250 wedding gift from a couple pays for your meal, plus 100 bucks. not saying that you should give more, but just realize that its costing the bride and groom (or family) a lot of money to have you there. 100 people at 15 bucks for an open bar, vs maybe 5 for a cash bar is a big difference
July 30, 2010 at 3:36 pm |
GM
so what? if your looking to make a profit play the stock market, you cant have a wedding expecting to make money....most of the time you end up losing
July 30, 2010 at 3:40 pm |
Valerie
If it is such a finacial burden to invite me to your wedding, than don't invite me.
Geez, your post just screamed inhospitable! Bet you present a "tab" to your guests that come over for Thanksgiving too! Wow! Uh, that will be an extra 40 cents for that second helping of mashed potatoes, and an extra $4.00 for the Miller Lite as well..........
July 30, 2010 at 3:41 pm |
Tina
I think as long as you start with an open bar, moving to a cash bar later is perfectly fine. The gesture still counts, and those who want to keep drinking usually don't find it insulting to pay. I would definitely say it's polite to let people know this ahead of time, though, so they're not suddenly trying to find a cab and an ATM at 10 pm.
July 30, 2010 at 3:55 pm |
what?
i think its disgusting to invite someone to a wedding and have them pay for their own drink, maybe dont feed them and tell them to bring their own bag of chips and their own guittar so they can entertain themselves too. you are the host, you are supposed to provide this stuff. if not then dont throw the party
July 30, 2010 at 3:28 pm |
Blahhh Blahhh Blahhh
I have never read such ridiculous crap in my life. The question was open bar or cash bar. There was no reference to no drinking. Cash bars...plain and simple = trash. End of story. Do not have a cash bar choose no bar. Forget how much money I spent on my outfit or whatever stupid reasoning people gave of why cash bars are terrible. The fact is guests are guests. Definition of Guest right from Webster: a recipient of a meal or entertainment that is paid for by somebody else. Having people pay for anything is absolutely disgusting. And there is nothing more awful then walking up to the bar and not knowing it is a cash bar upon arrival and leaving your purse in the car. DO NOT HAVE A WEDDING. OR have a luncheon...not some fancy wedding in the evening that basically I am stuck at for 5 hours without anything to sooth the misery of a sucky DJ. People that have cash bars obviously have NEVER read Emily Post's wedding etiquette books.
July 30, 2010 at 3:19 pm |
notsonewlywed
THANK YOU!!
(and thank goodness work is finally over. time go to home)
July 30, 2010 at 3:22 pm |
Steveeeee
"I am stuck at for 5 hours?!" ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!? Then don't go...I'm sure no one will miss you...and you're miserable? GOOD I hope you die alone
July 30, 2010 at 3:23 pm |
Blahhh Blahhh Blahhh
Steveeeeee...you had a cash bar, huh? Ashamed now, huh? So sorry for you and your wife.
July 30, 2010 at 3:33 pm |
bmaryland
Amen, Steve. Not enough alcohol in the world to change a negative, judgmental attitude. The day will be happier if those people don't come!
July 30, 2010 at 3:38 pm |
Just Because
Dousn't sound like you have read Emily Post either...Douche Bag. May the lord strike your down in his infinite wisdom.
July 30, 2010 at 3:25 pm |
Steveeeee
Oh, so just because someone wrote a book about it, then that's the way everyone should do it? You're a freakin dumbass, sorry I don't follow your logic. And notice, how I didn't say anything about making guests PAY for their own drinks...I merely said that if you are "stuck" at a reception and are "miserable" then you probably shouldn't be there and I feel sorry for your friends...you can die alone too
July 30, 2010 at 3:31 pm |
Blahhh Blahhh Blahhh
yes, I am a douche bag....always have been one. But I can throw a really good party which is why most fellow fun douche bags aka the life of the party like to hang out with me. "Just Because" you are lame and find it okay to have guests shell out their hard earned money for crappy scotch on the rocks does not mean that you need to froth at the mouth over Emily Post and her fabulous and well mannered ideas. Take some etiquette classes...it will help you develop better forms of communicating than calling names.
July 30, 2010 at 3:39 pm |
Valerie
Agreed.
Either you don't serve any alcohol (fine!) or you do, and you pay for it.
I laughed every post from some dumb young bride citing peoples's drunkeness as an excuse to be tacky and cheap. A drunk will bring their own booze if they have to- they will get their fix one way or another........so that reasoning holds NO WATER.
If you want a dry wedding- good for you- whatever! But if you want the luxury of having alcohol, being a classy HOST indicates that you pay for it and not make your GUESTS pay for YOUR party. TACKY!
July 30, 2010 at 3:26 pm |
bmaryland
Dear "Blahhh Blahhhh Blahhh",
Everyone cannot afford to offer the same things. Depending on where the wedding reception is held, there may be a hotel bar, etc., that would not seem so out of place or not conjure images of a kool-aid stand style or basement cash bar and could be done tastefully. One would hope that those that share a couple's happy day would not view them as "trash" if they cannot live up to someone's lofty expectations.
Some people equate money with class, and the lack of money with "trash". A shallow viewpoint I am sure that would not align itself with Emily Post style etiquette.
July 30, 2010 at 3:35 pm |
Blahhh Blahhh Blahhh
You missed the point. Asking someone to pay for a drink at a party you are throwing is unacceptable. Do not have a bar. Do a lunch, have a pig roast, have a picnic where people bringing their own beverages is semi-acceptable. A formal wedding is not place for money to exchange hands. Same as the dollar dance...TERRIBLE. What are we at, a strip club?
July 30, 2010 at 3:52 pm |
bmaryland
I do agree that the dollar dance is tacky, but even with that I would keep it to myself and just ignore it and have a good time. If I go to a wedding I'm flexible enough to accept whatever alcohol arrangements they decide. Seems like people need to just relax, not be so judgmental and let people do things their own way. I only go to weddings of people I'm close to, and I don't check my tolerance at the door with my coat.
July 30, 2010 at 3:58 pm |
Kevin
I can only speak for the few wedding I have been to (mine, and my 2 best friends). With mine we had a full open bar (nobody got drunk), with one best friend they had beer and wine. The other had sweet & un-sweet tea, and coffee. My wedding while it did cost a lot more then the other two was no more classy then the beer and wine wedding. However the no drinks wedding recption ended in 45 mins cause guests started leaving.
July 30, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
BACon EGG n CHEESE
i'll take a guess and say these same people not supplying alcohol are the same people that make the bridesmaids buy their own dresses? am i right? come to my wedding, give a gift and spend money on this dress you will wear just one and oh yea i wont even provide you a coors light
July 30, 2010 at 3:08 pm |
Tina
Whaa? Are there people out there who DON'T make the bridesmaids buy their own dresses? If so, I would like to love and hug them and come to all their weddings. I always had to shell out $200-$300 for mine!
July 30, 2010 at 3:12 pm |
bmaryland
If they can't afford an open bar, what kind of a friend are you to even make that an issue? If you can't afford the dress, just say so and people should understand that, too. Really, when people care about each other they should be able to say they can't afford something when they can't. If you can't have that conversation, then you aren't close enough to be in the wedding anyway. Anyone I would ask to stand up with me at my wedding, I would know well enough to be able to to have that conversation.
July 30, 2010 at 3:15 pm |
rupert
A growing sense of entitlement in this country, illustrated in these posts. I showed up to your wedding, here's your paper towel holder, GIVE ME BOOZE AND FOOD. Food can cost anywhere from $15-50 a plate, that doesn't include rental of the place, dj/band, flowers, wedding favors, cake, etc. It costs thousands of dollars to throw a decent wedding. You aren't owed ANYTHING, let alone do you have some inalienable right to get wasted for free. If you are that pissy about not getting free booze and would consider not attending, you need to reevaluate how you think about your "friends". If your only concern is what can they do for you, you need to rethink your life.
July 30, 2010 at 3:06 pm |
MA
not sure what state you live in but weddings in the NJ/NY area cost more like 100 dollars per plate and no one would ever show up with a paper towel holder as a gift.
July 30, 2010 at 3:09 pm |
Tina
Interesting that you see the rental of the reception hall, band, wedding favors, etc, as all perfectly normal, and to be expected. But booze = greedy entitled jerks? It's the hypocrisy in the argument that I find odd.
July 30, 2010 at 3:10 pm |
notsonewlywed
$15-15?? Where do you live? Weddings START at $80 per head where we live and that doesn't include gratuity or taxes. YOu don't have to invite every person you know. No one got wasted at my wedding but you better believe I would never have the nerve to ask one of my guests open thier wallet for a beverage after all the time/energy/money they spent on my wedding. If I can't afford to provide the same accomodation I give myself I don't invite them.
July 30, 2010 at 3:12 pm |
Melissa
Damn right. You're supposed to be there to celebrate with the bride and groom, not get presents yourself. The bride and groom don't owe you a bloody thing just because you gave them a little present. You don't want to buy them a present? Then don't. But don't expect them to kiss your butt.
July 30, 2010 at 3:13 pm |
anonobserver
Melissa, if a bride & groom choose not to have alcohol at their reception for whatever reason, I respect that. I end up driving myself to most weddings anyway, so I'm not really going to be drinking much, if at all (depending on things like familiarity with the roads, weather, how long my body has to process the alcohol, how much food there is to absorb it). But to say people are being cheap for drinking at a wedding is silly. Where I live, cash gifts are standard. Cash gifts generally range from at least $100-several hundred dollars.
And with people scattered all over, it's not uncommon to have to fly to where the wedding is, pay for a hotel and rental car, plus meals. Given all of that, I think if a couple is going to have alcohol at a reception, the guests shouldn't have to pay for it. If a couple doesn't want to have alcohol at a wedding for any reason, (e.g. religious, personal, etc.) that's their choice. But to have it and make guests who have spent a lot of money to get there and give the couple a gift isn't in the best of taste
July 30, 2010 at 3:33 pm |
BACon EGG n CHEESE
$15-$20 a plate...you have a hard time paying that for mcdonalds these days.....$185 a plate in new york city plus tax plus 20% gratuaity
July 30, 2010 at 3:13 pm |
anw92
Here's the deal. The wedding ceremony is all about the couple. The reception is the party they throw to celebrate with their loved ones and friends. The reception is for the guests. Therefore I don't expect a guest to have to pay for drinks.
Weddings are expensive. I had open bar at my wedding. How did I afford it? Get the plainest invites you can, they all get thrown out anyway. Minimal decorations and flowers. Because that's just something else that is thrown out in the end. Very small picture cake and the rest are sheet cakes already cut just before serving. Fabulous menu and open free bar. That way my receoption was loads of fun and we didn't break the bank.
July 30, 2010 at 3:34 pm |
Tina
Very well-put! And I bet your wedding was awesome for everybody :0)
July 30, 2010 at 3:46 pm |
anw92
Oh...I almost forgot. We also waited 2 years after the wedding to save up for a nice honeymoon. The priority for money spent at a reception should weigh heavily in favor of the guest if budget is an issue.
July 30, 2010 at 3:46 pm |
Johnathan
I bet your wedding was a warm, lovely affair. This isn't because you had a "free" bar with booze overfilling the place leaving your guests in a drunken haze. Rather, it's because you and your spouse-to-be are considerate people who likely treasure that very quality in your friends. I can't imagine being at a party where the hosts are inconsiderate as I would never host such a party. This isn't about entitlement or people having one drink too many; this is about being a good host and a considerate friend.
You better believe that when I get invited to a wedding, I spend weeks looking for "the" gift for the couple. The last wedding I attended was that of a couple who'd met in law school. I couldn't really find "the" gift for two future lawyers, so I had a set of handmade pens made for them. These pens were quite expensive, but it is something one does because it shows the couple that much thought and consideration has been put into picking a gift for them, that is about them and their goals. Plus, of course, the cash gift at the event.
Yes, I would have loved to have been at a wedding like yours where the guests aren't seen as the inconvenient frat party-goers whom many people here fear they must guard against.
To the uppity brides here: honestly, the idea that the guests are there for "you" on "your" day is a bit odd of an thought. People go to a wedding to a celebrate the happiness coming and show solidarity for the harsh realities that attend all marriages. Showing some solidarity with them by having available to them while they sit and watch for hours some music, food and a couple of drinks is not a high expectation. No party I throw will ever have with it a price-list for my guests to look down so they know how much I'm spending for their fun. If it's beyond my means to throw the extravagant party, or beyond my desire, I have a more intimate party, but it's still on me. It's what some of us call having good manners.
October 5, 2010 at 3:11 pm |
anonobserver
Personally, I don't care one way or the other if there's alcohol or not. But I agree with the posters who are countering the whole freeloader argument. I'm female, so in addition to the money I spend on the wedding gift (cash gifts are the norm in the greater NYC area), I also get to spend money for the bridal shower. There's usually a bachelorette party (and some of these are overnight stays at say Atlantic City or Vegas) where in addition to paying my own way, I chip in for the bride's portion of expenses). And sometimes the couple has an engagement party.
If it's a destination wedding or out of town, kick in either gas/airfare, hotel, rental car. And I have to use my vacation time to travel there.
If I'm not in the wedding party, I can get away with wearing a dress I already have. But if I'm a bridesmaid, I get to shell out for a dress I'm probably going to never wear again, the matching shoes, hair & makeup. Plus a portion of hosting the bridal shower. And all of the time spent at fittings, helping with favors, etc.
Not to mention, If I'm driving home or to a hotel room, after the reception, I'm not going to be drinking very much. If it's a long spread out day, I might have a cocktail at the cocktail hour, a glass of champagne at the toast and a glass of wine with dinner. And only if it's a period of about 6 hours or so with lots of food. I can't handle any more than that and drive safely. If I'm not familiar with the roads, it'll probably be down to just the glass of champagne. Even if I'm not driving, chances are I need to drive/fly back home the next day or get ready for the workweek approaching if it's local. I may have a few more if I'm not driving. But even then but I'm not going to be doing shots of tequila or chugging expensive Scotch. I don't want to be too hungover to drive/fly/do what I need to do to get ready for the workweek.
Believe me, it would certainly be cheaper to buy a bottle and bring it home or hit happy hour if all I was looking for was to economize on my alcoholil spending! :) If I'm in a wedding and/or attending it, it's because of my love and affection for the friends/relatives involved! Not for the free booze :)
July 30, 2010 at 3:05 pm |
Melissa
The number of greedy people that want to get drunk on other peoples dime never ceases to amaze me. If you want to get drunk, I am NOT going to pay for it. I'll supply the booze, but its coming out of your pocket and you'll have to surrender your car keys to me if you want to do it because I'm not going to be allowing you to drive home drunk.
I lost three family members and nearly a fourth in the space of six months to drunk driving. It will NEVER happen because of ME. If you want to drink, its not my bloody fault when you kill someone (or yourself). Deal with it, or don't come.
July 30, 2010 at 3:04 pm |
Valerie
Controlling much?
You'll be a joy to be married to!
July 30, 2010 at 3:15 pm |
notsonewlywed
astounding relevance
July 30, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
Tina
I'm going to say that Melissa is a special case. If you really did just lose that many family members to drunk driving, then you have perfectly understandable reasons to be concerned about alcohol at your wedding (or anywhere else, for that matter). I'm sorry that happened.
July 30, 2010 at 3:25 pm |
Melissa
Thanks Tina. Sorry, I'm a little sensitive about this topic.
July 30, 2010 at 4:08 pm |
Melissa
I AM married. And we're quite happy. ALL of my family and friends understood, and in fact fully supported me, when I told them that. And you know what? It worked too.
The people who died? One was a family friend we'd all known since he was a baby. Two were was my cousins. My aunt has never fully recovered from female cousins loss. She kept her room intact for five years exactly as it was the day she died. The second cousin who died? My uncles son. His father died in a head on collision less than four months later when the driver of the car he was in was so drunk that he swerved into oncoming traffic. Then there was my sister. See, my cousins and my sister were all in the same car when it happened. They hit a metal rail around the town sign. The rail went through the back of the car and impaled both my cousins. My girl cousin? She died immediately as it went straight through her heart (my sister and her had been best friends their whole lives). My boy cousin? He died in the ambulance of blood loss as the rail went through one side of his hips and out the car. It hit my sister in the pelvis and broke it, and turned and killed both my cousins. All brought on by a 16 year old drunk driver that was driving the car they were all in. My sister lost an 8 inch x 2 inch, x 4 inch strip of flesh in her abdomen and had to go through two years of physiotherapy and surgery. She has a plastic plate his her abdomen holding her organs in.
Its been 10 years and my sister still has nightmares.
So no.. sorry. I won't be understanding about this. EVER. I don't trust drinkers. And the people that were driving those cars? Were NEVER my family. They were their friends. People they trusted to keep them safe.
I don't trust people and alcohol. Call me stupid if you want, but its a hard learned experience. Because of this, I have NEVER had more than three drinks in one night in my entire life. Usually never more than a half a drink unless I know for a fact that the person I'm with isn't drinking at all.
Drinking and driving scare the living crap out of me.
July 30, 2010 at 3:38 pm |
bmaryland
Oh my gosh, Melissa, so sorry your family went through that.
July 30, 2010 at 3:52 pm |
Melissa
Thank you. Me too. Mostly sorry for my aunts because they lost both their kids, and for my sister. She got pregnant and they were really really scared. She almost had to have major surgery to give birth but they got lucky and it didn't end up with her abdomen being punctured by that plate or with it hurting my beautiful nephew.
Oh man, now I have to call her tonight. I haven't seen her in a long time because I live in a different country. Now I just want to hear her voice for a few minutes.
This is the type of thing you never really get over. You just move on.
July 30, 2010 at 4:15 pm |
bmaryland
Best to you and yours.
July 30, 2010 at 9:29 pm |
classless
i think it comes down to class. people with class provide the best for their guests, people without class expect gifts but their guests will go home hungry and sober. so to summarize, your not classy and your wedding sucks unless you spend 100k on it
July 30, 2010 at 3:04 pm |
Heather
I think opens bars are nice, but not required. I actually just got married earlier this month and we chose to have a capped open bar for our guests. It worked out great, and we came within $30 of our cap. I have never been to a dry wedding, but I don't think I would have an issue with that either. I have definitely been to weddings with a cash bar and that was fine as well. Weddings are expensive and I do not think couples should feel obligated to spend money they don’t have. Figure out what budget works for you and then see what you can get for the budget that is sent. It’s not logical to put yourself in a huge whole for a night that lasts a few hours. Have a good time with your friends and family and build a lifetime of memories. If you can afford a bit more extravagant wedding great, but you’re guests are there to celebrate your love and should understand if you can’t afford to pay for extras such as open bar.
July 30, 2010 at 2:58 pm |
ChurchReception
So for those of you think that alcohol at a reception is an absolute MUST whether it's free or not, what do you say about the couples who choose to have their reception in a place that doesn't allow alcohol? My fiancee and I are getting married and having the reception all at the church and the church does not allow alcohol. It's a very small (less than 50 guests total) wedding and we are on a fairly strict budget. Some people just can't serve alcohol whether they want to or not. If the venue doesn't allow it or the budget doesn't, get over it, it's not your choice or your budget.
July 30, 2010 at 2:58 pm |
notsonewlywed
I believe religion is a different issue because it supercedes the entire issue. If drinking is against your religion it doesn't matter if it's in your budget because you wouldn't consider it. The issue for most is that a person is not expected to bring their wallet to a party.
July 30, 2010 at 3:03 pm |
notsonewlywed
Husband and I paid for our own wedding, including an open bar. Figured it was the LEAST we could offer our closest friends and family as a thanks for joining us in celebrating a day that was all about my us. Can't afford a bar? Understand that completely, just don't have one, or budget accordingly. What you DO NOT do is ask your guests to pay for drinks at your party. Your wedding isn't a fund raiser.
July 30, 2010 at 2:57 pm |
emily
"Fundraiser" isn't exactly the right word. The bride and groom certainly don't get the money from the bar. The venue does. Perhaps the bride and groom would like to make drinks an option even if they are not morally or financially comfortable paying for six drinks for everyone at the wedding (because at 40 dollars a head or more, that's what open bar boils down to)?
July 30, 2010 at 9:34 pm |
World_Partier
Alcohol is such a "taboo" topic in America. Judging from the comments everyone's percetion towards it is different and I respect that. No open bar due to religious, budget, and medical (alcoholism) are all acceptable reasons not to provide liquor at your wedding. To each their own but let it be known the rest of the world usually have awesome boozed up wedding days that everyone remembers fondly!!
July 30, 2010 at 2:57 pm |
Justmarried
I think it's rude to ask your guests to put out for anything once they have arrived. Throwing a good party means taking care of your guests, which includes food and alcohal. I would never invite someone to my home and not offer them food/drink. At minimum wine and beer should be offered for consumption. And if you are married in a legitamate establishment with reputable bar tenders they will monitor the guests soberity. In my state it is the BAR TENDERS responsiblity to ensure their guests are drinking respectable. If you are further concerned with drunk driving, do as we did and offer your guests a shuttle to and from a hotel where you booked a block of rooms. Allow your guests to return to the hotel and arrange for them to provide you with a wind down space for people to sober up. 99% of hotels will do this FOR FREE, if you book your out of town guest rooms there. Additionally, shuttle buses are very very very reasonable these days. My god you could rent a school bus on the cheap. I think it's absurd that people think an open bar at a wedding means everyone will be so hammered they wont remember it. Get over it.
July 30, 2010 at 2:57 pm |
Scott
It's simple. It's OK if you can't afford a full bar, but if you can't afford to treat your guests to at least wine and beer, you have no business having a wedding.
July 30, 2010 at 2:53 pm |
notsonewlywed
could not agree more with that statement.
July 30, 2010 at 2:54 pm |
silent bob
well said....nothing wrong with city hall...have a party in a few years when you can afford it
July 30, 2010 at 2:55 pm |
Justmarried
100% agreed!!!!!!!!!!!
July 30, 2010 at 2:57 pm |
Atmosphere?
I think it will always boil down to the individual circumstance of the wedding. There are so many factors that will have an effect on what type of bar is available during the party. I will be getting married in Australia, next year, and for us, it's not financially feasible to have an open bar during the party. Flying to Australia during peak tourist season is an expensive undertaking, not to mention all the other aspects of having an overseas wedding (my fiance is from Australia and we're getting married in her home town).
Both sides of the family and our friends understand how expensive this is and are completely and wonderfully ok with not having an open bar.
Every wedding has it's own circumstances :)
July 30, 2010 at 2:53 pm |
JSGEvents
I am a wedding planner, and I usually tell my clients to spring for the open bar, if they can afford it. In my book, it is the ultimate no-no to have a cash bar. You're guests are already spending money to be at your wedding, and a cash bar is in poor taste. If a client is thinking about a cash bar, because of the cost, I would counsel them to skip the bar. I have consulted with many couples who choose not to have a bar, and those receptions were also fantastic. As far as comments about drunkenness and the like, any good bartender will tell you that it is their duty (and in some states legal responsibility) to watch for those people who are inebriated, and to not serve them.
July 30, 2010 at 2:51 pm |
Valerie
You make a good point.
It isn't the bride and groom's responsibility to monitor what other grown people are drinking.
I mean seriously, that just screams CONTROLLING, not a very good trait to carry into a marriage.
July 30, 2010 at 3:03 pm |
Jeff
The way I see it if your are asking guests to go out of their way and spend all kinds of money to attend your wedding the least you could is throw in some free drinks..Whats the big deal...If your friends and family are a bunch of alcoholics and take advantage of your good nature than thats all part of the Joy's of getting married isn't it..:)
July 30, 2010 at 2:48 pm |
SilentRiderC
Open Bar or Cash bar, who cares just do what I do.. show up to the wedding drunk, toating a cooler behind you, and I don't mean one of those rinky dink coolers that hold a 12 pack, you have to think ahead and have at least 2 cases of beer! The wedding will go by and then the reception starts. Plus it saves the hassel of having to walk all the way up the isle to an empty seat, just use the cooler as a chair!!!.. FIST PUMP YO!!!! :)
July 30, 2010 at 2:47 pm |
dandemain
How about the liability issue? If you have an open bar, make sure you have someone pouring the drinks. Many bartenders are trained to know when to cutoff the booze to someone. If you have serve yourself, you are taking a liability risk.
Personally, I'd rather pay some $$ for a real margarita instead of a free one that is all lime juice.
July 30, 2010 at 2:46 pm |
David
This discussion really is how you as a person view a wedding. You are either a person that views the wedding as all about you and therefore everything done and everyone there is to make you happy. These tend to be the people that stress over every detail, throw temper tantrums, and wonder why they end up divorced 5 years later.
The second group realizes that a wedding is not only about you but everyone close to you. The wedding isn't what defines your marriage but rather a celebration with the people you love. The key word here is a celebration, so unless you have a family of 12 steppers, spring for the open bar. If you can't afford it at least make sure there is beer and wine. And if you can't afford that as others have pointed out here cut on other areas. Believe me most people are going to remember your wedding party before they will remember the Gold leaf embossed wedding invitations.
July 30, 2010 at 2:45 pm |
ab14
A wedding without alcohol or one that has a cash bar is fine provided the guests are made aware of this before they get to the reception. In Canada the reception is priced per plate. A typical wedding ranges from $80-$100 per plate. I make sure that I put between $250-$300 in an envelope as a gift which covers my expenses and provides the bride and groom with something extra for them. Typically the selfish guest is cancelled out by the selfish guest. If it’s a cash bar let me know and I’ll adjust accordingly. I’ve seen guests go hunting for their envelope/cancel checks etc when they found out last minute it was cash bar.
July 30, 2010 at 2:44 pm |
silent bob
sorry to break the news but 80% of the people there are their to partyyyyy....the 20% are family and close family members.....everyone else wants to drink, dance. listen to good music which is what a wedding is about
July 30, 2010 at 2:51 pm |
Dave
No booze, no me, thats how I roll
July 30, 2010 at 2:44 pm |
April
I'm actually planning my wedding right now. My parents are helping to pay for a lot of it, and most of their money is paying to ensure that the guests have a good time. They've hired the best DJ in the area and paid thousands of dollars for excellent food. We looked around for a really long time to find a ceremony location/reception hall that would fit everyone's needs and be in the most convenient location for everyone. We planned the ceremony date and time to be respectful of everyone's driving/family/work plans. After figuring out that an open bar would cost them an extra 5000 dollars, my fiance and I opted out. We wound up with a nice compromise...a capped bar that allows every guest to get his/her first drink on my parents and pay cash after that. That way my Dad can still treat everyone to a drink (something that was important to him), but he is not paying through the nose for people to drink excessively and behave badly. And sadly, I have seen that happen at every open-bar wedding I have attended.
July 30, 2010 at 2:41 pm |
Jmct
I go to a wedding to celebrate the joining of two lives. The WEDDING is the primary focus, not the party afterwards. I dont have a problem with a couple that has a simple ceremony and a simple party, even if that means a cash bar. That is what they can afford, and I am happy to join them on their special day.
However, if a couple starts making the after party into a big deal with limos, photographer, videographer, flowers, tuxes, ............. and then wants a cash bar I have a problem. Dont spend $3k on limos and then make me by a beer. At that point you have shown you have the money to make the day special for you, but are showing very little respect for your guests, who may not be as trilled as you to be there.
July 30, 2010 at 2:37 pm |
Tina
Very well-said! I think every wedding I've attended (with one exception) featured thousands of dollars worth of flowers, music, dresses, etc. Yes, I do find it super-cheap to have a cash bar there. Interestingly, the one very simple wedding I went to also featured about $200 worth of six packs, boxed wine, and sub sandwiches, with a bride who wore a sundress and sandals. It was very sweet, and everybody had an absolute blast.
July 30, 2010 at 2:44 pm |
Carl
If you are going to ask people to travel out of state, take time off, hire a babysitter and give you a gift, the least you can do is serve a little alcohol as a courtesy. If you are going to go 'cheapy' after already spending a fortune on the tux's, limo, meal, flowers, etc, then why cheap out on something for the guests. Better to just havea quiet ceremony with a few family members and save everyone the headache.
July 30, 2010 at 2:35 pm |
Angela
We were married in October and decided not to provide alcohol at our wedding. We allowed people to bring their own, and a couple of people did. Nobody complained (at least to us ; ) and everybody still had an awesome time!
We decided on a "dry" wedding because we both have several family members who are recovering alcoholics and we wanted to respect their sobriety. My husband doesn't drink, and I drink very rarely so there was no need for us to have alcohol, either.
I have been to three weddings this year and at every single one the bride and groom drank the night away. At one of them, the bride got into a fight at the bar. At another one, the groom and groomsmen fought some guys at a bar, sending the bride away in tears.
I just don't understand why couples get so drunk on a night that they should be enjoying each other's company. I know I didn't want to remember my wedding being completely wasted and puking all over myself, or not remembering it at all.
July 30, 2010 at 2:35 pm |
Valerie
That must of been awesome seeing the drunk bride in all her wedding finery fighting.........................meow!!!
July 30, 2010 at 2:37 pm |
ARTIE
glass of red wine with you meat or white wine with your fish. nobody is saying you need to get drunk but i enjoy a nice martini during cocktail hour to go with the black caviar
July 30, 2010 at 2:33 pm |
dm
It's party people!!! If you don't want your friends to come and have a good time – ELOPE!
July 30, 2010 at 2:31 pm |
BOOOOZE
What an interesting article. I voted "no booze, no me". But I'm fine with a cash bar. Or just beer and wine are free, and pay for mixed drinks. So while "no booze, no me" may not be completely accurate, one thing that is.. "no booze, no dancing for me"!!
July 30, 2010 at 2:30 pm |
Patricia
I have been to a number of lovely weddings where alcohol was not served. Also, some really great weddings where it was served. I have know areas where the custom was for the groom or his family to pay the bar tab, especially if there were a lot of his young men friends (i.e. recent college grads, army buddies . . .or just a difference in the way his and her family party. ) One thing to consider - in New York State, the host is responsible for damages if a guest gets drunk and has an accident. This was the real sea-change in the custom. My husbands family is french, a champagne toast
is expected. We also had really great champage punch that was free-flowing. Soft drinks for the children. Everyone
looks forward to the cake. It is impolite to leave before the coffee and cake are served (unless you must excuse yourself -babysitter or other obligations . . . ) No one wants anyone drunk even if staying over at the hotel where the
reception is held. No one wants DUIs, accidents. There are other parties. Wish the couple well and behave so that
no one will have regrets looking back on this joyous day.. .Party manners are the guests responsibility.
July 30, 2010 at 2:30 pm |
JBaum
We had a toonie bar at our wedding. None of our guests complained. BUT that being said, we paid for everything on our own. My husband and I are just starting out and we don't have a lot of money, neither do our families. We made everything ourselves (we are pretty creative) and made the food ourselves. We wanted our families there (and unfortunetly I have a very large family). We even did a poll to our guest prior to the wedding about whether or not to have an open bar and everyone (and I do mean everyone) replied saying a toonie bar was awesome and some had already expected it. But we come from families who don't believe in bankrupting your self for a wedding. As for my dress, it was $1000 BUT I won it in a contest. and had a friend do the alterations. Everyone who attened our wedding still talks about it and how absolutely wonderful it was. And not a single person has complained about having to pay a toonie for drinks. In fact, most paid more.
If we were rich and could have afforded it, we would have done a full open bar, but as it is, we are just starting out. And as a side note, to our guests, gifts were OPTIONAL – we really wanted them there on our wedding day and if not bringing a gift could ofset their costs, we were fine with that.
July 30, 2010 at 2:30 pm |
Limer
If there's no open bar or only beer and wine, I bring my own vodka and mixers and keep it in the car.
July 30, 2010 at 2:27 pm |
L
I used to be a banquet bartender at a fancy hotel in MA. Many couples would have open bar for an hour and then it would change over to a cash bar. I think that is a good compromise.
July 30, 2010 at 2:24 pm |
primafacie
Wow, I think it's pretty heartless to say that if you can't afford to pay for alcohol then you should just get married in city hall. Seriously? So if you aren't loaded than you don't deserve to have a nice wedding? A lot of young people who get married are on a very tight budget and they have to prioritize. I like to drink, but I certainly don't NEED alcohol to have a good time. So if my friends decide that they'd like to cut alcohol out of their wedding I totally understand. Especially because cutting out the booze might mean that they can afford to invite more of their friends and loved ones. In fact, I just attended a dry wedding and it was very lovely and almost everyone seemed to have a great time.
July 30, 2010 at 2:23 pm |
Tina
Read the original comment. It talked about bankrupting the bride and groom, and YES, if you're even close to running the risk of bankrupting yourself with a wedding then you should knock off the foolishness and just get married at City Hall.
It boggles my mind how people equate lavish wedding ceremonies with love. If you can afford it, great! If not, you don't love each other any less because your wedding didn't make the New York Times Style pages. At least...I hope you don't.
July 30, 2010 at 2:39 pm |
Ren
I've been to 2 college friend's weddings and they had open bar for 3 hours (6-9). The reception lasted until midnight so if you wanted to drink after 9:00 you paid for your own drink. After loading up before the cut-off nobody seemed too worried about shelling out their own cash to continue drinking.
July 30, 2010 at 2:20 pm |
meherenow
I would rather be at a dry wedding where soda, juice, coffee and tea were provided then be at one with a cash bar.
I guess I'm old fashioned, but I don't like being asked to co-host an event I've been invited too!
July 30, 2010 at 2:20 pm |
tb
The wedding is supposed to be a celebration. People are supposed to have fun. If there is no alcohol, I generally don't go and avoid a bunch of stuffy uptight people. If I have to go, I stay for as little time as I possibly can. I know I am not alone in this regard. So you pick... fun celebration, or people who are there because they are compelled to be (and beat feet as fast as they can).
July 30, 2010 at 2:19 pm |
rupert
If you can only celebrate with your "friends" when you're drunk, you may need to reconsider your life priorities.
July 30, 2010 at 2:59 pm |
Dale
Weddings for most guests, are only about a free meal and free drinks.
July 30, 2010 at 2:19 pm |
Mark P
Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at a WEDDING!
July 30, 2010 at 2:18 pm |
meherenow
What a charming host.
July 30, 2010 at 2:18 pm |
D
Looking at all the negative votes amazes me. We are getting married in December and will only have open bar for the wedding party. If a guest or family member that comes to our wedding feels they deserve free drinks then they deserve to just stay their ass at home. We are paying for your food, the least you can do is pay for yourself to have a drink. If anyone feels this way on our day then "F" you!
July 30, 2010 at 2:12 pm |
SPIKE
D, what about the present they will be providing you? if i put $300 in an envelope for someones wedding and i had to buy my own drink i'd take the envelope back and give it back at the end of the night when i figured out how much of that $300 i spent on drinks
July 30, 2010 at 2:15 pm |
D
Nobody is required to buy us a gift. Nowhere in the rules of getting married does it say "You must buy gift in order to receive drinks"
July 30, 2010 at 2:18 pm |
Alex
For the most part, who gives $300? That's quite generous of you, but for 95% of the wedding guests, the couple has spent far more feeding them than they spent giving gifts or cash. So now they deserve free booze to boot?
July 30, 2010 at 2:19 pm |
D
So you give us a $30 gift and then we turn around and pay your $50 bar tab? We might as well tell you not to buy us any gifts...we will buy them ourselves because it would be cheaper!
July 30, 2010 at 2:21 pm |
SPIKE
maybe we are just used to different things. i am from NYC where the avg wedding runs over 50k so the gifts will prob run more as well. Ive honestly never heard of open bar until i flew down to memphis for my buddies wedding last year. i guess every town does things a little different
July 30, 2010 at 2:24 pm |
Alex
I was married in NYC. The cost-to-gift value ratio was not the same for us, though we received many great gifts for which we are thankful.
July 30, 2010 at 2:32 pm |
D
We are keeping a smaller wedding so we can have the people there who we really want to share this day with us. We are not inviting people just to invite them for a big wedding with lots of gifts. 150-170 people max and that is even the capacity of the church.
July 30, 2010 at 3:23 pm |
Justmarried
A wedding gift should cover the estimated cost of your plate, plus a gift on top of that. $300 is not out of the ordinary for a couple to give at a wedding. To many couples are worried about themselves at their wedding. Elope if your more concerned with your own needs.
July 30, 2010 at 3:30 pm |
Tina
Wow I am sooo sorry I am not a part of your wedding. It sounds so charming and fun.
July 30, 2010 at 2:16 pm |
D
Well you know...we are paying for our entire wedding and honeymoon with our own money. We are not going into debt just so people can have open bar. We are providing champagne to everyone for the toast but that is it.
July 30, 2010 at 2:19 pm |
partyplanner
Bridezilla alert. Your fiancé is a brave, brave man.. good luck with marriage if you keep up that completely non-compromising attitude!
July 30, 2010 at 2:21 pm |
D
I am the man.
July 30, 2010 at 2:25 pm |
Valerie
...are you really going to tell your guests F you???
Really???? After all, it IS really YOUR day you know..........
July 30, 2010 at 2:21 pm |
MA
You sound like a real d-bag. Seriously, you're only providing open bar to your wedding party!? Are you only expecting your wedding party to give you presents, too? Tacky, tacky.
July 30, 2010 at 2:50 pm |
D
You have proven my point. You basically just said I have to pay for your drinks if we want a wedding gift. Who is the D-bag?
July 30, 2010 at 3:18 pm |
bmaryland
Right on, D.
July 30, 2010 at 3:09 pm |
SPIKE
come to my wedding, i will not feed you, i will not serve you drinks but i expect a nice gift. sounds more like a fundraiser to me.....im getting married next week and im provided all the best for my guest because this day is about all of us having fun togethe, not just me and my soon to be wife.
July 30, 2010 at 2:11 pm |
Tina
I bet your wedding will be awesome! Congrats :)
July 30, 2010 at 2:25 pm |
anw92
I'm amused by the people who seem to have trouble finding any middle ground between tea-totalers and drunkards. If I'm at a large event that you are hosting I would be surprised if there wasn't at least some kind of alcoholic choice provided. Maybe just beer and wine. Maybe free for only the first part of the evening. But SOMETHING.
July 30, 2010 at 2:11 pm |
Tori
The majority of my family drinks very, very heavily. I don't drink at all, and neither does my fiance. My cousin recently was married and about half of the family was ravingly drunk. My fiance and I then decided we're doing open bar with only beer, wine, champagne for 2 hours and then cash bar afterwards. We're not willing to pay for your addiction and watch you make our wedding into a circus. We're hoping having to pay will lessen the amount of drunks– if you have a problem with no being served constant alcohol, then we really won't miss you at the reception anyways.
July 30, 2010 at 2:07 pm |
rupert
You are INVITED to a wedding, not DRAFTED. You don't have to go, and you don't have to be provided with some opulent meal. You all clamoring for a full open bar are the people that get wasted and scare the grandparents. Grow up. There is more to life than getting trashed at weddings.
July 30, 2010 at 2:07 pm |
partyplanner
When brides can blow a few thousand dollars on a dress, I think it's only fair that they spend a reasonable amount on being a good hostess. Because, if you decide to throw a huge party and invite others to celebrate yourself and your special day, that's what you are: yes, bride first, but hostess close second. People shell out a lot of money already to come to a wedding, and at the party they want to be treated like guests, not cash cows.
People who come to your wedding most likely won't care what kind of alcohol or food is being served, as long as it's delicious. The food and alcohol aren't usually why people go to a wedding and chances are a few years down the road people won't even remember what you served, but food and drink are essential to a fun and happy party.
Something that has become trendy lately is a signature cocktail. Because it's made beforehand, you dictate the amount/quality of alcohol that goes in, and it's delicious. Most punches and things like like don't require top-shelf alcohol to taste great. Plus it's something that can have meaning: maybe sangria because you met in Spain; piña coladas because you had an amazing time on a vacation somewhere tropical; an adult version of lemonade or limeade to be playful. You can check out recipes online or ask a bartender. Even if you offer a few different drinks, it's still far cheaper than a fully-stocked open bar, and it's an economical option without being tacky.
Another option is to ditch champagne and go for prosecco or just sparkling white wine. Champagne is just sparkling wine anyway, albeit the grapes come from a particular region in France and there can be very slight differences in flavor–but unless most of your guests are sommeliers, they'd never have a clue.
July 30, 2010 at 2:07 pm |
bmaryland
This is just as I see it. Unless you are financially secure and able, it makes no sense to me to start a marriage indebted because of an elaborate wedding, or go broke attending weddings of people you barely know. Only invite those close to you. Only go to those close to you. Have a nice wedding, but don't try to be Donald Trump unless you are in his tax bracket. A nice dinner. A nice glass of wine with dinner and/or champagne for a toast, if you can afford it. Guests want anything else from the bar, they can pay for it. If you're only attending weddings of people close to you, you won't want or expect them to be extravagant beyond their means. As the bride and groom, you shouldn't expect extravagant gifts, or travel expenses, beyond the means of your guest, either. Just seems like we get so caught up sometimes in putting on a show, that reason goes out the window.
July 30, 2010 at 2:07 pm |
JennfromNH
I very much appreciate this post
July 30, 2010 at 2:41 pm |
Luther Heggs
I'm torn...
1 – Liability. Who pays for the victim of drunk wedding guests after leaving the wedding? If you don't think someone who loses their wife and kids from a drunk crashing into them won't come after you, think again.
2 – Weddings with no booze = snooze.
3 – If you really want to drink and are too cheap – being your own bottle.
July 30, 2010 at 2:05 pm |
MW
Seriously, I've been in weddings for several friends. 99% of the time travel was involved – even to Hawaii. Don't tell me that after a 9 hour, $500+ flight, I don't deserve a few free mai tais! It's just like hosting a party at your home. Do you expect people to bring their own liquor? No. I'm hosting, I'm entertaining. I supply everything.
July 30, 2010 at 2:04 pm |
meherenow
Exactly.
July 30, 2010 at 2:06 pm |
Lalaru
I do not mind paying for drinks seeing as I really only have one or two. What is the big deal, exactly? I do not think it means anything or reflects badly on anyone... Who in the world cares so much?
July 30, 2010 at 2:03 pm |
JennfromNH
I find this thread appalling. Weddings are (should) not be about getting "boozed up." In an age where everything involving a wedding is ridiculously expensive how dare anyone say that alcohol should be a priority. If open bars are the only thing that make weddings tolerable remind me to not invite a person like you to my wedding. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Weddings are a celebration of love. And to those who believe that not offering free drinks is "classless" I say expecting someone to buy your booze for you is classless. Get over yourself. You are right. I'd prefer to go on a honeymoon with my new husband than making sure that YOU get your drink on and ruin my pictures (for which I'm paying for also).
Good lord you people are appalling. I am getting married in a year and frankly don't give a rats a** if my guests are pissed I'm not providing them free drinks. And it's not because I'm classless, or cheap, or have no etiquette, or sense of style. But we are a young couple just starting out.
You people should be ashamed of yourselves. And you sound like desperate alcoholics. What would your mothers' say?
July 30, 2010 at 2:02 pm |
Lalaru
Yes, it is also very difficult for young couples. I think of weddings as a celebration and a time to help out my younger friends or family members with gifts that they can use. I do not expect them to give me anything in return for gifts, that is why they are gifts... Haha. :P
July 30, 2010 at 2:06 pm |
MW
My mother would tell you to capitalize the L when you speak of the Lord. :) And she'd also expect a couple free drinks at your reception.
July 30, 2010 at 2:06 pm |
Tina
MW, you rock ;)
July 30, 2010 at 2:10 pm |
JennfromNH
I suspect that if your mother is that religious she is not too concerned about drinking. Unless she's a hypocrite.
July 30, 2010 at 2:40 pm |
Valerie
My mother would tell me not to have a party I can't afford. Oh, and she would also say that young love is blind.
July 30, 2010 at 2:17 pm |
bmaryland
Hi Jenn – you're absolutely right. The people that attend your wedding should be there to celebrate your day with you, not tie one on at the bar. For those that would complain or be negative, chances are they would find a reason no matter what.....and those are the people lacking class. Have a great wedding!
July 30, 2010 at 3:06 pm |
JohnnyK
Wow is the Kate with the 8 kids? You sound like a bi*ch. Who would marry you? I'm sure everyone at your wedding is going to be so happy basking in your love as they sit in a reception hall for four hours staring at each other. I hope you get envelopes with a five in it, you get what you give. I care enough about my friends and family to make sure they have a good time, and if they have a good time by getting drunk, good for them, I love them for who they are, not who I want them to be.
July 30, 2010 at 3:25 pm |
bmaryland
Sorry, long married and long past caring what little boys think.
July 30, 2010 at 3:43 pm |
SPIKE
have some class folks...the fact that this is even debated is sad!!!! you need to provide drinks for your guests, otherwise go to city hall and get married, if you invite someone and expect a gift from them, u need to do your part by feeding and providing alcohol
July 30, 2010 at 2:01 pm |
What's the big deal
I don't get it, but that may be because I don't drink. Even if I did drink, if the bride and groom decided not to have an open bar that would be fine with me.
A meal is being provided and that is expensive in itself.
(Food, Family and Friends.)
I don't think they shouldn't have a wedding reception because they can't afford alcohol.
Is it that serious? (that one can't go without alcohol for one night/one party?)
It's not a party unless alcohol is there! – NOT!
Friends and family – make the party – NOT alcohol.
Wow!
July 30, 2010 at 2:00 pm |
meherenow
To be clear: I have no issue with dry weddings. You don't want and/or can't afford alcohol? No problem!
What I have an issue with is being invited to an event, and have to bring cash to buy a soda or whatever.
Bottom line: if you are hosting an event, do NOT ask your guests to co-host it by paying for things.
July 30, 2010 at 2:05 pm |
dm
Who said it has to be an UNLIMITED open bar? Why not just pony up for a certain amount of beer, wine, whatever and when it's gone it's gone. Gotta have another drink? Move it on down the road...
July 30, 2010 at 2:00 pm |
Alex
Seriously? People get mad when there aren't open bars? What kind of drunkards are you? People can have fun without open bars; those of you who slam weddings without open bars as "classless" should take a look in the mirror. We purposely did not have an open bar at our wedding because we did not want a bunch of folks to get sloshed. Our compromise was to give everyone two free drink tickets, then pay for the rest themselves. The hotel added two free bottles of wine per table, which was nice. Invariably, some guests still got hammered, but we were not interested in a wedding reception full of drunks. If you are seriously upset maybe you should look into AA.
July 30, 2010 at 1:57 pm |
meherenow
Wow...so you regularly hang out with people who get tanked at social events, but only on other people's dime? I'm sorry, but if you're a host, you're a host: you pay for your guests.
Perhaps, if you're worried about people over indulging you should consider a dry wedding.
July 30, 2010 at 2:00 pm |
Alex
You obviously didn't read my whole comment. I said we gave everyone two free drink tickets, and the hotel happened to give each table two bottles of wine on top of that. I'd say that's enough; an open bar is just an invitation for people to get drunk. Guests do not have to give us gifts; it's a choice, just like it's a choice to give guests free booze.
This is yet another symptom of the age of entitlement we live in. You folks need to stop being sanctimonious about what you deserve as guests; in most cases, I would hope, you weren't invited because the bride and groom wanted a bunch of gifts and cash. It's about celebrating the marriage.
July 30, 2010 at 2:10 pm |
SPIKE
no people get mad when you give the bride and groom an envelope full of money so they can start their life, the least i expect is a drink and some food.
July 30, 2010 at 2:03 pm |
Alex
I'm willing to bet that the $120 I spent feeding you is more than you gave me.
July 30, 2010 at 2:17 pm |
msocal
Perfectly acceptable compromise Alex. Every one brings up the hosting a party nonsense. But if I go to a dinner party or other party I feel rude by not bringing some drinks or in the case of a bbq some food.
July 30, 2010 at 2:11 pm |
JohnnyK
Wow, drink tickets? Really? Your a classy guy, I would love the carnival feeling your wedding would have when everyone gets drink tickets! Can I cash mine in for a teddy bear? I can't wait for the grab bag you're gonna have for dinner!
July 30, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
realistic view
I think it depends what mood you want your guests to be in. If you want hard liquor pay for it. If you want wine pay that. Don't make your guests pay for it, but as a guest don't expect anything. They could be recovering alchohalics so maybe booze wouldn't be the best option for the.
At my wedding we had a keg of nice beer, also enough red, white, and sparkling wine for everyone. If they wanted somthing else, too bad thats what we drink we were paying for it. Of course we made it known in the annoucments it was going to be a small beer and wine reception with finger food and cake.
July 30, 2010 at 1:56 pm |
meherenow
I think that sounds lovely. You provided for your guests! I bet it was fun!
July 30, 2010 at 1:58 pm |
mljames7
Exactly! =)
July 30, 2010 at 1:59 pm |
meherenow
It isn't about drinking a ton...its about being a good host/hostess. You are inviting people to an event, and so you shouldn't ask them to pay for anything. If you can't afford an open bar, just do beer, wine and soda. Or offer no liquor at all.
July 30, 2010 at 1:56 pm |
Rev. Schaeffer
I vote for "How *I* feel about the the way the celebration is being run doesn't matter, unless it's my wedding. In that case, how *you* feel doesn't matter."
If there is no booze, I don't drink.
If it's free, I may have a glass of champagne.
If there's a charge, I pay it or don't drink.
No one forces me to be there, and no one prevents me from leaving. If I don't like something, I keep my mouth shut.
מזל טוב
July 30, 2010 at 1:52 pm |
Lisa
well said
July 30, 2010 at 2:07 pm |
anw92
@Lisa: It looks like the majority of people here are fine as long as the couple provide some kind of alcohol choice for free. You should be fine with your plans. And congratulations. :)
July 30, 2010 at 1:51 pm |
Lisa
Thanks :)
July 30, 2010 at 2:06 pm |
Dustin
People think that other people actually care about their wedding. In reality, weddings are social events that people feel obligated to attend if they know the person getting married. It's a show and all good shows should be entertaining. Having an open bar is a part of that.
July 30, 2010 at 1:50 pm |
Tina
Completely agree. I go to weddings because I love my friends and it means a lot to them, but they're truly the polar opposite of what I would choose to do with my free time.
July 30, 2010 at 1:55 pm |
Simo Hayha
It may be cultural but why does a wedding require alcohol? Mine had none. We've been married 21 years. It decreases the cost. It eliminates a major legal liability. If you have a bar, the guest may sue you for getting drunk or the people they hit when they drive home drunk may sue you or you may serve someone under the age of 21 and get arrested.
July 30, 2010 at 1:48 pm |
mljames7
I don't think it's fair to say that if a couple does not have an open bar they are selfish. You do not know necessarily what went into the decision. For example – my family has a definite drinking culture – it's accepted and considered rude not to have free drinks. My husbands family did not drink at all – they kinda consider it low class. After witnessing my cousin's open bar wedding where my aunt got wasted on rum & cokes and caused a scene – my husband and I compromised and had only beer and wine for our wedding and asked friends to keep an eye on certain family members. Everything worked out fine – but I'm just saying don't be quick to judge. And if you're one of those people you just can't STAND cash bars/dry weddings stop whining. No one is holding a gun to your head and saying you have to go.
July 30, 2010 at 1:46 pm |
cazanoma
sure it is, not buying your friends a drink on your wedding day is an indication that you are a cheapskate
July 30, 2010 at 1:50 pm |
mljames7
1) We did have free drinks just not an open bar (tho that's besides the point) – My point was often the dry wedding decision has more to do with family than money – so don't be so quick to write the bride and groom off. I was on shaky ground with my future in-laws with just having the free beer and wine. There was no way I was going to do a full open far and start off on the wrong foot with my future family just because some people feel entitled to free liquor.
July 30, 2010 at 2:14 pm |
msocal
Wow I can't believe how many people feel entitled to free booze.
Honestly if you brought a gift it probably covered the cost of your meal maybe little more (unless your generous).
I understand if you are in the wedding party because you spent lots of time and money (that's what rehearsal dinners and gifts are for possibly more for those poor women spending 100's on dresses).
The very least would be champagne for a toast. Ideally I would say some beer and wine or a small deposit to ensure your guest can all enjoy a free drink.
After that if you want to get ishtfaced then you can pony up the cash
July 30, 2010 at 1:46 pm |
Huan
All of the people posting in favor of cash bars and acting as though the guests are all free loafing ingrates seem to forget that the guests are bringing you (the bride and groom) gifts of cash. How dare you get sanctimonious about people being too cheap to pay for booze when they're the ones coming to your wedding, at their expense, with gift in tow.
If you can't afford a fully open bar, have a smaller wedding. Because let's face it, alcohol is the only thing that makes most weddings even tolerable.
July 30, 2010 at 1:45 pm |
Lisa
As someone who is getting married soon and has been planning for awhile, I find this topic to be very stressful. I want my guests to have a good time and I certainly don't want people to think I am a cheap-o, but a full open bar just isn't in our budget. We are doing a 2 hour open bar then cash bar after that. At $60 pp for food, not including apps, not providing alcohol for the entire reception should not indicate cheapness. Also, inviting fewer people is not often an option, especially if you come from a large family. I truly hope that any of our friends and family who are going to be upset by this opt not to come, because if thats the case, I'd prefer not to have them be a part of our celebration.
July 30, 2010 at 1:45 pm |
msocal
yeah i love how every one say invite fewer people like its some magically solution that won't p/o anybody.
Full open bar is great if you got the money and an all cash bar is a little tacky.
I think you hit it on the head with a semi-open bar.
July 30, 2010 at 1:52 pm |
Joan
Guess what Lisa. They're going to think you're cheap – because you are. Why not charge people by the piece for hors d' oeuvre's while you're at it. That way, you can make sure that you're not going to be charged for big eaters either.
July 30, 2010 at 2:02 pm |
Lisa
Well that is not at all dramatic...
July 30, 2010 at 2:05 pm |
Tina
I don't think it's cheap in the least! She's paying for a 2-hour open bar. That's more than generous and a very good compromise if you don't have deep pockets. Plus, the point of an open bar at weddings is so people can relax and enjoy themselves, not to get them all hammered.
July 30, 2010 at 2:15 pm |
bmaryland
You sound like quite the elitist snob, and just by your snarky comment, I'm certainly glad you aren't my daughter or daughter-in-law.
July 30, 2010 at 2:19 pm |
bmaryland
Lisa – anybody who thinks that doesn't really care about you anyway. It's a wedding, not a frat party. If they care that much about that, they don't care that much about you. Don't worry about it, and have a great wedding. If someone wants to do it differently, they can do that at their wedding. Hope you have a terrific day!
July 30, 2010 at 2:16 pm |
cazanoma
eliminate all the stress–charge them for the valet, the coatcheck, seconds on the buffet line, booze, a flower fee surcharge, etc., while you're at. WTF, turn it into a moneymaker, your friends will cherish you for the memories
July 30, 2010 at 2:27 pm |
anw92
And I do need to add that if the couple's religion keeps them from having alcohol at the wedding then be sure to mention on the invite that it's going to be a dry wedding. I'm ok going to a dry wedding if it's for religious views.
July 30, 2010 at 1:45 pm |
cazanoma
Unless there is a cultural, religious or other compelling personal reason for not serving alcohol at a wedding, the failure to provide your guests with a free open bar (even if only serving wine, beer and champagne) is just a statement by the bride and groom that they disresect their guests at an important and (presumably) most festive occasion in their lives. The failure to provide your wedding guests with a free drink is simply a classless choice, very much akin to those fools who used a website to ask their friends to help pay for their wedding party, and the jetted off to a vacation in South America. But then again, many people in the US today have no sense of style, no conception of etiquette or manners, are not embarassed by misplaced parsimony, are cheap to the core by not tipping help or servers, and simply have no shame. You need not put out Dom Perignon or a full bar if you can't afford it, but if you're pinching pennies a 24 pack of Bud Light will do. Its the thought in such events that matters.
July 30, 2010 at 1:43 pm |
daniela
It sounds like the people doing the most complaining are either the princess-types or their moms. ;P
July 30, 2010 at 1:42 pm |
Nick
Lets just say that if I'm going to be giving $120+/guest, I'd prefer to get my drink on with everyone else at the wedding.
July 30, 2010 at 1:41 pm |
daniela
Frankly, the only aspect of planning a wedding that I'm looking forward to is the party after. And you best believe I will have an open bar. I find weddings boring and stuffy affairs for the most part so finally getting to exercise choice on what I find fun will be aces. I can surely find ways to cut costs for a bar– I don't need hideous flowers, and I don't like white dresses, and I don't have to have it in June at the most exclusive country club. Voila! That's a ka-jillion dollars right there.
July 30, 2010 at 1:41 pm |
Mememe
That's my favorite response so far. The after party is ALWAYS more fun then the actual event. ;-)
July 30, 2010 at 8:52 pm |
Kevin
You can just take the money you were going to give them as a present and subtract off the money you spent at the bar. Everyone's a winner!
July 30, 2010 at 1:39 pm |
Tina
It is (of course) your wedding, so you can choose what to do with it. However, if you choose to have a dry wedding you should at least be classy enough to warn your guests about this so they can do one of the following:
1. Smuggle in their liquor in flasks. Good lord, few things are more boring than a dry wedding! It's probably their only hope for survival.
2. Fake a terrible new disease, such as "Ebola of the Inner Ear," that will allow them to bow out gracefully.
3. Suck it up and go boozeless, because they really REALLY love you. Warning: This option will probably only work for immediate family members and those who don't drink anyway.
July 30, 2010 at 1:39 pm |
drinkinmyhand
If I dont get free booze then I will have to hit the meth pipe and really ruin the wedding.
July 30, 2010 at 1:38 pm |
daniela
you and my uncle benny!
July 30, 2010 at 1:43 pm |
KDW1
My husband and I were married three years ago. We did beer and wine, no liquor. We had 75 guests. This is what we could afford so that is what we did. We bought a bottle of champagne for ourselves for the toast and everyone just toasted with what they were drinking at the time. Seemed to work just dandy. I can see if you have some sort of religious prohibition on drinking that you may not want alcohol at your reception. Otherwise I think it is tacky not have any and super tacky to make people pay. Most people are happy with beer or wine which is cheaper than doing mixed drinks. If you can't afford to treat your guests right then you should not have them as guests.
July 30, 2010 at 1:36 pm |
Megan
You know, a lack of booze at a wedding is not always about being cheap. I went to a wedding last year where the bride was Baha'i. Alcohol consumption is not allowed. She didn't feel strongly either way if her guests got to drink or not (she just wouldn't), but since her parents were chipping in some of the money she omitted booze from the reception out of respect to them.
July 30, 2010 at 1:36 pm |
Valerie
I don't think anyone would argue the religious aspect, Megan. I think Mormons also do not include alcohol. There is nothing wrong with upholding to one's own religious beliefs and especially if mom and dad are helping pay, and you are honoring them with your decision to not include alcohol. EVERY religion stresses importance in honoring one's parents.
July 30, 2010 at 1:40 pm |
anw92
I wouldn't dream of inviting guests to my wedding and not provide drinks. Mine was open bar. But if it's too expensive for a couple I'm fine as long as they provide a beer/wine selection. If I choose not to have the beverages they've offered I'd be ok with cash bar for hard liquour.
July 30, 2010 at 1:34 pm |
Lindsey
Got married recently and we had an open bar. Making people pay for their drinks is a bit rude. I'm of the thought that "if you can't afford to give food and beverages to X number of guests then don't invite X number of guests". We didn't want to spend a ton on our wedding so it was only immediate family (with SOs and kids) + grandparents (ended up around 20 people). Kept the wedding fairly cheap while still providing dinner and a full open bar to our guests.
July 30, 2010 at 1:34 pm |
KT
I agree with Lydia. A wedding is not about what the guest wants. The couple getting married do what they can afford–and even if they can afford lavish party favors, gourmet 12-course meals, and an open bar, they're not obligated to provide it. Conversely, the couple can't expect huge gifts. Guests can give what they can afford. Making weddings about money just cheapens the event.
July 30, 2010 at 1:33 pm |
K Stephen
In Re Everyone:
Since when do brides and grooms pay for their own wedding in America? I'd love to know. I've shelled out hundreds of thousands of dollars for my three daughters' and two sons' weddings? If you're going to spend $6000 on a dress and expect 300 guests to fill your gift request from the Nordstrom's registry at $100 a plate/gravy boat, it is only courteous provide them good food and an open bar. Guests of your event should not even be required to tip a bartender or bring a wallet. If you can't afford to host a wedding weekend, then you should do it at City Hall in cocktail dress.
July 30, 2010 at 1:32 pm |
Just me
Stephen,
Well... my husband and I for one. My mom couldn't afford to help. In-laws paid for a rehersal dinner. We saved for almost a year. Married 20 years ago, paid around 20k for 90 guests. We had a cocktail/h'ourdeurve hour while pictures were taken, sit down dinner, open bar, band, flowers, honeymoon, bridal wear, horse drawn carriage (actually cheaper than a limo), and pictures. Many people pay for their own wedding due to parents being unable or unwilling. It's nice if the parents can afford it. Your kids are lucky and I hope they appreciate all you're doing for them.
July 30, 2010 at 3:03 pm |
Ian
For the majority of people, open bars are not a problem at weddings. You only end up having a few, and spend the rest of the time, talking, eatting and dancing. The only people that it causes issues with are those that use it as an excuse to over indulge. At that point I believe the bar tender should have the right to refuse service, just like any other bar tender. Besides in this day and age, it's not as simple as open bar or not. Different levels of alch service, from simple beer/wine, to everything, to top shelf everything, and whatever you want to bring to suppliment. Not to mention service during just cocktail time, just during meal time. Most places shut the bar down at least an hour ahead of the scheduled end of the event, if not shortly after dinner is served.
July 30, 2010 at 1:32 pm |
Gene
I've been to dry weddings (Baptists and several other religions do not permit alcohol and many of my friends do not drink) and weddings with beer/wine/champagne (mine) and weddings with full bars. I'd never even heard of a cash bar until I was in my late twenties. I don't like the idea of a wedding guest having to PAY for anything at a wedding (parking, drinks, etc), but I also never understood why alcohol was expected to be served at a wedding. Seriously, you can't spend a few hours without alcohol? I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, but I don't expect it.
July 30, 2010 at 1:31 pm |
Valerie
Well Gene, I am glad you asked. Let me explain it to you.
USUALLY when full grown big people (i.e...ADULTS) get together for a celebration (party), most of them might like to enjoy a cocktail or two.....this little ritual has been going on for thousands of years, in fact, Jesus first miracle (for those who believe) was turning water into wine at a, dare I say it? WEDDING!
July 30, 2010 at 1:34 pm |
Gene
Wow. Was that snark against Baptists in general or just me? I've been to plenty of adult grown up parties and weddings that have been both dry and wet. Dry weddings are quite common in the south.
And I'd love to have sushi and sake at every wedding I attend, but I'm not going to get it. It's a party about two people committing their lives together. It's not about the food and drink.
July 30, 2010 at 1:49 pm |
Valerie
Gene, for the guests, it IS about the food and drink.
And no, was not making fun of Baptists in the least, not at all. I will say though, as a Catholic, WE have a VERY different view of a "party", bring on the drinks!!! Hehehee.........
July 30, 2010 at 1:51 pm |
Gene
Yes, I've been to several Catholic weddings and they were "parties" for sure. I've only had one wedding myself (beer/wine/champagne without hard liquor) and everyone had a lovely time. I've been to countless weddings from many different religions and cultures and locations around the US. Quickie casual backyard BBQs and incredibly formal published-in-the-tabloids affairs, kicker-style in a VFW hall and punch-and-cookies-in-the-church-basement. I've been to dry, to damp, and to wet. One was cash bar (and lots of guests complaining). But the alcohol never really seemed to matter. Painfully boring weddings were not improved by beer and I had an absolute blast at several dry weddings. If there is alcohol, sometimes I imbibe, sometimes I don't. If there is not, I don't feel the need to sneak a flask.
As far as I am concerned, music and dancing are more important to a wedding than alcohol. All the free booze in the world will not make up for a music/dance free wedding (and yes, I've been to one of those). Seriously, if you need alcohol that bad, you may have more serious problems. And I say this as someone who does enjoy alcohol.
July 30, 2010 at 2:05 pm |
Gene
Another quick comment: I'd never even been to a "wet" wedding (one with alcohol) until I was in college. Dry weddings (again, most of my extended family is Baptist though I am not) were the norm. Cash bar is tacky, but I still don't understand why alcohol is seen as a requirement.
July 30, 2010 at 1:45 pm |
portalpunk
Just let me know if its a cash bar before I buy your gift, what comes around goes around. Open Bar = Fancy Kitchen Appliance, Cash Bar = Picture Frame
July 30, 2010 at 1:30 pm |
Tina
Completely agreed! If you don't want to pay for my wine that's your call. Buuuuut mebbe I buys you a hand towel, see?
July 30, 2010 at 1:44 pm |
MEL
I think free beer and wine with a cash bar for liquor is perfectly acceptable. It allows guests to enjoy free beverages, but does not drive costs as high. Not to mention, I want people to have fun at my wedding, but I don't want people to be out of control. Offering beer and wine makes it possible for people to enjoy themselves without putting themselves over the edge as quickly. If someone has a problem with that, they can just skip the wedding, because its the best compromise of cost and keeping people happy to be found!
July 30, 2010 at 1:29 pm |
DrFood
Why would I want to get the in laws drunk? Their sober attempts at douchebaggery are bad enough.
July 30, 2010 at 1:29 pm |
Ben
I was married three weeks ago. We went with a middle ground, an open bar for the first two hours of the reception, then a glass of wine with dinner. The reception was at a restaurant, and they had a bar which was open for anyone to buy anything they wanted after that. For a reception of 135 guests in central Ohio (outside of Columbus), the bar tab was ~$2000.
July 30, 2010 at 1:29 pm |
Cailetsb
We got married last summer, and while a full bar might have been nice, it was out of the budget, and would have been hard to set up WAAAAY out in the meadow. We decided to go with beer, wine (and of course water and soda for the kiddo's). Everything was free of charge. Everyone seemed to enjoy the day just fine :)
July 30, 2010 at 1:28 pm |
Karen
I don't mind paying for drinks if I know ahead of time... put it on the invitation and let us know. Just recently got burned because we didn't have any cash on hand... solution... take it out of the envelope.....
July 30, 2010 at 1:25 pm |
portalpunk
love it
July 30, 2010 at 1:31 pm |
jesse
who cares about the wedding? i just wanna get wasted!!!!
July 30, 2010 at 1:24 pm |
Dick Daley
To thank guests for sharing this day an open bar before the meal, a champaign toast at the meal, and cash bar after seems appropriate. I'm not a teetoaller but am a light drinker but some get so smashed with an unlimited booze bar that they can cause harm to themselves and sometimes ruin a wedding.If you have to get boozed up to attend a meeting better not to go to the reception after the ceremony.
I think in part it depends on the invite list.
July 30, 2010 at 1:24 pm |
Peggy
A nice compromise Dick. My daughter's wedding in October will be exactly as you have outlined with the addition of free champagne throughout the reception. They are going to serve top-shelf alcohol throughout, so guests will be getting good value for their cash bar purchases. For a 5 hour party for 75 people, that should be plenty of FUN!
July 30, 2010 at 2:41 pm |
kayray
I'm fine with just beer and wine since I mainly drink wine but I think it's declasse to not serve any alcohol at weddings. The only wedding I went to that was no alcohol at all was the most boring thing I've ever attended, peope stood around in small groups mumbling quietly and looking around. No one danced and it was the reception lasted about 1 hour because people were so bored they left. Let's face it, alcohol helps people unwind and loosens their reserve.
July 30, 2010 at 1:24 pm |
Fuyuko
I don't drink, but for the guests I think a bar should be offered.
July 30, 2010 at 1:22 pm |
Delight23
TACKY! Do not invite me to your wedding if you canot afford to have me there. Be realistic about your budget. If you cannot afford to provide food AND beverages for your wishlist number of guests, take a realistic gander at the list of guests and go from there.
For the record, I have sents gifts to weddings that I did not attend. If I am not going to enjoy myself while in attendance, I'll wait for the photo album.
July 30, 2010 at 1:15 pm |
Amber
I was married this summer and we had a full open bar. Worth the money! However, one draw back was that a few guests had tooooo much to drink!!!!
July 30, 2010 at 1:10 pm |
Oana
hahaha mine too! hey that;s all part of the fun
July 30, 2010 at 1:13 pm |
Just Because
I've told you before I am sorry for that. How many times are you going to call me out? Gheez one too many tequila shots and the world won't let you forget. Say hi to your Aunt for me!
July 30, 2010 at 3:13 pm |
Lydia
Maybe it's just me, but a wedding isn't about what the guest wants... it's the bride and groom's day. It's to celebrate two people making a lifelong (we hope) commitment to each other, not about an all-you-can-drink booze buffet. If the lack of an open bar is enough to put a person off from going to a wedding, then how selfish are they?
I just got married to the love of my life this summer, and there was no booze at all at our party. No one in my immediate family drinks, and to be honest we just didn't think about it until someone asked. Some of our relatives and acquaintances thought it was strange, but they came anyway, because–like I said–weddings aren't about getting wasted on someone else's dime. I wouldn't want the kind of people at my wedding that this article talks about, anyway. The last thing a bride and groom need on their special day is someone who doesn't honestly give a damn about them sloshed out of his or her mind at THEIR party on THEIR dime.
July 30, 2010 at 1:09 pm |
Valerie
Another typical just married person with all the answers.
First of all, not EVRYONE that enjoys a few drinks at a party is a DRUNK. Secondly, what do you THINK people enjoy the MOST (people meaning your GUESTS that YOU invited!) on "your day"? Oh, that's right, the food and booze!
You must live some wild life, having to worry about your own friends and family, which were by the way obviously WORTHY of an invite from oh-so-wonderful-you on your little "special day" getting sloshed at your shindig.
Oh, by the way, congrats on your nuptials!!!!
July 30, 2010 at 1:15 pm |
Oana
I bet all the money went on you and your dress and you and your groom and you. Oh guests?? who cares about them..this wedding is about me me me and what I want. Hope they bringme nice gifts though...
July 30, 2010 at 1:16 pm |
Valerie
yeah no kidding....*stomps foot*, it's MY DAY, MY DAY, MY DAY!!!!!!! My special little day!! MEMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! Me and my special love forever and ever!! (I Hope!)....yeah right, that was the best part......
July 30, 2010 at 1:19 pm |
Tina
Valerie, you just made me laugh so hard! Too true.
July 30, 2010 at 1:22 pm |
Delight23
Um, no. If it were simply about the two of you, then those are the parties who would be in attendance...the two of you. Hence, some couples have rather smal ceremonies, be it for budgetary reasons or they don't want the headache that comes with planner a larger ceremony because of all the factors involved, the enjoyment of the invited guests being one of those.
You invited the guest(s), they did not ask you to come.
July 30, 2010 at 1:19 pm |
Heidi
You are assuming the couples with a dry reception are still inviting everyone they know under the sun and most people don't do that.
There are some people its considered tacky not to invite – they are called YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY. if you don't invite your immediate family then you have people pissed off at you.
July 30, 2010 at 1:35 pm |
Just Because
Oh my god Lydia, we reconnect. Hope all is well and your husband didn't find out we hooked up at your wedding.
July 30, 2010 at 3:12 pm |
yall suck
you suck and nbody told you how much they were disappionted because they wid not want to be rude. since this is the internet and I couldn't give a rat's ass, i'll put it oh so delicately:
Your wedding definitely sucked ass in my humble POV and I'm sure the people who seemed to think it was "odd" were really thinking that you two were the most uptight, cheap, overjealous and judgemental idiots who have no idea of the word "hospitality"
Even if the main characters in the wedding were non drinkers, do you really think all the guests were ok with having a dry wedding????
If all you idealists think weddings are all about "celebrating the awesomeness of my marriage" then you should get ur head out ur ass and look around, because you would've seen the bored glazed look on the guest's eyes.
August 5, 2010 at 10:24 am |
Tina
As a complete aside, what is this picture??? A $6 cocktail for two with 17% alcohol? I'd like this at my wedding, please! In a paper bag.
I was hoping someone would ask about the picture! I found it at a liquor store near my house in Brooklyn a few months ago. It's a bottle of pre-mixed gin & tonic and tastes, as one of my colleagues said, "like something metastasized in the bottle."
August 2, 2010 at 8:19 pm |
k
You cheap bastards. Pay for your guests' f'n drinks. What the hell is the point of going to a wedding? No one gives a crap besides you and/or your parents.
July 30, 2010 at 1:06 pm |
Oana
cheap cheap cheap!!! where I come from it's unthinkable to throw a wedding without an open bar. As a matter of fact if I would've done that my family would never forgive me. I guess it's in our culture but still ...Ihow tacky would it be otherwise???
July 30, 2010 at 1:11 pm |
Tina
Then again....if you don't ask me for a gift and you're fine with me showing up to your wedding in jeans and a t-shirt instead of an expensive party dress, I suppose I'm fine with no open bar. I can bargain :o)
July 30, 2010 at 1:16 pm |
kathleenrizzo
Have an open bar, or don't have a bar. I have no problem going to a dry wedding, I have a problem with you inviting me to your party, and then asking me to help pay for the way you want it to be. Would you ever ask your guests to help pay for the bride's gown so she can have the one she wants? Same thing.
July 30, 2010 at 1:05 pm |
Brian
Agreed, if people want a dry wedding for whatever reason that's fine. But if they want the wedding to be a party where people are drinking and having a good time all night then I'm sorry cash bar is just tacky. I've been to about 6 weddings over the past 2 years and they all had open bars so I guess most people agree.
July 30, 2010 at 1:21 pm |
rs33
Totally agree with you! I think a dry wedding is a little silly.. usually there are some guests who do drink and would like a few. I think that a wine and beer bar is fine too – and perhaps more aligned with some people's financial capabilities.
Personally- would NEVER have a wedding without an open bar. I really think it's a little annoying when the couple only thinks about themselves and not the guests in attendance. Everyone spent time and money to be at your wedding, at least have the courtesy of thinking of them.
July 30, 2010 at 1:30 pm |
Jess
I agree 100% with this.
July 30, 2010 at 1:44 pm |
Valerie
Wedding guests are just that, GUESTS.
If you invited a group over to your house, do you expect for them to pay for their dinner? No, you don't
I understand it's the wedding couple's day. I get that part, but I think expecting GUESTS, who have already shelled out quite a bit (usually) on proper attire, a gift, and time in honoring in you, it is completely tacky to chanrge for ANYTHING at your reception.
If you cannot afford it, than have a smaller celebration!
July 30, 2010 at 1:04 pm |
Ren
M0u5y – You sound pretty lame.
But I do agree that people just put on a show at a wedding. They spend money they don't have and end up in debt before they even start a life together. My wife and I got married, with a tiny reception, and we splurged on our honey moon. All debt free!
July 30, 2010 at 1:03 pm |
Bev
Same here. Simple wedding at a church and simple reception at a hotel with no booze. Today is our 27th anniversary. A lavis wedding is fine if you can afford it without going into debt. We started our married life with little money, but had a fantastic honeymoon that we paid for.
July 30, 2010 at 1:55 pm |
RageCage
I'm a man, but after watching these brides have countless "showers" for this and that... expecting a gift at each one, the LEAST they can do is give them free booze to pour into their bankrupt bodies. Gimme a break, lord help you if you're actually in the wedding. Get over yourselves women, you're just getting married, it's not like you're not gonna get married ever again!
July 30, 2010 at 1:02 pm |
RM
I agree with your end point (that it's rude to make people pay for drinks at your wedding) but FYI the shower tradition is rarely ever something the bride chooses and holds. They're held by friends or family members who want to honor the bride, so it's not like the bride is throwing herself a ton of parties to get gifts. In fact, most girls I know (myself included) were very uncomfortable having multiple parties thrown due to that and many people ask the person throwing the shower to have the guests not gift you more than once for a shower. I'm not saying there aren't people out there who soak up the gifts and attention, but just letting you know that it's not exactly the way it seems from an outside point of view.
July 30, 2010 at 1:41 pm |
sk2469
Full open bars are great if you can afford it and wish to provide this to your guests. If you want to provide alcohol but are short on money beer and wine are perfectly acceptable as is going completely dry and not serving any. However, I don't believe in cash bars at weddings. These are invited guests, if you were having a party at your home would you expect people to pony up cash for drinks? Throw the event that you can afford and people will come to celebrate you, not to get drunk.
July 30, 2010 at 1:01 pm |
Valerie
ooooooo, I just made the same point! Well said!!!!
July 30, 2010 at 1:05 pm |
Chris
While i do agree with your point of view there is one very important piece you are missing. While these guests are "invited" many are invited because they simply couldn't be left off the list. What I mean is that my friend had his wedding and wanted to invite a childhood friend. Did so, but did not invite the friends parents. While the parents of the friend and groom were friends many moons ago the groom did not feel that they were a necessary addition because he invited their son. To this day the friend still talks about how upset his parents are they weren't invited. And now he has to live with not "inviting" them.
Some people will assume a greater role in your life regardless of how you feel. Weddings are a celebration of the couples love (as you can still become married without a wedding) and it is up to the bride and groom to make sure all the important people are having a good time, especially themselves. Know your crowd; have booze, don't have booze just don't make them pay for more than the necessities to get to the party and be appropriately dressed.
July 30, 2010 at 2:22 pm |
John
Mou5y- that's an asanine comment. Just because you're a teetotaller doesn't mean people cannot reasonable enjoy a few drinks while helping celebrate a bride and grooms start of their new life. In fact, I think most people getting married would agree that although they don't want to end up DRUNK, a few drinks to ease some nerves are a must.
July 30, 2010 at 1:01 pm |
oniongirl
Would you invite people into your home and ask them to pay for a drink? Beyond a certain age even BYOB house parties are tacky... Why would a wedding, which is a prviate, invite-only party be any different? If a party is important to you, then only invite the number of people you can afford to host.
July 30, 2010 at 1:01 pm |
Oana
absolutely agree. People here need to get some class
July 30, 2010 at 1:07 pm |
Gwynn
Totally, totally agree.
July 30, 2010 at 1:08 pm |
RSanFrancisco
Absolutely agree. At least pass around some champagne, mimosas, something. I think having a completely dry wedding is incredibly rude. I'm getting married in a month and am happy to treat my guests to delicious beverages (and food). I love them, that's why they're invited to my wedding in the first place, and I want them to have a great time celebrating with me and my then-husband!
July 30, 2010 at 1:21 pm |
Valerie
Your right on track! Hope your reception is an amazing good time! Congratulations!
July 30, 2010 at 1:26 pm |
Just Because
I hope you get divorced
July 30, 2010 at 3:09 pm |
RM
100% agree – I'd even rather it be dry (though that's clearly less fun) than make people pay. Even if you can just afford beer/wine or a single champagne toast or something that's fine, but please don't make people pay for something when you've invited them to a party, they've bought you a gift, they've potentially traveled from far away and are paying for airfare, hotels, etc. There's a great wedding for every budget....if you can't afford open bar for 200 people invite less people or alter your beverage plan.
July 30, 2010 at 1:37 pm |
Luke
Seriously? People who get annoyed when they have to drop five bucks for a drink at a wedding need to sort out their priorities in life.
July 30, 2010 at 12:59 pm |
Mel
Best comment so far.
You people are unbelievable. You should be happy that someone wants to share their special day with you, end of story,
July 30, 2010 at 3:41 pm |
Millips
Addiction? Weddings are boring as hell for the people not in them. Drinking is a must. What else are you supposed to do? Stand around. Dumb Mormon.
July 30, 2010 at 12:58 pm |
MillionDollarQuestion
Great point on your perception of weddings and drinking–I am with you; but the Mormon comment was a bit over the top.
July 30, 2010 at 1:01 pm |
trollman
Hey dumb a$$. There are many people who do not drink and are not Mormons. Why are you attacking a group of people who choose not to drink?
July 30, 2010 at 1:14 pm |
blake
Millips, you're an idiot.
July 30, 2010 at 2:03 pm |
rbnlegend
You see it as a choice between doing nothing and being bored, or drinking? Maybe you should just stay at the bar and not bother going to the wedding. I like a drink, but I don't need a drink to get through a wedding reception.
July 30, 2010 at 2:13 pm |
MillionDollarQuestion
Who is paying? Someone else paying, great idea. Me paying, bad idea.
July 30, 2010 at 12:57 pm |
SYLVAN MICHAELS
HOW CAN YOUR REPORTER THATS COVERING CLINTONS DAUGHTERS WEDDING SAY THAT THEY ARE A ROYAL
FAMILY..THAT FUNNIER THAN WHAT MONICA DID TO DADDY BILL UNDER THE DESK
July 30, 2010 at 12:56 pm |
Clint
Your just jealous on both counts.
July 30, 2010 at 1:06 pm |
YouComputerIsGoingToWaste
Please donate your computer to a child who needs it for their education. You're obviously not using it for anything.
July 30, 2010 at 1:09 pm |
MW
Hahahaha!
July 30, 2010 at 2:00 pm |
Clint
At weddings the idea is to honor the bride & groom, not bankrupt them. Other the Champagne, a wedding is not a free ride, pay for your own drinks.
July 30, 2010 at 12:55 pm |
Gwynn
If you can't afford the party, don't throw it. They are GUESTS, not patrons.
July 30, 2010 at 1:12 pm |
Clint
I'll bet that you are the type of person that just shows up for the free food & booze, could really give a sh*t less about the wedding, let alone the Bride & Groom, and oh yes, you forgot to get a gift.
July 30, 2010 at 1:23 pm |
Taylor
I agree with Gwynn. You have invited people as your guests, so free alcohol and food for the party.
July 30, 2010 at 1:23 pm |
Jess
I agree with Gwynn.
July 30, 2010 at 1:39 pm |
Rex
Who said a party needs alcohol? I agree pay for food. Alcohol is not needed if you want it you buy it.
July 30, 2010 at 1:46 pm |
notsonewlywed
Glad you cheapos aren't my friends. Husband and I paid for our own wedding, including an open bar. Figured it was the LEAST we could offer our closest friends and family as a thanks for joining us in celebrating a day that was all about my us. Can't afford a bar? Understand that completely, just don't have one, or budget accordingly. What you Don't do is ask your guests to pay for drinks at your party. Your wedding isn't a fund raiser.
July 30, 2010 at 2:53 pm |
Tina
While I agree that the point isn't to bankrupt the bride and groom, if they can't afford the wedding then just get married at City Hall. It's pretty silly to think guests are getting a "free ride" when they most likely bought an expensive gift, are paying for hotel rooms, and/ or had to purchase expensive bridesmaids gowns/ tuxedos. One of my good friends got married recently and it cost me roughly $500 to be in her wedding. A few glasses of wine at the reception is hardly freeloading.
July 30, 2010 at 1:21 pm |
John
I agree with you, Tina. Well thought out.
July 30, 2010 at 1:51 pm |
Blaire
So if I don't have $10,000 to do a wedding then I have to get married at city hall and forfeit every girl's dream of walking down the aisle? I think beer and wine should be free, but everything? Give me a break.
July 30, 2010 at 1:59 pm |
rbnlegend
There's plenty of options between an expensive wedding and reception, and city hall. I do think it's kind of cheap to have a cash bar, I can see the arguement that having people pay to come to your party is cheap.
You rent a tuxedo? Ick. Who wants to go to a wedding in another mans pants? Step up, buy some nice clothes. I mean, if you are a teenager who is still growing, I can see rental clothing, but otherwise, buy a tux.
July 30, 2010 at 2:11 pm |
Tina
@ Blaire, if you read my comment you'll see I was talking about "a few glasses of wine." And don't stereotype. It's not every girl's dream.
July 30, 2010 at 2:19 pm |
rs33
I disagree- it's not a free ride at all. In fact, it's usually very expensive to attend a wedding when you factor in gifts, travel, etc.
July 30, 2010 at 1:33 pm |
MW
Well, then I guess it's okay to honor you with my presence, not my presents!
July 30, 2010 at 2:15 pm |
Ponytail
I agree, Clint, and the whole idea of feeding all your guests a meal is absurd, as well.
This really shows what weddings are all about. Most people would rather be drunk than remember someone's wedding. You have your personal time to get as shitfaced as you want, yet you expect someone to pay for your addiction on their wedding day? I don't even think people who get married should be spending the money they already do since it doesn't contribute a thing to their marriage. So now weddings are just another idiotic party? Gross.
July 30, 2010 at 12:54 pm |
Oana
well we definetely know where your priorities are. I hope your guests treat you just as nicely with their presents. It;s not about getting shitfaced like you seem to do, it's about being classy and putting the money into the most important day of your life. People appreciate food and alcohol. What did you serve at yours? you probably had in the mcDonalds parking lot and served root beer. Get some class!
July 30, 2010 at 1:05 pm |
DianeCashBar
It is so much classier to attend a wedding where the guests don't get DRUNK!
Grow up and grow a few!
July 30, 2010 at 1:52 pm |
Alex
It is you that needs to get some class. Guests are not entitled to an open bar. A wedding should be about celebrating a marriage, not free drinks. If you are that concerned about getting drunk for free, bring your own cheap liquor in a flask. I would rather have guests who cared more about me than a free drink anyway.
July 30, 2010 at 2:03 pm |
WeddingCaterer
Drunking doesn't equal drunk, which doesn't equal shitfaced. A wedding is a CELEBRATION, not like a business meeting. If you can't drink then, then when is appropriate??
July 30, 2010 at 2:06 pm |
Oana
DianeCash bar just admit it...you are a cheap ass.. Dont tell me to grow a few, how about you pick up a wedding magazine or watch a celebrity wedding on TV and see what class is all about. I know you and your hill billly friends probably assume alcohol resumes to beer in a paper bag, you probably have never had a champagne glass or good wine in your life and you probably don't know that you can actually enjoy alcohol without getting drunk too. I am also sure when you have guests over to your house you tell them to bring their own booze. haha look who's talking about class you cheap cheap ass !
July 30, 2010 at 2:10 pm |
Jeff S
I've been a groomsman or best man in 12 weddings, and have been to over 20 weddings in my lifetime. I've seen two drunk people total between them all, and all but maybe 2 of them were at least wine+beer, with most being full open bar. People have celebrated major events with feasts of food, dancing, alcohol, and music for literally thousands of years. If the people some of you folks know cannot drink without turning into obnoxious raging drunks, then your friends and family should not drink.
I don't mind a wedding reception with no alcohol, where the food is very basic, and the cost is say $15/guest, but I generally follow the "cover your plate" rule when it comes to gifting (with extra depending on how close the person is to me.) If you have hot dogs, chips, pop, and Aunt Edna taking snapshots at your reception, at a cost of $6/person, I'll be there, and we'll give you $25. If you have a reception with a dj, open bar, 5 course dinner, dessert table, and an aesthetically pleasing atmosphere and you're paying $100 per person, you're going to get $200+ from us.
July 30, 2010 at 2:26 pm |
Diane
Oana, I don't think having alcohol at your wedding equals class. In fact, where I live it can be considered just the opposite due to religious differences of some people. Having a full bar where people have to pay for their alcohol might not be very classy, but having no alcohol isn't that bad. Depending on how many guests you have, it can end up costing thousands of dollars that people don't have. You sound like a snob if you are saying that people need to spend thousands of dollars on alcohol (money they don't have or would go into debt to pay for) to have a classy wedding.
July 30, 2010 at 2:46 pm |
G
Oana, you really are a jerk! How old are you anyway? From your posts I would guess that you are either a tween, teen, or even more sadly a young adult. I really think you should find something better to do then troll around on the internet.
July 30, 2010 at 2:49 pm |
Lee
I have the perfect solution...but it only works if your reception is outside, like mine will be! I am going to buy about 2k-3k dollars worth of liquor and all the necessary mixers and what not, hire a bartender and when the liqour is gone...well you are stuck with champagne or kegs of beer. I think it's ridiculous to pay upwards of 7 or 8 thousand dollars just so your guests can drink and have a good time...and maybe even get drunk. I am 24 and have been to a few weddings where yes, people got drunk so don't tell me it doesn't happen...maybe you're just ancient and/or waited to get married at 30. I have talked to brides and grooms and they all told me the same thing: you can't even enjoy a cup of beer or some other type of alcoholic drink because you are too busy visiting guests, thanking them for coming, etc. Don't tell me just because some people choose to either do it my way or not even have alcohol at all that they are cheapasses...you people are sick for assuming that because you're gracing a person's wedding with your presence you're entitled to free drinks...I'm glad none of you are my "friends!"
July 30, 2010 at 3:18 pm |
Tre
Really oana shut the fuck up. I have a rich ass family including myself (gotta love inheriting stuff). So rich it probably makes yours look like its in poverty. Im getting married and I dont have open bar at ours. Classy.....huh what do know about class? Yelling at people over the internet. You Stupid, ignorant, dumb, shit head. Im a Marine so thats all I have is class and respect for the good civilians, but people like you....lets just say If you were on fire I wouldnt even piss on you to put it out bitch.
July 30, 2010 at 3:20 pm |
Slim D
I had an open bar at my wedding, however I feel that when you pay you can do what you want. There's no law that states you must have an open bar or any bar for that matter at your reception. Not ever one drinks and if the bride and grooms family aren't drinkers and they are paying for the wedding, they can choose not to pay for it. People have the right to do what they want with there money and shouldn't be criticized by people like you.
July 30, 2010 at 3:21 pm |
Tina
Oh yes, Trey. That comment simply oozed class. Yikes, dude.
July 30, 2010 at 3:59 pm |
HTDA
I can understand both perspectives here. I think it's important to strike the right balance. Open bars can cost upwards of $5,000 or more, depending on how many people attend the wedding, and sometimes people simply do not have the budget for that. I think doing something like an open bar for the first hour and then cash bar, but providing bottles of wine at the tables and champagne for the toast, is a good balance that won't break the bank, but also will show that you've made an effort not to be "cheap", even if you can't afford a whole lot.
July 30, 2010 at 4:54 pm |
SLD
I'm a doctor and my fiance is an engineer. We will not be having an open bar; rather we will serve complimentary beer and wine, with a cash bar. It has nothing to do with money. It has nothing to do with class. It has everything to do with priorities. I'd much rather invest that money in a more benevolent or future-oriented fashion.
July 30, 2010 at 11:41 pm |
Tina
Wearing a $1,000 dress in a $500 reception hall while complaining about the cost of alcohol for your guests who flew in from out of state = "idiotic non-party"
July 30, 2010 at 1:10 pm |
Nell
Exactly Tina. It's just so low brow to not treat your guests like guests.
To those that clearly oppose alcohol at weddings (and it sounds like free or not on this board) the reality is your family and friends are sacrificing a day off (maybe more if they've had to travel), have brought you gifts and spiffied up their wardrobes-maybe even had to pay for a hotel cus couples are to cheap to put up their "guests" anymore. After all that you won't put on a classy affair? If you are so concerned about people getting tanked–then maybe you should question what caliber of people you are inviting.
July 30, 2010 at 2:30 pm |
Ed
The funny thing is that, in America where there is such an "abundance", this is a question that is often ask. In places that we consider to have a "lower" standard of living such as Central America, weddings almost ALWAYS have an open bar ( yes it is much more affordable to have it there than here)....Anyways, I say that I would have a wedding celebration when I can afford one; I want my guest to enjoy a feast not to come with cash to spend.
July 30, 2010 at 1:11 pm |
Stl Melz
Having just recently married, my husband and I chose to have our wedding in the field next to our house with rented tents, my buddy as the DJ, and a great deal of self-serve champaigne, wine, beer and a few select liqours we knew our family and friends would enjoy. There was no bartender or any other kind of servers. We had an extensive buffet of excellent food prepared by a local caterer that our friends picked up and brought to our home. Several of our family, friends and neighbors pitched in to set up the entire event. For wedding cake I made multiple types of cheese cakes that were just as good, if not better, than any bakery could make. That is the kind of celebration we wanted: something charming, relaxed and enjoyable for everyone, that we could actually afford (by paying cash and not credit.)
July 30, 2010 at 2:21 pm |
bnjmn
Stl Mlz, your reception sounds charming. That's just the kind of laid back, personable event that people will remember enjoying for a very long time.
July 30, 2010 at 2:40 pm |
pwt3d
why do I need YOUR wedding to be memorable, its your wedding not mine. If you remember it, fine, it's just another party for everyone else, grow up.
July 30, 2010 at 1:25 pm |
Lee
You are selfish and sicken me...I can tell you get invited to a lot of receptions
July 30, 2010 at 3:21 pm |
Dan
How many things at a wedding REALLY contribute to a marriage? Almost nothing, except for the friend's and family's endorsement and the marriage license.
As I've filmed so many times before being a wedding videographer, 'a wedding is an outward expression and celebration of this couple's inner love'. Why not have the option of drinking a glass of wine or beer for free? I've been at open bars with Grey Goose and I've been at some with mason jars, if the family/married couple doesnt have religious reservations or are not on the 10-step road to recovery, I'd say its standard etiquette in today's society. Open bars can be inexpensive compare to other items on a wedding budget. There are always other places to pinch to make sure your guests are a little happier. Ironically enough, your guests will certainly remember the fact that there wasnt an open bar.
July 30, 2010 at 1:35 pm |
drew
lame.
weddings are supposed to be fun for everyone.
i pay for a tux, plane ticket, hotel reserv., and misc. expenses to support my friends then i should get a beer.
otherwise dont invite me. ive done plenty in their lives to prove my character and friendship. my absence at the wedding does no harm.
July 30, 2010 at 1:36 pm |
You'reNutz
I was under the impression that a wedding was also a celebration of the union of the new couple. What about a celebration says to be a tight assed T-totaller. If the wedding party invites you to a fourth of July celebration, would you not expect to have a drink or 2? This is the same case...it's a celebration No one is saying you have to drink till you drop, but a cold crink to celebrate to moment has been carried for eons. If you don't want to have a drink then don't, but quit raining on everyone elses day.
July 30, 2010 at 1:38 pm |
justhadawedding
i just got married, and we had an open bar. a few people got tanked, but no one was sloppy or got sick there. my buddy is going to have a dry wedding. no problem there either. But i feel if you are going to have something, it should be free. it's like having a party in your house but charging guests for the food/drink as they consume it. So, my thoughts are if it's there, it's free. if you don't want to spend, get a small keg or a few bottles of wine and be done.
my problem though, was the reception hall (we bought the alcohol, they provided mixers and bartenders) tried to steal our left-overs. we ere told that we could take home any extra (open or not) liquor. they tried to keep a newly opened boxed wine as well as a almost full keg. that wasn't cool
July 30, 2010 at 1:43 pm |
Matt
Weddings are dumb. The only way to get through one is to drink...for free.
July 30, 2010 at 1:58 pm |
Scott
finally someone said something smart. thanks Matt
July 30, 2010 at 2:51 pm |
Edward
Marriage is mainly a religious concept, you says your vows with the blessing on the "lord". Wouldn't it then make more sense not to drink alcohol at wedding? Since most weddings are religious none of them should have any alcohol at all.
July 30, 2010 at 1:59 pm |
es
Are you serious about that :) oh wow.... so why do we drink red wine during Easter then? I don't understand Americans, you guys are so uptight... I am pretty sure Vatican weddings have plenty of wine. Have fun, life is about enjoyment, forget the rules, wedding is about family and friends, and FUN!
July 30, 2010 at 2:06 pm |
Edward
Nevermind me, I'm just trolling.
July 30, 2010 at 2:11 pm |
Sean
Religious does not equal abstinence from drinking. Having drinks is a major feature of many religious ceremonies, today, and from the beginning of time. Did you notice the wine glasses at the last supper? How about Jesus turning water into wine? Get real.
July 30, 2010 at 2:13 pm |
Carol
Wow! Guess you forgot about the whole Jesus turning water into wine. Dumba$$
July 30, 2010 at 2:16 pm |
Mark P
you don't drink at the wedding; you drink at the reception. Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding!
July 30, 2010 at 2:18 pm |
TEXAS
Jesus wouldn't even a tend a wedding without alcohol, he turned the water to wine, so if it is a religious event, and your religion is christian, than it seems you MUST have some adult beverages! It would be offensive if you didn't!
July 30, 2010 at 2:29 pm |
Valerie
You OBVIOUSLY are not a Catholic!
; )
July 30, 2010 at 2:30 pm |
Nell
Edward, last I checked the "Lord" turned water into wine-for a WEDDING. Think that one over. The way the story goes it was a "miracle" in part because the family was SO EMBARRASSED TO NOT HAVE ENOUGH WINE FOR THEIR WEDDING GUESTS....ringing any bells? Just my thoughts on what the LORD's input might be here. ;)
July 30, 2010 at 2:37 pm |
Jeff
Jesus first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding.
July 30, 2010 at 2:40 pm |
Diane
I don't agree. However, I am getting married next year and am worried about haing alcohol at the wedding because some of my future in-laws will be offended. They are Church of God and I am Episcopalian. I don't think it is a sin to drink as long as it isn't in excess.
July 30, 2010 at 2:49 pm |
es
Not only I had free wine, drinks, alcohol for the guests, I also had parties for 2 days. My wedding ended at 4 in the morning with many guests drinking in a pool. People still remember and comment that it was the most fun wedding, and YET it was classy. I am from Russia we know how to throw a good party, hey you live once
Even my photographer told me it was the coolest wedding and I am sure it was not his first wedding. DRINKS are the MUST, if you can't afford drinks then invite less people. P.S. also happily married :)
July 30, 2010 at 2:02 pm |
Chris
Apparently none of y'all live in Wisconsin. :P Not everyone who drinks is an ADDICT, btw...some people know how to have drinks socially. Personally, if it were up to me, there would be less weddings anyways. Less weddings = less divorces.
July 30, 2010 at 2:16 pm |
Jeff S
Wow, are you serious? People have been celebrating major life events with feasts of food (and alcohol) for literally thousands of years. And you think getting your friends and family together for one of the most important events of your life is useless? Maybe do without a DJ because other people dancing adds nothing to your marriage? Or skip the photographer, because photographs are nothing but relics of the past?
I'm against prescription medication, but I seriously think you should consider anti-depressants.
July 30, 2010 at 2:16 pm |
Jeremy
Drinking at a wedding doesn't mean getting drunk. The only reason Alcohol is legal is because it's a "social" thing and that doesn't necessarily mean drinking to the point of intoxication. Aside from that, you think that everyone who drinks has an addiction to alcohol? Maybe you'd have more friends if you weren't so testy about everything... lighten up.
July 30, 2010 at 2:17 pm |
Candace
This is pretty indicative of the Bridezilla attitude that prevails. "How dare you want to have fun at MY wedding! You're supposed to just focus on ME ME ME!"
I don't necessarily think that a wedding has to have a full open bar, but I think the happy couple should be concerned that their guests have a good time.
July 30, 2010 at 2:21 pm |
charlie
I wanna party with this guy!!! im just kidding you sound horrible....your wedding (if someone agreed to marry you which is shocking) must have sucked
July 30, 2010 at 2:23 pm |
Dear lord.
Oh wow, Oana. Refer to a celebrety magazine for "class"? You're either nouveau riche trash or just trying to make people think you're all that. I feel sorry for you.
July 30, 2010 at 2:35 pm |
Jeff S
I'm seriously not sure I understand. Do you think people should just get married and go home? Do you think most people are unable to drink like adults? Do you think celebrating the most important event of your life is not something worth doing with friends and family? My fiance and I have gladly held off on getting trim for our home, a new tv, and a new car over the past year to pay for our wedding reception, because we want everyone there, dancing, drinking, eating, socializing, having a good time, and enjoying a fantastic night with us. In my opinion, if its not worth having a major celebration once in your lifetime, then maybe your life isn't worth living and you should consider ending it.
July 30, 2010 at 2:46 pm |
Gabi
Just because there is an open bar, it is *not* an open invitation to get "shitfaced". Most adults know how to drink in moderation and most wedding guests are not college frat boys. Having an open bar is a nice to have, but as the one option pointed out, can be pricey and many folks can accept a cash bar as well.
July 30, 2010 at 2:46 pm |
geekgirl
there's nothing worse than going to a party where you feel like the host is watching and adding up every nickel and dime's worth of food and beverages being consumed (and I've been there). A good host provides plenty of good food and the alcohol is flowing freely. It's not about what the guests are entitled to, it's about being a good host and making sure everyone enjoys the party. Yeah, a few people will probably drink too much, but that isn't an excuse to be a bad host.
RT @joshgroban: Happy national chocolate chip day! Anyone out there substituting for carob needs to explain to me how they sleep at night. 6:49 pm UTC, May 15 2012
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I meant to say the guest list was 126, not the wedding party! Anyways, our side is about 30 on that guest list.
My husband and I want our daughter to have a nice wedding. The venue is beautiful. We are paying for a happy hour with hors d'oeuvres, a beautiful dinner with soft mariachi type dinner music, a great local DJ, champagne during dinner and beyond, and a small block of rooms for guests, a couple of which are in the groom's guest list. Of a wedding party of 126, only about 26 are our small family and group of friends. All this and the groom's parents don't want to pay for open bar, even though they want one! I am paying for 100 of their guests to eat and drink and have a good time THROUGH DINNER and they won't pick up open bar. We are not drinkers to any extent. They are. I think that a cash bar will have to fly and if they want to treat their guests further, then they can pay for an open bar. Am I being unreasonable? I am willing to pay for soft drinks after the dinner, and there will be plenty of champagne floating around all night.
My mom told me when I was planning my wedding that the ceremony was for us, but the reception was for the guests – they are the ones giving you a gift, so thank them, and make sure they have a good time…while incorporating what your own tastes are. Her advise was sound. I had a big Polish wedding with a full bar, a 3 meat sit down dinner, dancing until they kicked us out, and all the cultural trappings the Polish have at weddings (grand march, dollar dance, 12 Angels, polka music ) AND EVERYONE HAD A BLAST.
It was well worth it. That was 32 years ago and people to this day still talk about it. Now that’s a party!
Most of the members of my family do not drink, either because of religious views (one side of the family) or alcoholism (other side of the family). Guests need to remember that their preferences are not the only issues that could be at hand. This is the reason my husband and I had a dry wedding...then a big party for friends later where we served beer, wine and select mixed drinks. Our dry wedding was purposely scheduled at a time and informal enough location where children would be most welcome, too, so it was very family friendly. The party to celebrate our wedding was not meant for children.
I say either have an open bar, or have a dry wedding. I find cash bars to be extremely tacky – might as well have a bouncer and a cover charge to get in while you're at it. It's a party, so treat your guests or just don't have alcohol if you can't afford it or if you don't want people getting too rowdy. I've yet to see a cash bar prevent anyone from getting trashed if they're the kind of person who enjoys doing that at a wedding.
Having a bar or open bar for your guests is nice, but most weddings I've been to have been dry or mostly dry (just a round of champagne) and I've really enjoyed them. Dry weddings are nice if you want to make sure your guests aren't going to get stone drunk and spill wine all over your $3,000 wedding dress, or cause the cops to be called. Not that most guests do that, but people are a bit unpredictable when they get liquered-up. Not to mention if one or more of your guests is a recovering alcoholic.
A wedding can be completely classy and a lot of fun without alcohol. I fully support that. I also support wedding receptions that afford each person a set number of drinks throughout the night. Not that I object when there's an open bar either. Whatever the choice of the bride and groom and whoever is paying for the wedding is fine. It's their day, not the guests'.
If you can't afford at least beer and wine for your guests you're probably too young to be getting married in the first place. People wonder why the divorce rate is so high...maybe it's because you're fighting over money all the time.
People are flying in, getting a hotel, renting a car, giving you gifts. You at least owe them a dinner and a few beers or glasses of wine.
I went to a Polish wedding once...they know how to treat people right. Great dinner and plenty of alcohol to enjoy and toast to one another. There were two bottles of vodka on every table!
We will have a cocktail hour with an open bar and then provide champagne for a toast. After that, there will be no cash bar or alcohol served. Honestly, while my fiance's friends are wonderful people, I know that if the alcohol is flowing liberally then many will be getting trashed, which I do not want for our wedding day. It is one thing if I knew people would act responsibly, but I know of a handful from my side and his that would not, and we are not paying for people to come and get sloshed at our expense. It is entirely possible to have fun and dance without being wasted.
We were going to provide beer & wine, unfortunately an unexpected expense of a car occured 3 months before our wedding. So, there went our alcohol budget. We let our guests know the circumstances (we'd have champagne for the toast at least) and every one was fine. We were suprised at our wedding when the groomsmen all tossed together their liquor cabinets and made a beer run. The "bar" was the groomsman's minivan in the parking lot. Very non-traditional but a hoot nontheless. Plus, later in the evening, my Father-in-law wheeled a cooler full of more beer up into the reception hall. A great time was had by all and it didn't break anyone's bank.
The point of this poll is a bit confusing to me as well as the comments. I am not quite sure if this about having alcohol or not, or if it's about paying for alcohol or not.
In any case, i guess it depends on the type of wedding. I have been to fancy, decked-out traditional weddings. I don't recall there being an open-bar except for the cocktail hour. Afterwards, for the main reception, you had do drink whatever what given to you at the tables which was usually wine. If you wanted anything else, you had to pay for it out of your pocket.
I think weddings are a huge expensive. It's no wonder that some of my close friends completely opted out of having a traditional wedding and decided instead to hold the party at a bar or restaurant where everyone paid for their own stuff because they simple couldn't afford paying for some fancy reception. I really have no problem with this. The best part is... it's always going to be held amongst close family and friends and it turns out being cheaper than forking over money for a spot at an elaborate reception.
I attended the wedding of a very good friend. Everything about the wedding was spare-no-expense, and there was an open bar. The entire wedding party, including the bride and groom, got so drunk within an hour that they could not stand up. No reception pictures, no "first dance", or any dance for them, for that matter. We left as soon as the fighting started. The happy couple was so embarrassed and shellshocked that they never sent out thank-you notes. So much for the "classiness" of a wedding being measured by unfettered access to alcohol. I'm no teetotaler, but that was my definition of the reception from hell.
A cash bar is tacky, but equally tacky is serving the cheapest booze at your open bar. It doesn't have to be top-shelf, but really, if the rum you're serving at your open bar simply says "Rum" on the bottle, then you might as well just go with the cash bar. At least then I can get a drink that doesn't taste like kerosene.
also I was at one cousin's wedding that had alcohol at the reception and had another cousin's boyfriend almost ready to fight me because of my profession (military) because he was good and drunk.
When I go to a wedding it's for the ceremony. I'm there for the happy couple and to enjoy watching them start out their lives. If I get food and drink bonus but I'm not there only for the party. Or worried how much I can drink on someone else's dime. And I've gone to plenty of weddings that were dry and still had a great time.
Wow. I think this discussion board says a lot about guest culture in general. I'm comparatively young (31), but was raised to bring something for my host whenever I am a guest in someone's home. If I attend even a backyard bbq, I make sure to bring a decent amount of some alcohol that the host favors (and not for my own use). I figure that the host has gone out of his/her way to invite me into his/her house and has spent money on food and drink for me. Why shouldn't I contribute to the celebration? Plus, if whatever I bring doesn't get opened that day, the host can enjoy it later or save money on his/her next party. As for being a wedding guest, I acutally make sure to drink less than I usually would, so a cash bar isn't exactly going to break my bank. Having planned my own wedding, I know that the bride and her family go through a great deal of stress and trouble trying to make sure that their guests have a great time. I have no desire to risk making some sort of scene that would put a damper on things (like someone at a wedding I attended awhile back that started a fight so bad that most of the guests left). Making a stink at the wedding (or being catty later) over the bar arrangement does a huge disservice to everyone who went though so much trouble to provide the guests with a great party.
I agree Elaine. If I go to someone's house or event, I always bring wine and sometimes flowers, too. Sometimes a dish, or whatever.
For a wedding, I never go anywhere with the idea that I will look for a reason to disapprove of how someone has chosen to do things. I won't pick apart their decisions later. Different strokes. I've also never attended a wedding because they would feed me or give me alcohol. I go to the ones that I care about the people in them, not for them to give me a party. A person has a choice to cut out early if they don't like the reception, or it doesn't live up to their "standards". People shouldn't be so judgmental and understand everyone doesn't have the same budget. Class is not dependent on $$, and young couples are not usually rolling in the dough.
Wow, this is a crazy discussion.
Asking guests to pay for anything at your reception is a huge No-No. Cash bars are always tacky and noticed - after the marriage ceremony is over, what you're doing is hosting a party, and you should pay for all of it. And a dry wedding is fine, whether it's because of a nondrinking bride or religion or cost. But never make guests pay for any portion of your celebration.
Also, why is it so black-or-white (city hall vs. $75K reception)? You can have a lovely wedding with an open wine/beer/sparkling bar under $30K in most parts of the country. Sure, downtown in any major metropolitan area is gonna cost you more ... choose your locations wisely and you should be fine.
Finally, if you're seriously trying to do your wedding for under $15K, which is fine and can be lovely, personal and charming, you're probably already aware that you're going to have to sacrifice somewhere, be it guest count, location, or details. Accept it and move on.
I don't think I could ever throw a party and then make my guests pay for their own entertainment. What a low class move. Provide it for free or don't provide it at all. But definitely don't sell it! "How bout 10 bucks for a double slice of cake fatty, and you, pimply kid in the corner, can I interest you in a dance with the bride for a 5 spot?"
The biggest scam at the wedding is paying for an extra hour of open bar when the drunks are drunk and the sober people are having seltzer...
Jesus turned the water into wine when the family asked Mary for help. I'm just saying. Jesus didn't say, " No wine for you!"
We had a cash bar because we paid for our own wedding and didn't have the $6000 for an open bar. we also thought it was more important to have everyone we love at our wedding instead of paying for a select few to drink for free. We obviously gave a wine toast but we also paid for transportation between the hotel we had a block in and the reception location. Five years later, people still talk about how our wedding was one of the best parties the ever went to.
there also talking about how they had to pay out of their pockets for a budlight
Maybe I have better friends and family than you. Mine don't require us to lose our house to celebrate with us. If they do mention having to buy their own beer, than they probably would have been one of the ones cut if we had to reduce our headcount to pay for open bar.
wow....i yelled at my wife for odering a 8k cake....but never in a million years would the thought of not serving my guests liqour come up. Its a wedding guys not a funeral, learn to throw a party
Dying laughing! I would strangle someone for ordering an 8K cake! That said, very good point about the party.
open bar vs cash bar is a big difference in price per person, regardless of if they have 1 beer, or 10, most places is a set price per person. my wife and i paid for our own wedding, and the option of an open bar for an hour, then cash the rest of the night, seemed like a fair deal for our guests. people shouldn't be pissed if there's a cash bar. realize that its more or less 75 bucks a pop for an expense at a wedding, add another 15 per person for an open bar. So your $250 wedding gift from a couple pays for your meal, plus 100 bucks. not saying that you should give more, but just realize that its costing the bride and groom (or family) a lot of money to have you there. 100 people at 15 bucks for an open bar, vs maybe 5 for a cash bar is a big difference
so what? if your looking to make a profit play the stock market, you cant have a wedding expecting to make money....most of the time you end up losing
If it is such a finacial burden to invite me to your wedding, than don't invite me.
Geez, your post just screamed inhospitable! Bet you present a "tab" to your guests that come over for Thanksgiving too! Wow! Uh, that will be an extra 40 cents for that second helping of mashed potatoes, and an extra $4.00 for the Miller Lite as well..........
I think as long as you start with an open bar, moving to a cash bar later is perfectly fine. The gesture still counts, and those who want to keep drinking usually don't find it insulting to pay. I would definitely say it's polite to let people know this ahead of time, though, so they're not suddenly trying to find a cab and an ATM at 10 pm.
i think its disgusting to invite someone to a wedding and have them pay for their own drink, maybe dont feed them and tell them to bring their own bag of chips and their own guittar so they can entertain themselves too. you are the host, you are supposed to provide this stuff. if not then dont throw the party
I have never read such ridiculous crap in my life. The question was open bar or cash bar. There was no reference to no drinking. Cash bars...plain and simple = trash. End of story. Do not have a cash bar choose no bar. Forget how much money I spent on my outfit or whatever stupid reasoning people gave of why cash bars are terrible. The fact is guests are guests. Definition of Guest right from Webster: a recipient of a meal or entertainment that is paid for by somebody else. Having people pay for anything is absolutely disgusting. And there is nothing more awful then walking up to the bar and not knowing it is a cash bar upon arrival and leaving your purse in the car. DO NOT HAVE A WEDDING. OR have a luncheon...not some fancy wedding in the evening that basically I am stuck at for 5 hours without anything to sooth the misery of a sucky DJ. People that have cash bars obviously have NEVER read Emily Post's wedding etiquette books.
THANK YOU!!
(and thank goodness work is finally over. time go to home)
"I am stuck at for 5 hours?!" ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!? Then don't go...I'm sure no one will miss you...and you're miserable? GOOD I hope you die alone
Steveeeeee...you had a cash bar, huh? Ashamed now, huh? So sorry for you and your wife.
Amen, Steve. Not enough alcohol in the world to change a negative, judgmental attitude. The day will be happier if those people don't come!
Dousn't sound like you have read Emily Post either...Douche Bag. May the lord strike your down in his infinite wisdom.
Oh, so just because someone wrote a book about it, then that's the way everyone should do it? You're a freakin dumbass, sorry I don't follow your logic. And notice, how I didn't say anything about making guests PAY for their own drinks...I merely said that if you are "stuck" at a reception and are "miserable" then you probably shouldn't be there and I feel sorry for your friends...you can die alone too
yes, I am a douche bag....always have been one. But I can throw a really good party which is why most fellow fun douche bags aka the life of the party like to hang out with me. "Just Because" you are lame and find it okay to have guests shell out their hard earned money for crappy scotch on the rocks does not mean that you need to froth at the mouth over Emily Post and her fabulous and well mannered ideas. Take some etiquette classes...it will help you develop better forms of communicating than calling names.
Agreed.
Either you don't serve any alcohol (fine!) or you do, and you pay for it.
I laughed every post from some dumb young bride citing peoples's drunkeness as an excuse to be tacky and cheap. A drunk will bring their own booze if they have to- they will get their fix one way or another........so that reasoning holds NO WATER.
If you want a dry wedding- good for you- whatever! But if you want the luxury of having alcohol, being a classy HOST indicates that you pay for it and not make your GUESTS pay for YOUR party. TACKY!
Dear "Blahhh Blahhhh Blahhh",
Everyone cannot afford to offer the same things. Depending on where the wedding reception is held, there may be a hotel bar, etc., that would not seem so out of place or not conjure images of a kool-aid stand style or basement cash bar and could be done tastefully. One would hope that those that share a couple's happy day would not view them as "trash" if they cannot live up to someone's lofty expectations.
Some people equate money with class, and the lack of money with "trash". A shallow viewpoint I am sure that would not align itself with Emily Post style etiquette.
You missed the point. Asking someone to pay for a drink at a party you are throwing is unacceptable. Do not have a bar. Do a lunch, have a pig roast, have a picnic where people bringing their own beverages is semi-acceptable. A formal wedding is not place for money to exchange hands. Same as the dollar dance...TERRIBLE. What are we at, a strip club?
I do agree that the dollar dance is tacky, but even with that I would keep it to myself and just ignore it and have a good time. If I go to a wedding I'm flexible enough to accept whatever alcohol arrangements they decide. Seems like people need to just relax, not be so judgmental and let people do things their own way. I only go to weddings of people I'm close to, and I don't check my tolerance at the door with my coat.
I can only speak for the few wedding I have been to (mine, and my 2 best friends). With mine we had a full open bar (nobody got drunk), with one best friend they had beer and wine. The other had sweet & un-sweet tea, and coffee. My wedding while it did cost a lot more then the other two was no more classy then the beer and wine wedding. However the no drinks wedding recption ended in 45 mins cause guests started leaving.
i'll take a guess and say these same people not supplying alcohol are the same people that make the bridesmaids buy their own dresses? am i right? come to my wedding, give a gift and spend money on this dress you will wear just one and oh yea i wont even provide you a coors light
Whaa? Are there people out there who DON'T make the bridesmaids buy their own dresses? If so, I would like to love and hug them and come to all their weddings. I always had to shell out $200-$300 for mine!
If they can't afford an open bar, what kind of a friend are you to even make that an issue? If you can't afford the dress, just say so and people should understand that, too. Really, when people care about each other they should be able to say they can't afford something when they can't. If you can't have that conversation, then you aren't close enough to be in the wedding anyway. Anyone I would ask to stand up with me at my wedding, I would know well enough to be able to to have that conversation.
A growing sense of entitlement in this country, illustrated in these posts. I showed up to your wedding, here's your paper towel holder, GIVE ME BOOZE AND FOOD. Food can cost anywhere from $15-50 a plate, that doesn't include rental of the place, dj/band, flowers, wedding favors, cake, etc. It costs thousands of dollars to throw a decent wedding. You aren't owed ANYTHING, let alone do you have some inalienable right to get wasted for free. If you are that pissy about not getting free booze and would consider not attending, you need to reevaluate how you think about your "friends". If your only concern is what can they do for you, you need to rethink your life.
not sure what state you live in but weddings in the NJ/NY area cost more like 100 dollars per plate and no one would ever show up with a paper towel holder as a gift.
Interesting that you see the rental of the reception hall, band, wedding favors, etc, as all perfectly normal, and to be expected. But booze = greedy entitled jerks? It's the hypocrisy in the argument that I find odd.
$15-15?? Where do you live? Weddings START at $80 per head where we live and that doesn't include gratuity or taxes. YOu don't have to invite every person you know. No one got wasted at my wedding but you better believe I would never have the nerve to ask one of my guests open thier wallet for a beverage after all the time/energy/money they spent on my wedding. If I can't afford to provide the same accomodation I give myself I don't invite them.
Damn right. You're supposed to be there to celebrate with the bride and groom, not get presents yourself. The bride and groom don't owe you a bloody thing just because you gave them a little present. You don't want to buy them a present? Then don't. But don't expect them to kiss your butt.
Melissa, if a bride & groom choose not to have alcohol at their reception for whatever reason, I respect that. I end up driving myself to most weddings anyway, so I'm not really going to be drinking much, if at all (depending on things like familiarity with the roads, weather, how long my body has to process the alcohol, how much food there is to absorb it). But to say people are being cheap for drinking at a wedding is silly. Where I live, cash gifts are standard. Cash gifts generally range from at least $100-several hundred dollars.
And with people scattered all over, it's not uncommon to have to fly to where the wedding is, pay for a hotel and rental car, plus meals. Given all of that, I think if a couple is going to have alcohol at a reception, the guests shouldn't have to pay for it. If a couple doesn't want to have alcohol at a wedding for any reason, (e.g. religious, personal, etc.) that's their choice. But to have it and make guests who have spent a lot of money to get there and give the couple a gift isn't in the best of taste
$15-$20 a plate...you have a hard time paying that for mcdonalds these days.....$185 a plate in new york city plus tax plus 20% gratuaity
Here's the deal. The wedding ceremony is all about the couple. The reception is the party they throw to celebrate with their loved ones and friends. The reception is for the guests. Therefore I don't expect a guest to have to pay for drinks.
Weddings are expensive. I had open bar at my wedding. How did I afford it? Get the plainest invites you can, they all get thrown out anyway. Minimal decorations and flowers. Because that's just something else that is thrown out in the end. Very small picture cake and the rest are sheet cakes already cut just before serving. Fabulous menu and open free bar. That way my receoption was loads of fun and we didn't break the bank.
Very well-put! And I bet your wedding was awesome for everybody :0)
Oh...I almost forgot. We also waited 2 years after the wedding to save up for a nice honeymoon. The priority for money spent at a reception should weigh heavily in favor of the guest if budget is an issue.
I bet your wedding was a warm, lovely affair. This isn't because you had a "free" bar with booze overfilling the place leaving your guests in a drunken haze. Rather, it's because you and your spouse-to-be are considerate people who likely treasure that very quality in your friends. I can't imagine being at a party where the hosts are inconsiderate as I would never host such a party. This isn't about entitlement or people having one drink too many; this is about being a good host and a considerate friend.
You better believe that when I get invited to a wedding, I spend weeks looking for "the" gift for the couple. The last wedding I attended was that of a couple who'd met in law school. I couldn't really find "the" gift for two future lawyers, so I had a set of handmade pens made for them. These pens were quite expensive, but it is something one does because it shows the couple that much thought and consideration has been put into picking a gift for them, that is about them and their goals. Plus, of course, the cash gift at the event.
Yes, I would have loved to have been at a wedding like yours where the guests aren't seen as the inconvenient frat party-goers whom many people here fear they must guard against.
To the uppity brides here: honestly, the idea that the guests are there for "you" on "your" day is a bit odd of an thought. People go to a wedding to a celebrate the happiness coming and show solidarity for the harsh realities that attend all marriages. Showing some solidarity with them by having available to them while they sit and watch for hours some music, food and a couple of drinks is not a high expectation. No party I throw will ever have with it a price-list for my guests to look down so they know how much I'm spending for their fun. If it's beyond my means to throw the extravagant party, or beyond my desire, I have a more intimate party, but it's still on me. It's what some of us call having good manners.
Personally, I don't care one way or the other if there's alcohol or not. But I agree with the posters who are countering the whole freeloader argument. I'm female, so in addition to the money I spend on the wedding gift (cash gifts are the norm in the greater NYC area), I also get to spend money for the bridal shower. There's usually a bachelorette party (and some of these are overnight stays at say Atlantic City or Vegas) where in addition to paying my own way, I chip in for the bride's portion of expenses). And sometimes the couple has an engagement party.
If it's a destination wedding or out of town, kick in either gas/airfare, hotel, rental car. And I have to use my vacation time to travel there.
If I'm not in the wedding party, I can get away with wearing a dress I already have. But if I'm a bridesmaid, I get to shell out for a dress I'm probably going to never wear again, the matching shoes, hair & makeup. Plus a portion of hosting the bridal shower. And all of the time spent at fittings, helping with favors, etc.
Not to mention, If I'm driving home or to a hotel room, after the reception, I'm not going to be drinking very much. If it's a long spread out day, I might have a cocktail at the cocktail hour, a glass of champagne at the toast and a glass of wine with dinner. And only if it's a period of about 6 hours or so with lots of food. I can't handle any more than that and drive safely. If I'm not familiar with the roads, it'll probably be down to just the glass of champagne. Even if I'm not driving, chances are I need to drive/fly back home the next day or get ready for the workweek approaching if it's local. I may have a few more if I'm not driving. But even then but I'm not going to be doing shots of tequila or chugging expensive Scotch. I don't want to be too hungover to drive/fly/do what I need to do to get ready for the workweek.
Believe me, it would certainly be cheaper to buy a bottle and bring it home or hit happy hour if all I was looking for was to economize on my alcoholil spending! :) If I'm in a wedding and/or attending it, it's because of my love and affection for the friends/relatives involved! Not for the free booze :)
The number of greedy people that want to get drunk on other peoples dime never ceases to amaze me. If you want to get drunk, I am NOT going to pay for it. I'll supply the booze, but its coming out of your pocket and you'll have to surrender your car keys to me if you want to do it because I'm not going to be allowing you to drive home drunk.
I lost three family members and nearly a fourth in the space of six months to drunk driving. It will NEVER happen because of ME. If you want to drink, its not my bloody fault when you kill someone (or yourself). Deal with it, or don't come.
Controlling much?
You'll be a joy to be married to!
astounding relevance
I'm going to say that Melissa is a special case. If you really did just lose that many family members to drunk driving, then you have perfectly understandable reasons to be concerned about alcohol at your wedding (or anywhere else, for that matter). I'm sorry that happened.
Thanks Tina. Sorry, I'm a little sensitive about this topic.
I AM married. And we're quite happy. ALL of my family and friends understood, and in fact fully supported me, when I told them that. And you know what? It worked too.
The people who died? One was a family friend we'd all known since he was a baby. Two were was my cousins. My aunt has never fully recovered from female cousins loss. She kept her room intact for five years exactly as it was the day she died. The second cousin who died? My uncles son. His father died in a head on collision less than four months later when the driver of the car he was in was so drunk that he swerved into oncoming traffic. Then there was my sister. See, my cousins and my sister were all in the same car when it happened. They hit a metal rail around the town sign. The rail went through the back of the car and impaled both my cousins. My girl cousin? She died immediately as it went straight through her heart (my sister and her had been best friends their whole lives). My boy cousin? He died in the ambulance of blood loss as the rail went through one side of his hips and out the car. It hit my sister in the pelvis and broke it, and turned and killed both my cousins. All brought on by a 16 year old drunk driver that was driving the car they were all in. My sister lost an 8 inch x 2 inch, x 4 inch strip of flesh in her abdomen and had to go through two years of physiotherapy and surgery. She has a plastic plate his her abdomen holding her organs in.
Its been 10 years and my sister still has nightmares.
So no.. sorry. I won't be understanding about this. EVER. I don't trust drinkers. And the people that were driving those cars? Were NEVER my family. They were their friends. People they trusted to keep them safe.
I don't trust people and alcohol. Call me stupid if you want, but its a hard learned experience. Because of this, I have NEVER had more than three drinks in one night in my entire life. Usually never more than a half a drink unless I know for a fact that the person I'm with isn't drinking at all.
Drinking and driving scare the living crap out of me.
Oh my gosh, Melissa, so sorry your family went through that.
Thank you. Me too. Mostly sorry for my aunts because they lost both their kids, and for my sister. She got pregnant and they were really really scared. She almost had to have major surgery to give birth but they got lucky and it didn't end up with her abdomen being punctured by that plate or with it hurting my beautiful nephew.
Oh man, now I have to call her tonight. I haven't seen her in a long time because I live in a different country. Now I just want to hear her voice for a few minutes.
This is the type of thing you never really get over. You just move on.
Best to you and yours.
i think it comes down to class. people with class provide the best for their guests, people without class expect gifts but their guests will go home hungry and sober. so to summarize, your not classy and your wedding sucks unless you spend 100k on it
I think opens bars are nice, but not required. I actually just got married earlier this month and we chose to have a capped open bar for our guests. It worked out great, and we came within $30 of our cap. I have never been to a dry wedding, but I don't think I would have an issue with that either. I have definitely been to weddings with a cash bar and that was fine as well. Weddings are expensive and I do not think couples should feel obligated to spend money they don’t have. Figure out what budget works for you and then see what you can get for the budget that is sent. It’s not logical to put yourself in a huge whole for a night that lasts a few hours. Have a good time with your friends and family and build a lifetime of memories. If you can afford a bit more extravagant wedding great, but you’re guests are there to celebrate your love and should understand if you can’t afford to pay for extras such as open bar.
So for those of you think that alcohol at a reception is an absolute MUST whether it's free or not, what do you say about the couples who choose to have their reception in a place that doesn't allow alcohol? My fiancee and I are getting married and having the reception all at the church and the church does not allow alcohol. It's a very small (less than 50 guests total) wedding and we are on a fairly strict budget. Some people just can't serve alcohol whether they want to or not. If the venue doesn't allow it or the budget doesn't, get over it, it's not your choice or your budget.
I believe religion is a different issue because it supercedes the entire issue. If drinking is against your religion it doesn't matter if it's in your budget because you wouldn't consider it. The issue for most is that a person is not expected to bring their wallet to a party.
Husband and I paid for our own wedding, including an open bar. Figured it was the LEAST we could offer our closest friends and family as a thanks for joining us in celebrating a day that was all about my us. Can't afford a bar? Understand that completely, just don't have one, or budget accordingly. What you DO NOT do is ask your guests to pay for drinks at your party. Your wedding isn't a fund raiser.
"Fundraiser" isn't exactly the right word. The bride and groom certainly don't get the money from the bar. The venue does. Perhaps the bride and groom would like to make drinks an option even if they are not morally or financially comfortable paying for six drinks for everyone at the wedding (because at 40 dollars a head or more, that's what open bar boils down to)?
Alcohol is such a "taboo" topic in America. Judging from the comments everyone's percetion towards it is different and I respect that. No open bar due to religious, budget, and medical (alcoholism) are all acceptable reasons not to provide liquor at your wedding. To each their own but let it be known the rest of the world usually have awesome boozed up wedding days that everyone remembers fondly!!
I think it's rude to ask your guests to put out for anything once they have arrived. Throwing a good party means taking care of your guests, which includes food and alcohal. I would never invite someone to my home and not offer them food/drink. At minimum wine and beer should be offered for consumption. And if you are married in a legitamate establishment with reputable bar tenders they will monitor the guests soberity. In my state it is the BAR TENDERS responsiblity to ensure their guests are drinking respectable. If you are further concerned with drunk driving, do as we did and offer your guests a shuttle to and from a hotel where you booked a block of rooms. Allow your guests to return to the hotel and arrange for them to provide you with a wind down space for people to sober up. 99% of hotels will do this FOR FREE, if you book your out of town guest rooms there. Additionally, shuttle buses are very very very reasonable these days. My god you could rent a school bus on the cheap. I think it's absurd that people think an open bar at a wedding means everyone will be so hammered they wont remember it. Get over it.
It's simple. It's OK if you can't afford a full bar, but if you can't afford to treat your guests to at least wine and beer, you have no business having a wedding.
could not agree more with that statement.
well said....nothing wrong with city hall...have a party in a few years when you can afford it
100% agreed!!!!!!!!!!!
I think it will always boil down to the individual circumstance of the wedding. There are so many factors that will have an effect on what type of bar is available during the party. I will be getting married in Australia, next year, and for us, it's not financially feasible to have an open bar during the party. Flying to Australia during peak tourist season is an expensive undertaking, not to mention all the other aspects of having an overseas wedding (my fiance is from Australia and we're getting married in her home town).
Both sides of the family and our friends understand how expensive this is and are completely and wonderfully ok with not having an open bar.
Every wedding has it's own circumstances :)
I am a wedding planner, and I usually tell my clients to spring for the open bar, if they can afford it. In my book, it is the ultimate no-no to have a cash bar. You're guests are already spending money to be at your wedding, and a cash bar is in poor taste. If a client is thinking about a cash bar, because of the cost, I would counsel them to skip the bar. I have consulted with many couples who choose not to have a bar, and those receptions were also fantastic. As far as comments about drunkenness and the like, any good bartender will tell you that it is their duty (and in some states legal responsibility) to watch for those people who are inebriated, and to not serve them.
You make a good point.
It isn't the bride and groom's responsibility to monitor what other grown people are drinking.
I mean seriously, that just screams CONTROLLING, not a very good trait to carry into a marriage.
The way I see it if your are asking guests to go out of their way and spend all kinds of money to attend your wedding the least you could is throw in some free drinks..Whats the big deal...If your friends and family are a bunch of alcoholics and take advantage of your good nature than thats all part of the Joy's of getting married isn't it..:)
Open Bar or Cash bar, who cares just do what I do.. show up to the wedding drunk, toating a cooler behind you, and I don't mean one of those rinky dink coolers that hold a 12 pack, you have to think ahead and have at least 2 cases of beer! The wedding will go by and then the reception starts. Plus it saves the hassel of having to walk all the way up the isle to an empty seat, just use the cooler as a chair!!!.. FIST PUMP YO!!!! :)
How about the liability issue? If you have an open bar, make sure you have someone pouring the drinks. Many bartenders are trained to know when to cutoff the booze to someone. If you have serve yourself, you are taking a liability risk.
Personally, I'd rather pay some $$ for a real margarita instead of a free one that is all lime juice.
This discussion really is how you as a person view a wedding. You are either a person that views the wedding as all about you and therefore everything done and everyone there is to make you happy. These tend to be the people that stress over every detail, throw temper tantrums, and wonder why they end up divorced 5 years later.
The second group realizes that a wedding is not only about you but everyone close to you. The wedding isn't what defines your marriage but rather a celebration with the people you love. The key word here is a celebration, so unless you have a family of 12 steppers, spring for the open bar. If you can't afford it at least make sure there is beer and wine. And if you can't afford that as others have pointed out here cut on other areas. Believe me most people are going to remember your wedding party before they will remember the Gold leaf embossed wedding invitations.
A wedding without alcohol or one that has a cash bar is fine provided the guests are made aware of this before they get to the reception. In Canada the reception is priced per plate. A typical wedding ranges from $80-$100 per plate. I make sure that I put between $250-$300 in an envelope as a gift which covers my expenses and provides the bride and groom with something extra for them. Typically the selfish guest is cancelled out by the selfish guest. If it’s a cash bar let me know and I’ll adjust accordingly. I’ve seen guests go hunting for their envelope/cancel checks etc when they found out last minute it was cash bar.
sorry to break the news but 80% of the people there are their to partyyyyy....the 20% are family and close family members.....everyone else wants to drink, dance. listen to good music which is what a wedding is about
No booze, no me, thats how I roll
I'm actually planning my wedding right now. My parents are helping to pay for a lot of it, and most of their money is paying to ensure that the guests have a good time. They've hired the best DJ in the area and paid thousands of dollars for excellent food. We looked around for a really long time to find a ceremony location/reception hall that would fit everyone's needs and be in the most convenient location for everyone. We planned the ceremony date and time to be respectful of everyone's driving/family/work plans. After figuring out that an open bar would cost them an extra 5000 dollars, my fiance and I opted out. We wound up with a nice compromise...a capped bar that allows every guest to get his/her first drink on my parents and pay cash after that. That way my Dad can still treat everyone to a drink (something that was important to him), but he is not paying through the nose for people to drink excessively and behave badly. And sadly, I have seen that happen at every open-bar wedding I have attended.
I go to a wedding to celebrate the joining of two lives. The WEDDING is the primary focus, not the party afterwards. I dont have a problem with a couple that has a simple ceremony and a simple party, even if that means a cash bar. That is what they can afford, and I am happy to join them on their special day.
However, if a couple starts making the after party into a big deal with limos, photographer, videographer, flowers, tuxes, ............. and then wants a cash bar I have a problem. Dont spend $3k on limos and then make me by a beer. At that point you have shown you have the money to make the day special for you, but are showing very little respect for your guests, who may not be as trilled as you to be there.
Very well-said! I think every wedding I've attended (with one exception) featured thousands of dollars worth of flowers, music, dresses, etc. Yes, I do find it super-cheap to have a cash bar there. Interestingly, the one very simple wedding I went to also featured about $200 worth of six packs, boxed wine, and sub sandwiches, with a bride who wore a sundress and sandals. It was very sweet, and everybody had an absolute blast.
If you are going to ask people to travel out of state, take time off, hire a babysitter and give you a gift, the least you can do is serve a little alcohol as a courtesy. If you are going to go 'cheapy' after already spending a fortune on the tux's, limo, meal, flowers, etc, then why cheap out on something for the guests. Better to just havea quiet ceremony with a few family members and save everyone the headache.
We were married in October and decided not to provide alcohol at our wedding. We allowed people to bring their own, and a couple of people did. Nobody complained (at least to us ; ) and everybody still had an awesome time!
We decided on a "dry" wedding because we both have several family members who are recovering alcoholics and we wanted to respect their sobriety. My husband doesn't drink, and I drink very rarely so there was no need for us to have alcohol, either.
I have been to three weddings this year and at every single one the bride and groom drank the night away. At one of them, the bride got into a fight at the bar. At another one, the groom and groomsmen fought some guys at a bar, sending the bride away in tears.
I just don't understand why couples get so drunk on a night that they should be enjoying each other's company. I know I didn't want to remember my wedding being completely wasted and puking all over myself, or not remembering it at all.
That must of been awesome seeing the drunk bride in all her wedding finery fighting.........................meow!!!
glass of red wine with you meat or white wine with your fish. nobody is saying you need to get drunk but i enjoy a nice martini during cocktail hour to go with the black caviar
It's party people!!! If you don't want your friends to come and have a good time – ELOPE!
What an interesting article. I voted "no booze, no me". But I'm fine with a cash bar. Or just beer and wine are free, and pay for mixed drinks. So while "no booze, no me" may not be completely accurate, one thing that is.. "no booze, no dancing for me"!!
I have been to a number of lovely weddings where alcohol was not served. Also, some really great weddings where it was served. I have know areas where the custom was for the groom or his family to pay the bar tab, especially if there were a lot of his young men friends (i.e. recent college grads, army buddies . . .or just a difference in the way his and her family party. ) One thing to consider - in New York State, the host is responsible for damages if a guest gets drunk and has an accident. This was the real sea-change in the custom. My husbands family is french, a champagne toast
is expected. We also had really great champage punch that was free-flowing. Soft drinks for the children. Everyone
looks forward to the cake. It is impolite to leave before the coffee and cake are served (unless you must excuse yourself -babysitter or other obligations . . . ) No one wants anyone drunk even if staying over at the hotel where the
reception is held. No one wants DUIs, accidents. There are other parties. Wish the couple well and behave so that
no one will have regrets looking back on this joyous day.. .Party manners are the guests responsibility.
We had a toonie bar at our wedding. None of our guests complained. BUT that being said, we paid for everything on our own. My husband and I are just starting out and we don't have a lot of money, neither do our families. We made everything ourselves (we are pretty creative) and made the food ourselves. We wanted our families there (and unfortunetly I have a very large family). We even did a poll to our guest prior to the wedding about whether or not to have an open bar and everyone (and I do mean everyone) replied saying a toonie bar was awesome and some had already expected it. But we come from families who don't believe in bankrupting your self for a wedding. As for my dress, it was $1000 BUT I won it in a contest. and had a friend do the alterations. Everyone who attened our wedding still talks about it and how absolutely wonderful it was. And not a single person has complained about having to pay a toonie for drinks. In fact, most paid more.
If we were rich and could have afforded it, we would have done a full open bar, but as it is, we are just starting out. And as a side note, to our guests, gifts were OPTIONAL – we really wanted them there on our wedding day and if not bringing a gift could ofset their costs, we were fine with that.
If there's no open bar or only beer and wine, I bring my own vodka and mixers and keep it in the car.
I used to be a banquet bartender at a fancy hotel in MA. Many couples would have open bar for an hour and then it would change over to a cash bar. I think that is a good compromise.
Wow, I think it's pretty heartless to say that if you can't afford to pay for alcohol then you should just get married in city hall. Seriously? So if you aren't loaded than you don't deserve to have a nice wedding? A lot of young people who get married are on a very tight budget and they have to prioritize. I like to drink, but I certainly don't NEED alcohol to have a good time. So if my friends decide that they'd like to cut alcohol out of their wedding I totally understand. Especially because cutting out the booze might mean that they can afford to invite more of their friends and loved ones. In fact, I just attended a dry wedding and it was very lovely and almost everyone seemed to have a great time.
Read the original comment. It talked about bankrupting the bride and groom, and YES, if you're even close to running the risk of bankrupting yourself with a wedding then you should knock off the foolishness and just get married at City Hall.
It boggles my mind how people equate lavish wedding ceremonies with love. If you can afford it, great! If not, you don't love each other any less because your wedding didn't make the New York Times Style pages. At least...I hope you don't.
I've been to 2 college friend's weddings and they had open bar for 3 hours (6-9). The reception lasted until midnight so if you wanted to drink after 9:00 you paid for your own drink. After loading up before the cut-off nobody seemed too worried about shelling out their own cash to continue drinking.
I would rather be at a dry wedding where soda, juice, coffee and tea were provided then be at one with a cash bar.
I guess I'm old fashioned, but I don't like being asked to co-host an event I've been invited too!
The wedding is supposed to be a celebration. People are supposed to have fun. If there is no alcohol, I generally don't go and avoid a bunch of stuffy uptight people. If I have to go, I stay for as little time as I possibly can. I know I am not alone in this regard. So you pick... fun celebration, or people who are there because they are compelled to be (and beat feet as fast as they can).
If you can only celebrate with your "friends" when you're drunk, you may need to reconsider your life priorities.
Weddings for most guests, are only about a free meal and free drinks.
Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at a WEDDING!
What a charming host.
Looking at all the negative votes amazes me. We are getting married in December and will only have open bar for the wedding party. If a guest or family member that comes to our wedding feels they deserve free drinks then they deserve to just stay their ass at home. We are paying for your food, the least you can do is pay for yourself to have a drink. If anyone feels this way on our day then "F" you!
D, what about the present they will be providing you? if i put $300 in an envelope for someones wedding and i had to buy my own drink i'd take the envelope back and give it back at the end of the night when i figured out how much of that $300 i spent on drinks
Nobody is required to buy us a gift. Nowhere in the rules of getting married does it say "You must buy gift in order to receive drinks"
For the most part, who gives $300? That's quite generous of you, but for 95% of the wedding guests, the couple has spent far more feeding them than they spent giving gifts or cash. So now they deserve free booze to boot?
So you give us a $30 gift and then we turn around and pay your $50 bar tab? We might as well tell you not to buy us any gifts...we will buy them ourselves because it would be cheaper!
maybe we are just used to different things. i am from NYC where the avg wedding runs over 50k so the gifts will prob run more as well. Ive honestly never heard of open bar until i flew down to memphis for my buddies wedding last year. i guess every town does things a little different
I was married in NYC. The cost-to-gift value ratio was not the same for us, though we received many great gifts for which we are thankful.
We are keeping a smaller wedding so we can have the people there who we really want to share this day with us. We are not inviting people just to invite them for a big wedding with lots of gifts. 150-170 people max and that is even the capacity of the church.
A wedding gift should cover the estimated cost of your plate, plus a gift on top of that. $300 is not out of the ordinary for a couple to give at a wedding. To many couples are worried about themselves at their wedding. Elope if your more concerned with your own needs.
Wow I am sooo sorry I am not a part of your wedding. It sounds so charming and fun.
Well you know...we are paying for our entire wedding and honeymoon with our own money. We are not going into debt just so people can have open bar. We are providing champagne to everyone for the toast but that is it.
Bridezilla alert. Your fiancé is a brave, brave man.. good luck with marriage if you keep up that completely non-compromising attitude!
I am the man.
...are you really going to tell your guests F you???
Really???? After all, it IS really YOUR day you know..........
You sound like a real d-bag. Seriously, you're only providing open bar to your wedding party!? Are you only expecting your wedding party to give you presents, too? Tacky, tacky.
You have proven my point. You basically just said I have to pay for your drinks if we want a wedding gift. Who is the D-bag?
Right on, D.
come to my wedding, i will not feed you, i will not serve you drinks but i expect a nice gift. sounds more like a fundraiser to me.....im getting married next week and im provided all the best for my guest because this day is about all of us having fun togethe, not just me and my soon to be wife.
I bet your wedding will be awesome! Congrats :)
I'm amused by the people who seem to have trouble finding any middle ground between tea-totalers and drunkards. If I'm at a large event that you are hosting I would be surprised if there wasn't at least some kind of alcoholic choice provided. Maybe just beer and wine. Maybe free for only the first part of the evening. But SOMETHING.
The majority of my family drinks very, very heavily. I don't drink at all, and neither does my fiance. My cousin recently was married and about half of the family was ravingly drunk. My fiance and I then decided we're doing open bar with only beer, wine, champagne for 2 hours and then cash bar afterwards. We're not willing to pay for your addiction and watch you make our wedding into a circus. We're hoping having to pay will lessen the amount of drunks– if you have a problem with no being served constant alcohol, then we really won't miss you at the reception anyways.
You are INVITED to a wedding, not DRAFTED. You don't have to go, and you don't have to be provided with some opulent meal. You all clamoring for a full open bar are the people that get wasted and scare the grandparents. Grow up. There is more to life than getting trashed at weddings.
When brides can blow a few thousand dollars on a dress, I think it's only fair that they spend a reasonable amount on being a good hostess. Because, if you decide to throw a huge party and invite others to celebrate yourself and your special day, that's what you are: yes, bride first, but hostess close second. People shell out a lot of money already to come to a wedding, and at the party they want to be treated like guests, not cash cows.
People who come to your wedding most likely won't care what kind of alcohol or food is being served, as long as it's delicious. The food and alcohol aren't usually why people go to a wedding and chances are a few years down the road people won't even remember what you served, but food and drink are essential to a fun and happy party.
Something that has become trendy lately is a signature cocktail. Because it's made beforehand, you dictate the amount/quality of alcohol that goes in, and it's delicious. Most punches and things like like don't require top-shelf alcohol to taste great. Plus it's something that can have meaning: maybe sangria because you met in Spain; piña coladas because you had an amazing time on a vacation somewhere tropical; an adult version of lemonade or limeade to be playful. You can check out recipes online or ask a bartender. Even if you offer a few different drinks, it's still far cheaper than a fully-stocked open bar, and it's an economical option without being tacky.
Another option is to ditch champagne and go for prosecco or just sparkling white wine. Champagne is just sparkling wine anyway, albeit the grapes come from a particular region in France and there can be very slight differences in flavor–but unless most of your guests are sommeliers, they'd never have a clue.
This is just as I see it. Unless you are financially secure and able, it makes no sense to me to start a marriage indebted because of an elaborate wedding, or go broke attending weddings of people you barely know. Only invite those close to you. Only go to those close to you. Have a nice wedding, but don't try to be Donald Trump unless you are in his tax bracket. A nice dinner. A nice glass of wine with dinner and/or champagne for a toast, if you can afford it. Guests want anything else from the bar, they can pay for it. If you're only attending weddings of people close to you, you won't want or expect them to be extravagant beyond their means. As the bride and groom, you shouldn't expect extravagant gifts, or travel expenses, beyond the means of your guest, either. Just seems like we get so caught up sometimes in putting on a show, that reason goes out the window.
I very much appreciate this post
I'm torn...
1 – Liability. Who pays for the victim of drunk wedding guests after leaving the wedding? If you don't think someone who loses their wife and kids from a drunk crashing into them won't come after you, think again.
2 – Weddings with no booze = snooze.
3 – If you really want to drink and are too cheap – being your own bottle.
Seriously, I've been in weddings for several friends. 99% of the time travel was involved – even to Hawaii. Don't tell me that after a 9 hour, $500+ flight, I don't deserve a few free mai tais! It's just like hosting a party at your home. Do you expect people to bring their own liquor? No. I'm hosting, I'm entertaining. I supply everything.
Exactly.
I do not mind paying for drinks seeing as I really only have one or two. What is the big deal, exactly? I do not think it means anything or reflects badly on anyone... Who in the world cares so much?
I find this thread appalling. Weddings are (should) not be about getting "boozed up." In an age where everything involving a wedding is ridiculously expensive how dare anyone say that alcohol should be a priority. If open bars are the only thing that make weddings tolerable remind me to not invite a person like you to my wedding. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Weddings are a celebration of love. And to those who believe that not offering free drinks is "classless" I say expecting someone to buy your booze for you is classless. Get over yourself. You are right. I'd prefer to go on a honeymoon with my new husband than making sure that YOU get your drink on and ruin my pictures (for which I'm paying for also).
Good lord you people are appalling. I am getting married in a year and frankly don't give a rats a** if my guests are pissed I'm not providing them free drinks. And it's not because I'm classless, or cheap, or have no etiquette, or sense of style. But we are a young couple just starting out.
You people should be ashamed of yourselves. And you sound like desperate alcoholics. What would your mothers' say?
Yes, it is also very difficult for young couples. I think of weddings as a celebration and a time to help out my younger friends or family members with gifts that they can use. I do not expect them to give me anything in return for gifts, that is why they are gifts... Haha. :P
My mother would tell you to capitalize the L when you speak of the Lord. :) And she'd also expect a couple free drinks at your reception.
MW, you rock ;)
I suspect that if your mother is that religious she is not too concerned about drinking. Unless she's a hypocrite.
My mother would tell me not to have a party I can't afford. Oh, and she would also say that young love is blind.
Hi Jenn – you're absolutely right. The people that attend your wedding should be there to celebrate your day with you, not tie one on at the bar. For those that would complain or be negative, chances are they would find a reason no matter what.....and those are the people lacking class. Have a great wedding!
Wow is the Kate with the 8 kids? You sound like a bi*ch. Who would marry you? I'm sure everyone at your wedding is going to be so happy basking in your love as they sit in a reception hall for four hours staring at each other. I hope you get envelopes with a five in it, you get what you give. I care enough about my friends and family to make sure they have a good time, and if they have a good time by getting drunk, good for them, I love them for who they are, not who I want them to be.
Sorry, long married and long past caring what little boys think.
have some class folks...the fact that this is even debated is sad!!!! you need to provide drinks for your guests, otherwise go to city hall and get married, if you invite someone and expect a gift from them, u need to do your part by feeding and providing alcohol
I don't get it, but that may be because I don't drink. Even if I did drink, if the bride and groom decided not to have an open bar that would be fine with me.
A meal is being provided and that is expensive in itself.
(Food, Family and Friends.)
I don't think they shouldn't have a wedding reception because they can't afford alcohol.
Is it that serious? (that one can't go without alcohol for one night/one party?)
It's not a party unless alcohol is there! – NOT!
Friends and family – make the party – NOT alcohol.
Wow!
To be clear: I have no issue with dry weddings. You don't want and/or can't afford alcohol? No problem!
What I have an issue with is being invited to an event, and have to bring cash to buy a soda or whatever.
Bottom line: if you are hosting an event, do NOT ask your guests to co-host it by paying for things.
Who said it has to be an UNLIMITED open bar? Why not just pony up for a certain amount of beer, wine, whatever and when it's gone it's gone. Gotta have another drink? Move it on down the road...
Seriously? People get mad when there aren't open bars? What kind of drunkards are you? People can have fun without open bars; those of you who slam weddings without open bars as "classless" should take a look in the mirror. We purposely did not have an open bar at our wedding because we did not want a bunch of folks to get sloshed. Our compromise was to give everyone two free drink tickets, then pay for the rest themselves. The hotel added two free bottles of wine per table, which was nice. Invariably, some guests still got hammered, but we were not interested in a wedding reception full of drunks. If you are seriously upset maybe you should look into AA.
Wow...so you regularly hang out with people who get tanked at social events, but only on other people's dime? I'm sorry, but if you're a host, you're a host: you pay for your guests.
Perhaps, if you're worried about people over indulging you should consider a dry wedding.
You obviously didn't read my whole comment. I said we gave everyone two free drink tickets, and the hotel happened to give each table two bottles of wine on top of that. I'd say that's enough; an open bar is just an invitation for people to get drunk. Guests do not have to give us gifts; it's a choice, just like it's a choice to give guests free booze.
This is yet another symptom of the age of entitlement we live in. You folks need to stop being sanctimonious about what you deserve as guests; in most cases, I would hope, you weren't invited because the bride and groom wanted a bunch of gifts and cash. It's about celebrating the marriage.
no people get mad when you give the bride and groom an envelope full of money so they can start their life, the least i expect is a drink and some food.
I'm willing to bet that the $120 I spent feeding you is more than you gave me.
Perfectly acceptable compromise Alex. Every one brings up the hosting a party nonsense. But if I go to a dinner party or other party I feel rude by not bringing some drinks or in the case of a bbq some food.
Wow, drink tickets? Really? Your a classy guy, I would love the carnival feeling your wedding would have when everyone gets drink tickets! Can I cash mine in for a teddy bear? I can't wait for the grab bag you're gonna have for dinner!
I think it depends what mood you want your guests to be in. If you want hard liquor pay for it. If you want wine pay that. Don't make your guests pay for it, but as a guest don't expect anything. They could be recovering alchohalics so maybe booze wouldn't be the best option for the.
At my wedding we had a keg of nice beer, also enough red, white, and sparkling wine for everyone. If they wanted somthing else, too bad thats what we drink we were paying for it. Of course we made it known in the annoucments it was going to be a small beer and wine reception with finger food and cake.
I think that sounds lovely. You provided for your guests! I bet it was fun!
Exactly! =)
It isn't about drinking a ton...its about being a good host/hostess. You are inviting people to an event, and so you shouldn't ask them to pay for anything. If you can't afford an open bar, just do beer, wine and soda. Or offer no liquor at all.
I vote for "How *I* feel about the the way the celebration is being run doesn't matter, unless it's my wedding. In that case, how *you* feel doesn't matter."
If there is no booze, I don't drink.
If it's free, I may have a glass of champagne.
If there's a charge, I pay it or don't drink.
No one forces me to be there, and no one prevents me from leaving. If I don't like something, I keep my mouth shut.
מזל טוב
well said
@Lisa: It looks like the majority of people here are fine as long as the couple provide some kind of alcohol choice for free. You should be fine with your plans. And congratulations. :)
Thanks :)
People think that other people actually care about their wedding. In reality, weddings are social events that people feel obligated to attend if they know the person getting married. It's a show and all good shows should be entertaining. Having an open bar is a part of that.
Completely agree. I go to weddings because I love my friends and it means a lot to them, but they're truly the polar opposite of what I would choose to do with my free time.
It may be cultural but why does a wedding require alcohol? Mine had none. We've been married 21 years. It decreases the cost. It eliminates a major legal liability. If you have a bar, the guest may sue you for getting drunk or the people they hit when they drive home drunk may sue you or you may serve someone under the age of 21 and get arrested.
I don't think it's fair to say that if a couple does not have an open bar they are selfish. You do not know necessarily what went into the decision. For example – my family has a definite drinking culture – it's accepted and considered rude not to have free drinks. My husbands family did not drink at all – they kinda consider it low class. After witnessing my cousin's open bar wedding where my aunt got wasted on rum & cokes and caused a scene – my husband and I compromised and had only beer and wine for our wedding and asked friends to keep an eye on certain family members. Everything worked out fine – but I'm just saying don't be quick to judge. And if you're one of those people you just can't STAND cash bars/dry weddings stop whining. No one is holding a gun to your head and saying you have to go.
sure it is, not buying your friends a drink on your wedding day is an indication that you are a cheapskate
1) We did have free drinks just not an open bar (tho that's besides the point) – My point was often the dry wedding decision has more to do with family than money – so don't be so quick to write the bride and groom off. I was on shaky ground with my future in-laws with just having the free beer and wine. There was no way I was going to do a full open far and start off on the wrong foot with my future family just because some people feel entitled to free liquor.
Wow I can't believe how many people feel entitled to free booze.
Honestly if you brought a gift it probably covered the cost of your meal maybe little more (unless your generous).
I understand if you are in the wedding party because you spent lots of time and money (that's what rehearsal dinners and gifts are for possibly more for those poor women spending 100's on dresses).
The very least would be champagne for a toast. Ideally I would say some beer and wine or a small deposit to ensure your guest can all enjoy a free drink.
After that if you want to get ishtfaced then you can pony up the cash
All of the people posting in favor of cash bars and acting as though the guests are all free loafing ingrates seem to forget that the guests are bringing you (the bride and groom) gifts of cash. How dare you get sanctimonious about people being too cheap to pay for booze when they're the ones coming to your wedding, at their expense, with gift in tow.
If you can't afford a fully open bar, have a smaller wedding. Because let's face it, alcohol is the only thing that makes most weddings even tolerable.
As someone who is getting married soon and has been planning for awhile, I find this topic to be very stressful. I want my guests to have a good time and I certainly don't want people to think I am a cheap-o, but a full open bar just isn't in our budget. We are doing a 2 hour open bar then cash bar after that. At $60 pp for food, not including apps, not providing alcohol for the entire reception should not indicate cheapness. Also, inviting fewer people is not often an option, especially if you come from a large family. I truly hope that any of our friends and family who are going to be upset by this opt not to come, because if thats the case, I'd prefer not to have them be a part of our celebration.
yeah i love how every one say invite fewer people like its some magically solution that won't p/o anybody.
Full open bar is great if you got the money and an all cash bar is a little tacky.
I think you hit it on the head with a semi-open bar.
Guess what Lisa. They're going to think you're cheap – because you are. Why not charge people by the piece for hors d' oeuvre's while you're at it. That way, you can make sure that you're not going to be charged for big eaters either.
Well that is not at all dramatic...
I don't think it's cheap in the least! She's paying for a 2-hour open bar. That's more than generous and a very good compromise if you don't have deep pockets. Plus, the point of an open bar at weddings is so people can relax and enjoy themselves, not to get them all hammered.
You sound like quite the elitist snob, and just by your snarky comment, I'm certainly glad you aren't my daughter or daughter-in-law.
Lisa – anybody who thinks that doesn't really care about you anyway. It's a wedding, not a frat party. If they care that much about that, they don't care that much about you. Don't worry about it, and have a great wedding. If someone wants to do it differently, they can do that at their wedding. Hope you have a terrific day!
eliminate all the stress–charge them for the valet, the coatcheck, seconds on the buffet line, booze, a flower fee surcharge, etc., while you're at. WTF, turn it into a moneymaker, your friends will cherish you for the memories
And I do need to add that if the couple's religion keeps them from having alcohol at the wedding then be sure to mention on the invite that it's going to be a dry wedding. I'm ok going to a dry wedding if it's for religious views.
Unless there is a cultural, religious or other compelling personal reason for not serving alcohol at a wedding, the failure to provide your guests with a free open bar (even if only serving wine, beer and champagne) is just a statement by the bride and groom that they disresect their guests at an important and (presumably) most festive occasion in their lives. The failure to provide your wedding guests with a free drink is simply a classless choice, very much akin to those fools who used a website to ask their friends to help pay for their wedding party, and the jetted off to a vacation in South America. But then again, many people in the US today have no sense of style, no conception of etiquette or manners, are not embarassed by misplaced parsimony, are cheap to the core by not tipping help or servers, and simply have no shame. You need not put out Dom Perignon or a full bar if you can't afford it, but if you're pinching pennies a 24 pack of Bud Light will do. Its the thought in such events that matters.
It sounds like the people doing the most complaining are either the princess-types or their moms. ;P
Lets just say that if I'm going to be giving $120+/guest, I'd prefer to get my drink on with everyone else at the wedding.
Frankly, the only aspect of planning a wedding that I'm looking forward to is the party after. And you best believe I will have an open bar. I find weddings boring and stuffy affairs for the most part so finally getting to exercise choice on what I find fun will be aces. I can surely find ways to cut costs for a bar– I don't need hideous flowers, and I don't like white dresses, and I don't have to have it in June at the most exclusive country club. Voila! That's a ka-jillion dollars right there.
That's my favorite response so far. The after party is ALWAYS more fun then the actual event. ;-)
You can just take the money you were going to give them as a present and subtract off the money you spent at the bar. Everyone's a winner!
It is (of course) your wedding, so you can choose what to do with it. However, if you choose to have a dry wedding you should at least be classy enough to warn your guests about this so they can do one of the following:
1. Smuggle in their liquor in flasks. Good lord, few things are more boring than a dry wedding! It's probably their only hope for survival.
2. Fake a terrible new disease, such as "Ebola of the Inner Ear," that will allow them to bow out gracefully.
3. Suck it up and go boozeless, because they really REALLY love you. Warning: This option will probably only work for immediate family members and those who don't drink anyway.
If I dont get free booze then I will have to hit the meth pipe and really ruin the wedding.
you and my uncle benny!
My husband and I were married three years ago. We did beer and wine, no liquor. We had 75 guests. This is what we could afford so that is what we did. We bought a bottle of champagne for ourselves for the toast and everyone just toasted with what they were drinking at the time. Seemed to work just dandy. I can see if you have some sort of religious prohibition on drinking that you may not want alcohol at your reception. Otherwise I think it is tacky not have any and super tacky to make people pay. Most people are happy with beer or wine which is cheaper than doing mixed drinks. If you can't afford to treat your guests right then you should not have them as guests.
You know, a lack of booze at a wedding is not always about being cheap. I went to a wedding last year where the bride was Baha'i. Alcohol consumption is not allowed. She didn't feel strongly either way if her guests got to drink or not (she just wouldn't), but since her parents were chipping in some of the money she omitted booze from the reception out of respect to them.
I don't think anyone would argue the religious aspect, Megan. I think Mormons also do not include alcohol. There is nothing wrong with upholding to one's own religious beliefs and especially if mom and dad are helping pay, and you are honoring them with your decision to not include alcohol. EVERY religion stresses importance in honoring one's parents.
I wouldn't dream of inviting guests to my wedding and not provide drinks. Mine was open bar. But if it's too expensive for a couple I'm fine as long as they provide a beer/wine selection. If I choose not to have the beverages they've offered I'd be ok with cash bar for hard liquour.
Got married recently and we had an open bar. Making people pay for their drinks is a bit rude. I'm of the thought that "if you can't afford to give food and beverages to X number of guests then don't invite X number of guests". We didn't want to spend a ton on our wedding so it was only immediate family (with SOs and kids) + grandparents (ended up around 20 people). Kept the wedding fairly cheap while still providing dinner and a full open bar to our guests.
I agree with Lydia. A wedding is not about what the guest wants. The couple getting married do what they can afford–and even if they can afford lavish party favors, gourmet 12-course meals, and an open bar, they're not obligated to provide it. Conversely, the couple can't expect huge gifts. Guests can give what they can afford. Making weddings about money just cheapens the event.
In Re Everyone:
Since when do brides and grooms pay for their own wedding in America? I'd love to know. I've shelled out hundreds of thousands of dollars for my three daughters' and two sons' weddings? If you're going to spend $6000 on a dress and expect 300 guests to fill your gift request from the Nordstrom's registry at $100 a plate/gravy boat, it is only courteous provide them good food and an open bar. Guests of your event should not even be required to tip a bartender or bring a wallet. If you can't afford to host a wedding weekend, then you should do it at City Hall in cocktail dress.
Stephen,
Well... my husband and I for one. My mom couldn't afford to help. In-laws paid for a rehersal dinner. We saved for almost a year. Married 20 years ago, paid around 20k for 90 guests. We had a cocktail/h'ourdeurve hour while pictures were taken, sit down dinner, open bar, band, flowers, honeymoon, bridal wear, horse drawn carriage (actually cheaper than a limo), and pictures. Many people pay for their own wedding due to parents being unable or unwilling. It's nice if the parents can afford it. Your kids are lucky and I hope they appreciate all you're doing for them.
For the majority of people, open bars are not a problem at weddings. You only end up having a few, and spend the rest of the time, talking, eatting and dancing. The only people that it causes issues with are those that use it as an excuse to over indulge. At that point I believe the bar tender should have the right to refuse service, just like any other bar tender. Besides in this day and age, it's not as simple as open bar or not. Different levels of alch service, from simple beer/wine, to everything, to top shelf everything, and whatever you want to bring to suppliment. Not to mention service during just cocktail time, just during meal time. Most places shut the bar down at least an hour ahead of the scheduled end of the event, if not shortly after dinner is served.
I've been to dry weddings (Baptists and several other religions do not permit alcohol and many of my friends do not drink) and weddings with beer/wine/champagne (mine) and weddings with full bars. I'd never even heard of a cash bar until I was in my late twenties. I don't like the idea of a wedding guest having to PAY for anything at a wedding (parking, drinks, etc), but I also never understood why alcohol was expected to be served at a wedding. Seriously, you can't spend a few hours without alcohol? I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, but I don't expect it.
Well Gene, I am glad you asked. Let me explain it to you.
USUALLY when full grown big people (i.e...ADULTS) get together for a celebration (party), most of them might like to enjoy a cocktail or two.....this little ritual has been going on for thousands of years, in fact, Jesus first miracle (for those who believe) was turning water into wine at a, dare I say it? WEDDING!
Wow. Was that snark against Baptists in general or just me? I've been to plenty of adult grown up parties and weddings that have been both dry and wet. Dry weddings are quite common in the south.
And I'd love to have sushi and sake at every wedding I attend, but I'm not going to get it. It's a party about two people committing their lives together. It's not about the food and drink.
Gene, for the guests, it IS about the food and drink.
And no, was not making fun of Baptists in the least, not at all. I will say though, as a Catholic, WE have a VERY different view of a "party", bring on the drinks!!! Hehehee.........
Yes, I've been to several Catholic weddings and they were "parties" for sure. I've only had one wedding myself (beer/wine/champagne without hard liquor) and everyone had a lovely time. I've been to countless weddings from many different religions and cultures and locations around the US. Quickie casual backyard BBQs and incredibly formal published-in-the-tabloids affairs, kicker-style in a VFW hall and punch-and-cookies-in-the-church-basement. I've been to dry, to damp, and to wet. One was cash bar (and lots of guests complaining). But the alcohol never really seemed to matter. Painfully boring weddings were not improved by beer and I had an absolute blast at several dry weddings. If there is alcohol, sometimes I imbibe, sometimes I don't. If there is not, I don't feel the need to sneak a flask.
As far as I am concerned, music and dancing are more important to a wedding than alcohol. All the free booze in the world will not make up for a music/dance free wedding (and yes, I've been to one of those). Seriously, if you need alcohol that bad, you may have more serious problems. And I say this as someone who does enjoy alcohol.
Another quick comment: I'd never even been to a "wet" wedding (one with alcohol) until I was in college. Dry weddings (again, most of my extended family is Baptist though I am not) were the norm. Cash bar is tacky, but I still don't understand why alcohol is seen as a requirement.
Just let me know if its a cash bar before I buy your gift, what comes around goes around. Open Bar = Fancy Kitchen Appliance, Cash Bar = Picture Frame
Completely agreed! If you don't want to pay for my wine that's your call. Buuuuut mebbe I buys you a hand towel, see?
I think free beer and wine with a cash bar for liquor is perfectly acceptable. It allows guests to enjoy free beverages, but does not drive costs as high. Not to mention, I want people to have fun at my wedding, but I don't want people to be out of control. Offering beer and wine makes it possible for people to enjoy themselves without putting themselves over the edge as quickly. If someone has a problem with that, they can just skip the wedding, because its the best compromise of cost and keeping people happy to be found!
Why would I want to get the in laws drunk? Their sober attempts at douchebaggery are bad enough.
I was married three weeks ago. We went with a middle ground, an open bar for the first two hours of the reception, then a glass of wine with dinner. The reception was at a restaurant, and they had a bar which was open for anyone to buy anything they wanted after that. For a reception of 135 guests in central Ohio (outside of Columbus), the bar tab was ~$2000.
We got married last summer, and while a full bar might have been nice, it was out of the budget, and would have been hard to set up WAAAAY out in the meadow. We decided to go with beer, wine (and of course water and soda for the kiddo's). Everything was free of charge. Everyone seemed to enjoy the day just fine :)
I don't mind paying for drinks if I know ahead of time... put it on the invitation and let us know. Just recently got burned because we didn't have any cash on hand... solution... take it out of the envelope.....
love it
who cares about the wedding? i just wanna get wasted!!!!
To thank guests for sharing this day an open bar before the meal, a champaign toast at the meal, and cash bar after seems appropriate. I'm not a teetoaller but am a light drinker but some get so smashed with an unlimited booze bar that they can cause harm to themselves and sometimes ruin a wedding.If you have to get boozed up to attend a meeting better not to go to the reception after the ceremony.
I think in part it depends on the invite list.
A nice compromise Dick. My daughter's wedding in October will be exactly as you have outlined with the addition of free champagne throughout the reception. They are going to serve top-shelf alcohol throughout, so guests will be getting good value for their cash bar purchases. For a 5 hour party for 75 people, that should be plenty of FUN!
I'm fine with just beer and wine since I mainly drink wine but I think it's declasse to not serve any alcohol at weddings. The only wedding I went to that was no alcohol at all was the most boring thing I've ever attended, peope stood around in small groups mumbling quietly and looking around. No one danced and it was the reception lasted about 1 hour because people were so bored they left. Let's face it, alcohol helps people unwind and loosens their reserve.
I don't drink, but for the guests I think a bar should be offered.
TACKY! Do not invite me to your wedding if you canot afford to have me there. Be realistic about your budget. If you cannot afford to provide food AND beverages for your wishlist number of guests, take a realistic gander at the list of guests and go from there.
For the record, I have sents gifts to weddings that I did not attend. If I am not going to enjoy myself while in attendance, I'll wait for the photo album.
I was married this summer and we had a full open bar. Worth the money! However, one draw back was that a few guests had tooooo much to drink!!!!
hahaha mine too! hey that;s all part of the fun
I've told you before I am sorry for that. How many times are you going to call me out? Gheez one too many tequila shots and the world won't let you forget. Say hi to your Aunt for me!
Maybe it's just me, but a wedding isn't about what the guest wants... it's the bride and groom's day. It's to celebrate two people making a lifelong (we hope) commitment to each other, not about an all-you-can-drink booze buffet. If the lack of an open bar is enough to put a person off from going to a wedding, then how selfish are they?
I just got married to the love of my life this summer, and there was no booze at all at our party. No one in my immediate family drinks, and to be honest we just didn't think about it until someone asked. Some of our relatives and acquaintances thought it was strange, but they came anyway, because–like I said–weddings aren't about getting wasted on someone else's dime. I wouldn't want the kind of people at my wedding that this article talks about, anyway. The last thing a bride and groom need on their special day is someone who doesn't honestly give a damn about them sloshed out of his or her mind at THEIR party on THEIR dime.
Another typical just married person with all the answers.
First of all, not EVRYONE that enjoys a few drinks at a party is a DRUNK. Secondly, what do you THINK people enjoy the MOST (people meaning your GUESTS that YOU invited!) on "your day"? Oh, that's right, the food and booze!
You must live some wild life, having to worry about your own friends and family, which were by the way obviously WORTHY of an invite from oh-so-wonderful-you on your little "special day" getting sloshed at your shindig.
Oh, by the way, congrats on your nuptials!!!!
I bet all the money went on you and your dress and you and your groom and you. Oh guests?? who cares about them..this wedding is about me me me and what I want. Hope they bringme nice gifts though...
yeah no kidding....*stomps foot*, it's MY DAY, MY DAY, MY DAY!!!!!!! My special little day!! MEMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! Me and my special love forever and ever!! (I Hope!)....yeah right, that was the best part......
Valerie, you just made me laugh so hard! Too true.
Um, no. If it were simply about the two of you, then those are the parties who would be in attendance...the two of you. Hence, some couples have rather smal ceremonies, be it for budgetary reasons or they don't want the headache that comes with planner a larger ceremony because of all the factors involved, the enjoyment of the invited guests being one of those.
You invited the guest(s), they did not ask you to come.
You are assuming the couples with a dry reception are still inviting everyone they know under the sun and most people don't do that.
There are some people its considered tacky not to invite – they are called YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY. if you don't invite your immediate family then you have people pissed off at you.
Oh my god Lydia, we reconnect. Hope all is well and your husband didn't find out we hooked up at your wedding.
you suck and nbody told you how much they were disappionted because they wid not want to be rude. since this is the internet and I couldn't give a rat's ass, i'll put it oh so delicately:
Your wedding definitely sucked ass in my humble POV and I'm sure the people who seemed to think it was "odd" were really thinking that you two were the most uptight, cheap, overjealous and judgemental idiots who have no idea of the word "hospitality"
Even if the main characters in the wedding were non drinkers, do you really think all the guests were ok with having a dry wedding????
If all you idealists think weddings are all about "celebrating the awesomeness of my marriage" then you should get ur head out ur ass and look around, because you would've seen the bored glazed look on the guest's eyes.
As a complete aside, what is this picture??? A $6 cocktail for two with 17% alcohol? I'd like this at my wedding, please! In a paper bag.
it comes with free chips too :)))
I was hoping someone would ask about the picture! I found it at a liquor store near my house in Brooklyn a few months ago. It's a bottle of pre-mixed gin & tonic and tastes, as one of my colleagues said, "like something metastasized in the bottle."
You cheap bastards. Pay for your guests' f'n drinks. What the hell is the point of going to a wedding? No one gives a crap besides you and/or your parents.
cheap cheap cheap!!! where I come from it's unthinkable to throw a wedding without an open bar. As a matter of fact if I would've done that my family would never forgive me. I guess it's in our culture but still ...Ihow tacky would it be otherwise???
Then again....if you don't ask me for a gift and you're fine with me showing up to your wedding in jeans and a t-shirt instead of an expensive party dress, I suppose I'm fine with no open bar. I can bargain :o)
Have an open bar, or don't have a bar. I have no problem going to a dry wedding, I have a problem with you inviting me to your party, and then asking me to help pay for the way you want it to be. Would you ever ask your guests to help pay for the bride's gown so she can have the one she wants? Same thing.
Agreed, if people want a dry wedding for whatever reason that's fine. But if they want the wedding to be a party where people are drinking and having a good time all night then I'm sorry cash bar is just tacky. I've been to about 6 weddings over the past 2 years and they all had open bars so I guess most people agree.
Totally agree with you! I think a dry wedding is a little silly.. usually there are some guests who do drink and would like a few. I think that a wine and beer bar is fine too – and perhaps more aligned with some people's financial capabilities.
Personally- would NEVER have a wedding without an open bar. I really think it's a little annoying when the couple only thinks about themselves and not the guests in attendance. Everyone spent time and money to be at your wedding, at least have the courtesy of thinking of them.
I agree 100% with this.
Wedding guests are just that, GUESTS.
If you invited a group over to your house, do you expect for them to pay for their dinner? No, you don't
I understand it's the wedding couple's day. I get that part, but I think expecting GUESTS, who have already shelled out quite a bit (usually) on proper attire, a gift, and time in honoring in you, it is completely tacky to chanrge for ANYTHING at your reception.
If you cannot afford it, than have a smaller celebration!
M0u5y – You sound pretty lame.
But I do agree that people just put on a show at a wedding. They spend money they don't have and end up in debt before they even start a life together. My wife and I got married, with a tiny reception, and we splurged on our honey moon. All debt free!
Same here. Simple wedding at a church and simple reception at a hotel with no booze. Today is our 27th anniversary. A lavis wedding is fine if you can afford it without going into debt. We started our married life with little money, but had a fantastic honeymoon that we paid for.
I'm a man, but after watching these brides have countless "showers" for this and that... expecting a gift at each one, the LEAST they can do is give them free booze to pour into their bankrupt bodies. Gimme a break, lord help you if you're actually in the wedding. Get over yourselves women, you're just getting married, it's not like you're not gonna get married ever again!
I agree with your end point (that it's rude to make people pay for drinks at your wedding) but FYI the shower tradition is rarely ever something the bride chooses and holds. They're held by friends or family members who want to honor the bride, so it's not like the bride is throwing herself a ton of parties to get gifts. In fact, most girls I know (myself included) were very uncomfortable having multiple parties thrown due to that and many people ask the person throwing the shower to have the guests not gift you more than once for a shower. I'm not saying there aren't people out there who soak up the gifts and attention, but just letting you know that it's not exactly the way it seems from an outside point of view.
Full open bars are great if you can afford it and wish to provide this to your guests. If you want to provide alcohol but are short on money beer and wine are perfectly acceptable as is going completely dry and not serving any. However, I don't believe in cash bars at weddings. These are invited guests, if you were having a party at your home would you expect people to pony up cash for drinks? Throw the event that you can afford and people will come to celebrate you, not to get drunk.
ooooooo, I just made the same point! Well said!!!!
While i do agree with your point of view there is one very important piece you are missing. While these guests are "invited" many are invited because they simply couldn't be left off the list. What I mean is that my friend had his wedding and wanted to invite a childhood friend. Did so, but did not invite the friends parents. While the parents of the friend and groom were friends many moons ago the groom did not feel that they were a necessary addition because he invited their son. To this day the friend still talks about how upset his parents are they weren't invited. And now he has to live with not "inviting" them.
Some people will assume a greater role in your life regardless of how you feel. Weddings are a celebration of the couples love (as you can still become married without a wedding) and it is up to the bride and groom to make sure all the important people are having a good time, especially themselves. Know your crowd; have booze, don't have booze just don't make them pay for more than the necessities to get to the party and be appropriately dressed.
Mou5y- that's an asanine comment. Just because you're a teetotaller doesn't mean people cannot reasonable enjoy a few drinks while helping celebrate a bride and grooms start of their new life. In fact, I think most people getting married would agree that although they don't want to end up DRUNK, a few drinks to ease some nerves are a must.
Would you invite people into your home and ask them to pay for a drink? Beyond a certain age even BYOB house parties are tacky... Why would a wedding, which is a prviate, invite-only party be any different? If a party is important to you, then only invite the number of people you can afford to host.
absolutely agree. People here need to get some class
Totally, totally agree.
Absolutely agree. At least pass around some champagne, mimosas, something. I think having a completely dry wedding is incredibly rude. I'm getting married in a month and am happy to treat my guests to delicious beverages (and food). I love them, that's why they're invited to my wedding in the first place, and I want them to have a great time celebrating with me and my then-husband!
Your right on track! Hope your reception is an amazing good time! Congratulations!
I hope you get divorced
100% agree – I'd even rather it be dry (though that's clearly less fun) than make people pay. Even if you can just afford beer/wine or a single champagne toast or something that's fine, but please don't make people pay for something when you've invited them to a party, they've bought you a gift, they've potentially traveled from far away and are paying for airfare, hotels, etc. There's a great wedding for every budget....if you can't afford open bar for 200 people invite less people or alter your beverage plan.
Seriously? People who get annoyed when they have to drop five bucks for a drink at a wedding need to sort out their priorities in life.
Best comment so far.
You people are unbelievable. You should be happy that someone wants to share their special day with you, end of story,
Addiction? Weddings are boring as hell for the people not in them. Drinking is a must. What else are you supposed to do? Stand around. Dumb Mormon.
Great point on your perception of weddings and drinking–I am with you; but the Mormon comment was a bit over the top.
Hey dumb a$$. There are many people who do not drink and are not Mormons. Why are you attacking a group of people who choose not to drink?
Millips, you're an idiot.
You see it as a choice between doing nothing and being bored, or drinking? Maybe you should just stay at the bar and not bother going to the wedding. I like a drink, but I don't need a drink to get through a wedding reception.
Who is paying? Someone else paying, great idea. Me paying, bad idea.
HOW CAN YOUR REPORTER THATS COVERING CLINTONS DAUGHTERS WEDDING SAY THAT THEY ARE A ROYAL
FAMILY..THAT FUNNIER THAN WHAT MONICA DID TO DADDY BILL UNDER THE DESK
Your just jealous on both counts.
Please donate your computer to a child who needs it for their education. You're obviously not using it for anything.
Hahahaha!
At weddings the idea is to honor the bride & groom, not bankrupt them. Other the Champagne, a wedding is not a free ride, pay for your own drinks.
If you can't afford the party, don't throw it. They are GUESTS, not patrons.
I'll bet that you are the type of person that just shows up for the free food & booze, could really give a sh*t less about the wedding, let alone the Bride & Groom, and oh yes, you forgot to get a gift.
I agree with Gwynn. You have invited people as your guests, so free alcohol and food for the party.
I agree with Gwynn.
Who said a party needs alcohol? I agree pay for food. Alcohol is not needed if you want it you buy it.
Glad you cheapos aren't my friends. Husband and I paid for our own wedding, including an open bar. Figured it was the LEAST we could offer our closest friends and family as a thanks for joining us in celebrating a day that was all about my us. Can't afford a bar? Understand that completely, just don't have one, or budget accordingly. What you Don't do is ask your guests to pay for drinks at your party. Your wedding isn't a fund raiser.
While I agree that the point isn't to bankrupt the bride and groom, if they can't afford the wedding then just get married at City Hall. It's pretty silly to think guests are getting a "free ride" when they most likely bought an expensive gift, are paying for hotel rooms, and/ or had to purchase expensive bridesmaids gowns/ tuxedos. One of my good friends got married recently and it cost me roughly $500 to be in her wedding. A few glasses of wine at the reception is hardly freeloading.
I agree with you, Tina. Well thought out.
So if I don't have $10,000 to do a wedding then I have to get married at city hall and forfeit every girl's dream of walking down the aisle? I think beer and wine should be free, but everything? Give me a break.
There's plenty of options between an expensive wedding and reception, and city hall. I do think it's kind of cheap to have a cash bar, I can see the arguement that having people pay to come to your party is cheap.
You rent a tuxedo? Ick. Who wants to go to a wedding in another mans pants? Step up, buy some nice clothes. I mean, if you are a teenager who is still growing, I can see rental clothing, but otherwise, buy a tux.
@ Blaire, if you read my comment you'll see I was talking about "a few glasses of wine." And don't stereotype. It's not every girl's dream.
I disagree- it's not a free ride at all. In fact, it's usually very expensive to attend a wedding when you factor in gifts, travel, etc.
Well, then I guess it's okay to honor you with my presence, not my presents!
I agree, Clint, and the whole idea of feeding all your guests a meal is absurd, as well.
This really shows what weddings are all about. Most people would rather be drunk than remember someone's wedding. You have your personal time to get as shitfaced as you want, yet you expect someone to pay for your addiction on their wedding day? I don't even think people who get married should be spending the money they already do since it doesn't contribute a thing to their marriage. So now weddings are just another idiotic party? Gross.
well we definetely know where your priorities are. I hope your guests treat you just as nicely with their presents. It;s not about getting shitfaced like you seem to do, it's about being classy and putting the money into the most important day of your life. People appreciate food and alcohol. What did you serve at yours? you probably had in the mcDonalds parking lot and served root beer. Get some class!
It is so much classier to attend a wedding where the guests don't get DRUNK!
Grow up and grow a few!
It is you that needs to get some class. Guests are not entitled to an open bar. A wedding should be about celebrating a marriage, not free drinks. If you are that concerned about getting drunk for free, bring your own cheap liquor in a flask. I would rather have guests who cared more about me than a free drink anyway.
Drunking doesn't equal drunk, which doesn't equal shitfaced. A wedding is a CELEBRATION, not like a business meeting. If you can't drink then, then when is appropriate??
DianeCash bar just admit it...you are a cheap ass.. Dont tell me to grow a few, how about you pick up a wedding magazine or watch a celebrity wedding on TV and see what class is all about. I know you and your hill billly friends probably assume alcohol resumes to beer in a paper bag, you probably have never had a champagne glass or good wine in your life and you probably don't know that you can actually enjoy alcohol without getting drunk too. I am also sure when you have guests over to your house you tell them to bring their own booze. haha look who's talking about class you cheap cheap ass !
I've been a groomsman or best man in 12 weddings, and have been to over 20 weddings in my lifetime. I've seen two drunk people total between them all, and all but maybe 2 of them were at least wine+beer, with most being full open bar. People have celebrated major events with feasts of food, dancing, alcohol, and music for literally thousands of years. If the people some of you folks know cannot drink without turning into obnoxious raging drunks, then your friends and family should not drink.
I don't mind a wedding reception with no alcohol, where the food is very basic, and the cost is say $15/guest, but I generally follow the "cover your plate" rule when it comes to gifting (with extra depending on how close the person is to me.) If you have hot dogs, chips, pop, and Aunt Edna taking snapshots at your reception, at a cost of $6/person, I'll be there, and we'll give you $25. If you have a reception with a dj, open bar, 5 course dinner, dessert table, and an aesthetically pleasing atmosphere and you're paying $100 per person, you're going to get $200+ from us.
Oana, I don't think having alcohol at your wedding equals class. In fact, where I live it can be considered just the opposite due to religious differences of some people. Having a full bar where people have to pay for their alcohol might not be very classy, but having no alcohol isn't that bad. Depending on how many guests you have, it can end up costing thousands of dollars that people don't have. You sound like a snob if you are saying that people need to spend thousands of dollars on alcohol (money they don't have or would go into debt to pay for) to have a classy wedding.
Oana, you really are a jerk! How old are you anyway? From your posts I would guess that you are either a tween, teen, or even more sadly a young adult. I really think you should find something better to do then troll around on the internet.
I have the perfect solution...but it only works if your reception is outside, like mine will be! I am going to buy about 2k-3k dollars worth of liquor and all the necessary mixers and what not, hire a bartender and when the liqour is gone...well you are stuck with champagne or kegs of beer. I think it's ridiculous to pay upwards of 7 or 8 thousand dollars just so your guests can drink and have a good time...and maybe even get drunk. I am 24 and have been to a few weddings where yes, people got drunk so don't tell me it doesn't happen...maybe you're just ancient and/or waited to get married at 30. I have talked to brides and grooms and they all told me the same thing: you can't even enjoy a cup of beer or some other type of alcoholic drink because you are too busy visiting guests, thanking them for coming, etc. Don't tell me just because some people choose to either do it my way or not even have alcohol at all that they are cheapasses...you people are sick for assuming that because you're gracing a person's wedding with your presence you're entitled to free drinks...I'm glad none of you are my "friends!"
Really oana shut the fuck up. I have a rich ass family including myself (gotta love inheriting stuff). So rich it probably makes yours look like its in poverty. Im getting married and I dont have open bar at ours. Classy.....huh what do know about class? Yelling at people over the internet. You Stupid, ignorant, dumb, shit head. Im a Marine so thats all I have is class and respect for the good civilians, but people like you....lets just say If you were on fire I wouldnt even piss on you to put it out bitch.
I had an open bar at my wedding, however I feel that when you pay you can do what you want. There's no law that states you must have an open bar or any bar for that matter at your reception. Not ever one drinks and if the bride and grooms family aren't drinkers and they are paying for the wedding, they can choose not to pay for it. People have the right to do what they want with there money and shouldn't be criticized by people like you.
Oh yes, Trey. That comment simply oozed class. Yikes, dude.
I can understand both perspectives here. I think it's important to strike the right balance. Open bars can cost upwards of $5,000 or more, depending on how many people attend the wedding, and sometimes people simply do not have the budget for that. I think doing something like an open bar for the first hour and then cash bar, but providing bottles of wine at the tables and champagne for the toast, is a good balance that won't break the bank, but also will show that you've made an effort not to be "cheap", even if you can't afford a whole lot.
I'm a doctor and my fiance is an engineer. We will not be having an open bar; rather we will serve complimentary beer and wine, with a cash bar. It has nothing to do with money. It has nothing to do with class. It has everything to do with priorities. I'd much rather invest that money in a more benevolent or future-oriented fashion.
Wearing a $1,000 dress in a $500 reception hall while complaining about the cost of alcohol for your guests who flew in from out of state = "idiotic non-party"
Exactly Tina. It's just so low brow to not treat your guests like guests.
To those that clearly oppose alcohol at weddings (and it sounds like free or not on this board) the reality is your family and friends are sacrificing a day off (maybe more if they've had to travel), have brought you gifts and spiffied up their wardrobes-maybe even had to pay for a hotel cus couples are to cheap to put up their "guests" anymore. After all that you won't put on a classy affair? If you are so concerned about people getting tanked–then maybe you should question what caliber of people you are inviting.
The funny thing is that, in America where there is such an "abundance", this is a question that is often ask. In places that we consider to have a "lower" standard of living such as Central America, weddings almost ALWAYS have an open bar ( yes it is much more affordable to have it there than here)....Anyways, I say that I would have a wedding celebration when I can afford one; I want my guest to enjoy a feast not to come with cash to spend.
Having just recently married, my husband and I chose to have our wedding in the field next to our house with rented tents, my buddy as the DJ, and a great deal of self-serve champaigne, wine, beer and a few select liqours we knew our family and friends would enjoy. There was no bartender or any other kind of servers. We had an extensive buffet of excellent food prepared by a local caterer that our friends picked up and brought to our home. Several of our family, friends and neighbors pitched in to set up the entire event. For wedding cake I made multiple types of cheese cakes that were just as good, if not better, than any bakery could make. That is the kind of celebration we wanted: something charming, relaxed and enjoyable for everyone, that we could actually afford (by paying cash and not credit.)
Stl Mlz, your reception sounds charming. That's just the kind of laid back, personable event that people will remember enjoying for a very long time.
why do I need YOUR wedding to be memorable, its your wedding not mine. If you remember it, fine, it's just another party for everyone else, grow up.
You are selfish and sicken me...I can tell you get invited to a lot of receptions
How many things at a wedding REALLY contribute to a marriage? Almost nothing, except for the friend's and family's endorsement and the marriage license.
As I've filmed so many times before being a wedding videographer, 'a wedding is an outward expression and celebration of this couple's inner love'. Why not have the option of drinking a glass of wine or beer for free? I've been at open bars with Grey Goose and I've been at some with mason jars, if the family/married couple doesnt have religious reservations or are not on the 10-step road to recovery, I'd say its standard etiquette in today's society. Open bars can be inexpensive compare to other items on a wedding budget. There are always other places to pinch to make sure your guests are a little happier. Ironically enough, your guests will certainly remember the fact that there wasnt an open bar.
lame.
weddings are supposed to be fun for everyone.
i pay for a tux, plane ticket, hotel reserv., and misc. expenses to support my friends then i should get a beer.
otherwise dont invite me. ive done plenty in their lives to prove my character and friendship. my absence at the wedding does no harm.
I was under the impression that a wedding was also a celebration of the union of the new couple. What about a celebration says to be a tight assed T-totaller. If the wedding party invites you to a fourth of July celebration, would you not expect to have a drink or 2? This is the same case...it's a celebration No one is saying you have to drink till you drop, but a cold crink to celebrate to moment has been carried for eons. If you don't want to have a drink then don't, but quit raining on everyone elses day.
i just got married, and we had an open bar. a few people got tanked, but no one was sloppy or got sick there. my buddy is going to have a dry wedding. no problem there either. But i feel if you are going to have something, it should be free. it's like having a party in your house but charging guests for the food/drink as they consume it. So, my thoughts are if it's there, it's free. if you don't want to spend, get a small keg or a few bottles of wine and be done.
my problem though, was the reception hall (we bought the alcohol, they provided mixers and bartenders) tried to steal our left-overs. we ere told that we could take home any extra (open or not) liquor. they tried to keep a newly opened boxed wine as well as a almost full keg. that wasn't cool
Weddings are dumb. The only way to get through one is to drink...for free.
finally someone said something smart. thanks Matt
Marriage is mainly a religious concept, you says your vows with the blessing on the "lord". Wouldn't it then make more sense not to drink alcohol at wedding? Since most weddings are religious none of them should have any alcohol at all.
Are you serious about that :) oh wow.... so why do we drink red wine during Easter then? I don't understand Americans, you guys are so uptight... I am pretty sure Vatican weddings have plenty of wine. Have fun, life is about enjoyment, forget the rules, wedding is about family and friends, and FUN!
Nevermind me, I'm just trolling.
Religious does not equal abstinence from drinking. Having drinks is a major feature of many religious ceremonies, today, and from the beginning of time. Did you notice the wine glasses at the last supper? How about Jesus turning water into wine? Get real.
Wow! Guess you forgot about the whole Jesus turning water into wine. Dumba$$
you don't drink at the wedding; you drink at the reception. Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding!
Jesus wouldn't even a tend a wedding without alcohol, he turned the water to wine, so if it is a religious event, and your religion is christian, than it seems you MUST have some adult beverages! It would be offensive if you didn't!
You OBVIOUSLY are not a Catholic!
; )
Edward, last I checked the "Lord" turned water into wine-for a WEDDING. Think that one over. The way the story goes it was a "miracle" in part because the family was SO EMBARRASSED TO NOT HAVE ENOUGH WINE FOR THEIR WEDDING GUESTS....ringing any bells? Just my thoughts on what the LORD's input might be here. ;)
Jesus first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding.
I don't agree. However, I am getting married next year and am worried about haing alcohol at the wedding because some of my future in-laws will be offended. They are Church of God and I am Episcopalian. I don't think it is a sin to drink as long as it isn't in excess.
Not only I had free wine, drinks, alcohol for the guests, I also had parties for 2 days. My wedding ended at 4 in the morning with many guests drinking in a pool. People still remember and comment that it was the most fun wedding, and YET it was classy. I am from Russia we know how to throw a good party, hey you live once
Even my photographer told me it was the coolest wedding and I am sure it was not his first wedding. DRINKS are the MUST, if you can't afford drinks then invite less people. P.S. also happily married :)
Apparently none of y'all live in Wisconsin. :P Not everyone who drinks is an ADDICT, btw...some people know how to have drinks socially. Personally, if it were up to me, there would be less weddings anyways. Less weddings = less divorces.
Wow, are you serious? People have been celebrating major life events with feasts of food (and alcohol) for literally thousands of years. And you think getting your friends and family together for one of the most important events of your life is useless? Maybe do without a DJ because other people dancing adds nothing to your marriage? Or skip the photographer, because photographs are nothing but relics of the past?
I'm against prescription medication, but I seriously think you should consider anti-depressants.
Drinking at a wedding doesn't mean getting drunk. The only reason Alcohol is legal is because it's a "social" thing and that doesn't necessarily mean drinking to the point of intoxication. Aside from that, you think that everyone who drinks has an addiction to alcohol? Maybe you'd have more friends if you weren't so testy about everything... lighten up.
This is pretty indicative of the Bridezilla attitude that prevails. "How dare you want to have fun at MY wedding! You're supposed to just focus on ME ME ME!"
I don't necessarily think that a wedding has to have a full open bar, but I think the happy couple should be concerned that their guests have a good time.
I wanna party with this guy!!! im just kidding you sound horrible....your wedding (if someone agreed to marry you which is shocking) must have sucked
Oh wow, Oana. Refer to a celebrety magazine for "class"? You're either nouveau riche trash or just trying to make people think you're all that. I feel sorry for you.
I'm seriously not sure I understand. Do you think people should just get married and go home? Do you think most people are unable to drink like adults? Do you think celebrating the most important event of your life is not something worth doing with friends and family? My fiance and I have gladly held off on getting trim for our home, a new tv, and a new car over the past year to pay for our wedding reception, because we want everyone there, dancing, drinking, eating, socializing, having a good time, and enjoying a fantastic night with us. In my opinion, if its not worth having a major celebration once in your lifetime, then maybe your life isn't worth living and you should consider ending it.
Just because there is an open bar, it is *not* an open invitation to get "shitfaced". Most adults know how to drink in moderation and most wedding guests are not college frat boys. Having an open bar is a nice to have, but as the one option pointed out, can be pricey and many folks can accept a cash bar as well.
there's nothing worse than going to a party where you feel like the host is watching and adding up every nickel and dime's worth of food and beverages being consumed (and I've been there). A good host provides plenty of good food and the alcohol is flowing freely. It's not about what the guests are entitled to, it's about being a good host and making sure everyone enjoys the party. Yeah, a few people will probably drink too much, but that isn't an excuse to be a bad host.